I'm coming clean...

[decodelighted]

Will getting rid of the *ring* or the *diamond* really get rid of the *obsession*? Time will tell I guess.


ETA: I know there's going to be a string of "NO! WHAT???!!!" posts and "You Go Girl" salvos ... I'm just more interested in whether this move is going to scratch the right itch. And if not, what will? Obviously you've been very conflicted about this issue for years now. I'm wishing you more PEACE than anything. (Even more than the expected financial relief.)

 

[NewEnglandLady]

I'm glad you're feeling good about the decision, Dreamer! I have no doubt you'll be feeling even better when the money is in the bank and you can eliminate some debt.

It's good to remind ourselves that diamonds are just things--I think you did the right thing for your family by selling it.

 

[Aoife]

Well, I sold my RB.


Over the last few months I had started to feel differently about my diamond than I had before. I kept feeling it was a ridiculous amount of money to have spent on something frivolous; that the size was frankly a little over the top for my lifestyle and social circle and norms where I live; and most important that I was too invested in a "thing", an object. So selling it was about getting my money back, allowing us to significalty decrease our debt and make life for our family easier, but it was also a philosophical excercise. Not everyone will agree with or understand my reasoning on this one, but I think selling the diamond was an important thing for me to do financially, but also an important excercise for me from a psychological/philosophical perspective. I don't believe it is healthy to get too wrapped up in objects and things; to impart them with meaning that does not inherently exist in the item; to obsess; to always think about more and more. Parting with this ring was an important lesson for me, and I feel good about it.

Anyways, there it is. Adios beautiful diamond, hello $11k and important life lessons.

This is what I thought you'd do.
All of the things you were talking about as rationale for selling it were things that were priorities for our family when we were at the same stage of life as you are now. "Things" --even things as lovely as diamonds!--just aren't that important when you have a young family, and that family has needs. The good news is the kids grow up, and priorities change, so while I hope and know you feel good about the decision to sell, in the future there may be room in your life again for a diamond even lovelier than the one you sold.

 

[purplesilk]

I'm glad you sold it: it was the right decision in my honest opinion.
I never posted in this thread and in the AVC thread because I thought it was crazy not to sell in order to pay some debt, but I also felt you were torn.
I truly think no one needs a diamond to be happy although I love those precious blinding stones.
This is a diamond board: I decided to join this community because I adore diamonds...but sometimes I feel like some people have lost their mind and live in another planet...paying debt is more important than showing off a gorgeous but useless ring.
OK, PSers, pan me!!!

 

[Dreamer_D]

Will getting rid of the *ring* or the *diamond* really get rid of the *obsession*? Time will tell I guess.


ETA: I know there's going to be a string of "NO! WHAT???!!!" posts and "You Go Girl" salvos ... I'm just more interested in whether this move is going to scratch the right itch. And if not, what will? Obviously you've been very conflicted about this issue for years now. I'm wishing you more PEACE than anything. (Even more than the expected financial relief.)

I don't know, I post a lot about diamonds here because it is a diamond forum, but in my real day to day life it is not a traumatic conflict that causes me much grief In the grand scheme. Much of my conflict -- to the extent it was a real conflict -- I think came from the large amount (to me) of money spent on it and my own internal sense of what is "right" to spend on non-essentials in life. And having spent so much money, it needed to be perfect in my mind to justify the amount spent. But nothing is perfect. I need to figure out for me what is the mind clean amount to spend and stay there. I know I don't ever feel guilt or distress when I get a really good deal on something, maybe that is the key. Or maybe just not owning a diamond at all. I don't know. This is honestly not a very big issue in my life, you all just see it because, well, this is a DIAMOND forum .

 

[Dreamer_D]

I'm glad you sold it: it was the right decision in my honest opinion.
I never posted in this thread and in the AVC thread because I thought it was crazy not to sell in order to pay some debt, but I also felt you were torn.
I truly think no one needs a diamond to be happy although I love those precious blinding stones.
This is a diamond board: I decided to join this community because I adore diamonds...but sometimes I feel like some people have lost their mind and live in another planet...paying debt is more important than showing off a gorgeous but useless ring.
OK, PSers, pan me!!!

In the end I agree completely. I felt like a bit of a fraud wearing a ring like that and knowing that if I was truly responsible, I could not afford it. And I need to remember that, I think we all do.

 

[Deia]

Very happy for you Dreamer and the suggestion I made in this thread still stands

 

[vintagelover229]

Dreamer: I've been following this thread with great interest because I almost did the same thing myself a few months ago. My "dream" stone is a SUPER low color OEC/OMC and what I have is a 1.64 H VVS1 RB (beautiful stone). The price we paid for it was such a great deal that when I heard how much money we could sell it for out right I was about it. We don't have much debt but it would pay for the honeymoon of our dreams which we currently have zero funds in right now (thankfully it won't take much to save thanks to very little debt). This was prior to getting engaged and I really wanted to sell it and get a P AVR which is more up my ally, more practical for my lifestyle and all around just a beautiful but *different.* It wasn't the size factor that won out, it was the fact that I wanted to get engaged and I didn't want to ship the ring internationally and wait to have an entire new ring made. I was also afraid of his families reaction when they saw how large my stone was (although to be honest his brother got engaged and after they get her band I have no doubt they'll have paid the same, if not more for their set than mine but it doesn't appear that way because of the deal we got) and I was worried I would be looked at as *materialistic* because of my ring.


This back and fourth thing went on for months until my FI said he's made the decision and said we're keeping it. We don't need the money *that* bad and the ring is all around beautiful. That and I think he likes the fact that I have this big ol boulder on my finger to keep the men at bay

But to be honest...there are still times when I've looked at it and thought I wish we had sold it and gotten something smaller, bezeled and taken the huge amount of $$$ that was being offered for it. In the end though I knew that there would be no way I would be able to get this size/color/clarity EVER again if I got rid of it (retail about 25k). I also already own a few OEC/OMC and there is always going to be a nice OEC that we'll be able to afford in the future some years down the road for a RHR.


So I understand why you sold it and totally would have gone that road myself had my FI not stepped in. I love my ring and am glad I didn't sell it now but I may feel differently in a few months after we've figured out what we need to save for our trip and it may be up for consideration again although FI has forbidden talk about selling it

Did you end up keeping the AVC then or are you holding out for something different?

 

[Dreamer_D]

Very happy for you Dreamer and the suggestion I made in this thread still stands

I took it my friend, my setting will have a new companion ETA: I don't know if I will wear it out of the house much since I am not big on faking it, but it will be nice to have for fun around the house!

 

[Dreamer_D]

Did you end up keeping the AVC then or are you holding out for something different?

No I did not keep that AVC. It would have been silly to sell my RB and only pocket $3500, which is what would have been the case with that AVC. I am pondering options. I don't think I want to be without a ring entirely, but also want to have the vast majority of the money we got for the RB go to good use -- that is the only way it is worth it. So Dh and I have been talking and tryingto figure out what is a reasonable amount to spend on a ring. Pity about diamond prices, but oh well. I do already own two smaller RBs that are .70cttw and we could buy a nice .60-.70ct RB and make a three stone ring for a very low and reasonable cost, around $3k. Or buy a gemstone and spend even less. That might be the way we go. But I am not sure at this point. I'm trying to just sit on it for a while. ETA: I am looking through the under 1ct thread for inspiration!

 

[vintagelover229]

Well when you figure out a budget let me know. I have lots of goodies I'm watching on ebay that I'm willing to share with you. I'm pretty protective of my watch list lol. I've actually seen quite a few of them go to PSers (which is good cuz there's no way I could afford my watch list...I mean unless i was a millionaire!) but I still don't post them on PS because of lurkers.


I have one saved thats .8 carats right now and a very nice OEC at that but it's in a necklace and would need to be reset

 

[Dreamer_D]

Well when you figure out a budget let me know. I have lots of goodies I'm watching on ebay that I'm willing to share with you. I'm pretty protective of my watch list lol. I've actually seen quite a few of them go to PSers (which is good cuz there's no way I could afford my watch list...I mean unless i was a millionaire!) but I still don't post them on PS because of lurkers.


I have one saved thats .8 carats right now and a very nice OEC at that but it's in a necklace and would need to be reset

I think under $4000 if it was a smokin' deal, under $3000 is even better! I would want it to cost much less than retail, obviously, yo go the second hand rout!

Have you bought off ebay from Canada? How do you handle returns to the us?

 

[Laila619]

I do already own two smaller RBs that are .70cttw and we could buy a nice .60-.70ct RB and make a three stone ring for a very low and reasonable cost, around $3k.

I think that's a terrific idea, Dreamer! I think a three stone would really make you happy.

In the meantime, I'm so glad you have your Birks baby ring--that is seriously gorgeous.

 

[ame]

Yknow, I think you did the right thing. If you need that money to clear some debt and make things a lot easier at home, its worth it. I had a split second thought to sell mine so I could finance this basement craziness we need, but that passed. I know I would miss it and be upset with myself for it. As embarrassing as it is to admit, my diamond while material and ridiculously luxurious means a lot to me.

 

[siamese3]

I think that at the end of the day, if something material has too much "baggage" attached to it, whatever it might be, weighing it down, it certainly begins to take away from the beauty of owning and enjoying it. And really, if you can't fully enjoy it, then I say bravo to you! You certainly have other lovely pieces and a precious family. I truly hope you can freely enjoy them and some financial security as well. Mind clean that is truly priceless!

 

[Dreamer_D]

Yknow, I think you did the right thing. If you need that money to clear some debt and make things a lot easier at home, its worth it. I had a split second thought to sell mine so I could finance this basement craziness we need, but that passed. I know I would miss it and be upset with myself for it. As embarrassing as it is to admit, my diamond while material and ridiculously luxurious means a lot to me.

It meant a lot to me too Ame. I would not have sold it if I did not think it would make a really big difference for our family.

 

[lyra]

I completely understand your feelings. Maybe it's partly Canadian culture? You're young yet, and I know you've thought this through and made the right choice for you and your family. Rings and diamonds are just things. I hate looking at a diamond and thinking "Well, that's a new W/D, or all new kitchen appliances!". I think you will be happy with whatever ring you end up with. You might choose to revisit the subject in 15 or 20 years, or not. Good luck with your new endeavour.

 

[tyty333]

I think that at the end of the day, if something material has too much "baggage" attached to it, whatever it might be, weighing it down, it certainly begins to take away from the beauty of owning and enjoying it. And really, if you can't fully enjoy it, then I say bravo to you! You certainly have other lovely pieces and a precious family. I truly hope you can freely enjoy them and some financial security as well. Mind clean that is truly priceless!

Ditto...I say bravo to you DD !

Besides there are so many beautiful things on ebay that you can get below value and feel really good about the fact that they
are beautiful and you picked it up at a great price. I'm sure some day, when the timing is right, you will own another large stone
so...its not good-bye forever. Think positive!

 

[Dreamer_D]

I don't think I want such a large diamond at this point in my life, I grew selfconscious of it over time. Ideal size might be 1.2ct one day. But not thinking about that now

Would love to score a real deal, I think that is what makes me really happy in life

 

[slg47]

well the most important thing is that you are happy and at peace with your decision! which it sounds like you are

 

[decodelighted]

Would love to score a real deal, I think that is what makes me really happy in life

Urge you NOT to watch that new crop of "Extreme Couponing" shows. Slippery slope! One day you "love a great deal" ... the next, your house has four bookshelves of rapidly expiring toothpaste.

 

[ame]

Yknow, I think you did the right thing. If you need that money to clear some debt and make things a lot easier at home, its worth it. I had a split second thought to sell mine so I could finance this basement craziness we need, but that passed. I know I would miss it and be upset with myself for it. As embarrassing as it is to admit, my diamond while material and ridiculously luxurious means a lot to me.

It meant a lot to me too Ame. I would not have sold it if I did not think it would make a really big difference for our family.

I think that the difference that selling it makes will eclipse the item's personal attachment. And if you had the niggling thought to sell it, or change it, or swap it for something, which you've had for a while now, that would not go away with time as much as you think it would. The free feeling you'll have paying off those bills is going to far outweigh the meaning of that stone.

 

[Dreamer_D]

Would love to score a real deal, I think that is what makes me really happy in life

Urge you NOT to watch that new crop of "Extreme Couponing" shows. Slippery slope! One day you "love a great deal" ... the next, your house has four bookshelves of rapidly expiring toothpaste.

BWAAHAHAA that show is NUTSO!! I love it. Some of them have a whole floor of their home devoted to the stuff they find. I would totally be a maniac couponer if the things I like to buy ever had coupons. Frankly, I do not need 500 bottled of gator ade!

There was one guy who bought 1000 boxes of cereal for like $20 and donated it to cherity, that is a good use of your obsession I think.

 

[Dreamer_D]

Yknow, I think you did the right thing. If you need that money to clear some debt and make things a lot easier at home, its worth it. I had a split second thought to sell mine so I could finance this basement craziness we need, but that passed. I know I would miss it and be upset with myself for it. As embarrassing as it is to admit, my diamond while material and ridiculously luxurious means a lot to me.

It meant a lot to me too Ame. I would not have sold it if I did not think it would make a really big difference for our family.

I think that the difference that selling it makes will eclipse the item's personal attachment. And if you had the niggling thought to sell it, or change it, or swap it for something, which you've had for a while now, that would not go away with time as much as you think it would. The free feeling you'll have paying off those bills is going to far outweigh the meaning of that stone.

Before I sold it I worried I would really regret it. But I knew it is like a bandaid and you have to just rip it off sometimes with tough decisions!

True to form, I feel no where near as bad as I thought I would. I get a pang, but I already feel good about the choice and am enjoying thinking about what I might get in its place.

When the check arrives I will dance a little jig. It is a lot of money to us so we are happy to receive it!

 

[moosemom]

Bravo for you Dreamer I am glad you are liberated by your choice. You made the right decision for your family and one day another beauty will come into your life - when you are ready (and hopefully for a great deal! )

 

[Fly Girl]

Glad for you that the decision has been made, Dreamer.

My DH used to say that these are the busy years, those when you are working and raising young children. We are less busy now, and I'm having a ball collecting some pretties. But, back then, the kids were a priority.

Glad you will have some money and be able to put it to good use now. With any luck, you will have many, many future anniversaries, and any one of them can be celebrated with a nice ring.

 

[Dreamer_D]

Fly girl the busy years indeed. We have a 2.5 year old and a 3 month old and it is simply amazing how the kids take over your WHOLE LIFE. Rewarding, yes, exhausting, definitely. I just high fived my husband because both kids are in bed by 8pm tonight. Yippe for us! Now I can look at bling

 

[LGK]

I totally think you did the right thing, not getting the AVC in addition to selling. I kinda thought it would be an either/or deal. If you watch the second hand market, and wait patiently, I strongly suspect you'll eventually find something that is a steal, that makes you super happy! Congrats on making a really tough decision (I know I could sell either of the rings I wear on a daily basis for a profit and I haven't done it- I truly applaud that you went through with it.)

 

[VRBeauty]

Dreamer - congratulations on your decision! I'm just very impressed!

 

[rubybeth]

I'm also glad you sold to clear up some debt and make your family feel much more secure financially. I'd LOVE a big (to me) AVC right now, and could save up for a few months to get it, but then we'd still have those student loans and I'd feel horribly guilty about not paying them off sooner.

If it makes you feel any better, I think that the commodities prices going crazy right now is a sign of a bubble. I believe that the bubble will burst at some point in the not-too-distant future, and diamond/gold/platinum will correct, just like with the housing bubble.