I'm a widow

[Sunstorm]

Dear Pinto,

I read your entire thread and that says a lot. I have a lot of empathy and respect for you and I relate in so many things.

I cannot relate first of all in the death of your husband although I have had my share of losses and some bad luck with men in my life. What you went through is unimaginable, it shocked me so much that I wanted to know what happened to you and how you handled this situation.

You are coming through as a stronger person and you have all along demonstrated strength, humor even at yourself, love, a lot of empathy and a lot of will to live. Kudos to you and sorry I could not be there to support more. I only found your thread a few days ago.

Now I share a lot of your background when it comes to family. I have abusive parents and I have never been good enough. I tried moving away from them ever since I was fourteen sometimes moving continents, many times countries.

What held at the end is letting go, distancing myself both geographically and emotionally and not letting it get to me. It just happened. My father is a narcissist and my mother has serious borderline personality disorder, sometimes people wonder how I became so normal. But it left its scars.

With all my degrees and trying to please them in every way and with looks, I was always a loser to them and the fat one. I am neither and today I love myself. I am happy, I am free.

I first let my father go and we are slowing coming closer baby steps at a time. My mother is I am afraid like yours someone I have to accept to be the way she is but that does not mean I will put up with it.

One of the worst things to me was that she kept putting me down as a terrible cat mom. But to me the solution is really distance. You may want to eventually consider this. You are also smart and attractive and like me you are if anything overly empathetic towards others. You will find a happy future I am sure about that but you will have to learn to eventually set boundaries with these people and with those that you cannot, you just have to be able to let go.

For now one step at a time. The courage you showed and how you got through everyday steps and chores really amazes me as not everyone would have had it in them. I just wanted you to know that we are here for you and I will look forward to hearing about your journey. Life and happiness awaits you.

 

[yennyfire]

So I came to see how our sweet PB is doing and what do I find?? Chocolate and brownies in all their glorious decadence!! Dang it, now I want to bake!! Maybe tomorrow for the onslaught of kids spending the night.

PB, I know firsthand how hard it is to quiet those inner voices who have bought in to what you've been hearing from those around you, but truly, they are worthless. I am trying really hard to only say positive things and to let go of the negative (mostly untrue) things. You are an absolutely incredible person....strong, resilient, FUNNY, smart and loving...don't ever forget that!!

 

[PintoBean]

I got an update on the interview process. They're interviewing other candidates this week. I'm to check back next week. . I know that if I were interviewing candidates I'd want to have a healthy pool of candidates so that I don't ever wonder what if. But, on the other shoe it's hard. When I got this tepid update I felt embarrassed for having gotten excited. But, to "mitigate" the situation I got on the phone and called up a friend to let him know I'm still looking and to let me know if he hears of anything. He is a fantastic account manager and actually got me my last job.

I know I'm still in the running for the job but I'm not as enthusiastic about the process. I would still appreciate lots of dust.

@Sunstorm thank you for taking the time to read through all of this. It means a lot that you invested yourself into this journey. Your response above was a warm cyber hug.

@yennyfire - you are just a lovely warm hearted mushy mush mush. It's always so nice to hear you chime in.

 

[Sunstorm]

And I promise I will stay and hope to cheer you on and follow your journey, if I leave sometimes when I am on my trips, will try to catch up afterwards.

I think it is good you have not rushed with this job search because you were not ready and this is normal. Whenever it is the right time and the right job, you will have it.

Fortunately, it sounds like for the moment you do not have to work to eat like absolutely right now and believe me when you go through periods of depression after a loss, you can think that you will never get out there again but you will. When it happens, well, it will happen at its due time and you cannot rush that nor should you push yourself too much.

I think it already takes a lot of effort to go out with friends, be so positive and funny as you are. Keep us posted. Hugs.

 

[PintoBean]

Oh yes - I'm working on my social life. I'm letting everyone know I'm ready to meet people. I don't "date". Lolol... I'm like ohhh YOU'RE going to be MY boyfriend . But I believe that the only way to meet someone is to broaden my social network. I told my cleaning lady to keep an eye out for good ones for me lololol. I really like the gal that waxes me so I told her to let me know if she does any group activities. We exchanged numbers and we are going to try to do a local woman's march. Next Tuesday, I'm going to a special dinner event at my local restaurant with my realtor. Next Saturday is bingo night as a fundraiser for a local animal rescue.

 

[MissGotRocks]

So glad to hear that you are getting out and about PB. I am sure you will network well with some of these folks and meet new and interesting people! Go every chance you get and have fun!!

 

[yennyfire]

Ugh! I certainly see both sides of the job thing, but dang it...why couldn't they have loved you so much that they cancelled all other interviews?? I am praying hard that this works out for you!

In the meantime, SO proud of you for reaching out regarding other potential opportunities and for dipping your toe in the social scene again. I get if you're not ready for a relationship but there's no harm in meeting new people for coffee or a cocktail!! Way to go PB!!

 

[kmarla]

It’s great to hear you’re getting out and about Pintobean. I continue to be amazed by the strength you have within yourself! Sending you lots of dust for a positive job outcome...and (((hugs))) always!

 

[PintoBean]

I was at the supermarket earlier and saw the back of a man with a similar profile to Michael. He had a bald spot on the back of his head and I thought to myself, "that's Michael in a few years." Or maybe not...

So I tried to glass half full the moment... hey hair stimulation and replacement products and procedures are MAD expensive!

 

[TooPatient]

No need for expensive procedures. Just eat some McDonald's French fries...

http://www.foxnews.com/food-drink/2...emical-that-may-cure-baldness-study-says.html

 

[PintoBean]

No need for expensive procedures. Just eat some McDonald's French fries...

http://www.foxnews.com/food-drink/2...emical-that-may-cure-baldness-study-says.html

Real life Mr Potato head bahahaha

 

[mary poppins]

Well, you're still a candidate for the job as they haven't told you "no" yet. Fingers, toes and paws crossed for you. In the meantime, good for you for getting out there for a social life, PB! I hope you meet some fabulous people and have fun.

 

[PintoBean]

Who wants to give me a venereal disease on February 14 aka venereal disease day?

Blehhh... my plan is to go to the local pizza place for the dinner special even if it's by myself.

I feel low right now but I don't give a shit I'm gonna go out and eat!

 

[Calliecake]

Hey Pinto, I have a pound of chocolate turtles I’m planning to eat. Do you want me to send you some? Do something that makes you happy tomorrow.

 

[arkieb1]

Who wants to give me a venereal disease on February 14 aka venereal disease day?

Blehhh... my plan is to go to the local pizza place for the dinner special even if it's by myself.

I feel low right now but I don't give a shit I'm gonna go out and eat!

It's already Valentines Day here, I'm sorry you don't live here, I'd take you to the Cat Cafe across town and we could hug cats and eat and be merry for Valentines Day and send a big F you to cupid.....

 

[PintoBean]

It's already Valentines Day here, I'm sorry you don't live here, I'd take you to the Cat Cafe across town and we could hug cats and eat and be merry for Valentines Day and send a big F you to cupid.....

Ermagherd a cat cafe!!!

 

[canuk-gal]

HI:

I always go out and eat by myself. I guess I am not helping......

cheers--Sharon

 

[arkieb1]

Ermagherd a cat cafe!!!

Yes there are two in the city I live in;

https://www.luckycatcafe.com.au/

http://www.catcuddlecafe.com/

Both are homes to rescue cats and they also raise money for cat rescue.....

 

[yennyfire]

aww, go out and spoil yourself tomorrow PB! Vday sux anyway. It's a totally commercial holiday and we choose not to celebrate and feed the beast that is Hallmark, etc...

 

[valeria101]

.

... & if anyone doesn't feel like it, pretend it is the Easter Lent - which, it so happens this year

 

[ringo865]

Yah Ash Wednesday on Valentine's Day. Lots of grey foreheads to be seen with their chocolates (unless you give it up for lent).

 

[december-fire]

HI:

I always go out and eat by myself. I guess I am not helping......

cheers--Sharon

Eating alone means one thing and one thing only; the person is hungry.
Seeing a movie alone; the person wants to see that movie.
Buying your own flowers, chocolates, diamonds, car, pony, whatever; sign of intelligence.

 

[december-fire]

It's already Valentines Day here, I'm sorry you don't live here, I'd take you to the Cat Cafe across town and we could hug cats and eat and be merry for Valentines Day and send a big F you to cupid.....

I've read about Cat Cafes! What a brilliant idea!

@PintoBean , you must check one out and report back to us!
Maybe not today because your sweet furbabies probably have their hearts set on spending the day with you.

On a serious note, I have no words to help you get through another 'first' without your DH.
Just know that you're loved and admired by so many of us here on PS.
Sending you hugs.

 

[PintoBean]

I've read about Cat Cafes! What a brilliant idea!

@PintoBean , you must check one out and report back to us!
Maybe not today because your sweet furbabies probably have their hearts set on spending the day with you.

On a serious note, I have no words to help you get through another 'first' without your DH.
Just know that you're loved and admired by so many of us here on PS.
Sending you hugs.

I'm still waiting to buy a dragon fly marshmallow shirt from you!!!!!!!!! We need a collaboration where you pick a picture for the shirt and I'll ad lib a phrase to go with it bahahahahaa

 

[december-fire]

Good heavens, Woman! The pressure!

After years of being super-busy and productive, I've refocused and have been honing my goofing-off skills.
You want me to get my act in gear!
I read your email and checked into t-shirt printing companies. It took away precious PS viewing time that I'll never get back.

Let me try and distract you by providing a phrase-less photo.
(Or is it my response to your push to start a business? )

 

[PintoBean]

Good heavens, Woman! The pressure!

After years of being super-busy and productive, I've refocused and have been honing my goofing-off skills.
You want me to get my act in gear!
I read your email and checked into t-shirt printing companies. It took away precious PS viewing time that I'll never get back.

Let me try and distract you by providing a phrase-less photo.
(Or is it my response to your push to start a business? )

Blechhhh! Tastes like human!

 

[december-fire]

 

[PintoBean]

My dad called a few days ago and asked me if I wanted to do lunch on Saturday for the new year. Sure. He's a bit tolerable than mom Bc he says something once and that's it but he's more rigid in his expression.
- I need to be job searching; am I job searching? I always answer no. It's none of their business.
- did I clear out my husband's clothes? Wtf. I dealt with it by saying that I've donated a few times already.
- have my in laws contacted me? No.

I tried sharing that my GP is really pleased bc my numbers have improved. My BP is normal, I am cutting my cholesterol med dose in half, etc. all these changes while my weight hasn't changed and my diet is idk a smidge improved but I haven't gone nuts, so that's not it. It's definitely the stress level being lower. Sleeping a ton and not feeling stressed by my spouse and my job are the big ones. He doesn't agree and we dropped the topic. Stress is phooey.rolleyes:

Now here's a funny thing that happened after lunch. We went shopping and my dad would lift the shoe up to feel the weight and move on. He seemed focused on work boots. He had already picked out a pair of boat shoe loafers with no laces. The next thing I know I see him in front of the ladies' shoes. He tells me these construction boots fit perfectly. They're Lugz for women. I go why women's shoes? Are they lighter? He replies "yes - you didn't know women's shoes are lighter?" I asked him if they had his size and he said yes these are perfect. The way he was going through the motions, it was clearly not his first time buying women's shoes.

I think he got these:
https://www.dsw.com/en/us/product/l...0gegtfEAQYCCABEgL-xfD_BwE#exp4_prev_back_true

 

[Tekate]

Pinto, you are the best.. you give. I have great affection for you. You are a survivor. all love to you.

 

[arkieb1]

I'm wicked, next time I'd tell him he should go for these;