I'm a widow

[Austina]

If that's how they treat people they love :roll

I hope tomorrow goes well, (as well as these things can), chin up, chest out, get through it and then get the hell out and don't look back.

 

[Vera W]

Dearest Pinto,
I am glad to see you are going to the internment. I can attest that when I went to the memorial service for my husband I was physically ill and did NOT want to go. I didn't want people to see me crying and I didn't want people to cuddle me. Feeling that way is so against who I normally am. (warm and fuzzy Vera) Thankfully, I think everyone felt that way so after the initial wooziness wore off, all was OK. I know I would have regretted it had I given in and didn't go. I know several widows now who have expressed regrets of not going to their late husbands service or burial.

Congratulations on the new job!! It is wonderful to have the distraction for sure and of course to be able to pay the bills. =D

Continued prayers for your healing and peace. Hugs from Texas.

 

[MissGotRocks]

We will be thinking of you tomorrow and sending good thoughts and wishes your way! It will go quickly and then you can go enjoy yourself! So glad that you have someone going with you and your Dad is an added bonus!

 

[marymm]

My MIL called to ask if I'd changed my mind about going and I said yes. Said my dad wants to go too. She mentions that it's them and aunt Kathy and that her son and DIL have to dash afterwards so a quick lunch after? I said no we are in a hurry as well.

I love how FIL gets to make the "serious" calls and MIL gets to make the saccharine calls.me when she said she loved me.

Times like these I'm actually greatful for a bit of that Stepford wife training I got as a kid. Smile, wave, tell everyone everything's all right.

PB - You are going to get through tomorrow, and you'll have a TON of good vibes from your PSer buds coming your way and holding you up all day long ... words to live by sometimes "this day too shall pass" ... hugs

 

[BlingDreams]

She mentions that it's them and aunt Kathy and that her son and DIL have to dash afterwards so a quick lunch after? I said no we are in a hurry as well.

I love the strength you showed here.

Deep breaths, focus on saying goodbye to Michael, and then start building your new life in full.

 

[december-fire]

I hope you're able to quiet your mind and get a bit of sleep tonight.
I'll be sending thoughts of peace and strength to you.

 

[arkieb1]

I will be thinking of you too!!!

 

[luv2sparkle]

Thinking and praying for you tomorrow!

 

[MollyMalone]

So happy to hear that you won't be going alone tomorrow, that it won't drag on for hours. Plus, it promises to be another, unbelievably (for August) pleasant, low humidity day.

G'nite... and as the grandmother of one of my college friends used to say in encouragement:
Bosoms to the moon, ladies!

 

[Matata]

G'nite Pinto. I hope your dreams are sweet. Your Pinto Posse will be wrapping you in protective thoughts and energy to help you tomorrow. I hope you can feel the love.

 

[PintoBean]

I'm not doing so good.

I found this the other day in a pile of papers.

 

[PintoBean]

 

[LLJsmom]

Pinto, I guess DH wrote that? What a lovely man. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Sending you lots of hugs.

 

[foxinsox]

Thinking of you for Friday PB. I hope it goes alright and your in-laws behave like actual decent human beings for a change.
That list is the sweetest

 

[valeria101]

Your family is too complicated.

Finger crossed for the exam !


[off to Google 'Stepford Wife' - sounds useful ... ]

 

[elle_71125]

Thinking of you today Pinto. You've got this. You are strong and smart and beautiful. All things Michael loved about you (in addition to your good teeth). What you do today is to honor him. Not his family.

We're all with you in spirit.

 

[Scandinavian]

Dear Pinto, just wanted to give you a hug. ((((((((((HUG))))))))))
You can do this. Just do it. And then it gets better, if even just a little. Will be thinking of you today! You are doing this for you and for Michael and no one else. Just cry, breath, scream. Whatever. Try not to hit anyone though, but we will start a go fund me if you need us to bail you out of jail later today.... (black humor. sorry.)

 

[Puppmom]

Pinto, I'll be thinking of you today. Tomorrow is new beginning and I hope the load lightens, even if it's just a little.

 

[Calliecake]

Pinto, Sending strength, peace and hugs to get you thru today. Hopefully your in laws love for their son will help them realize how hard this is on everyone. This is one of those times in life when kindness can make a difference in easing everyone's pain. I hope they show you kindness today as you honor your husband. Hugs, hugs and more hugs. Love, Callie

 

[december-fire]

That list. What a wonderful man.

Anger is easier to deal with than pain. But, at some point, the force shields put up by anger crumble and the heartache and grief can make it hard to breathe.

The loss of your DH is devastating, and the pain will be felt like waves that recede and return; often when we least expect it.

However, the love and support shown to you by your DH is always with you.
Let it give you comfort and strength.

You have our love and support as well.
Wishing you comfort.

 

[mrs-b]

He belonged to you. Only you. And you belonged to him. Remember that and hold tight.

Thinking of you today.

 

[PintoBean]

My god. When my father arrived at my house the first thing he did was to go off on me out of the blue on my new job. Anyone can sell insurance with a HS degree. You're supposed to be a professional. Why aren't you looking for a job like for a communications engineer or take the bar and be an attorney? Wow...

My out laws had prepared a sandwich bag of stuff to put with Michael's ashes in the vault. No one had told me about that! I had a little toothpick doll from a Mexican restaurant in my purse so I gave it to the rep from the funeral home to put in the bag. It would have been nice if they had asked me in advance if I wanted to put something with Michael in the vault.

When the priest was alone I asked him if it made a difference if his death was by accident or by choice. He said yes. I then asked if the ceremony would have been different, and he said no. He asked me why? I said bc the toxicology report hadn't come back yet.

Additionally, when I spoke to my attorney, he said that one of the two witnesses on the record returned his call and indicated that he must have been going fast for his car to roll the way it did.

I wish I had somewhere to go right now. I don't.

 

[Karl_K]

I am so sorry pintobean thoughts and prayers outgoing

 

[december-fire]

Pinto,

Why on earth would that comment from the witness be relayed to you?!?!

Is the witness some sort of professional who analyzes crash scenes?!?!

Geez, ignore that remark completely!

And your father's comment regarding your job, ignore that too or interpret it as though he thinks the World of you (not implying he doesn't).

Definitely, you can, and will, rule the World someday.
Until then, you'll sell insurance or do whatever you decide to do.

I wish I could come by and take you to sit quietly by the water, or get ice cream, or go for a walk, whatever.

 

[valeria101]

I wish I had somewhere to go right now. I don't.

There is always somehwre. Three times in my life I got myself on the first random train or flight to Somewhere ... Great destination !

-----

Joke aside

I was terrified of your father's not being with you instead of 'Panza' - it could only mean something cold & dreary ... as you recount.

Not sure I understand how Michael's death might have been by choice [foreigner here !]. I do get it that you loved and understood your man who wrote of you what you have posted earlier. Rest In Peace ...

 

[MollyMalone]

dear Pinto, I'm out in the Midwest for the weekend, but just spoke with a close friend of mine, whose family has owned-operated a funeral home for 3 generations, and with the funeral home director who handled my parents' cremations. They both said that what you tucked into Michael's jacket pocket at the funeral home would not have been discarded; rather, it accompanied his body & is now an organic part of his ashes. I hope this assurance gives you comfort.

How I wish your father could be, especially on today of all days, a true dad. Since PS policy prohibits the posting of my searing words for him, I'll close by sending tender thoughts, warm hugs across the miles to you ~ Molly

 

[canuk-gal]

PB:

Soon--when the world stops dragging your heart around--you'll take it by its tail. And take a BIG bite out of it with your good teeth. Cuz you are Smart. Beautiful. Funny. Sincere. Goof friend. Best wife. Dutiful daughter. And rocker of the best god dam jewels on PS.

kind regards--Sharon

 

[Ally T]

PB:

Soon--when the world stops dragging your heart around--you'll take it by its tail. And take a BIG bite out of it with your good teeth. Cuz you are Smart. Beautiful. Funny. Sincere. Goof friend. Best wife. Dutiful daughter. And rocker of the best god dam jewels on PS.

kind regards--Sharon

This. Absolutely this. Lots of love, Pinto. And if you need a "somewhere" to go to, right here in the Cheshire countryside is waiting for you xx

 

[MissGotRocks]

Oh, PB, I am so glad you were there - for many, many reasons. The things that went into the vault were simply symbolic so your addition was perfect - something that you had with you that you could leave with him. Simply perfect and from the heart.

Parents always want their kids to be high achievers - regardless of what the kids think. What is most important at this point in your life is that you have a job to keep your mind busy and your days full. It may morph into a lifetime career for you or you might change jobs several times in the future. I am sure your Dad wants this best for you but can also understand that this was not the best day to broach the subject at all. No matter - this is a stair step to getting your life jump started again and I think you will do it with flair and style!

As for the accident, I suppose it could have been influenced if he had been drinking but I think the curve and the weather make an accident much more likely than a suicide. As the priest said, the service would have been the same as is unfortunately, the outcome. Please don't let this give you more pause than necessary. He is at rest now and you need some peace in your life as well.

To you, in all your glory! You have come a long way through this cloud of grief and while I realize it is not over, you have hung in there and there will be many good days for you to come. Be still, be patient and be hopeful for the future - we are all with you in spirit!!

 

[Yimmers]

Pinto bean,
I normally don't look at hangout, so I've missed this whole thread. I'm so sorry for your loss and the hardships you've been through these past months. My heart breaks for you.
I'm sorry that you don't have a supportive family or in laws. Your friends who have been there to help you out are truly great people.
Although I have not had the loss you have had, dealing with my own grief, depression and hardships in life, I would offer the suggestion of a therapy group where you can meet others and just vent about all the sh*t and sh*tty people. Feeling alone without anyone to turn to is very difficult, and it may help to find others who are similarly situated where you can find some common ground.
Additionally, if you aren't seeing one already (you mention a therapist, but I don't know what type you're seeing), I would whole heartedly suggest seeing a psychiatrist, and a good one. A good psychiatrist will help you tackle your problems and teach you methods on dealing with rude or inappropriate comments. All the stuff you're dealing with - it's the five stages of grief, and there's no linear journey through it. The whole goal is to help you deal with your grief and to get you through this part of your life and to get you back to a place where you are happier.

It does sound like some positive things are happening - a new job and hopefully some closure. Good luck, PB - hugs