If you could only have one: son or daughter? Why?

[Dancing Fire]

in old fashion chinese culture...
if the first child was a boy it would be a dream come true for grandparents from the father side,cuz that would mean carrying on the family last name.

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 5/18/2009 7:16:20 PM
Author: Mara
i am firmly of the same mind as beau for wanting a boy. GIRLS clothes are SO CUTE though. however i def know it depends on the child. you can end up with a sensitive boy just like you could easily have a tomboy girl...i was one.

friends who have both tell me how they are different... so it is interesting to hear and also see it play out. boys seem to def scream, hit and throw more (though i am sure there are those that don''t)...but i have also heard from countless people who say that the biggest differences are that in the beginning boys are harder and girls are easier, BUT as time goes on and they grow ... girls become harder and boys easier.

I totally buy that and have often thought the same myself.

No denying (at least in my family) that girls have more drama than boys!

 

[musey]

Date: 5/18/2009 7:25:34 PM
Author: Dancing Fire
in old fashion chinese culture...

if the first child was a boy it would be a dream come true for grandparents from the father side,cuz that would mean carrying on the family last name.

I think that applies to many cultures. Though the desire for boys seems to be stronger in Chinese culture, given the issues it's created with female infants (and now beginning to be the adult female population).

Out of curiosity, has that happened in the past with other societies? It seems like it would have, as much as boys are historically 'prized' in so many cultures. I haven't researched much on this subject so I'm just wondering!

 

[Mara]

Date: 5/18/2009 7:25:34 PM
Author: Dancing Fire
in old fashion chinese culture...
if the first child was a boy it would be a dream come true for grandparents from the father side,cuz that would mean carrying on the family last name.

if we don''t have a boy then my husband''s last name will die off as he is the only male.

 

[packrat]

I wanted a boy so bad for our first. However, I knew I''d have a girl, and I did. In a way, I think I was relieved that we had a girl..there are very few boys in our family, and I''d never taken care of a boy before..never changed a boys diaper or anything, and I think I was unsure if I could relate to a boy. When I was pregnant w/our son, I wanted a girl again, b/c it was what I "knew", and we already had all the girl clothes etc. Had a son, and there was no awkward "can I relate" or anything. I was worried I wouldn''t bond w/him..but I was in love w/him before he was born. Once he came, and I was able to reflect, I realized I had more awkwardness when London was born, b/c I was a brand new mommy, learning to breastfeed and change a teeny baby''s diaper, scared I was hurting her, etc..and when Trapper came along, it was like we were old pros. If we were to have another one, I *think* I would want a girl..I like that London is into girly things like jewelry-she loves looking on here with me, but she also loves fishing and wants daddy to take her hunting, and buy her a pink gun. Plus, I have a kick a@@ name picked out for a girl!

 

[mrssalvo]

gosh, I probably would have said if I could have only one, I''d want a girl. But, I cannot imagine not having my little guy for anything.

 

[Jas12]

hmmm, hard question. If i knew * before* getting pregnant that i could only have one i would probably choose a girl ( admittedly mostly for the shopping and the grandchildren --i think daughters typically go to their own moms for help with their grandkids, however ironically this isn''t the case in my life now )

Now that i have a first boy i truly can''t imagine anything else and he''s so attached to his momma it melts my heart so i am pretty smitten. Funny how that happens

 

[Sabine]

Girl. I just feel like I''m better with girls, and I''d know what I''m doing more. I have to admit, I''m a little terrified to be having a boy!

 

[icekid]

This is such a hard question for me!

In my relationships, I far prefer boys. My best friends are guys; my work buddies are guys. Avoiding the chicks is a purposeful thing, especially at work. The girls dredge up too much drama and cattiness for me. I just try to avoid all of that! Though I suspect dealing with these things would be different if it were my child. Still, boys are my thing

Yet I loooooove the idea of a little girl. But not so much a teenage girl

 

[KimberlyH]

Not a mom yet, but have no preference when the time comes. My husband would really like a daughter. I just want a healthy baby, the sex isn''t important.

 

[mimzy]

girl x 1000. in all my years in childcare it''s been much easier to reason with girls re: drama than it has been with boys re: beating each other up. also, in my experience girls are more likely to have a strong relationship with both parents compared to boys, plus i think it''s true that when kids grow up and have families of their own they are more likely to stay close to the wife''s side of the family like somebody mentioned (which is totally selfish but true!)

 

[Tacori E-ring]

I always see moms and their teen daughters working out at the gym together and it makes me excited for the future! I think with either sex there will be a few years where they hate their parents. Part of life. But there is a clear divide between the girl mommies and the boy mommies with a few combo mixed in. My friend has three boys and she wants a girl SO bad. I offered her DD as a loaner. I would be fine with all girls. I would be fine with a son now that I have my girl

As for expenses I think it depends what sports they play. Some of them a crazy pricy.

 

[Kaleigh]

My best friend has 3 boys. She was really wanting a girl for her 3rd. But she has my DD and a neice. My DD is very close to her. She gets her girl time with her and her neice. But her 3 boys are soooo precious, I can''t imagine it any other way. But love that DD gets special time with her, they are cut of the same cloth, it cracks me up.

 

[icekid]

Date: 5/18/2009 9:51:49 PM
Author: Tacori E-ring
As for expenses I think it depends what sports they play. Some of them a crazy pricy.

Tacori- You are right about that! Both sexes in my household were expensive. My brothers are serious hockey players and my sis and I were figure skaters. Skating is reeeeally tough on the wallet!!

 

[iheartscience]

Definitely a girl. I''m sexist and I like girls better than boys.

 

[isaku5]

Date: 5/18/2009 4:53:21 PM
Author: Kaleigh
No way can I answer, I have one of each. I treasure them equally. But can say we wanted a girl first, that happened and then got our boy, so we were very lucky!!

Like Kaleigh, we have one of each with our daughter being the older.

When I was pregnant with #2, I was a little intimidated by having a boy as I felt I didn''t know enough about raising boys. Strangely enough, or maybe not, I bonded with our son the moment I saw him and have been so blessed to have one of each in my life.

Which was easier to raise? Our son, hands down.

 

[beau13]

Date: 5/18/2009 9:20:26 PM
Author: icekid
This is such a hard question for me!

In my relationships, I far prefer boys. My best friends are guys; my work buddies are guys. Avoiding the chicks is a purposeful thing, especially at work. The girls dredge up too much drama and cattiness for me. I just try to avoid all of that! Though I suspect dealing with these things would be different if it were my child. Still, boys are my thing

Yet I loooooove the idea of a little girl. But not so much a teenage girl

Amen sista! Couldn''t agree more!

 

[MishB]

I don''t want children, but I especially wouldn''t want a boy. I might be prepared to give it a little more serious thought if I could be guaranteed a girl, but that''s not possible, so no kids (there are other reasons but this is a big one). I really don''t feel that I would bond with a baby boy, I just feel that in my heart. I''ve been howled down on this forum for expressing this thought before, told I wasn''t fit to be a mother anyway if I had such hard and fast prejudices.

 

[luckystar112]

I''ve wanted a son for as long as I can remember for the same reasons that Beau and others have listed. I just don''t think I''m girly enough to have a girl. Pink and frilly just isn''t my thing...not that you HAVE to raise your girl that way, but others will do that for you. lol.
At the same time, no girls have been born on my side or DH''s as of yet. If I had a boy I''d be afraid that it was "just another boy", but if I had a girl I feel like she''d really be something special.
It''s hard to explain. I know it shouldn''t matter but it''s that whole "first" mentality. Like how some people believe that the first grandbaby is more spoiled than the others....

 

[packrat]

Our daughter has been easier by far than our son. It''s interesting to me that others have easier sons. Our son came from the Ornery Store. He was in a bin marked "Howler Monkey/Screech Owl/Wild Man of Borneo". He and his sister are like night and day. This is partially why, if we were to have another, I would be more apt to hope for a girl. Not to say that we''d be blessed again w/an easy daughter-it could just as easily be the other way around. I wonder sometimes if they will "switch" at some point and I''ll be pulling my hair out over her instead.

 

[Elmorton]

For as long as I can remember, I''ve always wanted to have a daughter. But as DH and I start seriously talking more about kids, I picture myself with a baby boy more often than a girl. This is a really strange shift for me. I think part of it is that we plan to have an only child, and as a female only child myself, I think being an only is a wonderful thing growing up but more scary as an adult. For some reason, I think that it may be easier to be a male only child (my friends who are male only children seem pretty well adjusted - other than that, I have no support for this idea!).

Also, I think of all the interests that my mom has/had that I developed - everything from the brands she shopped for, horseback riding, art lessons - I think we often lived vicariously through each other for a lot of my upbringing (I took lessons that she wanted me to take/I modeled her behavior and interests). This caused some clashing, and it was downright expensive. As a mother of a male, it seems to me (again, with no support for this idea) that there''s a lot less room for this "invasion" of personality - no awful shopping trips for the prom dress of dreams for your daughter, not having to pay for two spa days, etc. Granted, this is a lot of the FUN that my mom and I have had over the years, but I think a case could be made for getting to retain a little bit more of your own personality/femininity when you''re the mother of a son.

So...my vote is historically I''ve said girl, but lately I say son.

 

[Dancing Fire]

no matter boys or girls...they can still be a PITA and of course your wallet too

 

[E B]

Date: 5/19/2009 12:05:11 AM
Author: Elmorton
For as long as I can remember, I've always wanted to have a daughter. But as DH and I start seriously talking more about kids, I picture myself with a baby boy more often than a girl. This is a really strange shift for me. I think part of it is that we plan to have an only child, and as a female only child myself, I think being an only is a wonderful thing growing up but more scary as an adult. For some reason, I think that it may be easier to be a male only child (my friends who are male only children seem pretty well adjusted - other than that, I have no support for this idea!).

I am a female only child as well and have also wondered if it's easier to be a male in an 'only' situation. I think that often, boys are given more freedom (in many ways) than girls as they get older. The focus was- and still is- always on me, and I find myself wishing I had more freedom from my parents even now, married and in my mid-twenties. If I were male, I suspect things would have been quite different (though *how* exactly, I can't say). Easier.

 

[puffy]

when i was preggo the first time around, i made it clear that i HOPED for a girl. i always saw myself as a mom to a girl, and i just wanted a little girl to dress up in cute little summer dresses. then we found out we were going to have a healthy baby boy, and from that moment, my heart was his. from the first moment i held him in my arms, i knew he was going to be my little guy forever. there''s just something about having a special bond with him that i would not change for anything, he is a mama''s boy for sure. BUT that is not to say that i don''t want a little girl someday.

 

[sba771]

First and foremost I would want a healthy baby and I know I will be excited no matter which we get. BUT- if I really got to pick, I am dying for a son. I LOVE the name we picked and I also babysat boys all my life, so I know what to do. On a superficial level I also want a son becasue my FI and I have a certain trait that is bound to be passed down and I think guys can carry it off better (noses). I would be so scared to have a daughter because I remember the teasing and major insecurities and judgements growing up-I know boys have it too, but it just seems there is additinal pressure on girls.

 

[msb700]

i havent read all the replies, but i have always wanted a boy and luckily i got pregnant with a boy i always wanted an ''older'' brother when i was growing up..and i always hoped that if/when i got pregnant i''d want a boy to be my eldest so he would be the ''big brother''.

 

[beau13]

Date: 5/18/2009 11:44:45 PM
Author: MishB
I don't want children, but I especially wouldn't want a boy. I might be prepared to give it a little more serious thought if I could be guaranteed a girl, but that's not possible, so no kids (there are other reasons but this is a big one). I really don't feel that I would bond with a baby boy, I just feel that in my heart. I've been howled down on this forum for expressing this thought before, told I wasn't fit to be a mother anyway if I had such hard and fast prejudices.

Someone said that?? WOW..unbelievable...see..women can be so..well...I better watch what I say here!

I'm sure you are more than fit to be a mother Mish, don't let what others say or think rub you the wrong way, (in one ear, and out th eother),let alone influence such an important decision as childbirth and raising a child. We all have our own opinions and reasons, and there will always be someone who doesn't agree with them, but that is their problem, not yours!

 

[Shoopy]

Date: 5/18/2009 6:25:10 PM
Author: TravelingGal

This is becoming totally true for me. Even at the baby/toddler stage. Giddy Giddy clips ain''t cheap!

My boss had 2 boys and then a girl. He said when the boys went to college, he helped pack up a car and waved goodbye. With the daughter, he was totally confounded when she told him they needed to go curtain shopping. He said, ''What? Curtains? For a DORM room?'' He wondered whatever happened to a poster or two slapped on a wall.


I also wanted a girl because if I have grandchildren someday, I think it might be a wee bit different if it''s my daughter''s child vs a son''s. My mom says there''s a difference - at least in the amount they actually want you around since DIL will prefer her own mother''s help.

I wanted to comment on this because I think it is so true. I adore my FMIL very much but she isn''t my mom. So when it comes to things with the baby, I always go to my mom first. For example, FMIL desperately wants to be in the delivery room. There is no way that this is going to happen. And yet, I desperately want my mother to be there. The same goes with advice. My FMIL and mom are very similar. They were both SAHMs for the majority of our childhoods. They both come from big families and had to help take care of siblings. They''re both the same age. Yet, for whatever reason I feel like my mom knows more about children than her. As mean as this sounds, when my FMIL gives me advice on children I take it at face value. When my mom gives advice, it''s like the Word.

 

[curlygirl]

I always wanted a girl (or two!) and I got them! I love being a girl mom so far. I know it''s going to get tougher as they get older and the expenses will be increasing exponentially but I feel like it was meant to be. I am very close to my mother as is my sister so I already feel like I know the mother/daughter dynamic and hope I can do half as good a job as my mother. Surprisingly, DH also only wanted girls. He had a bad relationship with his father, hasn''t seen him in 30 years, etc. so he felt like he couldn''t understand what a proper father/son relationship was supposed to be. He completely adores our girls and spoils them to death--they are both already daddy''s girls!

I also agree with TGal''s assessment on becoming a grandmother. I see how it is in my own family and with many of my friends--the girl''s mother is waaaaaay more involved in the "grandparenting" process. I much prefer having my own mom around to help and give me advice than having MIL in my business! I know it sounds horrible but it''s true!!

 

[janinegirly]

It's true in my experience that daughters are much more drawn to their own moms once they have children. I can't say I was extremely close to my mother growing up, but we've developed a new and deep bond now that I have my own little girl. She has been beyond helpful--I literally couldn't have done it without her. She was there when the baby was born, made me dinners those first few weeks, watched her at nights when I needed sleep, and continues to watch her while I work. I know I can rely on her for anything and everything unconditionally and there is peace of mind with that. MIL has been nice but it's on a different level and I've pulled away somewhat since I'm more drawn to people I can count on 100% when I'm in need. As a result DH has also been more drawn into my family's circle, and gotten to know my own mother very well--and we've unintentionally been less and less involved with his.

On the other point of preference for one sex over the other and the insinuation from some that it's strange to have one if you're going to be a parent--it's human to have a preference. And expressing it is being honest. But I do believe that biology kicks in somehow either way, because like some have said here, I had a preference for one and got another, and things almost instantaneously chagned for me once I found out. It was as if those previous feelings/wants were erased and all I see is my little girl and can't imagine even having a son. And I bet it'd be the same if the opposite happened.