If you could only have one: son or daughter? Why?

[DivaDiamond007]

I never really thought about it! For the longest time I really didn''t think I''d have children, but when I became pregnant (planned), DH and I chose not to find out the sex so when I delivered a son it was a total surprise to both of us. I cannot imagine it being any different! I

my little guy so so so much. He is the light of my life and means the world to me. He''s a total mama''s boy too

He is so much fun to play with and is not delitcate in the least. We can already tell that this little one is gonna be t-r-o-u-b-l-e when he starts walking!

When are planning to TTC in a few months and while I''d love to have a girl I really don''t care either way. There are pros and cons either way. If it''s another boy then I don''t really have to buy much. We''ve saved all of our son''s clothing and he''s bottle-fed so that''s taken care of. If we had a girl then I''d get to go shopping for pretty, pink, frilly stuff and I''d get to see parenting from the other side. Again, at the end of the day it just doesn''t matter to me.

 

[prettycat]

It''s best to have one for each, and that''s what I have.

 

[Bia]

I have an equal desire for both, so I can''t choose.

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 5/19/2009 9:52:04 AM
Author: janinegirly
It''s true in my experience that daughters are much more drawn to their own moms once they have children. I can''t say I was extremely close to my mother growing up, but we''ve developed a new and deep bond now that I have my own little girl. She has been beyond helpful--I literally couldn''t have done it without her. She was there when the baby was born, made me dinners those first few weeks, watched her at nights when I needed sleep, and continues to watch her while I work. I know I can rely on her for anything and everything unconditionally and there is peace of mind with that. MIL has been nice but it''s on a different level and I''ve pulled away somewhat since I''m more drawn to people I can count on 100% when I''m in need. As a result DH has also been more drawn into my family''s circle, and gotten to know my own mother very well--and we''ve unintentionally been less and less involved with his.

On the other point of preference for one sex over the other and the insinuation from some that it''s strange to have one if you''re going to be a parent--it''s human to have a preference. And expressing it is being honest. But I do believe that biology kicks in somehow either way, because like some have said here, I had a preference for one and got another, and things almost instantaneously chagned for me once I found out. It was as if those previous feelings/wants were erased and all I see is my little girl and can''t imagine even having a son. And I bet it''d be the same if the opposite happened.

I think that happens a fair bit. My ex-boss never wanted kids...she was a major career woman and to this day my biggest role model when it comes to things work related. 5 years ago at 40 years old (after she was laid off and her husband laid off a month later), she became pregnant. Must have been the relaxing lifestyle because they decided to RV around and enjoy themselves for awhile.

She never had a great relationship with her mom - but when she had her son, she said she was reduced to tears talking to her mom and asked her, "Wow...did you really love me THIS much?"

I think as women, when we have children, we realized all that our mothers felt and went through. I know not all of us had great mothers, but at the very least, you do appreciate that it is no easy task to bring a child into this world and raise it.

 

[packrat]

On the subject of your own mom and your MIL, would it make a difference if you had a great relationship w/your MIL before kids came? Would you be more open to their advice? I don''t have a good relationship w/my MIL in the slightest. It was shaky at best before I got pg, and crumbled during the pregnancy. I tried after L was born, but it got totally out of hand, and now she sees the kids twice a year on their birthdays. I dated a couple guys back in the day who had awesome moms..I adored them so much that I''d just go hang out w/them and visit. (One guys parents even got JD and I wedding gifts!) I just wonder how different it would''ve been if my MIL was that way instead.

 

[E B]

Date: 5/19/2009 3:03:35 PM
Author: packrat
On the subject of your own mom and your MIL, would it make a difference if you had a great relationship w/your MIL before kids came?

Oh, absolutely. I love my MIL, and she'll be just as included as my own mother in the lives of her grandchildren. Me being a woman will have little (if anything) to do with which grandparent gets more baby time, and I'm very close to my mom.

 

[TravelingGal]

I love my MIL, and do think it''s too bad they are in Oz, but honestly, it doesn''t make a difference to me. My mom is my mom. My MIL is very helpful, but somehow the advice isn''t perceived the same.

Come to think of it, my mom doesn''t offer much advice or unsolicited help. Probably because she knows better! I didn''t want help from anyone the first 4.5 months while I was on leave.

 

[DivaDiamond007]

Date: 5/19/2009 3:03:35 PM
Author: packrat
On the subject of your own mom and your MIL, would it make a difference if you had a great relationship w/your MIL before kids came? Would you be more open to their advice?

I have a better relationship with my MIL than my own mom so I take advice from her more often - on all things, not just kid-related things. I think so much of it also has to do with the fact that DH and I have a totally different parenting style than my parents did. My parents were the yellers, screamers, spankers, you''re-grounded-forever type. His parents not so much. More time-out, redirect behavior type. I don''t think my IL''s ever spanked or grounded their children. Also, my MIL is a nurse so she has the best medical advice!

 

[Burk]

I agree with Tgal. While I really do like my MIL it''s just not the same. I think she was kind of upset that she wasn''t in the delivery room with me and my mom was, but my mom is my mom.

I never posted an answer to the original question but I wanted a girl. Of course I would have been happy with either and do hope we eventually have a boy. I don''t think that girl=everyting girly, can''t get dirty, hair and make-up although I do admit I love dressing DD up and doing her hair. DD is a tomboy already at 16 months and I LOVE it. One of her first words was ball. I am an athlete and I truly hope that she is as well.

 

[curlygirl]

Date: 5/19/2009 3:25:49 PM
Author: TravelingGal
I love my MIL, and do think it''s too bad they are in Oz, but honestly, it doesn''t make a difference to me. My mom is my mom. My MIL is very helpful, but somehow the advice isn''t perceived the same.

Come to think of it, my mom doesn''t offer much advice or unsolicited help. Probably because she knows better! I didn''t want help from anyone the first 4.5 months while I was on leave.

Ditto! My MIL isn''t as far away but I just don''t feel like she''s the person I would turn to in times of need. She''s not my mother, as much as she wishes she were and tries to be (but that''s another post!). She also was not the ideal mother to her own child so it''s hard for me to take her too seriously when it comes to raising children.

Like TGal''s mother, mine does not offer unsolicited advice or help, nor does she try to insinuate herself into my life. I know I can call if I need her and she''ll drop everything to be with me but she also knows to back off if I don''t ask for help. I''ve always been close with her but our bond and my appreciation for her have grown by leaps and bounds since becoming a mother myself. And by the way, my dad is pretty cool too! They''re a package deal so I have to give him some props too!!! He''s the father of 2 daughters so he gets the whole dynamic as well and he is an absolute ball of mush around my girls. My mother said that''s exactly how he was with me and my sister when we were babies. It''s very heartwarming to see your own parents interacting with their grandchildren and realizing that''s how they were with you.

 

[Jas12]

Now that i have a kid of my own i am starting to realize how much the gender doesn''t *really* matter-the relationhip we have with our kids is an evolving mystery. Our reasons for wanting one or the other are our wishes, desires, assumptions about the relationship/future we *think* and *hope* we will have-when in reality things are so out of our control.
For every momma''s boy there are an equal number who are closer to their dad
For every mom/daunghter combo who love to shop and chat together there are an equal number who can''t stand each other for more than 1/2 hour (*raises hand*)
I will try hard not project my own hopes onto my kid and let him ''do his thing''--that''s gonna be really hard to do. (okay, i am getting all philosophical today--i''ll stop

 

[SparklyLibra]

I so badly want another boy.... There, I said it!

 

[JSM]

I so desperately want both. I grew up with a younger brother and younger sisters, and have 8 younger cousins, so I''ve been around both as children.

I can see myself bonding with both. I have wonderful friends of both sexes and can be both ''girly'' and ''tomboyish''. (Being a girl is great, because I can play sports with the guys then go home and put on makeup and dance with my girlfriends!)

If I HAD to choose, I''d pick boy. Which is funny, because my husband would pick girl if he had to pick only one! He dreams about having a little girl, which I think is ADORABLE!

 

[Elmorton]

Re: MIL/grandmother issue

I mentioned how this topic came up to DH, and we thought it was interesting. We don't have kids yet, but I feel very close to my MIL AND very close to my own mom. But, when it comes to our kid, if something was going wrong, my MIL would be on speed dial before my own mother would be. My MIL raised 3 kids and is a nurse. My mom, though I've been told by my (paternal) grandmother that she was an excellent mother when I was a tyke, is a little awkward around children and her only experience is with me. So, my MIL trumps in that case. And, I could probably handle an extended stay with my MIL much easier than I could with my own mom. Granted, things change when you have kids, but these are my predictions as of now.

And, when we thought about the couples we know who have kids, of course we could name people where the maternal grandparents are probably closer, but we also thought of several where the paternal grandparents are the ones who are closest to the kids. I'm a ton closer to my paternal grandparents and I've pretty much always felt that way, even as a child, though I probably saw both sets with the same frequency. As an adult, I have almost weekly conversations with my dad's mom, but barely ever with my mom's mom (I send cards, though).

 

[Pandora II]

I could see good points to either, and DH and I were pretty happy either way - but I must admit that when I found out that we were having a girl I was really pleased (even though I had been sure it was a boy).

DH and I are not into sport in the slightest and would probably struggle with a son that wanted to take part in football etc, at the same time neither of us like girly stuff, so we are hoping she is like me and will be into museums and dinosaurs etc

I think there is a difference in how boys and girls relate with their parents - I get on great with both of mine and speak to them regularly. My mother and I enjoy going shopping together and have a lot of common interests. DH is one of 4 boys and although they all love their mother, it''s a very different dynamic - can''t see DH out shopping with his (despite shopping being one of his favourite activities!)

After a fairly miserable pregnancy and a traumatic birth I don''t think I could put any of us through it again, so Daisy will be our only child. Had she been a boy, I might have been persuaded in the future to have a second in the hope of having a girl - so I probably had a definite subconcious preference!

DH is also over the moon to have his little girl!

 

[Miscka]

I have a ridiculous, guilt-inducing major preference to have a boy. I have always loved little boys, and just don''t "get" little girls as well, despite being a major girly-girl when I was younger. I worked at a girls camp for years and had a really hard time, but I got along much better at the connected boys camp. With the girls, I found myself always wanting to tell them to toughen up and stop whining. I know thats stereotypical, but what can I do.

Also, the idea of having a little mini-DH

, and I have a much-younger brother that I always mothered.

All that said, I figure no matter what, even if I end up with 3 girls

I will be ok with it.


Re: MILs vs. Moms...I am EXTREMELY close with my Mom (she is my best friend in the world) but she is not super fond of babies. She just isnt a baby person. Now, my MIL is DYING for a grandbaby and loves little kids, and is "warmer" in general, so she may win out for closeness.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

So I thought about this thread yesterday b/c I was at a play date where the three other moms all had boys. They each expressed wanting a girl so bad. Two even said they would have their third if they could make sure it was a girl. I guess the grass is always greener...

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 5/28/2009 10:45:57 PM
Author: Tacori E-ring
So I thought about this thread yesterday b/c I was at a play date where the three other moms all had boys. They each expressed wanting a girl so bad. Two even said they would have their third if they could make sure it was a girl. I guess the grass is always greener...

At the moment the grass isn''t greener for me. (Ask me when she''s a teen though). I wanted and got my girl, and I am happy with her and do not have an itch for a boy whatsoever. But who knows, that may change too as I see little boys playing ball with their dads. But TGuy is so happy with her. Tonight during date night, he said she was so cool and that he was so floored that she liked him so much - that he''s never seen anyone like him THIS much! I said, uh, I liked you a lot when I met you. And he said, no not like this!

Well, probably true.

 

[akmiss]

I have nothing but boys so I am going to have to say a BOY! I dream of having a daughter still. It is kinda lonely in a house full of boys. Wouldn''t you know that I have three brother too and no sisters

 

[E B]

Date: 5/28/2009 5:29:29 PM
Author: Miscka

Re: MILs vs. Moms...I am EXTREMELY close with my Mom (she is my best friend in the world) but she is not super fond of babies. She just isnt a baby person. Now, my MIL is DYING for a grandbaby and loves little kids, and is ''warmer'' in general, so she may win out for closeness.

This is (sort of) my situation as well. My MIL is so incredibly excited to be a grandmother. My mom? Eh. She''s happy, of course, but she wasn''t urging me to make her a grandmother any time soon.

 

[Jas12]

I kinda assumed most women would want a girl --i am surprised there are so many women who would prefer a boy. I wonder how many men would prefer a girl? My DH was once one of them (before i got pregnant)

Tacori--i agree, grass is always greener--or maybe ppl just really want both. Two of my mom friends have 2 girls and are DYING for a boy (one is even considering high tech gender selection?? --i don''t even think it''s legal in canada?). Another friend of mine just had a girl last week and since she already has 2 boys she was totally thrilled!!

Since i am planning to TTC again soon i''ve been thinking about this topic more and more. I chage in my preference on a daily basis. When i see girl clothing i SO want to go buy some and the thought of having one of each is really appealing. But when i think about my son with a little brother, my heart melts and i can easily see myself with a little set of boys. I guess that''s the fun of not knowing what you are going to get!

 

[Dancing Fire]

i would prefer a girl cuz girls more likely to take care of their parents when they get old.

 

[snlee]

Date: 5/29/2009 10:01:15 AM
Author: Jas12
I wonder how many men would prefer a girl? My DH was once one of them (before i got pregnant)

Since i am planning to TTC again soon i''ve been thinking about this topic more and more. I chage in my preference on a daily basis. When i see girl clothing i SO want to go buy some and the thought of having one of each is really appealing. But when i think about my son with a little brother, my heart melts and i can easily see myself with a little set of boys. I guess that''s the fun of not knowing what you are going to get!

Ditto on both.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

TGal, that is SO cute. I do think there is some truth in daddy''s girls. I have one. Luckily for him I think she will be a tomboy so I guess it is the best of both.

Jas12, you are right. People usually want one of each. Just so happens almost ALL of my friends have boys. Honestly I would be fine with a boy and a girl or all girls. I can see my life both ways. Not sure I could imagine all boys but then again it is hard to imagine since I DO have a daughter.

 

[fieryred33143]

Date: 5/19/2009 3:03:35 PM
Author: packrat
On the subject of your own mom and your MIL, would it make a difference if you had a great relationship w/your MIL before kids came? Would you be more open to their advice?

I love my FMIL and we have a great relationship. She has gone with me to the majority of my appointments and she is very involved with my pregnancy. But she is *still* not my mom, KWIM?

 

[steph72276]

This is such a hard question to answer. I used to think I wanted a girl and thought that was what I was having when I was pregnant for the first time, but now I can''t imagine it any other way. He is such a wonderful little guy and I wouldn''t change that for the world. I do love that he gets to pass on the family name. Although now that I am pregnant with baby #2, I wouldn''t mind having a girl so I could experience both, but I would be just as happy to have another little guy.

 

[EricaR]

Well, if we are placing orders for kids I''d like a girl. She would have to love all things crafts AND a pony would be a must.

I have a bit of a reputation of disliking kids, but as I told Tacori last night if I could get one as requested above I''d be quite happy. It would be better if said kid would also be born knowing how to change her own diaper.

 

[KimberlyH]

Date: 5/19/2009 9:52:04 AM
Author: janinegirly

On the other point of preference for one sex over the other and the insinuation from some that it''s strange to have one if you''re going to be a parent--it''s human to have a preference. And expressing it is being honest.

I am one of those who has no preference. In case you percieved that was that I insinuated it was odd to have a preference, I don''t. I can only speak for myself and I truly don''t care one way or the other, which is just as "honest" as expressing a desire for a boy or a girl.

As for the suprise about women perferring boys over girls, as a teacher I must say most female teachers seem to prefer their male students over their female students. What is written off as "typical boy behavior" becomes an issue when a girl is found doing something similar. It''s been quite interesting for me to observe. Then there are the handful of teachers who have little tolerance for "typical boy behavior". I wonder if this translates into desire to have a boy rather than a girl. Just a random thought.

 

[trillionaire]

I''d have a girl. I''m a girl, so I know more about them!

However, I don''t love ''girly'' stuff, so a boy MIGHT be easier...


I suppose I''d just raise a tomboy, with any luck!

 

[atroop711]

honestly I always wanted a girl. I would have loved any sex but inside really wanted a girl. I went on to have a girl and was over the moon. I had a 2nd girl and was excited that my daughter would have a sister. Then for #3 I had hoped for a 3rd girl because of what I had seen in some boys..they scared me (hard playing, pushing, climbing, wild, ect). I had a boy and couldn''t be happier of my chunkalicious mush ball. I''m still a little scared of the future with the way some boys play (my girls were really easy) but time will tell. Maybe he will be an easy going boy. Who knows..I wouldn''t change a thing and would have 3 more Noah''s if I could.