If you could only have one: son or daughter? Why?

[TravelingGal]

Obviously those of us who have kids can answer with the understanding that they wouldn''t trade their little ones for anything. But I''m curious!

I don''t think I was shy when I was preggo about saying I wanted a daughter. I would have been happy with either, but a daughter definitely edged out a son.

I was relieved that TGuy''s family did not care about continuing on the family line like many asian families do. That took the pressure off. I would have liked a son for him, but if I ever thought about having a kid, it was a girl. Probably because I love my mom so much and I think a daughter''s affection is just different. I also receive affection from my mother better than my brother does, so I wanted a girl because of that too.

I do have nightmares about those scary teenage years, but that could apply to boys or girls. But there''s no denying that when they cut me open, took her out and said "Girl," I was giddy even through the haze of drugs. I just kept saying, "I have a daughter, I have a daughter!"

Plus I hate shopping...so if anything is going to make me do it, cute girl''s clothes and shoes have a fighting chance!

BTW, I don''t think just because we''re women, automatically we want girls. A good majority of my gal friends preferred a boy and one of them decided to stop at having one son, she was so petrified at the thought of having a daughter. She did NOT want to be a girl mommy for anything.

 

[Steel]

Date: 5/18/2009 4:00:45 PM
Author:TravelingGal
Obviously those of us who have kids can answer with the understanding that they wouldn''t trade their little ones for anything.

And for those who do not have children in being - that they will love whoever arrives.






A son. I believe it is a man''s world.

 

[brooklyngirl]

I would say girl hands down. In my family all we have are girls, so I feel like I wouldn't know what to do with a boy

All the boys I've seen growing up were always terrors, without regard for their safety or that of others. A boy would give me an early heart attack!

I feel I would be a lot closer to a daughter later in life, than I would a son. Add to that the thought of having a daughter in law one day, and I'm not seeing the boy appeal.

That said, if I ever have a boy, I don't think I'd love him any less than a girl.

 

[MakingTheGrade]

If I could only have one, I would want a daughter. I want to be able to pass down my nice things to someone!

Also, I love being a tomboy, and I would love for my girl to be kind of a rascal too. But at the same time, I'd also really enjoy picking out her prom dress with her, and doing all those "girlier" things that a son might not enjoy.

 

[AmberWaves]

This is a tough question for me, because I would SO love a girl, I've always imagined myself with a daughter- I think I'd be good at it. Then again, I'm so sure this baby I'm carrying is a boy, so I feel guilty!

Still, I've always wanted a girl, but DH is more than happy to tell me that aside from happy and healthy, he'd like a boy. Either way, it'll be loved (and someone will win with this first baby!). Again, I'm torn- I'd want DH to have his boy, since I'd love a boy, too. Darn you, TG!

 

[princesss]

Son.

Would I love a little girl? Yeah. But I''d really love a rough-and-tumble boy. Plus the idea of seeing SO with a son is just....

That, to me, outweighs the idea of having a daughter. Plus I feel like both of us could relate to a boy more than we could both relate to a girl. And little boys are just so funny. SO funny.

And then when he got married, hopefully I''d end up with a great DIL that I could do fun girl stuff with without having had to get a girl through middle and high school.

 

[MakingTheGrade]

Date: 5/18/2009 4:24:15 PM
Author: princesss
Son.


Would I love a little girl? Yeah. But I'd really love a rough-and-tumble boy. Plus the idea of seeing SO with a son is just....

That, to me, outweighs the idea of having a daughter. Plus I feel like both of us could relate to a boy more than we could both relate to a girl. And little boys are just so funny. SO funny.


And then when he got married, hopefully I'd end up with a great DIL that I could do fun girl stuff with without having had to get a girl through middle and high school.

I"m really rough-and-tumble too, but I feel like it'd be easier for me to raise a tomboy girl, than a "feminine" boy (I wouldn't want them to get picked on!), lol.

 

[E B]

Date: 5/18/2009 4:00:45 PM
Author:TravelingGal

BTW, I don't think just because we're women, automatically we want girls.

Not all women, but the majority. Keep an eye on this thread and you'll see- women generally want a girl (and men a boy) because it's what they know. There's nothing wrong with that, of course, it just is.

As for your question, I can't answer it. I truly want to experience what it's like to parent each.

 

[janinegirly]

TGAL coming out with a lot of interesting/provocative questions today!

This is a great question--as you know I also have one girl, and like you, am not sure if there will be a # 2 or not.

I always always wanted a boy..I find female relationships can be difficult and things can be tense with my own mom, or at least was growing up. I love the idea of mama boys (not as husbands, but as sons, haha) and also find it touching how boys protect their mama. Before my daughter, I imagined little girls to be throwing tantrums with pigtails while little boys just dealt with it and moved on. And I also dreaded those teenage years when a moody teen might tell me she hates me! Then I got pregnant and didn't care either way.

Funnily enough (and also bucking the "norm"), DH really wanted a girl (I think most men want boys, particularly a first born). So then I started to want a girl for him. Then over time I felt very differently, and by the time she was here--I felt 100% different. Maybe it's biological, but I love having a little girl. Buying pink, seeing a little face just like mine with similar charateristics (maybe I'm imaginging it, but I see them!) is priceless. She is my little best friend forever. And if I do end up having 2, I also think I'd rather 2 girls than 2 boys if I HAD no other choices (ie no option for 1 each). I just think boys are a lot of fun in a different way, but much more challenging physically those early years--and 2 of them can be biggg trouble! But that's just me, I'm more low energy, laid back so a little soft spoken girl seems to suit me better. But it's really interesting how I came full circle on this. Ask me again in 12 years though!

 

[mia1181]

Definitely a girl. I don''t really know why, but I feel like if all I had were boys, i''d feel like something was missing. But if I had a few girls, I could be content.

But I do want my first child to be a boy. I always wanted an older brother, and I have been a nanny to two girls for 3 years, so I am just in the mood for boys. So luckily with my first born, I will be happy either way.

 

[Hudson_Hawk]

My answer is I choose not to answer. If I were adopting it would be whichever child I bonded with. I''d be open to either girls or boys. They both have their pros and cons, but when it comes to biological children it''s not up to me, so why bother with a preference?

 

[MichelleCarmen]

I always knew I would have boys, so it was no surprise finding out during both ultrasounds that each was indeed a little guy.

My mom and I had a terrible relationship and haven't spoken to each other in over ten years (in fact, I do not even know if she is still alive or where she is!!!), and so I am glad to have sons. Because of the way mom raised me, including mental abuse, for some reason, I do not feel I could relate to a daughter.

 

[Kaleigh]

No way can I answer, I have one of each. I treasure them equally. But can say we wanted a girl first, that happened and then got our boy, so we were very lucky!!

 

[pinkstars]

I''ve always wanted a cute little girl. I love love love the relationship that I have with my mom and how affectionate I was with her when I was little and how affectionate I still am. I just can''t imagine a little boy giving me as many hugs and I love yous.
With a little girl I imagine everything to be so cute and wonderful, with a little boy I can only imagine that he''ll be dirty and stinky!

Not saying that I don''t think little boys aren''t cute, but my BF is one of 3 boys and I just wouldn''t know what to do.

Either way, I look forward to BF and I loving a little baby years from now.

 

[D&T]

toughy question, I have two girls, I hope to have a boy someday, but girls, I seem to worry more, but boys not too much, Culturewise must be boys.. I guess

DH doesn''t care either way. Now if I was a guy (same culture background), then I definitely say boy to carry the family name.

 

[MustangGal]

I wanted a girl, but not for the normal reasons. The male genes in my family suck. My older brother, father, 3 uncles and 2 male cousins are complete loosers. The girls rasied in the same households are great, including 1 cousin in law school who had a pretty crazy life. I didn't want to risk having another bad apple (and most of the looser men did have very happy loving homes, so that wasn't the problem). I have a 3 month old son, who I hope takes after his father's side, where ther're all nice normal people

DH wanted a boy like most men. He said he was scared of having a teenage daughter. Everytime he'd say that I'd ask if I was that horrible, since we've been together since I was 15.

I was the easiest child to raise. I didn't get in trouble, got straight A's, and didn't have sex until I got married at 21.

The one good thing having a son is that it should be easier to convince DH not to have any more, I'm happy with one child.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Date: 5/18/2009 4:55:21 PM
Author: pinkstars
I've always wanted a cute little girl. I love love love the relationship that I have with my mom and how affectionate I was with her when I was little and how affectionate I still am. I just can't imagine a little boy giving me as many hugs and I love yous.
With a little girl I imagine everything to be so cute and wonderful, with a little boy I can only imagine that he'll be dirty and stinky!

Not saying that I don't think little boys aren't cute, but my BF is one of 3 boys and I just wouldn't know what to do.

Either way, I look forward to BF and I loving a little baby years from now.

No such thing as "sugar and spice and everything nice" in the real world. Two little girls that we use to live by were monsters and dirty and grungy. They lived in an expensive home, which was appraised for $1 million, so they clearly were well off, yet the girls were entirely tom boy, so the mom was careful about what they dressed in. There is no way to predict if you'll have a sweet little angel or a grubby child! lol

FWIW, my boys hug me and tell me they love me CONSTANTLY. They're always asking me to cuddle with them and read stories. They're also not dirty because they take baths and wear clean clothes (they change into another outfit if they play outside).

 

[janinegirly]

MC-that''s great about your little boys. But I think in general people are just expressing their own honest opinions, and not making it personal.

 

[E B]

Date: 5/18/2009 4:39:21 PM
Author: Hudson_Hawk
They both have their pros and cons, but when it comes to biological children it's not up to me, so why bother with a preference?

This was what I wondered every time I came across (and come across) women desperate for one sex or the other. If a man, woman or couple only cares to parent one sex or another, why gamble by creating a child the 'old-fashioned' way?

You never know what kind of a person you're going to raise. It seems silly to me (and a bit unfair to the child) to create these expectations of who that child will be based upon stereotypes of that particular sex.

 

[Sha]

I''ve always wanted a girl....I think I''ll just relate to her better, being the same gender, and that I would have a better idea of things she might be going through, more so than a boy. It''s nice to have a girl to do ''girly'' things with too.

Plus, I think that boys seem to have more behavioural problems/issues than girls do - e.g ADHD, conduct disorders, some mental illnesses - all seem to strike a higher percentage of boys than girls. That scares me sometimes..although of course, I know girls are not immune from having the same types of problems/conditions.

I''m pregnant right now and feel as though this baby MAY be a boy. Probably because we ''did the deed'' on O day, which they say favours boy babies. That thought doesn''t necessarily strike me with fear, though - when I think about it. I think I''ll love a boy baby just as much, really. But I would really love to have a girl at some point, and would love to get my girl ''out of the way'' (so to speak) first. But we''ll see! I always feel like I''ll end up having two or more boys, just because I''ve always wanted a girl.... But I really, really want at least one girl. I guess we''ll just have to see!

So Tgal - you guys decided not to find out the sex of the baby beforehand? Or did your DH know? What a nice surprise!

 

[TravelingGal]

Sha, we were one of the 10% that don''t find out (although a higher proportion of PSers seem to not find out if that is the case). I loved not knowing - it was really cool to guess and wonder what my dreams meant!

 

[Tacori E-ring]

We didn''t find out either but I knew I would be sad if I never had a daughter. Now I don''t have to worry. My sister and I are so close with my mom and that is what I dream for DD and me. Adult sons seem more independent. Daughters always seem to need their moms.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

deleted

 

[cakeny]

I guess I''m going against the grain but I would MUCH MUCH prefer a boy. Don''t get me wrong, i love my mom like no one''s business, but i was a PITA growing up. And am still now of course.

And you know what they say, easier to mend a broken bone than a broken heart and all that

 

[musey]

A boy - because I've had his name picked out since I was 12

luckily, my husband loves it too and is totally on board. If we have a boy, we know EXACTLY what his name will be.

I would love a girl too of course (LOVE!! I really hope I'll have both), but I've romanticized the idea of my little boy so thoroughly that that's exactly what I picture when I think of having kids.

 

[janinegirly]

Date: 5/18/2009 5:21:39 PM
Author: MC

Date: 5/18/2009 5:05:03 PM
Author: janinegirly
MC-that''s great about your little boys. But I think in general people are just expressing their own honest opinions, and not making it personal.

I''m confused. Did you think I was defending boys as if Pinkstars is wrong? I was just making a comment about mine and MY experiences. Nearly, everyone here is talking about personal experiences and what is wrong with expressing mine? You were just talking about your personal views just above.

oh yes i think this thread is all about personal views! i just thought you seemed to be getting a bit defensive and therefore wanting to defend your boys'' behavior etc. Maybe I mistook, but I just didn''t want this thread to get nasty,etc. Anyway, I''m probably being contradictory, so I''ll bow out of this one..

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Musey - what is the name you have picked out?

 

[merrymunky]

If I could only have one...a girl.

I have always fantasised about having a girl.

I have a feeling that if I have children though, I will end up with a boy. There are more males in my generation in the family than girls.

I have 2 brothers, 4 male cousins and 3 female cousins. So 6 boys and 4 girls...not a great deal of difference but the boys outnumber the girls nevertheless.

I just feel that I could have as special a relationship as my own mother and I share. We ARE best friends. I would love to raise a girl.

I would be more than happy with a boy too, but I just have this desperate urge for a girl.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Date: 5/18/2009 5:30:22 PM
Author: janinegirly

Date: 5/18/2009 5:21:39 PM
Author: MC

Date: 5/18/2009 5:05:03 PM
Author: janinegirly
MC-that''s great about your little boys. But I think in general people are just expressing their own honest opinions, and not making it personal.

I''m confused. Did you think I was defending boys as if Pinkstars is wrong? I was just making a comment about mine and MY experiences. Nearly, everyone here is talking about personal experiences and what is wrong with expressing mine? You were just talking about your personal views just above.

oh yes i think this thread is all about personal views! i just thought you seemed to be getting a bit defensive and therefore wanting to defend your boys'' behavior etc. Maybe I mistook, but I just didn''t want this thread to get nasty,etc. Anyway, I''m probably being contradictory, so I''ll bow out of this one..

Oh, no I wasn''t defensive AT ALL! lol I think you misinterpreted my post and I ended up doing the same with yours! No biggie.

 

[E B]

Date: 5/18/2009 5:21:39 PM
Author: MC

Date: 5/18/2009 5:05:03 PM

Author: janinegirly

MC-that's great about your little boys. But I think in general people are just expressing their own honest opinions, and not making it personal.

I'm confused. Did you think I was defending boys as if Pinkstars is wrong? I was just making a comment about mine and MY experiences. Nearly, everyone here is talking about personal experiences and what is wrong with expressing mine? You were just talking about your personal views just above.

I think in a thread like this, it's important to share experiences that challenge common stereotypes. Keep on sharing!