I think I might need a... *gulp*... intervention!

[ohsomethingshiny]

A jewelry buying intervention that is!

Since March, I have reset Abigail (MRB) into a RHR setting, purchased Lucy (vintage OEC), was given Ricky (formerly a diamond watchband), bought my Tag watch, adopted Eleanor (AVC), found Celeste (vintage toi et moi), bought a Roberto Coin necklace and pendant, and also added two diamond bands and a gold chain to what I now consider my "collection" of jewelry. And to top it off, I am hoping that Millie (my wedding band from CvB) will be joining in next week. I have acquired more jewelry in the last six months than I have in the last decade (or longer)!

Despite all of that, I still find myself "shopping" (but not buying right now). I don't want to be a "hoarder", but I just keep feeling like I want something else. Not like from a place of greed, but from a design and aesthetic place. For example, I have been looking for a "cigar band" ring for my middle finger. I have ring finger rings and never before wanted to wear rings on any other fingers (with the exception of Ricky on occasion), so why do I have such a strong desire now?

I don't want to go down the rabbit hole. But all the pretty shiny things in there seem to be calling me. I find myself getting closer and closer to the edge and the ground is starting to give way. Anyway, I am posting this in an effort to try to hold myself accountable to love what I have acquired without feeding the desire for "one more piece". (At least for the foreseeable future. Not just for me. My bank account could use a break too. LOL!)

Thanks for "listening".

 

[bludiva]

this website is fun for so many things but it's an enabler i came *this* close to buying a 5k ring a few months ago because it was well priced and sparkly and "a big look" as the salespeople kept saying i just had an inexplicable lust for it.....but i didn't see myself wearing it more than once in a while and i personally don't want to have big ticket items that largely sit in a box. i also have a hard time resisting cute heels on sale even though 90% of the time i wear flats.

fwiw here are some ways i try to manage my spending on disposable items like clothing/bags/shoes/jewelry. (yes i consider jewelry largely disposable b/c you typically take a big hit upon resale...the stuff that holds its value is beyond my expertise to predict.)

* think through the place each piece has in my wardrobe and if anything new is going to fill a gap or not. if not, i have to get rid of something else first. where there are gaps, i create a budget (i have literally done this with a spreadsheet before when revamping my wardrobe) and then when i find the thing that fills the need - function/looks/price - i can buy it without feeling guilty.

* look for a less expensive equivalent or an alternative. so for example on the cigar band, maybe look for a pre-loved one you can resell or a silver one that won't be too much of a regret if it turns out you don't wear it often.

* i also try to do the same thing as when i'm craving junk food, wait for a while and see if i really still want it.

* trying things on helps me a lot too, some things look beautiful to me on others but i don't like them on me.

i've seen some people post about taking breaks from this website when they've overacquired....i have had a slow week after wrapping up a project and have been on here more and can definitely feel the difference in noticing and wanting more items so time for me to take a break soon too.

good luck with your courses, btw!

 

[ohsomethingshiny]

this website is fun for so many things but it's an enabler i came *this* close to buying a 5k ring a few months ago because it was well priced and sparkly and "a big look" as the salespeople kept saying i just had an inexplicable lust for it.....but i didn't see myself wearing it more than once in a while and i personally don't want to have big ticket items that largely sit in a box. i also have a hard time resisting cute heels on sale even though 90% of the time i wear flats.

fwiw here are some ways i try to manage my spending on disposable items like clothing/bags/shoes/jewelry. (yes i consider jewelry largely disposable b/c you typically take a big hit upon resale...the stuff that holds its value is beyond my expertise to predict.)

* think through the place each piece has in my wardrobe and if anything new is going to fill a gap or not. if not, i have to get rid of something else first. where there are gaps, i create a budget (i have literally done this with a spreadsheet before when revamping my wardrobe) and then when i find the thing that fills the need - function/looks/price - i can buy it without feeling guilty.

* look for a less expensive equivalent or an alternative. so for example on the cigar band, maybe look for a pre-loved one you can resell or a silver one that won't be too much of a regret if it turns out you don't wear it often.

* i also try to do the same thing as when i'm craving junk food, wait for a while and see if i really still want it.

* trying things on helps me a lot too, some things look beautiful to me on others but i don't like them on me.

i've seen some people post about taking breaks from this website when they've overacquired....i have had a slow week after wrapping up a project and have been on here more and can definitely feel the difference in noticing and wanting more items so time for me to take a break soon too.

good luck with your courses, btw!

Awesome advice!!! Thank you! I think boredom plays part of a role. Idle hands and all. LOL! But really, I don't go nuts with buying stuff. I'm actually pretty decent and live within my budget. But you are right, pretty much spot on, about seeing things online (PS, IG, etc...) and feeling that tug.

I tell my kids all the time that there is a difference between need and want. I need none of my jewelry (or new pieces), however I want all of my jewelry (and newer pieces). I can't justify anything other than my inherited pieces and my wedding ring. Everything else is, well... decoration. So it's just some time for reflection and perspective to get myself back on track.

I will still love looking and admiring these beautiful works of art that I see. But like a Van Gogh, I don't have to own it to appreciate its beauty.

And thanks for the well wishes on the classes! I just got to the halfway point on Diamonds and Diamond Grading. I am really enjoying it. And I have a possible lead on a part-time job at a store in town. Hopefully that pans out.

Again thanks so much for the advice and insight!

 

[bludiva]

And I have a possible lead on a part-time job at a store in town.

that's awesome, fingers crossed!!!!

 

[molecule]

I've seen wish lists made by PSers every couple years that rank the top items they wish to aquire over the next couple of years. Perhaps determining your top 3 or 5 big items and focusing on designing those might help- really dig through designs and designers and preloved items.

 

[ohsomethingshiny]

I've seen wish lists made by PSers every couple years that rank the top items they wish to aquire over the next couple of years. Perhaps determining your top 3 or 5 big items and focusing on designing those might help- really dig through designs and designers and preloved items.

Thanks so much for the idea! Definitely one to consider.

Most of what I look at is “inexpensive” (by PS diamond standards). The antique cigar band ring I was drooling over was just over $900, as was the vintage diamond bracelet. Oh, and the WF floral cluster earrings were also under $1,000. But all of those add up quick to $3,000!

I don’t really have anything “big” in mind. It’s mainly pieces to accessorize with that would compliment Eleanor and Lucy (my “big pieces” at 2.16 and 1.15 carats respectively). Since my pear hasn’t sold (yet), I might look into eventually designing a pendant setting for it. That could be fun.

 

[mrs-b]

@ohsomethingshiny -

I have one basic rule of thumb that stands me in good stead; if I didn't have that piece on my 'things to buy' list before I saw it in the shop, then I don't get it, because I'm just being led by my eyes, rather than by what I actively want.

So I made a list of what I wanted. Really wanted. And now i just stick to it. When I feel that desire for 'just one more thing' creeping up, I just remind myself - "I didn't want this when I got up this morning, so I don't really want it now." I go for the long term wants, not the immediate gratification.

I also don't buy things in a hurry. I'll look at something, consider it, walk away from it, see how I feel in a week, look at it a second time, walk away again, and maybe a month later, if I still want it, I'll think about it. It's not like the list can't be modified - it can. But nothing gets on this list in a hurry. Not deviating has gotten me a lovely collection of quality pieces - but this was a lesson hard learned. i got to a place where I realized that purchasing all those pieces that were 'nice but not great' was exactly what was standing between me and getting the things I really did want. I did the math on the things I'd bought and realized that, adding them up, could have bought me something gorgeous that I would enjoy all my life. So now I look at the extras, the drop-in purchases, the instant gratification pieces, and I think to myself "you're just roadblocks to the pieces I really want." It helps.

Good luck, and I wish you success in taming this beast!

 

[arkieb1]

Having priority lists of what you really want and sticking to them ie not randomly buying stuff along the way is a great idea, and having a cleanse or purge of what you don't really want or don't wear every so often is not a bad idea either.

 

[Bron357]

From a psychological viewpoint I wonder if due to your recent stresses (losing your job and starting a new career direction) is causing you to feel unsettled and you are seeking comfort and security in material possessions. This is quite a common type of self medication. I know, I indulge in it!
I found a way that helped me was to create projects to complete ie find a diamond ring with over 2 carats but less than $500 - not with the intention of buying it but moreso to challenge my searching capacity to see if such a unicorn existed. Another tactic I use is delaying. If I think I “must have” an item I make a rule that I must wait 1 month before I can take the next step. Then I challenge myself with a set amount of $$$ to buy it. I find that with the gratification delay and the effort to locate desired item, makes me evaluate whether it is a proper want rather than a want for the sake of it.
On top of that, make sure you have other activities to keep you busy ie keeping active, other hobbies to reduce the “window shopping tendencies” that can lead you to think you want things more than you really do,
It’s like trying to diet but wandering into the kitchen a dozen times a day, the temptation is harder to resist.

 

[qubitasaurus]

Oh man, I don't knee jerk aquire pieces here but I have another forum I belong to (reddit's asianbeauty) where I have just bought oddles of stuff. 18-20 months later I can say with some aclarity that I am deffinitively not happier for it.

I think I got carried away admiring what everyone else had (you can check it out by looking on the side bar for megathreads, where people will write out their entire routine). I forget how many different things I have tried, but my spreadsheet has somewhere between 70-80 rows. I also have enough unopened stuff to test to keep me busy until decemeber (even if I discard it after 10 days, which is normal practice as my skin rarely reacts well to new products. Sounds moderately insane right?)

I have a wish list and I do not buy off that list. Nevertheless the only thing that really works is spending less time on the forum. I actually realize I ma happier when I am there less often. It allows me to concentrate on me, rather than the continuous parade of what everyone else is currently hyped about. After a while you also realize that it goes in cycles, there are fads which people follow and then they go out of fashion. It happens on PS too, just the cycle time is longer so you have to follow the forum for a few years to become aware of it. In reddit assian beauty the phases last 1-3 weeks, so it is supper evident. Much better just to walk away from it, then you come back and realize you've almost completely forgotten about last months 'must have item', and apparently so has everyone else.

 

[nala]

Here’s my take. As long as I can afford it, I’ll buy it. And my justification? Because I still want it. Bc I can still take pleasure from it. My loved ones are happy and healthy. I am happy and healthy. The minute I start to experience real adversity, like losing a loved one, which I have...or gone thru a divorce, which I have, ....believe me, jewelry will not even cross my mind. I will no longer take pleasure in it. So to me, there is no need to stop this passion. I dread the day I can no longer find happiness in such trivial pieces Bc that will imply that my life has taken a serious turn. The key is to be responsible in my spending. Which I am. We all have different definitions of affording, I suppose. Only you know if you are spending within your means. So my advice is to be honest with yourself when it comes to spending and to enjoy it while you can.

 

[diamondseeker2006]

The struggle is real!

I have loved jewelry since I was a child, but all the years of having children growing up, we just didn't spend on major luxuries other than vacations since we had braces and college (etc) to pay for. But when I turned 50 and two of the three had almost finished college, all of a sudden I realized that we had saved a good bit of money, and it might be time to start enjoying some of it! I was a very disciplined saver and we never had debt other than our mortgage. So beginning to spend was a total change of direction for me. Obviously I came here for the initial project and got totally hooked!!! I certainly have been influenced in the things I have learned of here, because most of it, I would have never seen otherwise. My collection is certainly better because of PS.

You've been given much good advice already. My addition to it is to be careful what you buy. Is it timeless? If not, will it be easy to sell and not lose a lot of money? Would you rather have one great thing or 5 okay things? All the little purchases add up. My total aim at this point is to try to buy things that I love but which are worthy of being heirlooms, so I try to buy things that are pretty classic and timeless and high quality. I do struggle a little sometimes about spending so much money on myself. But I will admit to always wanting to have a project to search for or be working on. Life events sometimes make me pause, but the hobby is always there waiting when I return.

 

[lovedogs]

ugh I'm very guilty of succumbing to this recently after being really good about purchases for a long while.

Started doing silly "window shopping" purchases, and realized I spent a totally unnecessary 1K (ish). Am very annoyed with myself for that, since now I realize I could have bought something off my "long term" wish list for 1K instead. grrrr.

I'm now back to my "wish list", and being more careful. I've now started updating my "wish list" with dates of when I started wanting a given thing in order to help me prioritize.

So (for example), I've wanted my diamond e-ring stone for at least 2 years now, wanted a moissanite DBTY and bezel set studs for 1+ year, and a champagne stone in a RG halo (inspired by a piece on PS) for at least 2 years, but "smaller stuff" has always gotten in the way.

I just started the wish list technique in Jan, and it definitely helped because I avoided buying random things to save for 2 of the items (which I got in june and literally wear daily). So I know it's worth it to stick to the wishlist, even though I've been failing lately!

 

[LLJsmom]

Just pick up another hobby that keeps you off Pricescope for a while and let the emotions and addiction cool off a little. You just need a little reminder that there is a lot more going on in life other than jewelry. It’s all good. Most of us have been there.

 

[MakingTheGrade]

I use my jeweler box real estate to keep the hoardin under control. No new projects until I sell some things to make room. I often sell at a bit of a loss, but most of those items are colored stone projects so it’s not a huge amount of money and it’s worth the fun of the project and the enjoyment I got for the time I own them. Sort of like I rented those pieces for 50 cents a day.

I think I’m transitioning at this point in my life to focusing on my “classic” (and more expensive) pieces though. I’m also someone who loves always having a project to be hunting for or working on. As my age and salary has increased I’ve gotten more comfortable getting into the pricier world of diamond s which has been very fun but I’ll have to be vigilant about getting numb to numbers! Spend enough time on rocky talky and spending 20k starts seeming super standard lol.

 

[ohsomethingshiny]

You guys rock!!! (See what I did there? LOL!)

Thank you for understanding and offering your perspectives, stories, and advice. I truly appreciate it very much.

I took an inventory of my nice (heirloom quality) jewelry. I wanted to see where I am with my collection and to remind myself how comfortable I am with stopping here (for now).

I own three necklaces, five rings (to include my Eleanor and Lucy), two diamond bands (with Millie due next week to make three), one plain band, one set of pearls and pearl earrings, and my Tag watch. Aside from these pieces, I have a few pairs of cute sterling earrings. My full collection fits into a small jewelry box.

While I am sure that my collection pales in comparison to some, I think @Bron357 was right about it scratching an emotional itch. I have realized that when I am feeling out of sorts due to things in my life (such as my recent layoff and career change), I find myself looking with more intent to buy. That’s one of the reasons I posted this. I wanted to speak up and say that I recognize my misplaced desire so hopefully I can be accountable. It makes it easier to reign myself back in when others are supporting me.

Again, thank you all!!! I am so glad that I found you and get to enjoy our passion together, as well as support one another through whatever comes along.

 

[Tekate]

@ohsomethingshiny well I can easily help you shut down your urges! I will ship my loving husband to you and he will help you, he's ALWAYS helping me

 

[ohsomethingshiny]

@ohsomethingshiny well I can easily help you shut down your urges! I will ship my loving husband to you and he will help you, he's ALWAYS helping me

Such a sweet offer. LOL!

 

[doberman]

To add to the offer @Tekate made, I can lend you my two adult children. They will be happy to reinforce the idea that your spending is out of control.

Seriously though, what I've found that helps is never buying on impulse. Taking the time to think about things often leads me to the conclusion that I really dont need it. And as for keeping value, the only jewelry I see keeping anywhere near its original value is designer pieces (Cartier, VC&A, etc.)

 

[ohsomethingshiny]

To add to the offer @Tekate made, I can lend you my two adult children. They will be happy to reinforce the idea that your spending is out of control.

Seriously though, what I've found that helps is never buying on impulse. Taking the time to think about things often leads me to the conclusion that I really dont need it. And as for keeping value, the only jewelry I see keeping anywhere near its original value is designer pieces (Cartier, VC&A, etc.)

Yeah, I purchased 11 pieces (rings, watch, necklaces, and bands) this year. I didn't even realize it. (Some were small and rather inexpensive comparatively speaking, but I wear them all of the time.) I think I am good now. Nice reality check for me.

 

[Babyblue033]

From a psychological viewpoint I wonder if due to your recent stresses (losing your job and starting a new career direction) is causing you to feel unsettled and you are seeking comfort and security in material possessions. This is quite a common type of self medication. I know, I indulge in it!

Eek, this made me gasp because it rang so true for me! For me it was the birth of my second son in March. Within a few months of his birth, I bought more things than I have in years, I just counted and it's 13 items. 14 if I include my upgrade/anniversary ering which started the spree. Yikes! They were mostly relatively inexpensive items, in PS standard, but I could've bought 1 large ticket item with the money I spent overall...

@ohsomethingshiny, clearly I have no advice to offer but may we see pictures of your indulgence?

 

[qubitasaurus]

Eek, this made me gasp because it rang so true for me! For me it was the birth of my second son in March. Within a few months of his birth, I bought more things than I have in years, I just counted and it's 13 items. 14 if I include my upgrade/anniversary ering which started the spree. Yikes! They were mostly relatively inexpensive items, in PS standard, but I could've bought 1 large ticket item with the money I spent overall...

@ohsomethingshiny, clearly I have no advice to offer but may we see pictures of your indulgence?

I think this is me too. Only I am acquiring beauty products instead of jewlery. My little one is 7 months old, and seems to be going through some sleep regression. I get up 5 times a night to put her back to sleep and I just rock her back to sleep with one hand and browse my phone with the other (for up to 3 hours a night). It is super hard not to just binge buy stuff, or stress out about how tired I will be at work the following day. I am especially bad when everyone else is sleeping and I am there by myself. I feel like I need a support group for my first world problems .

 

[ohsomethingshiny]

Eek, this made me gasp because it rang so true for me! For me it was the birth of my second son in March. Within a few months of his birth, I bought more things than I have in years, I just counted and it's 13 items. 14 if I include my upgrade/anniversary ering which started the spree. Yikes! They were mostly relatively inexpensive items, in PS standard, but I could've bought 1 large ticket item with the money I spent overall...

@ohsomethingshiny, clearly I have no advice to offer but may we see pictures of your indulgence?

I calculated what I spent and That was a real eye opener!

Here’s a pic of everything (minus Millie who is still in production with CvB and excluding my husband’s new Tag watch he got when I got mine).



And here are some of the bigger purchases:

Abigail (reset) and band


Celeste


Lucy


And my e-ring, Eleanor

 

[MaisOuiMadame]

I'm of no help, really... sorry... all your pieces are exquisite!!


But I might just have fallen head over heels for celeste

 

[Babyblue033]

I think this is me too. Only I am acquiring beauty products instead of jewlery. My little one is 7 months old, and seems to be going through some sleep regression. I get up 5 times a night to put her back to sleep and I just rock her back to sleep with one hand and browse my phone with the other (for up to 3 hours a night). It is super hard not to just binge buy stuff, or stress out about how tired I will be at work the following day. I am especially bad when everyone else is sleeping and I am there by myself. I feel like I need a support group for my first world problems .

Mine is 6 months old and been waking up every 2-3 hours, so I feel your pain! I just went back to work last week, my older started preschool this week, and I've never been so exhausted in my life. I'm fresh out of bling funds so instead I've been buying other small "necessities", like new diaper clutch (convinced myself my oh so many diaper bags are too big), custom name stickers for my son's preschool stuff, new socks for him, etc. I would admit I have a problem but I'm too tired to do so

@ohsomethingshiny, wow you've got a very nice collection! Love the watch, that's one thing missing from my "staples"

 

[ohsomethingshiny]

I'm of no help, really... sorry... all your pieces are exquisite!!


But I might just have fallen head over heels for celeste

I would not blame you at all. She may be small but she is mighty! There is just something about her that makes my heart flutter.

 

[ohsomethingshiny]

Mine is 6 months old and been waking up every 2-3 hours, so I feel your pain! I just went back to work last week, my older started preschool this week, and I've never been so exhausted in my life. I'm fresh out of bling funds so instead I've been buying other small "necessities", like new diaper clutch (convinced myself my oh so many diaper bags are too big), custom name stickers for my son's preschool stuff, new socks for him, etc. I would admit I have a problem but I'm too tired to do so

@ohsomethingshiny, wow you've got a very nice collection! Love the watch, that's one thing missing from my "staples"

Oh, I remember those days! I had three kids to care for while my husband was deployed. The youngest two were about two years apart with the oldest one five years older than the middle child. Although the oldest was a little bit of help, it still was extremely tiring. Hang in there, it will definitely get better. And once they can make themselves a bowl of cereal, the sleep will return. LOL!

As for my watch, I really love it. I love the color of blue on the face. It’s what I referred to as my “happy blue”. It is just so soothing to me. I hope you find one that you love it as much as I love mine.

 

[qubitasaurus]

Mine is 6 months old and been waking up every 2-3 hours, so I feel your pain! I just went back to work last week, my older started preschool this week, and I've never been so exhausted in my life. I'm fresh out of bling funds so instead I've been buying other small "necessities", like new diaper clutch (convinced myself my oh so many diaper bags are too big), custom name stickers for my son's preschool stuff, new socks for him, etc. I would admit I have a problem but I'm too tired to do so

@ohsomethingshiny, wow you've got a very nice collection! Love the watch, that's one thing missing from my "staples"

This really resonated with me, I think you hit it on the head.

@ohsomethingshiny, I love eleanor -- super elegant.

 

[Lisa Loves Shiny]

I so understand. I WANT WANT WANT a bigger diamond and I have found the perfect one. My DH says "just buy it" but I do not want any debt associated with it. So I put one diamond ring up as a "feeler" at much less than online vendors charge to see if I get any interest. Chances are if there is no interest then the market for pre-loved diamonds that are not the most coveted right now is on the cooler side. If no interest .......well like my sister says "How does it feel to want?" lol

 

[HappyNewLife]

Add me to the intervention list. Every time I get bored and search eBay, I buy something. Yesterday it was a 1 carat diamond platinum eternity band. Dangit!