I think I hate my dress

[Nov2109]

Hi everyone...I''m in some serious need of advice regarding my wedding dress.

I have been doubting my dress for awhile now. I posted pictures of it when it first came in(I had to take the pics down-my friend can''t have pictures of her up on the internet...law school?, i dont know I just agreed and had the mod take them down, no sense jeopardizing her future.) The dress is at least two sizes too big, and I was somewhat pressured into buying it....which I''ll try to explain. My mom was getting re-married, she announced it right after I got engaged and was married a month later. Her and her husband dated for 11 years before they decided to just up and marry. Needless to say, I had started planning my wedding prior to that, and asked my mom to go dress shopping with me. She went but said she wasn''t really going to be much of a help because she had her own wedding to plan, which was like a knife going through my heart...but wanted her to be there. We haven''t had the best of relationships, but she is still my mom.

We went shopping, went to 2 salons. The first salon the women were horrible so we left. We went to a second shop that most of the people we knew purchased their gowns from. I tried on about 10 dresses, came out in one and my mom loved it. I liked it, and I''ve never had a "that''s the one" moment with anything in my life... so I said we''ll think about it. She really loved the dress, the shop was having a 20% off sale and we put a deposit down...just to hold the price. I really regret doing it. I even went back, brought my aunt(mom was too busy every time I asked her to go with me) and my aunt liked it as well, i felt like i should just go ahead with the order because everyone liked it.

It came in three months later, and it looked horrible on me. I can''t tell if its because its too big, or if I was just pleasing everyone but myself and I was just excited to be marrying my best friend. I know its my own fault, but I try to keep a good relationship with my mom and I just wanted to make her happy, after all she paid for it.

My first fitting is in two weeks and I''m dreading it. What if it still looks horrible? What if I don''t like it? I feel like the dress isn''t "me". We''re in the process of buying a house and we''re paying for the wedding so I wouldn''t have any money to just buy myself a new dress...and my mom has already paid for half of the one I don''t like. I just feel like the dress makes me look very heavy set and is not flattering at all. I dont have any pictures of me in it by myself or i would post them....the dress is Alfred Angelo 1708 in all ivory if anyone wants to take a look.

I know this is normal and people go through this a lot, I''m just worried I''m going to hate my dress and not feel comfortable on my wedding day.

Also, I live 2 hours from my hometown, and I can''t even go and just try it on to give me piece of mind before the actual fitting. I called every shop in my area today and not a single one of them carry the dress. I''d have to drive an hour away to go and try on a sample...

I''m so frustrated and upset, and people say oh its just a dress, that''s why I turned here, the women on PS seem to understand.

 

[ArtistJess]

Oh Hon, I''m so sorry you are going through that. I know people will say, "it''s just a dress!" but I can''t imagine walking down the aisle in something in which I didn''t feel spectacular. I wish I had some good advice for you.. All I can do is encourage you to speak up. I don''t know what the return policy is, but I guarantee that nobody wants you to be unhappy on what is supposed to be the happiest day of your life. Maybe it will look better on you once it is sized? I''m going through a dress freak-out right now too. My beaded halter straps are cutting into shoulders

so I can really sympathize.

 

[FrekeChild]

Can you blur out the images of everyone else in the pictures?

 

[farfrompro]

I''m so sorry! I know the feeling. I orignially purchased my first (yes thats right, first) dress before we started planning our wedding and it is absolutely beautiful. I loved it but didnt have a "thats the one"moment. However, the store was closing so it was a buy it or lose it kind of thing. After we started planning, i kind of felt like the wedding was going in a different direction and it may not be what i wanted. even though the dress is georgeous, i just kind of felt like it wasnt the best choice for ME. my mom is in LOVE with this dress and will have debates for days on end with anyone about why this dress is perfect etc etc. Anyways, to make a long story short - i just couldnt pinpoint what i didnt exactly love about the dress on ME and i kept looking at other dresses online and when we went to stores. I found a SECOND dress - again at another store that was closing and it was drastically reduced. it still wasnt a "thats the one" moment because i am EXTREMELY indecisive about everything and think i am incapable of having those, but i did feel more comfortable, like the dress was much more flattering for my figure, fits my vision for my wedding and is beautiful. soooo i bought it. now i have two dresses. I love my mom and value her opinion but was very torn about the dress situation. I now had two dresses that are both beautiful but liked the second one better for me (body type, wedding theme etc) but kept going back to the first one i think more because i wanted my mom to be happy as well. I ended up posting both of them on ps and letting everyone else weigh in and made my decision that way! It really helped to get neutral opinions about which dress looked better. I also had to decide for myself that i was going to do what made me happy and most comfortable. The last thing you (or anyone that loves you) is going to want is for you to be uncomfortable and not confident in your wedding gown. Go with your gut! if i had, i probably would have saved a lot of time and energy and would have been a lot less stressed. this is supposed to be the fun part!

also, it might help to try and find a picture of the dress online and post that with a picture of yourself so that people can try to "envision" the dress on you that way. its not the most accurate way to get someone''s thoughts on a dress but it might help in this situation.

 

[lulu]

http://www.boutiqueful.com/pd-alfred-angelo-wedding-dress-1708.cfm


here''s the dress.

 

[Tuckins1]

For what it''s worth, I think the dress is gorgeous!! But, if you aren''t happy with it, it doesn''t matter how other people feel about it. I hope you sort things out!

 

[Nov2109]

Freke...I didn''t even think of that.

Here are the pics, hopefully they aren''t huge and actually post!

 

[Nov2109]

...

 

[Nov2109]

...

 

[Nov2109]

Sorry for the terrible cropping job. I just wanted to get them done quickly as I''m losing my mind with this. Its a horrible feeling!

 

[Nov2109]

Jess..thanks for relating. I hope your straps get worked out. Has a seamstress had any advice for you?


Farfrompro...I''m going to talk to my mom about it I think. I just dont want to make her feel bad...but I really want to be happy in my dress. Hopefully the salon has some policy in place for this, as I know its something common? I''m hoping I go in and I love it after pinning.

Tuckins...thanks. I think the dress is beautiful, just not sure if its "Me". or if it flatters my figure. I''m about 5''9 and 145 pounds. Very busty, small waist and big ol'' hips. I feel like the dress makes my hips look bigger than they really are!

 

[redfaerythinker]

I think the dress is lovely and really emphasizes your slim waist. You have a gorgeous hourglass figure and it really shows it in this dress. I''d maybe go back to the salon, and try it on, with a few other dresses. I might even go by yourself, just so that you know that you aren''t pressured at all. But for the record, you do look very pretty in it.

 

[CharmyPoo]

I think the dress is beautiful. The most important thing is that you love the dress. If you aren't feeling it, it's ok to go get another one and resell this one. Many brides do this!

I am sorry your mom had no time to help you with your dress. I know the feeling. I went by myself before and the sales ladies are great help!

 

[Treasure43]

First of all, I''m sorry you''re going through this. I agree that it must be very stressful to not feel spectacular in your dress. I think the dress is beautiful and looks great on you! However, the only thing that matters is how YOU feel in the dress. This is your wedding and you want to go down the aisle in a dress you LOVE! I would go to the fitting and try it on again. If you still don''t like it, maybe there''s a way that you could sell your dress and then buy another one, like another poster mentioned. Who knows, you may go back and love it!

 

[VRBeauty]

It''s a beautiful style, and it should be very figure-flattering once it''s fitted properly.

Do you have a mental image of the dress that you think you''d get instead?

 

[Rachel9]

OMG, on the third picture [clearer] you look AMAZING! I''m def no expert but once it''s fitted you''ll see a big difference

 

[Nov2109]

redfaerythinker...thanks. Unfortunately my mom and MOH are going to be at my fitting. MOH wanted her fitting to be on the same day as mine. I might get there early put the dress on and get my thoughts together without anyone''s input to start.

CharmyPoo...I want to love the dress. It really is a beautiful dress, I hope its just nerves and the fact I havent tried it on in a few months? Who knows. My wedding is in 3.5 months, I dont think I''d be able to sell it in time and be able to order a new one. I had this dress ordered cut to measure because of my height so buying something off the rack might not work for me. I''m .5inch too tall apparently and im wearing flats.

Treasure43..i really hope I love it, or the shop has some type of alternative for me if I am really unhappy with it.

VRBeauty...I hope it looks better once it is fitted. There isnt a specific style I am really leaning towards, maybe something with a dropped waist...or just more "flowy" if that makes any sense? Not sure if a full satin dress is "me" that might be my problem? I''m hoping the seamstress has some thoughts as to how to make the dress more "me" if I can even convey what I want.

Rachel9..thanks! You can''t really see it in the picture, but the dress is about 2 inches off of my chest and stomach..I''m actually pushing out my stomach to get it to stay up so I could use my hands to show everyone it needs to be brought in where I was pinching... I really am hoping I have a different opinion of the dress after it is fitted to my body.

The only part of the dress I do love is the back, which I realized I never put a picture of that up...you cant see the full train, its chapel length... I''ll make sure I get better and more detailed shots at the fitting...

Here it is...

 

[jewelz617]

Personally I think it''s beautiful. But this is your wedding and you want to love it. I suggest going to the shop ALONE and explaining the situation. Maybe something can be worked out or negotiated. You''re not the first bride who wasn''t crazy about her dress, I''m sure it happens all the time. See if you can at least try before any more alterations are done.

 

[Bella_mezzo]

I think the dress is gorgeous and that you look gorgeous in it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Once it is altered it will feel much better and I think you''ll be much happier with how you look; if you want a totally different style then maybe you should keep looking to see if you find a dress you like better. But see how you feel after the dress is fitted and remember that the dress is just part of your day, the best part is that you are getting married

 

[marlie]

I''ve been a dress doubting bride too. it''s a TERRIBLE feeling. but...i will say, that every time i''ve gone back and tried it on, i''ve said to myself...what was i nervous about? and i remember why i chose it. my married friends told me that they went through it too and their advice was to stop looking at dresses all together...cut yourself off. it messes with your brain! truth is, there''s always more pretty dresses so you can drive yourself crazy. i think you look beautiful in your dress, and my gut feeling is that in a couple of weeks at your fitting, you''ll feel that way too. but if you don''t and are still unhappy, there''s no shame in selling it and getting something different.

 

[lulu]

I think you look terrific in that dress.I also think you''ll love it after it''s fitted to you. JMO

 

[laughwithme]

200% serious here, from those photos you''ve posted, you have a really, REALLY good start. The dress is beautiful and more flattering on you than I think you think it is. The design in the waist is quite slimming in my opinion. I think your alterations will really put you at ease - a dress that is two sizes two big is nothing for a good alterationist; she will fit it to every inch of your body. I was expecting way worse, but seriously, your pictures look great.

That said, "everyone else" (including me) can say one thing, and it doesn''t matter if thats not the way YOU feel. If you don''t feel beautiful and confident, then it will show on your face for your entire wedding day. You should put on your dress and feel stunning, and it should be the least of your worries on an otherwise hectic day. I think you should have your dress altered asap, and don''t be shy - if you want the seamstress to make addtl changes that you are envisioning, you need to make sure she does that. I really think that once the dress is altered, you may feel differently.

Good luck!

 

[LilyKat]

I think it looks beautiful. And maybe I'm completely off base here, but something to consider:

I think that sometimes we get a bit carried away with the whole wedding dress idea. We constantly hear that the "right" dress will reduce us to tears of joy and make us look more beautiful than we've ever been in our lives. Actually, a long white dress isn't the most flattering garment on most women. It may be that you just need to get used to seeing yourself in this way. If you haven't found another dress you really love, and you're the sort of person who doesn't have "It's The One" moments (and I understand, I'm exactly the same!), it might be that you think something is wrong because the dress doesn't give you that instant stunning look you were expecting.

I say, take a deep breath and give it time to grow on you. Trust that it will flatter you more when fitted properly. Imagine how it will look when your hair and makeup are beautifully done, when you're carrying your bouquet, with your jewellery, the whole shebang.

What I WOULDN'T do is panic, be upset, rush out to buy another one in the hopes that your dream dress is somewhere out there and spend the months before your wedding in a panic trying to buy and sell two dresses. I've seen brides do that (on here and elsewhere) and end up going back to dress #1, losing a whole lot of money in the process. Give it a fair chance

 

[oddoneout]

I agree that the dress is lovely and accentuates your figure nicely.

 

[Nov2109]

Thanks everyone for your kind words. It makes me feel a little better.


Bella_mezzo...thanks

marlie-I'm glad I'm not the only one. I just havent had the ok, this is all going to work out the 3 times i have tried the dress on. I hope I feel differently this next time.

lulu..thanks.

laughwithme...thank you so much. I have 12 days until my fitting...shouldn't be too bad...im going to try and not think about it until then. I told my mom we are not leaving the shop until it looks right.


LilyKat...I totally agree the the whole wedding dress and wedding day itself can sometimes get blown way out of proportion, I feel that nothing really matters other than the ceremony itself, your vows and having the people you care about most around...however, you do want to feel comfortable in your own skin while 150+ people are staring at you and you will be haunted by those pictures for years to come.

I hope that once it is fitted properly it will not make me look wider than I am and I'll feel comfortable in it. I'm really self conscious, and don't like being the center of attention, but its a wedding so that is inevitable, which makes me just want to feel confident and beautiful in my dress.

I talked with my mom about it yesterday because it was eating me alive and she also sent me a picture of the dress she was thinking about wearing(it is a light beigey color that looks like a wedding dress and I sort of freaked out). She calmed me down and asked what was really going on...I explained everything to her and she felt terrible which in turn made me feel terrible. All in all, she wants me to feel special and beautiful on my wedding day. She said to wait for the fitting and see if they can make the dress more along the lines of what I am looking for or at least have it fit me properly.. if not we'll see what our alternatives are.

As far as her dress goes, I told her she can wear that dress, just not in beige...any other color is fine, she understood and said she didn't even realize how light beige it was and how much it actually looks like a wedding dress...phew. I love my mom dearly, but sometimes she just doesn't think! My mom is beautiful and has a great figure and I want her to feel beautiful at the wedding too...just not wearing a wedding dress

I feel a huge weight lifted off my shoulders.

I'll definitely post pictures of my fitting, and cross your fingers it goes well! I'm so nervous...at 3.5 months out from the wedding, I didn't see this happening.

 

[monkeyprincess]

I know a little bit about having doubts. I bought a dress on my first shopping trip, and I actually did have "the moment" (which is really unlike me). But then later when I was looking at the pictures my sisters took, I started getting really nit-picky and thinking my hips looked wider than I remembered, and I sometimes wonder if I rushed into it and should have looked around a bit more. My sisters think I''m crazy and keep telling me how perfect it looks on me and how great my figure looked. My point - I think sometimes we are just so critical of ourselves that we don''t see what others see. For what it''s worth, I think it is very flattering on you, and I mean that sincerely. Yes, you should feel beautiful on your wedding day, but go into your appointment with an open mind, and just maybe you will love what you see.

 

[Amanda.Rx]

I''m sorry you don''t like it! I, too, was a bride that never had the "this is the one" moment. I picked a dress that my mom loved and that was on sale, so I can understand how you feel. However, I kept my dress at my parent''s house and looked at it every time I went. Every time I saw it, it liked it more and more. There were new details that I noticed every time. Mine was also 2+ sizes too big, but when I went to my seamstress for a fitting, she pulled it tight and it looked beautiful!

Is there anything that you do love about the dress that you can focus on? What is it that you hate about it... just the "heaviness" and size? In that case, it would be worth getting it fitted to see if that makes a difference.

Honestly, I''m glad you posted photos of you in it, b/c I think it''s a beautiful gown, and I don''t think you look heavy-set in it. But, if YOU don''t feel beautiful in it, then it''s not too late. The financial situation may make it difficult to get a new dress, but if you feel that it''s WORTH it to you, do it.

 

[Nov2109]

monkeyprincess and Amanda.Rx how did you make out with your fittings?

I''m really glad I''m not the only one to go through this, its a horrible feeling, and it makes it worse when people have been so generous as to buy you your gown.

I''m keeping my fingers crossed that after the fitting it will look something more along the lines of what I want.

There isn''t anything I can really put my finger on that I *hate* about the dress, I just hate the way it looks on me, and it could be because right now I feel it is as flattering as a potato sack! I do love the back of the dress, there is so much detail, yet its subtle which really makes the dress beautiful.

I guess I just am feeling like its an a-line, supposed to be the most flattering four your figure, and I think it just looks terrible on me... 10 more days to go and I''ll get to see the dress....ahhh.

 

[Liane]

LilyKat stole the words right out of my mouth. Well, off my fingers, anyway.

It is a beautiful dress. It shows off your figure wonderfully, and it''ll look even better once it''s been properly fitted. It absolutely does not make you look "heavy-set" in the slightest. And a "potato sack"?! Good lord no. It looks incredibly delicate to me. I love the under-bust detailing in particular; it''s an effective and subtle emphasis-by-echo on the rest of the silhouette below.

That said, you should be happy on your wedding day. I think that dress looks pretty darn near perfect on you, but you''re the one whose opinion really matters. If, after it''s fitted, you still don''t like the way it fits... well, then that''s how it is.

But I think you should at least wait to see how it looks when it''s tailored to you. Because even when it doesn''t quite fit right, to my eyes, that gown looks stunning on you.

 

[monarch64]

I am going to be brutally honest here because your height and weight are very similar to mine. The dress is doing absolutely nothing for you. It is not awful, but I don''t think it''s the most flattering dress for your figure. Even when it''s fitted, I still think you can do better. The point at which the waistline hits you is not right, for one thing. It''s too short-waisted. It is definitely making you look hippier than you are. The good elements are the detail, the veil, the train, that''s it. I''m sorry but I would prefer honesty over a pat on the back and an oh it will be fine, personally, and I think that''s why you came here anyway. There is a reason this is stressing you out so much.

You deserve to have a dress that makes you look your absolute best regardless of your relationship with your mother. You are clearly unhappy with the dress and are trying your damnedest to talk yourself into liking it. I fear that if you keep it, you will not enjoy looking back at your photos, it will always be something that sticks out in your mind as negative. That alone would urge me to go back to the drawing board here.