rubyshoes
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I just broke up with my control freak friend...
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MichelleCarmen
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rubyshoes|1381768892|3537536 said:AND I COULDN'T BE HAPPIER!
I had taken to calling her "a spiritual black hole" in recent times... and I am glad she can't suck me into it anymore.It is like a big weight has been lifted off.
Boooooo to control freaks, yes?
Yay! Congrats! It can be a HUGE breath of fresh air to move on from those people.
(and remember that they DON'T change, only YOU can! If you try and reunite, you'll get instant flashbacks of why you "broke up" in the first place
)
JaneSmith
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Ugh, control freaks. Unfortunately, most of the ones I know are in my family! Therefore, I rarely get involved in non-blood-related control freaks as I can see spot them a mile away. I do have one friend like that, and I have to limit interaction, for sure. They want to micromanage every move you make.
Since I have family members and in-laws like that, it makes me see red. They always act superior, like their way is the only way, and they automatically put themselves above everyone else - in other words, they treat you as if you can't manage without their direction and are therefore less capable than their wonderful selves. I always feel like saying, "Listen, when you can show me a paper qualification that demonstrates you are better qualified to run my life than I am, I'll start doing what you say. Until then, stop telling me what to do." This is the polite version
Since I have family members and in-laws like that, it makes me see red. They always act superior, like their way is the only way, and they automatically put themselves above everyone else - in other words, they treat you as if you can't manage without their direction and are therefore less capable than their wonderful selves. I always feel like saying, "Listen, when you can show me a paper qualification that demonstrates you are better qualified to run my life than I am, I'll start doing what you say. Until then, stop telling me what to do." This is the polite version
rubyshoes
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Smith1942|1381776950|3537607 said:They always act superior, like their way is the only way, and they automatically put themselves above everyone else - in other words, they treat you as if you can't manage without their direction and are therefore less capable than their wonderful selves. I always feel like saying, "Listen, when you can show me a paper qualification that demonstrates you are better qualified to run my life than I am, I'll start doing what you say. Until then, stop telling me what to do." This is the polite version
YES, YES, YES. For what it's worth, I think control freaks are miserable people. I haven't met too many of them, but every single one I have met just radiates unhappiness. What a way to live your life.
I couldn't agree more, Rubyshoes. Two of the worst offenders that I know are indeed thoroughly miserable, despite having blessings in life rained down upon them. It's their default setting. They're family, so I know. And they make everyone around them miserable, too.
Hilarious example of control-freakism: My control-freak boss was on the stage at a conference, sitting on a discussion panel. I had come from another meeting, as arranged, and crept quietly into the room to find my seat among the rows. I happened to glance up, and my boss is looking at me and making a weird, huge circle movement of her arm, ending in patting her chair. I was very puzzled, and thought she must have meant there was something wrong with the chair I was about to sit in. I stopped, looked at the chair, and it seemed fine. I was just about to sit down, when I looked back at her. She was still doing this exaggerated wide circle-and-chair-pat movement. So I stooped down to examine the chair. I'm thinking maybe it's broken and she didn't want me to noisily collapse. But it all seemed fine and eventually I sat down.
You'll never guess what was going on. Despite me being about 28, despite her sitting on a stage panel, and despite it being a theatre where the usual form of movement is to walk along the row and sit in your seat, she was actually directing me from the stage to sit in my seat. That's what all the chair-patting was about. AS IF I NEEDED TO BE TOLD TO SIT IN MY SEAT WHEN I WAS CLEARLY WALKING ALONG THE ROW TO FIND MY CHAIR! All she accomplished was to thoroughly confuse me. It never occurred to me that she was trying to direct me to that micro-level. When someone walks along a row of theatre seats it seems pretty obvious to me that they intend to sit down.
God, these people drive me absolutely batty.
Hilarious example of control-freakism: My control-freak boss was on the stage at a conference, sitting on a discussion panel. I had come from another meeting, as arranged, and crept quietly into the room to find my seat among the rows. I happened to glance up, and my boss is looking at me and making a weird, huge circle movement of her arm, ending in patting her chair. I was very puzzled, and thought she must have meant there was something wrong with the chair I was about to sit in. I stopped, looked at the chair, and it seemed fine. I was just about to sit down, when I looked back at her. She was still doing this exaggerated wide circle-and-chair-pat movement. So I stooped down to examine the chair. I'm thinking maybe it's broken and she didn't want me to noisily collapse. But it all seemed fine and eventually I sat down.
You'll never guess what was going on. Despite me being about 28, despite her sitting on a stage panel, and despite it being a theatre where the usual form of movement is to walk along the row and sit in your seat, she was actually directing me from the stage to sit in my seat. That's what all the chair-patting was about. AS IF I NEEDED TO BE TOLD TO SIT IN MY SEAT WHEN I WAS CLEARLY WALKING ALONG THE ROW TO FIND MY CHAIR! All she accomplished was to thoroughly confuse me. It never occurred to me that she was trying to direct me to that micro-level. When someone walks along a row of theatre seats it seems pretty obvious to me that they intend to sit down.
God, these people drive me absolutely batty.
rubyshoes
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This won't be popular, but here goes...
I tend to view people with control issues as people with extreme anxiety. They are suffering deeply. The reason they feel the need to control every movement around them is because they fear that if one of those movements is out of control, they will not be able to handle it.
I really think most of them mean absolutely no harm. I don't believe that most "control freaks" feel the rest of the world is incompetent. I think they fear, deep down inside, that they are.
Of course, there is always the rare control freak who believes everyone is stupid and needs to be micromanaged for their own good and I run from them as if they have the plague....
Congrats on refining your friendships. I hope you can breathe easier now!
I tend to view people with control issues as people with extreme anxiety. They are suffering deeply. The reason they feel the need to control every movement around them is because they fear that if one of those movements is out of control, they will not be able to handle it.
I really think most of them mean absolutely no harm. I don't believe that most "control freaks" feel the rest of the world is incompetent. I think they fear, deep down inside, that they are.
Of course, there is always the rare control freak who believes everyone is stupid and needs to be micromanaged for their own good
and I run from them as if they have the plague....Congrats on refining your friendships. I hope you can breathe easier now!
SB621
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I suspect house cat might be right. It all depends on why people are control freaks. One of my best friends husband is a control freak. He also has autism. He can't help it that is who he is. He is not a bad person and my friend should have a medal adapting to cope with some of his really strange controlling tendencies.
Most of the control freaks I have met and a couple in the family have tended to be overly anxious highly strung people. Anyway for what it's worth if it's now improving the quality of your life then that is definitely a good thing!!!!
Most of the control freaks I have met and a couple in the family have tended to be overly anxious highly strung people. Anyway for what it's worth if it's now improving the quality of your life then that is definitely a good thing!!!!
rubyshoes
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Uh oh... our common friend has been hearing from the crazy control freak who I think is going to try to make me "see reason" (as usual). Going to chant Just Say No! Just Say No! Just Say No! in my head if she tries to manipulate me into patching up.
Housecat and arkieb1, you guys are absolutely right. I do see what you are saying. Unfortunately though, if someone is going to get their anxiety/issues up to that point where they are being ridiculously overbearing towards others, the responsibility to fix themselves lies with them. Either acknowledge your issues and get help (therapy?) or don't complain when others get sick of you and dump you. Nobody has a right to make people around them miserable, no matter what the underlying psychological cause. And most control freaks I know, (I will admit to knowing very few) refuse to even accept they are who they are. Fine. Then be your awful self.
Housecat and arkieb1, you guys are absolutely right. I do see what you are saying. Unfortunately though, if someone is going to get their anxiety/issues up to that point where they are being ridiculously overbearing towards others, the responsibility to fix themselves lies with them. Either acknowledge your issues and get help (therapy?) or don't complain when others get sick of you and dump you. Nobody has a right to make people around them miserable, no matter what the underlying psychological cause. And most control freaks I know, (I will admit to knowing very few) refuse to even accept they are who they are. Fine. Then be your awful self.
dragonfly411
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