I don''t want to return to work!

[Courtneylub]

I''m scheduled to return to work July 21st after being home with my LO for 12 weeks. I''m really struggling with this decision. I''d like to list out the pros and cons here and also explain my personal situation and possibly get some helpful feedback.

First off, I don''t make an admin salary, but I''m not close to 6 figures either. I work for a small oil and gas company where I really have it pretty good. I don''t love what I do, but how many of us can say we do? The benefits are great, but there''s no maternity policy...just disability which isn''t much.

My DH makes enough to support us to where I think we''d still live pretty comfortably, but he''s made it clear he wants me to return to work eventually. Like 6-12 months from now. When I was pregnant I thought: Well, if I''m going to have to work, I may as well stay with this company since I have 2 years invested there. I''d hate to start my search all over and possibly get stuck with a company or boss I don''t like. (I''ve been there.)

On the other hand, I have the option to stay home with my baby for a good length of time and then look for something else...a job that maybe I''d enjoy more. Let''s say I go with this option. Now I have the dilemma of do I inform my employer of that now? Or return to work for a day? A week? What if they question my motives and think I''ve planned this the entire time? Could they reverse my benefits for the last month of leave that I didn''t pay the premiums for?

I''m really stressing over this!

 

[Courtneylub]

I forgot to add: For 10 months out of the year, we would only put our child in daycare for 4 days a week, 5 hours a day max. When she''s reached 1 year, she can go with my DH to the schools he teaches at. I won''t be throwing her in daycare 10 hours a day/7 days a week or anything like that. This is what''s making my decision more difficult.

 

[neatfreak]

Date: 7/2/2009 10:16:41 PM
Author:Courtneylub
Could they reverse my benefits for the last month of leave that I didn't pay the premiums for?

Hey Courtney-the answer to this is generally yes. If you don't return from FMLA leave they can go after you for some of the $. I don't know the details but I would research it thoroughly first to find out what the restrictions are. They won't necessarily do it-but they can.

I don't have any great advice except to follow your heart as long as you guys can afford it.

 

[gailrmv]

I posted to you in the moms of newborn thread - but what about returning to work for a couple weeks to give it a good try. If it doesn''t feel right, you can quit and not worry about the insurance that you might owe. Also, you''ll know you tried it. Maybe you will find it is better than you thought and then be glad that you didn''t quit.

Of course, that was my plan, and when it came time to do it I just couldn''t take my little guy to daycare. The fact that you don''t have to do full time day care is really great though.

You should be able to ask someone in HR whether they would go after you for the insurance.

 

[Mrs]

Courtney, I think I understand your struggle since I myself, as you know, went through a similar struggle just last month. I'll share with you my experience and thought process in the hopes that it might be helpful:

I have never thought that I would stay home with my kids since my mother never stayed home with me and it's not a model I know or really understand; nevertheless, once I had my LO I found it VERY hard to come to terms with anyone else caring for her full time. I did not totally enjoy my maternity leave since I did find myself missing work in some respects. As you know, caring for a baby is very hard and requires so much energy. It can also be very monotonous and boring. I found that I missed doing work that I KNEW how to do well. I find that in motherhood, it's hard to ever know if you're doing the work of parenting well. Does that make sense? I hope you know what I mean. I'm constantly questioning my abilities as a mom. HOWEVER, with that being said, I DO trust my instincts and know that the love I have for my child will always make me the best care taker for her - better than any daycare or nanny.... I wondered if I should stay home, even if just for a year since she is so small. My husband makes a relatively good living and we would be able to live on his salary, though we would likely have to downsize and cut back a fare amount in order not to dig into savings too much.

Anyway, I decided to go back to work for a number of reasons:

1) my father passed away when I was young leaving my mom to fend for us. Thank goodness she had a career she could return to. The idea of finding myself in a similar situation, no mater how unlikely, terrifies me and I feel that it's really important for me to maintain the ability to make a living so that I can provide for my family if ever I need to be the sole bread-winner. So in some respects, you could say that I am working now in order to be able to work later if ever I need to - kind of like an insurance policy.

2) with the economy as it is, I know how very fortunate I am to even have a job to return to at all. There are many people out there without a job and those of us with jobs could get laid off at any point. So as long as I DO have a job, I feel like I should hold onto it tight and not let go.

3) I figure that I will work for at least 3 months to see how it goes and if I find that I absolutely cannot stand to be away from my LO and I want to quit, then I will do so then, having given the working mom thing a chance.

Even though I have gone back to work, the part of me that wants to stay home with the baby feels that:

1) My child is infinitely more important than my work so why would I choose to spend most of my time there instead of with her? If I need to return to work later for some reason, I'll figure it out then but for now, my baby is young and she needs me.

2) babies are only home for a short time. They eventually go to school. So it isn't like you would need to stay home forever. Finding one's way back into the work force then might be difficult but it might be worth it to give the baby the care she needs at home in her early years.

So as you can see, I'm still conflicted. I have only been back to work for a few weeks and it is taking time to get back into the swing of things but I have a feeling that I will stick with it instead of deciding to stay home.

Regarding your employers, I don't believe that they can reverse any benefits you've already received. If you decide to leave, its okay. I don't think they will think any less of you.

Keep in mind though that if your DH expects you to return to work in another 6 months to a year, you may find it even more difficult to go back then and Alila might struggle with it more then as well. At 3 months, she is too small to feel separation anxiety but she might if you transition her to another care provider later.

Good luck with this decision! I'm so sorry it's such a difficult one to make! Let us know how we can support you though it!!!

I hope my thoughts above are somewhat helpful.

Mrs

 

[gailrmv]

Sorry, I seem to keep posting in both threads about this topic!

MRS brings up a very good point about relying on one breadwinner in the sad event of that person's death (or disability). We made sure to take out extra life insurance on my DH and also for me, since if I were to die he would need to hire someone to take care of our baby! He also purchased extra disability insurance above what he gets through work. This is in my opinion a huge concern because if the breadwinner were to become disabled, not only would they not be able to work but they might need very expensive care! It is serious business being a parent!

 

[steph72276]

Date: 7/2/2009 10:52:50 PM
Author: TanDogMom
Sorry, I seem to keep posting in both threads about this topic!


MRS brings up a very good point about relying on one breadwinner in the sad event of that person''s death (or disability). We made sure to take out extra life insurance on my DH and also for me, since if I were to die he would need to hire someone to take care of our baby! He also purchased extra disability insurance above what he gets through work. This is in my opinion a huge concern because if the breadwinner were to become disabled, not only would they not be able to work but they might need very expensive care! It is serious business being a parent!

Ditto to all of this....we did the same when I decided to stay home.

 

[steph72276]

Hi there. It really is not an easy decision to make at all. When I first had our baby, I decided to go back to my teaching job (after I had several months off). It was very hard to leave him, but at the same time I think it was good for me to get out of the house, feel like I was contributing to the household, socialize with adults, etc. My sister in law was finishing college at the time, and came to our house to watch our son, so I didn't feel too guilty about leaving him with family and that helped sooo much. I don't know if I could have dropped him off at a daycare. It would have been really tough. Now my husband's job has moved us so many times it was impossible to stay in a teaching position, so I have been staying at home with him for the last 2 years and really love it.

I think if your husband wants you to go back in the next 6 months anyway, you should probably stick with your current job. You never know what kind of work environment/boss/co-workers/salary/hours/benefits you will find out there when you start your job search, so if you're comfortable at your current position, I would just stay there. If your long term goal is to stay at home with your little one for the long haul, then have you sat down and done a monthly budget to show your DH how it would work and you guys would still live comfortably? I don't make a salary now, but when I showed hubby how much I save between daycare costs, gas to and from work, lunches, work clothes, classroom supplies, I can cook from scratch now so less eating out, time to shop around for the best deals, etc. the savings add up to almost what I was making as a teacher anyway.

I think you just have to figure out what it is that will make you happiest and then figure out a way for it to work. Good luck in deciding!

 

[atroop711]

can you compromise and go back to work when the baby is old enough for nursery/preschool? It would be nice to be home for all of those firsts.

 

[Courtneylub]

Well, that was great. I just typed a long response to everyones'' posts and lost it. Not because of PS, but because of this damn laptop.

Neat and Tan - I can''t exactly go to HR and research this because I work in HR! This situation has never come up, so I''m not sure what would happen.

Tan - I will most likely go back for a couple weeks to try it out and also give notice if I leave. I''m just so irritated that I will have to go buy all new work clothes 3 sizes bigger than I was pre pregnancy!!

Mrs - I''m sorry you''re still struggling with it, but it sounds like you made the best choice for you! I don''t feel it would be harder to return to work when Alila is 9 months old because at that time she will be able to enroll at 1 or 2 of the schools where DH works and she would only be without him for about 17 hours a week during the school year. 3 months to 9 months, she''d have to be enrolled at a daycare.

Re life insurance. Funny you mention that, we''re taking out some additional insurance. My aunt just became an agent for a great company that offers a plan where we can dip into the money if injured or diagnosed with a serious disease.

Steph - I don''t want to stay in the job I''m in right now. I have experience in all aspects of HR and I''d like to leave recruiting behind and get back into payroll and 401k. It''s what I''m good at and I like the set deadlines. Recruiting is a lot of paper and organization which I''m NOT good at! This would really be my chance to get out of this job AND stay home with the baby for extra time and find something else. I know it won''t be easy to do, but it''s worth a try isn''t it?

 

[Courtneylub]

Date: 7/3/2009 10:39:55 AM
Author: atroop711
can you compromise and go back to work when the baby is old enough for nursery/preschool? It would be nice to be home for all of those firsts.

Unfortunately, no. My company is very strict: no working from home, no moving to part time, etc. My boss would make no exceptions since we are the HR department and have to set examples for everyone else.

 

[MustangGal]

Hi Courntey

It is a tough decision, and every situation is diffferent. Yes, your employer can require that you pay the portion of insurance premiums they covered while you were on FMLA. But, a lot of employers don''t know they can, and some don''t want to bother with trying to get it back.

I went back to work when Kyle was 8 weeks old, which was almost 3 months ago. He is at a sitter''s house 8 hours a day, 5 days a week, so more than you would be looking at. A few of the reasons I went back are:

1) I make more than DH, and there''s no way we could live off just his income. My company also has much better insurance plans at a lower cost. Make sure you check out what coverages would be available to you through your DH and the associated costs.

2) In the 2 months I stayed home, I found out I needed more adult interaction than just DH in the evening.

3) The unstable economy has me concerned about relying on only one income. My DH was laid off when I was 8 months pregnant, and thankfully found a job 5 weeks later, but it pays less. If we had only 1 income earner and lost that job the related stress and financial hardship could be horrible.

4) I think it''s good for my baby to interact with other kids and adults. My nephew is watched by his grandmother for the 3 days a week my SIL works, and rarely plays with other children. At almost 3 years old he doesn''t know how to interact, share, or play with other kids.

5) While the baby is at the sitter''s for 8 hours, he actually sleeping for about 4 hours of that time. We have all evening to play/interact and love him. And when the weather cools off again DH gets Friday off, so it''s only 4 days a week he''ll be away from us.

Only you and your DH can decide what''s right for you, but keep in mind that it''s not that easy to get a job in this market, and the hours she would be at daycare are pretty minimal. You could even give it a trial like Mrs is and go back for 3 months and then decide once you''ve seen both sides.

 

[MustangGal]

I''m in HR too, and I HATE recruiting, so I know where you''re coming from on that! Would it be possible in the future to stay with the same company but transfer to a different part of HR? I was doing only 401(k) admin the last 9 months with my new company, but when I went back to work a position opened up for Disability and Life. I didn''t think they''re let me switch that soon, but I got the job

 

[Courtneylub]

Mgal - You''re right that the hours we''d be away from her are minimal, but that''s when she''s 9 months. From 3 to 9 months, it would be a lot more because DH works a lot in the summer and can''t enroll in those schools that take 9 month olds and older.

There''s no way my boss would move me around. She likes me where I am and believe me, I''ve already tried. Even the THREE separate times in 2 years that we were short staffed in payroll and I kept our heads above water.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

The longer you're out of the workforce, the more difficult it is to return! Is there any way the company can switch you to PT?

(I waited until after my second was in Kindergarten before looking for a job. . .bad time with the economy and unfortunetly, with the cost of day care, I couldn't find anything aside from watching friends' kis as a way to earn money. I had planned to do that, but now, I decided to just focus on my kids this summer and will watch a few kids after school when it begins again in the fall.)

Even if you do stay home, keep your skills updated.

 

[fisherofmengirly]

Date: 7/2/2009 10:52:50 PM
Author: TanDogMom
Sorry, I seem to keep posting in both threads about this topic!

MRS brings up a very good point about relying on one breadwinner in the sad event of that person''s death (or disability). We made sure to take out extra life insurance on my DH and also for me, since if I were to die he would need to hire someone to take care of our baby! He also purchased extra disability insurance above what he gets through work. This is in my opinion a huge concern because if the breadwinner were to become disabled, not only would they not be able to work but they might need very expensive care! It is serious business being a parent!

We have always said that when we become parents, I''ll stay home with our child, as we feel it''s very important and is absolutely a "hardship" we would gladly walk into, and if necessary, he or I would work part time in addition to his job. He''s thought of tutoring and that would help an adequate amount for our financial purposes. However, recently a friend of ours lost her husband and if Cindy weren''t working, too, the family would have only Social Security and life insurance to live off of, and no insurance. That would have cost them their home, their stability, and would have definitely shaken the family even more than they have been at the loss of a young father. Cindy and the boys recently visited us and she was saying then how glad she is that she works and has her income coming in, along with the insurance and social security, and stated that she never would have thought going into the work force so soon after her last baby was born would be a blessing, but it has been.

That''s really led us to do some serious thinking.... Even with life insurance, it''s killer to have insurance in this country without getting it through work. It''s incredibly high and would have been out of their means for a family of three...

Nothing you ever think about, until tragedy hits someone you''re close to.

Courtney, I wish you and your husband the best in making this decision. It''s not an easy one. I''m still fearful that I''ll try to return to work and not be able to. Part time isn''t an option at my work, either. How I wish it was!!

 

[Courtneylub]

MC - They won''t let me work my position part time. If I''m only out of work for 6 months, that''s not too bad. I could work on getting my CPP in the meantime maybe. That''s a great idea.

Fisher - All good points. My DH and I are working on purchasing great life insurance and since he''s a busniess owner, we need to think about what would happen in that unfortunate situation.

I was talking to my mom this afternoon and she said something that made everything a little more clear. "You need to do what''s best for your family." It clicked to me that what is best for the family is me taking advantage of this opportunity and staying home with Alila for at least 6 months, then returning to work to bring in additional income for our future. This is my plan and I think I should return to my current job on the day I''m supposed to and give my 2 weeks notice. Nothing is set in stone until I take that step, so I can always change my mind. We are even going to a daycare (church) on Monday to take a tour. I don''t want to rule anything out just yet. But it looks like I know what I want to do.

I appreciate all your input! This has been so tough! It''s not over yet either

 

[cara]

Courtney, just thought I'd throw this out there: you might also want to consider leaving a good taste in your employer's mouth for future recommendations, or even consideration for your old job back after your break. I don't know which your employers would prefer (come back, give two weeks notice, then leave or tell them now that you aren't coming back at all) but you might know. Certainly they *should* be understanding if you tell them that you really didn't expect to want to stay home, but I know in some circles its not looked kindly upon to take your maternity leave and get your benefits and then "decide" not to come back. At least its a talked about phenomena and not in a good way. You are in HR so you must have some idea. At the same time, I have also worked places where the employer would rather just know as soon as possible so they can get cracking finding a permanent replacement, and if they've already got a temp replacement that they are happy with they would rather keep that person in place than displace things again for your two weeks notice. And you are certainly not the first new mom to suddenly have a change of heart on returning to work after meeting the little one.

 

[beau13]

If you have the opportunity to stay home with your children, I say DO IT!! They grow so fast, enjoy them while you can!
I loved being home with mine, and I believe the decision to do so, played an enormous role in who they are today!

 

[icekid]

Date: 7/3/2009 11:22:54 PM
Author: cara
Courtney, just thought I''d throw this out there: you might also want to consider leaving a good taste in your employer''s mouth for future recommendations, or even consideration for your old job back after your break. I don''t know which your employers would prefer (come back, give two weeks notice, then leave or tell them now that you aren''t coming back at all) but you might know. Certainly they *should* be understanding if you tell them that you really didn''t expect to want to stay home, but I know in some circles its not looked kindly upon to take your maternity leave and get your benefits and then ''decide'' not to come back. At least its a talked about phenomena and not in a good way. You are in HR so you must have some idea. At the same time, I have also worked places where the employer would rather just know as soon as possible so they can get cracking finding a permanent replacement, and if they''ve already got a temp replacement that they are happy with they would rather keep that person in place than displace things again for your two weeks notice. And you are certainly not the first new mom to suddenly have a change of heart on returning to work after meeting the little one.

I am thinking along similar lines as cara here. Tread carefully, Courtney. If you want to return to work at SOME point, you will likely need your current employer to be an advocate for you.

 

[D&T]

Date: 7/4/2009 10:20:57 AM
Author: icekid

Date: 7/3/2009 11:22:54 PM
Author: cara
Courtney, just thought I''d throw this out there: you might also want to consider leaving a good taste in your employer''s mouth for future recommendations, or even consideration for your old job back after your break. I don''t know which your employers would prefer (come back, give two weeks notice, then leave or tell them now that you aren''t coming back at all) but you might know. Certainly they *should* be understanding if you tell them that you really didn''t expect to want to stay home, but I know in some circles its not looked kindly upon to take your maternity leave and get your benefits and then ''decide'' not to come back. At least its a talked about phenomena and not in a good way. You are in HR so you must have some idea. At the same time, I have also worked places where the employer would rather just know as soon as possible so they can get cracking finding a permanent replacement, and if they''ve already got a temp replacement that they are happy with they would rather keep that person in place than displace things again for your two weeks notice. And you are certainly not the first new mom to suddenly have a change of heart on returning to work after meeting the little one.

I am thinking along similar lines as cara here. Tread carefully, Courtney. If you want to return to work at SOME point, you will likely need your current employer to be an advocate for you.

have to thritto agree here. I''ve seen a couple of times this has happened, it''s burning bridges when they waited til the last minute and then told their employer they were not returning, but both times, the mothers knew they would not be returning to work any time soon or ever and they actually knew they wouldn''t go back just so they can have the benefits. But in your case you were thinking that you would but now have changed your mind so please inform your employer sooner than later is my take.

 

[Courtneylub]

Cara, Icekid, and DT - I''ve really thought this through. I''m returning in 2 weeks and I''m STILL not 100% sure what I''m going to do. As of yesterday, I''m 90% sure I want to stay home. Am I supposed to inform my boss that I''m considering leaving? I don''t feel I need to do that. I do, however, feel it''s important for me to return to work and give my notice. Just like I would if I wanted to resign and wasn''t on leave.

Of course I don''t want to burn any bridges. BUT I do know, from being in HR, that we do not give references, good OR bad. We only confirm title and dates of service.

 

[gailrmv]

Hey there Courtney,
I hope you don't mind me having so many opinions for you - but if it were me, I would either give my notice now while I was on leave, or else return, genuinely give it a good try for several weeks or even months, and then decide. I think either of those is fine, but I would not give notice on my first day back. That seems like you have already made up your mind, in which case why bother returning. I could just see how from your employer's perspective, they could resent that move. Also, even if they don't give real "references", your boss could either be a great help or hindrance to you in the future perhaps even in ways you don't know about (you never know who your boss knows, and what they say to that person informally!). You don't want to leave on a bad note. Just my 2 cents and feel free to disregard!

ETA: Also, if you do decide to quit, maybe you could give your boss more than the usual 2 weeks notice. You could offer to work part time to train the new person. Even though it's more than you have to do, it might go a long way in leaving on good terms which will help you in the future.

 

[cara]

If you haven't decided, then you haven't decided so no you shouldn't give notice yet. But then also maybe you shouldn't give notice on your first day back. As tan says, give it a week or two adjustment to see if you can make it work, and then if/when you give notice you can just say that you gave it a shot but its not working out. But I guess if you are not worried about a recommendation or getting another job at this company, then you are thinking that a proper two weeks notice is good enough? Its probably good enough. Sucky US maternity leave policies!

 

[steph72276]

Date: 7/4/2009 12:14:33 PM
Author: TanDogMom
Hey there Courtney,

I hope you don't mind me having so many opinions for you - but if it were me, I would either give my notice now while I was on leave, or else return, genuinely give it a good try for several weeks or even months, and then decide. I think either of those is fine, but I would not give notice on my first day back. That seems like you have already made up your mind, in which case why bother returning. I could just see how from your employer's perspective, they could resent that move. Also, even if they don't give real 'references', your boss could either be a great help or hindrance to you in the future perhaps even in ways you don't know about (you never know who your boss knows, and what they say to that person informally!). You don't want to leave on a bad note. Just my 2 cents and feel free to disregard!


ETA: Also, if you do decide to quit, maybe you could give your boss more than the usual 2 weeks notice. You could offer to work part time to train the new person. Even though it's more than you have to do, it might go a long way in leaving on good terms which will help you in the future.

Totally agree with this. I think if you decided for sure, you should tell them now so they can begin the search, or plan on staying for at least a few weeks, then tell them you changed your mind. I would think they would not be too happy with you returning, then giving them a notice on the same day. You could always call now, and tell them you have changed your mind about returning, but would be willing to come in to help train the replacement...that might make things go over more smoothly.

 

[drk]

I haven''t managed to have a baby yet, but my plan as a fee-for-service physician (with very very limited income through the provincial medical association''s mat/pat leave policy which lets you take up to a year off) will be to go back to work after 3 months. My job is different, in that I feel like I would lose skills being away for much longer than that. I also think I would go insane at home with minimal adult contact. I may be an introvert, but I do love interacting with other people at work, and doing my job well. I get a lot of satisfaction from that.

My SIL and brother live in the US, and she''s had to go back to work either 6 wks or 12 wks after having each of her first 2 kids. I think maybe at the 3 month mark. She works 3 days a week, and has the boys in a nice daycare fairly close to where they live the rest of the week. They love it there and thrive at daycare. It''s been really good for the older one, who''s developing a lot more self-confidence there. My brother earns more than enough to support the family on his salary alone, but neither have any regrets about my SIL continuing to work. The kids are well-behaved and well-adjusted. Even when my parents visit them during the week, the kids still go to daycare as usual, so that the schedule that they love doens''t get disrupted.

I''m sure it''s a tough decision to make, but you shouldn''t feel guilty if you do end up going back to work. A good daycare with early childhood education specialists can probably provide a more stimulating environment than you can at home.

 

[vespergirl]

Date: 7/4/2009 10:56:48 AM
Author: Courtneylub
Cara, Icekid, and DT - I''ve really thought this through. I''m returning in 2 weeks and I''m STILL not 100% sure what I''m going to do. As of yesterday, I''m 90% sure I want to stay home. Am I supposed to inform my boss that I''m considering leaving? I don''t feel I need to do that. I do, however, feel it''s important for me to return to work and give my notice. Just like I would if I wanted to resign and wasn''t on leave.

Of course I don''t want to burn any bridges. BUT I do know, from being in HR, that we do not give references, good OR bad. We only confirm title and dates of service.

I just wanted to say that I totally sympathize with your position - while I wasn''t in love with my job, I made a very good salary, worked reasonable hours, and really liked my boss. However, when I had my son, I was pretty sure that I wanted to stay home with him once he was born. I ended up taking all of my maternity leave before I gave notice though, because I wanted to be sure that I really didn''t want to return to work before I up and quit. When I gave notice, my boss was very understanding (his wife stays home with their kids) and in fact we''re still occasionally in touch through Facebook, even though I left 2 and a half years ago. If I could have worked in the office 2 or 3 days a week & work the rest of the time from home, I may have, but the best they could offer me was Fridays off, and since we don''t have any family in the area & I wasn''t comfortable with using a day care center or a nanny for that many hours a week, I just decided to stay home.

This may be a controversial position, but now that I''m doing it, I''m a great advocate of staying home with your children, at least until they start school, if it''s financially possible for your family. Never once in the past 2.5 years have I wished that I was still working. And here''s an example that I find interesting - of all my friends with kids, about half of us work, and half of us don''t. My friends who work (even as little as 2 days a week, with their kids in family care) feel very guilty about the time that they spend away from their children, or spending any time away from their kids when they''re not working.

However, I have never felt one iota of "mommy guilt" about my choice. I know that I am there with my son all the time, and that I''m doing everyting that I can to give him a happy childhood. We socialize in playgroups several times a week, so he''s still getting interaction with other kids, and has many friends. But I never feel guilty about having a date night with my husband, or going away for the weekend, because I spend all my other time with him. I also am not worried about missing milestones, or god forbid, an accident happening while I''m gone, and then wondering if I could have prevented it if I were there. I feel very confident and happy in my choice to stay at home, and I''ve never felt unsure or guilty about my decision. However, the friends that I have who do work are always telling me that they feel guilty and worried about leaving their kids to go to work. But, I''m sure that there are also plenty of women who work & are happy with that decision, but you just have to know what''s right for you. I just wanted to share my experience, and what I hear from my friends on both sides.

Either way, congrats on your new baby!

 

[DivaDiamond007]

Courtney - I also feel for your situation - I had to make the decision myself not too long ago. If you are able to extend your maternity leave then I would do that and in the meantime really think about what you want to do and where you want to go in life. It is difficult to return to the work scene when you''ve been MIA for a long time, but your kids are only young once. It is so agonizing.

I took a 6-month maternity leave, not entirely by choice, and I loved it. However, it was during that time that I discovered that I am not SAHM material. I need to work - and not just for the money - for my sanity. My MIL watches my son most of the time and he attends a home-based daycare on the days MIL is not available. From his progress reports he sleeps about half the time I''m away so that takes the sting out a bit. I cut my hours from full time (40+ per week) to only 30 hours per week, paid hourly, and that has worked nicely for my situation.

Another thing that you may want to consider is what your husband thinks of you staying home. If he is set on having you return to work and you end up staying home then he may become resentful....just a thought. I''d also worry about the current state of the economy. If you return to work and one of you gets laid off then at least you have one income to support your family.

I wish you the best of luck and I know you will make the right decision for your family.

 

[lyra]

Date: 7/3/2009 11:05:31 PM
Author: Courtneylub
MC - They won''t let me work my position part time. If I''m only out of work for 6 months, that''s not too bad. I could work on getting my CPP in the meantime maybe. That''s a great idea.

I''ve read through your entire thread, and understand that this decision is difficult. What you said above seems like the best of both worlds to me, even if it means taking a slightly longer time off of work. You would be setting yourself up for a better career, which would in the end help you and your family and provide you with some future security just in case. I would definitely look into upgrading education while off of work, that is a great idea.

 

[Courtneylub]

You girls have really given me a lot to think about and brought up excellent points.

Tan - I definitely thought about offering to work part time to train a replacement, but I know my boss pretty well and a lot of times, when someone resigns and even gives notice, they will just let the employee go at that time. Maybe I''d be a different case, but I''m not sure. I can always offer.

Cara - You''re right. I shouldn''t give my notice on my first day back. I really should give it a try if I go back at all. Even if I give notice after one week. It shows that I gave it a try. I will give it a good shot and if I''m 100% sure I want to stay home, I will give 2 weeks notice and offer to work part time or on a contract basis or something. Especially to train someone. I doubt they''ll bite, but it''s good to offer.

Drk - After being home for almost 3 months, I have not felt at all like I need more adult contact. I am a very sociable person and I make sure to get out of the house plenty! I really enjoyed some of my job and did it well, but the parts I enjoyed the most were not in my job description. I helped out when we were short staffed and that''s what I want to get back into....which is one of the reasons I want to go ahead and resign. I felt much more useful and valuable during those times.

Vesper - Thank you for sharing your own experience. I think many women feel at least a little guilt for either direction they go. It''s great that you made the choice and never questioned it.

Diva - That is interesting that you took 6 months off and realized you wanted to return to work. I really feel that will be the case with me. I''m just not ready after only 3 months. My DH wants me to return to work eventually and I agree with him for the most part. It was his idea for me to take an extra 6 months or so off. He will support me either way - if I decide to return to work right away or not. Luckily, he won''t get laid off because he''s self employed. He does really well and isn''t affected much by the economy.

Lyra - Thanks! I, too, feel like it''s the best of both worlds.