- Jul 12, 2015
Your pain is palpable CD. I can’t imagine - and hope I never know - the pain and swing of emotions you must go through. I continue to wish you all the best in this tough journey you’re on.I appreciate the advice and well wishes that everyone has posted on here. Even if it is contrary to what I have chosen, I understand that each of us have come from a different place, with a range of different experiences and hardships lived. That will colour the advice that each person shares. I fully believe that each and every one of you who have taken the time to reach out to me do so with good intentions and I want to say that I appreciate all of you doing so.
The kind of pain associated with what has happened to me was not one I could ever have understood before it happened... I would’ve and did swear before all this that I would file for divorce the instant I found out something like this. I too once upon a time, told friends who caught their partners cheating to leave and that they could do better. I DO believe that I can do better (ie find a partner who has not/would not cheat on me). It’s a difficult thing to understand... I certainly have no wish to be cheated on and lied to again. So it seems mindbogglingly stupid that I would stay to give this person a chance.
It is hard to say why I choose to stay. It’s a combination of many factors... BUT it is not absolute. I choose to offer him a chance, where he absolutely does not deserve one. It’s what I wanted to do. But I will not offer chance after chance. Leaving this marriage is not off the table. I try to not live my life as though I might leave at any second, because that would be counter productive to us building a new and better relationship. It’s hard though, because I AM FULLY justified in leaving at any moment should I wish to. Sometimes when caught in the throes of pain and grief, all I want to do is get away.