I broke up with my FI

[Porridge]

I don''t know if this is the right forum for this topic, but it''s not really about wedding or engagement planning.

So we''d been having problems for a long time. We tried counselling, but we were long distance and it was difficult. We worked very hard at it but in the end we just couldn''t fix the problems and getting married would have been the wrong thing to do. My gut has been telling me for months now that things were not ok and they certainly would not improve with marriage. It was a really difficult decision but I''ve mostly just been feeling relieved since it happened, and I know it was the right thing to do.

My family and friends have just been incredible. So supportive. So have his family. I am young and have loads of options in front of me, so deciding what to do next is rather exciting. I know there will be someone right for me in the future who will treat me with all the respect I deserve, but for now I''m really looking forward to being a little selfish and focusing on myself.

All in all it''s a positive thing. But I''d still like some PS hugs and support please

 

[merrymunky]

Porridge,

It can't have been an easy decision for you to make. But if you knew that things weren't right then you made the correct decision. Obviously I don't know the ins and outs of your relationship but I see you round the forum all the time, so you deserved a little message of support from me.

I too left a relationship that I always knew wasn't right. I was only 21 when I left the guy, still very young, but the relationship had such a lasting effect on my personality, which I still feel knock on effects from today, at 29 years old. But there is light at the end of every dark tunnel. I am now happily married to a wonderful man. I know you will eventually find yourself in the relationship you deserve to have.

But until then, enjoy the freedom!

*HUGS*

 

[Steel]

Hi Porridge,

I am sorry; you must be going through upset at the moment. Marriage amplifies problems and it sounds like you feel you have done the right thing.
Time heals all.

Hugs,
Steel

 

[oddoneout]

I''m sorry that things didn''t work out but I''m glad you and your ex are dealing with things in a mature responsible way and you have great support.

 

[MissGotRocks]

You are wise beyond your years to realize that this match wasn''t the end all for you. So many people just hang on - afraid to be alone or afraid that no one else will come by for them.

I know it''s painful but you do have your whole life ahead of you. Best of luck to you and to him - and hats off to you for making a good decision for yourself!!

 

[princessplease]

Porridge-
I''m sorry things didn''t work out for you and your ex. Many kudos to you for knowing it wasn''t right and having the courage to end it before you married. I wish you the best in your future.

 

[bee*]

Hi Porridge! I''m so sorry to hear that you broke up. Enjoy spoiling yourself for the next while!!!

 

[TooPatient]

Date: 10/21/2009 8:37:01 AM
Author: bee*
Hi Porridge! I''m so sorry to hear that you broke up. Enjoy spoiling yourself for the next while!!!

+1 here

You made the right decision. I know it was (and is) painful, but you will be happier in the long run.

Okay. With the usual stuff said and out of the way:
Go get an icecream. Or nice wine. Or whatever you like.
You deserve a special treat. Take care of yourself. Do something just for you.

Lots of hugs for you.

 

[tyty333]

You were lucky (smart) to figure it out in advance that it wasnt going to work. Big kudos to you!
Enjoy your freedom! {{{Big hugs}}}

 

[lilyfoot]

Porridge, I commend you for taking the steps you knew were right for yourself.

I think a lot of time women and men feel like they can''t leave a relationship, especially if an engagement has ocurred, if it''s a long term relationship, etc. It takes strength and courage.

Being ''selfish'' sounds like a pretty good plan to me! I think everyone should have a "me me me" time in their life.

Do what''s best for you, and the right guy will come along. And he''s always worth the wait

 

[geckodani]

Porridge. First of all - HUGS!!!!!

I think it shows amazing maturity and depth to end an engagement. That can''t have been easy, and I commend you for making such a difficult decision. So many people just go blindly forward with bad decisions, thinking that something will magically change.

It sounds like you''re excited for all the choices ahead of you now!

Selfishness sounds perfect for the time being! Have a spa day - or whatever makes you feel fab!!!

 

[purselover]

****HUGS**** I''m sure it wasn''t easy but congratulation on having the strength to end it before the marriage took place.

 

[MonkeyPie]

I''m sorry this happened, Porridge, but I am SO glad you''re taking it in stride - you have lots of life ahead of you to find the right guy!

 

[dragonfly411]

Porridge - (((HUGS))) to you, I am sorry your relationship didn''t work, BUT I am glad you can find things to look forward to. That is important.

 

[cindygenit]

Porridge, HUGS!!!

I''d also like to point out that focusing on yourself is a good thing! No, its a GREAT thing. I''m sure you will do just fine, and I''m proud of you for making this bold and wise decision. It probably wasn''t easy.

((HUGS))

 

[Lauren8211]

I''m so sorry to hear this, Porridge.

I''m really glad to hear you have such a great support system in place. That is so important in times like these.

Of course you will come out of this stronger, and ready to find the true love of your life.

 

[movie zombie]

a great big congratulations and hug for having the courage to follow what you know really deep down was the right thing to do! too many don''t.

i am excited for you! there is nothing wrong with putting yourself first and creating the life you want. in the end, this will attract the man you really want.

a break up doesn''t mean that either party is at fault, it just means it didn''t work out.

good luck!

mz

 

[Bia]

Oh man...

I know this must have been really hard on you both. It's difficult to see clearly when you're in it, so now that you're a little bit removed, it sounds like you made the right decision.

Sending lots of (((((hugs))))) and *dust* to you Porridge. Chin up

 

[jewelerman]

very sorry to hear this!Good to hear you spirits are up beat and positive.Take the things you learned in the relationship and create an even better one the next time around!Good luck!

 

[that_someone_special]

*hugsssss*

 

[Bliss]

I commend you for taking yourself out of a situation that wasn't working for you both... I am sending you hugs and positive vibes!

I am also excited for this new chapter of your life!

There will be ups and downs. Lean on your friends and family through the tough times... and invite them to dance with you during the wonderful moments.

 

[lucyandroger]

**HUGS** You have such an awesome attitude! Break-ups are hard even when you know you''re doing the right thing...just keep leaning on friends and family. Do you have any plans for implementing the focusing on yourself strategy yet?

 

[Snicklefritz]

What strength, Porridge! Well done making a really hard decision! I hope that you continue to feel comfortable with your decision but we''re here for additional support if you need us!

 

[kenny]

Congratulations.
It sounds strange to congratulate a break up, until you've seen many of your friend get into or remain in marriages that did more harm than good.

Ending relationships takes a certain strength and self respect.
Good for you!

I must ask, insensitive caveman guy that I am, was there an engagement diamond and where will it go?

 

[Luckyeshe]

Date: 10/21/2009 9:15:11 AM
Author: tyty333
You were lucky (smart) to figure it out in advance that it wasnt going to work. Big kudos to you!
Enjoy your freedom! {{{Big hugs}}}

{{{{HUGS}}}}

Tyty333 said what I was going to say! Good luck to you, porridge!!

 

[tlh]

I''m sorry to hear it didn''t work out, but glad to know you figured that out now, and not later.

Enjoy taking time treating yourself to some pampering, and future speculation of all the endless possibilities you can enjoy. ((Hugs))

 

[Laila619]

Aww, so sorry to hear, but it sounds like you made a smart decision. Hugs!

Mr. Right is still out there, looking for you.

 

[Regular Guy]

Sounds like you did the right thing. Good taking care of yourself, and best of wishes on a bright and open future...

 

[blueroses]

Oh, Porridge. I know this isn''t easy, but you are being so smart both emotionally and mentally. It does get easier on every level.

The fact that you have so much support around you, that you''re recognizing the need to pamper yourself, the fact that you recognize that you DESERVE someone who will love and respect you...well: all signs point to great things to come. Let yourself grieve, breathe, be single, still, silly, spoiled, cry, do whatever you need. But I think you are going to thrive. Like everyone has said, it sounds weird to congratulate a break-up, but you sound like you''re in a great head-space. Hang in there.

Dust and (((HUGS)))

 

[elrohwen]

I think you''ve made such a courageous decision! It''s so hard to end an engagement, but I''m sure you did what was right for you. Congrats! and hugs! You''re starting an exciting new chapter of your life.