I broke up with my FI

[b.anna]

hey porridge! thanks for your support and encouraging words on my own thread. it seems terrible to say now that misery loves company, but i''m glad to hear that other women have gone through the same thing and came out even stronger. you are definitely a great source for inspiration and i hope to carry the same optimism as you going through this mess!

best of luck to you!

 

[Porridge]

Manhunting in Houston sounds great redrose!

Thank you so much Katamari and Packrat. The support on this site is amazing, and it''s really helping.

Anna we''ll be breakup buddies! You''ll be fine, you''re a strong brave person for doing what you''re doing. If we don''t treat ourselves with the utmost respect, who will?? We deserve the best, remember that and be good to yourself over the next while. I know it seems like a mess now, but learn what you can from this, be proud of doing the right thing and soon you will only be able to look back on this as a positive step. {HUGS}

 

[D&T]

Porridge, I''m so sorry about the break up. Do give yourself a nice pampering missy.

 

[Porridge]

Thank you D&T. I think I will do a little something nice for myself this weekend. I've never booked a massage or treatment for myself "just because", but I think I might this weekend.

I got a job yesterday! It is an admin job, and just until Christmas, so it is a perfect time frame for me to get my registration sorted, get some money, a routine, and a chance to figure out what I want to do and where I want to go.

I'm feeling better in myself than I have felt in a long time. I just feel more like "me", and I'm can feel my confidence and self esteem returning. But sometimes I slip back into a thought cycle of "what if it's me? what if I never get along with any guy? what if nobody is ever good enough??". Then I remember that I have lots of fabulous friends, that I have had healthy relationships before, and that I'm thinking that way because that is what ex-FI told me (amongst many things) and that it's just not true. I deserve good things, and it will all happen in good time.

 

[geckodani]

Date: 10/29/2009 2:03:38 PM
Author: Porridge
Thank you D&T. I think I will do a little something nice for myself this weekend. I''ve never booked a massage or treatment for myself ''just because'', but I think I might this weekend.

I got a job yesterday! It is an admin job, and just until Christmas, so it is a perfect time frame for me to get my registration sorted, get some money, a routine, and a chance to figure out what I want to do and where I want to go.

I''m feeling better in myself than I have felt in a long time. I just feel more like ''me'', and I''m can feel my confidence and self esteem returning. But sometimes I slip back into a thought cycle of ''what if it''s me? what if I never get along with any guy? what if nobody is ever good enough??''. Then I remember that I have lots of fabulous friends, that I have had healthy relationships before, and that I''m thinking that way because that is what ex-FI told me (amongst many things) and that it''s just not true. I deserve good things, and it will all happen in good time.

Porridge - congrats on the job! That''s fantastic!

And regarding that statement above. I have never met you, but I am so proud of you for getting out of a situation where someone was trying to tell you that you were anything but fabulous.

It''s such a subtle form of manipulation to have someone tell you that you''re not good enough, or pretty enough, or smart enough, or whatever it might be. Comments like that are designed to get under your skin and be damaging, and they can sometimes be so seemingly innocuous that it''s a wonder that you recognized it, and got OUT. I don''t know your full story, but from just that little comment above, and the thread you posted asking about other relationships, I think you dodged a majore bullet, and I commend you for it.

Some people, myself included, have been subject to that sort of manipulation, abuse, whatever you want to call it, and not even realized it was happening. And sometimes, it can escalate to a point where you can''t get out.

Kudos to you for recognizing that you DO deserve good things. And there IS someone out there for you. Maybe where and when you least expect it. ((HUGS))

 

[Porridge]

Thanks geckodani, you pretty much hit the nail on the head. I'm glad I got out now too, I'm feeling pretty invincible at the moment

It is a tough situation. Everything else about the relationship was perfect and he was a really great guy, everyone loved him...except for those comments, and the ridiculous fights, the crying, the confusion... It was tough to have discussions about problems or serious issues that didn't become completely convoluted and ended up miles away from the original topic. I know some relationships take work...but not this huge amount of work, not before the wedding, and not in such a way that I'm wondering how to "fix" myself, and always on edge to avoid flare-ups.

But when everything else is so good, when he treats you wonderfully the rest of the time, it makes for a very confusing situation and one that I can now easily see how people can get caught in.

 

[geckodani]

Date: 10/29/2009 4:14:04 PM
Author: Porridge
Thanks geckodani, you pretty much hit the nail on the head. I''m glad I got out now too, I''m feeling pretty invincible at the moment

Porridge, superwoman extrodinaire.

 

[dragonfly411]

Porridge - I''m so glad to see you doing well

 

[lilyfoot]

Date: 10/29/2009 2:03:38 PM
Author: Porridge
Thank you D&T. I think I will do a little something nice for myself this weekend. I''ve never booked a massage or treatment for myself ''just because'', but I think I might this weekend.

I got a job yesterday! It is an admin job, and just until Christmas, so it is a perfect time frame for me to get my registration sorted, get some money, a routine, and a chance to figure out what I want to do and where I want to go.

I''m feeling better in myself than I have felt in a long time. I just feel more like ''me'', and I''m can feel my confidence and self esteem returning. But sometimes I slip back into a thought cycle of ''what if it''s me? what if I never get along with any guy? what if nobody is ever good enough??''. Then I remember that I have lots of fabulous friends, that I have had healthy relationships before, and that I''m thinking that way because that is what ex-FI told me (amongst many things) and that it''s just not true. I deserve good things, and it will all happen in good time.

I had this same situation happen with my ex-BF. He basically told me nobody else would ever want to be with me (emotionally abusive much?!). In some crazy moments after our break-up (which I initiated), I actually found myself believing his words, almost in a subconscious manner.

But, it wasn''t true then and it''s not true now, for me. I am in a much much much better relationship now, with someone who would never put me down for anything.

That time right after a break up is so precious, spending time with yourself, doing new things, (for me) setting new dealbreakers for future relationships. It sounds like you''re already "enjoying" it, so that''s good. Congratulations on the new job!

 

[Porridge]

Date: 10/30/2009 9:19:07 AM
Author: geckodani

Porridge, superwoman extrodinaire.

Hahahahaha! Bit of a mouthful, but nevertheless I think this nickname might be a keeper!

Thanks dragonfly

lilyfoot - It''s great to hear about the wonderful things I have to look forward too! Thanks for sharing.

 

[miraclesrule]

Porridge,

You are an amazing courageous and ambitious worldly woman. The guts it takes to break off an engagement months before the wedding is testimony to that fact. You may have moments of "what if''s", but those are usually due to remaining feelings of guilt. Cancel the thought and know that you are LOVABLE!! We all are....mostly...maybe...not always... Hahahaha.

Best wishes on your wide open future and living your dreams!!

 

[Porridge]

That''s so nice of you to say Miraclesrule, thank you! I''m working on being as lovable as possible