I broke up with my FI

[Tuckins1]

So sorry to hear about your ordeal, but at least you guys figured it out BEFORE you got married! I hope you are able to get through this well... Stay strong!

 

[Italiahaircolor]

It certainly sounds like your head is on straight...and I wish you lots of luck in the exciting new chapter you''re about to embark upon!

((PS hugs galore!)

 

[DiamanteBlu]

Porridge -

{{{{{HUGS}}}}}

That must have been a very difficult decision but it sounds like it was the right one. Better to break it off before getting married than getting married and discovering that you should not have.

{{{{{HUGS}}}}} again!

 

[JSM]

*hugs to you*

Good for you for doing the right thing for yourself! That''s very admirable.

 

[yssie]

Date: 10/21/2009 12:40:13 PM
Author: kenny
Congratulations.
It sounds strange to congratulate a break up, until you've seen many of your friend get into or remain in marriages that did more harm than good.

Ending relationships takes a certain strength and self respect.
Good for you!

And more:

::HUGS!!::

I'm so glad that your family and friends are being supportive. You had a difficult decision, but you sound like you made the choice that's healthiest for you, and I admire that. Trite as it may sound you WILL meet the right person, now that you're allowing yourself, and in the meantime - ice cream, girl!

 

[Indylady]

Porridge, lots of hugs and dust for you!!

 

[Scorpioanne]

Date: 10/21/2009 6:28:18 AM
Author: merrymunky
Porridge,

It can''t have been an easy decision for you to make. But if you knew that things weren''t right then you made the correct decision. Obviously I don''t know the ins and outs of your relationship but I see you round the forum all the time, so you deserved a little message of support from me.

I too left a relationship that I always knew wasn''t right. I was only 21 when I left the guy, still very young, but the relationship had such a lasting effect on my personality, which I still feel knock on effects from today, at 29 years old. But there is light at the end of every dark tunnel. I am now happily married to a wonderful man. I know you will eventually find yourself in the relationship you deserve to have.

But until then, enjoy the freedom!

*HUGS*

I have to say that I too have had a similar experience and have thanked my lucky stars many times that I was brave enough to make that decision. It is tough and people don''t always understand but what''s more important is that it was best for you and you can see that. Take care of yourself and get support wherever you can!

 

[Dreamer_D]

Ditto the others who have given you a pat on the back for being courageous enough to know this wasn't the man for you to marry *before* you got married. Take care of yourself and be kind to yourself as your experience the roller coaster of emotions that accompany any breakup of a serious relationship.

I just found out that one of my (not that close) friends is diverced now after only one year of marriage. Surely the issues existed before? I wish she had shown your strength.

 

[HopeDream]

Hi Porridge!

Hugs!!!

Fall is sure a time for transitions - a few of the Ladies over at LIW are ending relationships too.

Come over and we can all have icecream together.

You are brave to make such a difficult decision, but ultimately it is a kindness to both yourself and your ex.

I wish you many happy adventures soon.

 

[Delster]

Porridge in one sense I''m sorry to hear this and that''s because I can only imagine you must have really been through the wars and it sounds like you fought sooo hard to make things work out. But on the other hand I admire you for having the guts to make the hard decision because not everyone would have the strength to do that. It sounds like it was absolutely the right decision and you should feel very strong and be very proud. Take care of yourself OK?

 

[Porridge]

Thank you all SO MUCH for your overwhelming support and well wishes. I always knew this was an amazing forum but I am still constantly surprised by how really wonderful everyone is. I knew there would be a wealth of experience and good advice here, and reading all your lovely replies has helped immensely.

I spent yesterday canceling all the wedding arrangements (2 months out!). It was surprisingly easy, the vendors were all very nice about it. We have lost out on money but of course it''s pittance compared to what the full wedding, not to mention an almost certain divorce, would have cost. I also have wedding insurance, but, surprise surprise, it''s pretty sticky on what it will give you back.

I do still have the ring. I offered to give it back but he didn''t want to take it at the time. However I do not want it and I don''t feel right keeping it, so I will send it back with a nice note when the dust settles.

Making plans for the future - well luckily I''m in a really great position for that. I just graduated, and was about to emigrate to be with FI. I did physiotherapy (physical therapy in US) and there is quite a high demand for us at the moment in a number of countries. I''m heading for my mid 20''s so many of my friends are single and are either traveling already or want to work abroad for a while. So we''re having great fun planning where to go and what to do. I''m currently applying for membership of a few physiotherapy societies and boards around the world so that I can be eligible to work in those places if I choose. I will take my time with this decision though, I don''t want to jump into anything just yet.

Friends and family continue to be very supportive - I''m even getting cards from a few people! My friends took me away to Edinburgh for the weekend for some escapism, it was brilliant. We spent last night watching Dirty Dancing and pigging out, and there''s a big girly dinner planned for tonight. It''s been great!

It''s just over a week and a half since the break-up though. I feel relieved still, I suppose I have known in my gut for a while that it was wrong and maybe that is why it is a little easier now. I am aware that in a few weeks or so it might hit me like a ton of bricks. But I hope not. I know my wonderful support system will be there to help with that too if it happens.

Thanks again everyone

 

[vintagelover229]

*HUGS* I''m so glad to hear you made the decision to follow your heart and go though with a very difficult decision. I wish I had had the same courage that you did, I unfortunately didn''t follow my gut and ended up married and less than a yr later divorced (which it was very very difficult to leave AFTER your married, and you hurt a LOT more people in the process). You can always come to PS for love and support! We are here for you!

 

[luv2sparkle]

Porridge, I am so glad you are doing well and have a lot of support. Sounds like you did the best thing for you. I am so glad you listened to your instincts even though it was the hard choice. I''m sure
you will have great things in your future. You''ve got a great career lined up and time to sit back and decide what you want to do. Best wishes and lots of (((((hugs))))).

 

[ckrickett]

it's a hard decision to make, and you are one tough cookie and this will definitely be better for you!
we are all here for you /hugs

 

[Cehrabehra]

(((((((hugs)))))))

 

[Cehrabehra]

I loved edinburgh! We stayed in a great place there - what a wonderful place to recharge!

 

[Porridge]

Redrose, of course I'm not happy to hear you went through such an experience, but it is nice to get some reassurance that my timing is better now than later.

Thanks again for all the support guys. I'm feeling better by the day.

PS Monarch, if you're reading this, thank you so much for posting the link to that website last year. I hope you are keeping well.

 

[iwannaprettyone]

Been there, boy that was a tough conversation. After the fact I can remember taking a hot bath at my parents house (dark blue tub- random) and just sobbing...happiness, sadness, embarrasment, relief...

By far THE BEST decision I had made at that point. I loved him, but it wasn''t the right course for me. Within a month I moved off fawww fawww away for college and had a blast! After graduation, I met the love of my life...happily co-existing for 6 years, married for one.

Congrats and goodluck to ya!

 

[princesss]

*hugs*

I''m so...it sounds weird to say excited, but I''m so excited for you. You''re a smart lady, and strong. The world is wide open for you, and it sounds like you''re really embracing it. I think it''s easier now because you''ve already been processing the feelings that most people go through post-break-up. Hopefully it will only continue to get easier as time goes on.

Best of luck to you, honey. You''ve got our support, and we''re always here for the hard days (but I hope there aren''t too many).

 

[Tacori E-ring]

Good luck! I am unfamiliar with your situation but it sounds like this was the best decision for you. I wish you the best of luck.

 

[monarch64]

Hugs, Porridge! It took a lot of strength and tenacity to do what you did, and I can tell that it was the best decision for you. Change is always hard, but it is necessary and most of the time it is healthy. Best of luck to you, and have fun and ENJOY being single again!!!

 

[jcarlylew]

*HUGE HUGS* and like princess said, i am excited for you too!

 

[MagsyMay]

{{HUGS}} Good for you for having the strength to recognize something wasn''t right and to actually DO something about it. I know it is much easier said than done. I wish you nothing but the best for your future.

 

[Porridge]

Date: 10/23/2009 3:24:22 PM
Author: iwannaprettyone
Been there, boy that was a tough conversation. After the fact I can remember taking a hot bath at my parents house (dark blue tub- random) and just sobbing...happiness, sadness, embarrasment, relief...


By far THE BEST decision I had made at that point. I loved him, but it wasn''t the right course for me. Within a month I moved off fawww fawww away for college and had a blast! After graduation, I met the love of my life...happily co-existing for 6 years, married for one.


Congrats and goodluck to ya!

Thanks for sharing that IWPO! It''s nice to hear there''s life after a broken engagement

as it stands I can''t really imagine meeting anyone else, after sharing my life with someone. But of course that will all come with time, and I hope the same for ex-FI. Meanwhile, I''m a man-free, me-me-me zone!

Thanks for the words of support everyone. I''m doing better and better every day. princesss and jcarlylew - I''m excited too!

Monarch thanks again. It was hard, but definitely the better option.

Thank you MagsyMay, I''m feeling pretty proud of myself if I''m honest!

 

[allycat0303]

Porridge,

I just saw this. First off, I''m really glad that you are feeling very strong and positive about all of this. I know that it must be very difficult. The good thing is that you really feel relieved, so I know that you are doing the right thing. My sister is in her late 20''s and single once again. It has it''s ups and down''s but for the most part, she is much happier then she ever was in the relationship. I am confident that will feel the same way too.

I''m glad you were able to make the right decision for yourself, and that you were able to avoid making a mistake.

We are always here for you if you need it.

Ally

 

[purrfectpear]

Gotta follow your instincts. Too many people are miserable because they didn''t want to face the reality. Best of luck enjoying your singlehood

 

[Porridge]

Thank you Ally and purrfectpear. I've always really enjoyed being single. Don't get me wrong - relationships are fantastic when you're with the right person. But I love the freedom and possibilities of being single, especially at this age. I'm having so much fun now planning which part of the world I want to go to work in, whether I want to go back to school next year, last minute nights out with the girls etc etc! I'm also looking forward to growing up on my own, getting comfortable and secure in who I am, getting my career established, buying my own place in a few years... All heartache aside, these are exciting times

 

[vintagelover229]

Date: 10/26/2009 4:09:37 PM
Author: Porridge
Thank you Ally and purrfectpear. I''ve always really enjoyed being single. Don''t get me wrong - relationships are fantastic when you''re with the right person. But I love the freedom and possibilities of being single, especially at this age. I''m having so much fun now planning which part of the world I want to go to work in, whether I want to go back to school next year, last minute nights out with the girls etc etc! I''m also looking forward to growing up on my own, getting comfortable and secure in who I am, getting my career established, buying my own place in a few years... All heartache aside, these are exciting times

I feel the same way you do! Its scary and exciting at the same time! HUGS to you and I''m so happy to hear that your excited about your future! Stop by houston sometime! We can go hunting for men LOL JP!

 

[katamari]

I am so incredibly impressed with how you are handling this, Porridge. Stay strong and continue having fun in your new, happier life.

 

[packrat]

Good for you Porridge, sounds like it was the right decision to make, and I''m glad you did it now rather than ending up miserable and married! Hugs to you!