How would you feel?

[rhbgirl24]

OK... so this is driving me nuts and I need everyone''s opinion. Help me!!! A little background before I complain....

I am a bridesmaid in my cousins wedding. I agreed even though I''m eyeball deep in planning my own thats in Oct. We have all worked our butts off helping pull together a pink and purple wine themed wedding - for example I strung crystals for 7 hours for the centerpieces. She enters one of those makeover TV wedding shows, Im not allowed to say which one, where 3 weeks before the wedding, they take everything you did and throw it away. Replace it with whatever they think is better. The whole family is now on anti-anxiety medication to deal with the stress of it because the bride wanted bigger and better. Think ULTIMATE bridezilla.

Ok, so here''s the b*tching - we already bought bridesmaids dresses... an ugly purple one, spent 200 on it. Now for the show we all have to go to NYC, on our own expense to get fitting into the dress they decided to replace it with. I walk into the studio to go to the seamstress.... and there are the dresses. They are no longer pink nor purple but red..........................................

Here''s the catch - THEY ARE MY BRIDESMAIDS DRESSES. My EXACT color red, the same cut as my girls, just a different designer. After all the stress of all this, all the extra time and money we have to put into (believe me, w/o going into it there are so many inconveniences related to this show its ridiculous) they are now impinging on my wedding too. I went through the whole fitting with tears streaming down my face.

How would you feel if your cousins wedding now stole your colors and your bridesmaids dresses? Am I overreacting? Help! I feel sooooo hurt here, really hurt.

 

[galvana]

ughhhhhhhhhhh, this stins! really really bad!
Could you have said something when you saw the dresses? their funds are unlimited so maybe they could have picked something else.
ughhh - im sorry you are going through this.
Have you already had your girls order your dreses?

 

[Rock Your Socks]

oh RGBGIRL24 let me be the first to say i''m so sorry this has happened to you. No you are not overreacting. Nothing is worse than feeling like your thunder and glory of your unique special day is taken out from under you and this is no exception but what i will say although i realise it was probably give you no relief or comfort, is that your wedding will surely be better than hers bcoz honestly how tacky of her in the first place to have picked such fugly purple dresses and then have allowed complete strangers determine how her wedding will go...TACKY! At least you had the foresight and good taste to pick those colours without the help of some, what is probably a lot of educated showbiz people. You almost should feel flattered that YOU all on your own picked such awesome dresses. Just keep thinking my wedding is going to be better coz i thought of it and did it myself....honestly....you know what they say about hollywood weddings anyways dont you....?

 

[rhbgirl24]

Thank you guys....

Yes, my girls dresses are already ordered and in. I let my girls pick their dresses so that they would be happy and proud to wear them.
My fiance said the same thing - she already had her parents paying for her wedding to begin with, she wasn''t paying a cent, on probably a $20,000 wedding, then she enters this and gets rid of everything they''ve done. We are busting our butts to pay for a $25k wedding - BY OURSELVES. And he also made the point that we had the taste to pick what some hollywood wedding planner would pick w/o anyone''s help! lol

I did say something when trying on the dress, I couldn''t keep my mouth shut. I was bawling all over the dress. But there were only interns there, so who know who it will get back to. The bride doesn''t know, she isn''t supposed to. I dont even think she will be happy with red, but it was her decision to do this to everyone in the first place so I''m not sympathetic. Eww... I do sound kinda bitchy.

All her accessories - the ring bearer pillow, the flower girls dress is either pink or purple. The guys vests are purple. So we will see how this goes..................

I am just heart broken though. But everyone is so focused on the Princess bride that I''m just in the background here.

Thank you guys for your opinions. Im just not sure if this is something I can get over. My fiance and I have been together 12 years, have been planning this wedding for a year, plus have had this color scheme picked out for at least 5 years!

I just feel raw...........................

 

[meresal]

I'm just going to start off by saying, this is the exact reason I hate that show. It is a huge slap in the face to anyone that has cointributed ANY time to the wedding planning at all. I am so sorry that you are hainvg to deal with this.

I would be beyond upset. I can't believe they required you to pay your own way out to NY for fittings.

 

[rhbgirl24]

They required us to pay the train, then catch a cab to the studio. A couple of times for some of the bridesmaids. No compensation, no food when we are there for hours on end. Nothing. We even have to get our own shoes and undergarments that will now work for the new dress when we already bought those items for the first dress.

You''re right, I am beyond upset and hurt here.

Thanks guys, makes me feel a bit better complaining to sympathetic ears. You guys are the best.

 

[purrfectpear]

You have a right to be upset that your work for your cousin is starting all over, and also that you incurred additional expense traveling to NY.

However, your cousin''s wedding is imminent if you say it''s about 3 weeks out or so. Your wedding is in October. You don''t own the color red, so yes, you are being a total bridezilla to stand around crying because your cousin is having red BM dresses.

Weddings aren''t a competition, and you get a day (not a month or a year).

 

[rhbgirl24]

Date: 3/16/2009 9:37:47 AM
Author: meresal
I''m just going to start off by saying, this is the exact reason I hate that show. It is a huge slap in the face to anyone that has cointributed ANY time to the wedding planning at all. I am so sorry that you are hainvg to deal with this.

I would be beyond upset. I can''t believe they required you to pay your own way out to NY for fittings.

ETA: Does your cousin know what your dresses are? I know that they do let them see the three that they are going to pick from, and if your cousin knows the dress your using, and didn''t say anything at that point, then I would be very upset.

Yes, she has seen my girls dresses, probably took no note though, to be completely honest. Yes, she did she the dresses that they were choosing from for her wedding. And she did see that a red was in the choices, even though it isn''t the exact red that they picked (that happened to be MY red.) I know she KNOWS my color is red. No she didn''t say anything...... I would have stopped that option right then and there, but thats just me. I''m not upset about the similarity of the dresses, thats common, I''m upset by the exact color. I even had a swatch with me and we compared it. SAME one. She is in her own little bubble, everything is about her (this show has made her ego HUGE) and probably wouldn''t care anyway, if she did realize. The only reason it would possibly bother her is because she wouldn''t be unique.

Fun, right?

 

[meresal]

Date: 3/16/2009 9:49:51 AM
Author: rhbgirl24

Yes, she has seen my girls dresses, probably took no note though, to be completely honest. Yes, she did she the dresses that they were choosing from for her wedding. And she did see that a red was in the choices, even though it isn''t the exact red that they picked (that happened to be MY red.) I know she KNOWS my color is red. No she didn''t say anything...... I would have stopped that option right then and there, but thats just me. I''m not upset about the similarity of the dresses, thats common, I''m upset by the exact color. I even had a swatch with me and we compared it. SAME one. She is in her own little bubble, everything is about her (this show has made her ego HUGE) and probably wouldn''t care anyway, if she did realize. The only reason it would possibly bother her is because she wouldn''t be unique.

Fun, right?

She doesn''t remember, then it''s not really fair to be mad at her.

I think being irritated about all the extra costs is fine, I would be upset if someone had a complete disregard of my financial ability when applying for something like this... but this is a color, and Red is a PRIMARY color. That show likes to do bold colors and themes. The chances that the show was going to pick something like this was probably pretty high. Like PP said, you wedding is over 6 months away, everything will be alright.

 

[Deelight]

Something similar happened to a close friend of mine - minus the TV show she got engaged set a date her BFF already engaged after finding out her date decided to make a mad rush for the alter before her stole her colours, wore a remarkably similar dress amoungst other things (they were BM's in each others weddings and knew all the details) my friend ended up really upset and it still bugs her months later.

If it is really something that upsets you say something see what happens, if you can live with it and not be upset then go on and enjoy your wedding planning .


ETA: Wedding colours do not a wedding make, my friends wedding where her ideas were stolen was beautiful and one of my favourites, there is no reason why your wedding will not be amazing even with matching BM dresses .

 

[rhbgirl24]

Thanks guys. Its just strange that it is the exact same shade of red - and her colors were orginally pink and dark purple. Her were changed the week before the wedding and mine was picked out years ago. She did know our colors were red and black.

I''m not happy about any of this, but you are right, mine is sometime away and will be fairly different in every other aspect. Thanks everyone for listening. I appreciate it.

 

[House Cat]

I think it is very kind of you to participate in all of this circus hooplah for your cousin! You have really gone above an beyond what most people would do and you should feel good about that, especially if you''re dealing with a bridezilla...so, feel good about that and release the rest. I really don''t see how all of this upset is going to help you. If anything, it is going to taint her day and your day and you don''t want any of that, I''m sure.

Your day is still six months out. If you''re really worried about it, I''m sure there is still time to change the dress order for your girls. Every shop that I spoke to said that BM dresses took 16 weeks to order. So, if you''re really this upset, change the color red or change the color all together, that might be an easy thing to do with the BM dress order. If it can''t be done, hey, everyone will know that your cousin was part of some silly reality show, where she didn''t even choose her dresses and they will know that you DID choose your dresses! The other thing is that most of the people attending the wedding (especially six months later) won''t even notice the dresses are the same. People go to weddings to see the BRIDE!!!! So, if your cousin isn''t walking down the isle in YOUR DRESS...then rest assured!

I think though, to validate your feelings fully, I would be upset initially...but if I couldn''t make changes to my own BM''s dresses, then I would just have to let it all go.

You''re a wonderful cousin.

She''s lucky to have you!

 

[rhbgirl24]

Aww thank you, House Cat. I know I''m overreacting because we just found out about this, and that I will be fine, given a bit of time. And no, there is no way I would do anything to put a damper on her day. And she didn''t choose this, but she did choose the show. She wanted pink and purple, so I''m not even sure she will like red. We will see. She''s stuck now tho!

I can''t change the girls dresses, they already have them - we are just waiting to be altered. And my dress is an alfred angelo as well as theirs, and has color in it. So there is no way I can change any of that now. Plus I''ve had my dress picked out for 2 years... so I wouldn''t want to change it anyway.

But everything else with our weddings are polar opposite, so i dont believe people are going to know its the same anyway. Just her and I.

I do have to say, I would NEVER do one of these shows..... the whole family is so stressed out, no one is having any fun with this!

Thanks everyone for talking me down from being so upset. I know you guys could rationalize it all for me, when I was too upset to do so. Also, thank you everyone that could see why I was upset and understand.

 

[tlh]

Man, that just stinks. Just think though, even when colors are the same... the wedding will have a completely different feel to it. They always do. I don''t think anyone will notice that the BRIDESMAIDS dresses are the same either... except for you. I was in a wedding, where ALL the bridesmaids dresses were different, one was even a different color, and no one noticed the other girls dresses, but mine - as it had some tiny beadwork at the waist.... Honestly, people will just see red dresses... they won''t know they are the exact same shade and dress - in a wedding that was 7 months before. YOUR dress is different... and that is all guests notice.

So, take a deep breath, call her EVIL, and just write it off. These things happen, unfortunately. But, at least you won''t be the crazy bride on TV... you can do that in private! wink! I am just wanting to let you know, it will all be alright.

 

[rhbgirl24]

Thank you TLH! You''re absolutely right. I feel a bit better. Was just stressing for a min there. lol

 

[Italiahaircolor]

Wow, this show sounds pretty familiar...

Personally, I think you should tell your cousin just what your problems are. It''s unfair for her to want a "surprise" wedding at the expense of you (and everyone else).

If this is what she wants...fine...but she should be willing to reemburse you for the money spent and wasted. After all, she is no longer paying for her wedding, and now has ample funds to cover yours expenses. Clearly she has to know that, esspecially now, money is tight for many people and doing double duty on bridemaid "stuff" isn''t in anyone''s budget.

Yes, her wedding is 3 weeks away, and it''s getting closer by the minute...so don''t waste time...tell her what your feelings are, and let her know that''s it''s unfair.

 

[luvthemstrawberries]

Haha my initial thought would be to just drop out!

And after consideration, especially since red is popular, and your wedding is still half a year away - I'd live with it. I'm not trying to sound blunt, because honestly I'd be hurt too. But I do like you do - get pretty upset inside, then have to talk and rationalize myself down. I think like others have said, people won't notice that your dresses are the same style and color in another 6 months. And if they do notice, they'll also know that your cousins were only picked out by someone else at the very last minute, not that you copied her or something. Believe me, you'll have the upper hand.

I do, however, think that you should speak up about the inconveniences. First, the fact that you all spend so much time and money in the original design, now that's all flushed down the toilet. And I honestly don't think I'd stand to have some show tell me to pay my own way to NY and back, and more alterations... nuh huh. I'd have to at least make it known that I wasn't standing for any more taking advantage of me. If they fluttered at that, I'd tell them sorry I can't, guess I'll just have to drop out. And since you're obviously staying in the wedding, I'd at least speak my mind to her.

Sorry you're in this situation - I have a cousin who got engaged after me and flew by me with her plans and now is in the date season FI and I were originally shooting for - so now we're having to consider others. She seriously was planning things the day after the engagement - jumped in head first and passed me like she was the hare and I was the tortise or something!

 

[Sabine]

I definitely think you have a right to be upset, but I would be much more upset about all your hard work being for nothing and the extra expenses and what sounds like pretty rude treatment on the show''s part than the similar bm dresses. I agree with the other posters that your wedding is far enough away and doing to be different enough that you don''t need to worry about people thinking your dresses are similar. However, I would seriously expect this cousin to reimburse you for any supplies/accessories/things you bought if you have to buy new ones because she decided she wants to be on this show!

 

[lucyandroger]

I completely understand why you''re upset. I had no idea what an inconvenience these shows are. I think what everyone else said is right.

I just wanted to add that while no one is going to remember the bridesmaid dresses years from now, they ARE going to remember your cousin''s selfishness and the stress they were under before her wedding. Then, they''ll remember how gracious you were and how much they enjoyed your wedding!

 

[decodelighted]

Its funny that her EGO is so large because isn''t that the show that picks HIDEOUS weddings to re-do? Isn''t that the WHOLE POINT of the show ... So, basically what they''ve said by picking her is "you are SO TACKY we want America to make fun of you & your pink & purple plans so we can RESCUE you with our far superior taste".

As for them picking YOUR bridesmaid dresses & colors -- it just shows who has the REAL taste in the family.

From a distance you''re going to be feel flattered by this. And proud that you did your wedding yourself, with your fiance -- with no ego, no hoopla, no bridezilla behavior etc. Your family will remember that too.

The attention she''s getting ... its NEGATIVE attention. Even if it doesn''t seem so this instant. Secretly pity her.

j/k!!!

 

[FrekeChild]

Awww that sucks. What show IS this? I''ve never seen anything like it. I''m sorry that it''s the same color, but I''m thinking that people probably won''t notice because so many other details will be different.

I would probably have dropped out though because of the extra expenses.

 

[rhbgirl24]

Your right, she only thinks that bigger, more, pricier is better. She see whats she is doing to everyone (her mom is on meds b/c they are scared the extra stress may give her another heart attack!) and doesn't care, as long as she is getting free stuff.
ItaliaHairColor: I'm sure you know the show.

luvthemstrawberries:She will not even offer to help believe me, thats just her. I'm sorry about your cousin stealing your date. You go and find a BETTER one.

Its actually really strange for the rest of us, b/c NONE of our family is like that, we've never cared about just brand names and price tags.

LucyandRoger: Oh, and this show is such low budget (you would never know by watching it) they even cancelled our hair appts and aren't doing our hair for us, told us we were on our own to be camera ready..... nice.

Decodelighted: You are right, she had to even go out and make her wedding look even more tacky for filming. So its all a ruse anyway. She likes attention whether or not its negative. lol Weddings are supposed to be personal, this just gets you a cookie cutter hollywood budget wedding, w/ no bride and groom in it. The groom gets nothing here from the show either. And thanks, you made me laugh! I needed that.

Her wedding is actually this Fri, so nothing to do about it now, but she knows how much of an inconvenience it is, it just doesnt bother her.

After chatting with you guys I am really not worried about the color anymore. I think it was just the absolute LAST straw in dealing with all of this extra stress for this wedding. And I just broke.

Thanks everyone! I really appreciate all of it. You made me feel so much better!!!!

 

[Italiahaircolor]

Date: 3/16/2009 1:10:32 PM
Author: FrekeChild
Awww that sucks. What show IS this? I''ve never seen anything like it. I''m sorry that it''s the same color, but I''m thinking that people probably won''t notice because so many other details will be different.

I would probably have dropped out though because of the extra expenses.

Think...WE tv....who plans wedding takeovers?

 

[Octavia]

I''m glad you''re feeling better, rhbgirl! I would have been upset too, maybe not so much about the dresses but about your cousin''s sheer thoughtlessness and selfishness. Like Freke said, I probably would have bowed out, so you''re a better person than I am!

Just a thought on dresses, since it''s going to be October and the weather varies so much at that time of year, is there any way your bridesmaids can wear a wrap or bolero or something? It would help the dresses look different, and your girls might appreciate having something warm in case it gets a bit chilly. I don''t know what the dresses look like, so disregard if this isn''t possible...just thought I''d suggest it!

 

[princesss]

Freke, I''m pretty certain it''s the show on WE with the terrible commerials with the crazy orange Bmaid dresses, and the bride with a cake shaped like herself. Way OTT.

Oh, and the guy is way too primped and his last name sounds like Plutera.

 

[rhbgirl24]

Date: 3/16/2009 2:19:16 PM
Author: Octavia
I''m glad you''re feeling better, rhbgirl! I would have been upset too, maybe not so much about the dresses but about your cousin''s sheer thoughtlessness and selfishness. Like Freke said, I probably would have bowed out, so you''re a better person than I am!

Just a thought on dresses, since it''s going to be October and the weather varies so much at that time of year, is there any way your bridesmaids can wear a wrap or bolero or something? It would help the dresses look different, and your girls might appreciate having something warm in case it gets a bit chilly. I don''t know what the dresses look like, so disregard if this isn''t possible...just thought I''d suggest it!

You are right! The girls have a black band under their bust, and in their bridal gift bag there is a black pashmina that would do just that.



Hahahaha! You guys crack me up with the guessing of the show. You are HOT HOT HOT by the way. We are not supposed to mention anything negative about the show for a year! But I haven''t signed contracts yet. so......

 

[Smurfysmiles]

I''ll totally have to check it out, you said it doesn''t air til a year from now? I''ll make a post it on my desktop lol

I bet it will be fine and youll look gorgeous on both occasions

 

[rhbgirl24]

Date: 3/16/2009 3:13:53 PM
Author: Smurfysmiles
I''ll totally have to check it out, you said it doesn''t air til a year from now? I''ll make a post it on my desktop lol

I bet it will be fine and youll look gorgeous on both occasions

Airs in August. It will be called "A Wine Affair"

 

[Porridge]

Too funny...I think this could turn into a DB-like thread! Rhbgirl24, needless to say your wedding''s going to be awesome, and your cousins is going to be a circus. I would be so mad at all the thoughtlessness and inconveniences, but I gotta agree deco...this girl needs a little pitying

.

I just have to say there is no way I would hand my special day over so some bulldozers can make money from it! I would rather save for 5 years!

 

[katamari]

Date: 3/16/2009 10:36:19 AM
Author: rhbgirl24

But everything else with our weddings are polar opposite, so i dont believe people are going to know its the same anyway. Just her and I.


I do have to say, I would NEVER do one of these shows..... the whole family is so stressed out, no one is having any fun with this!


Thanks everyone for talking me down from being so upset. I know you guys could rationalize it all for me, when I was too upset to do so. Also, thank you everyone that could see why I was upset and understand.

Yes, you have every right to be mad. You have been placed in a ridiculous situation. And, you are out a lot of time and money due to her decisions.

I think in the end you will show her up by a million because this wedding is all spectacle and your family will appreciate yours so much more having to go through all the hoopla for her wedding. Plus, I also assume that the only thing people will remember about her wedding was that it was on television, so should be in the clear over the dresses.