how to throw a sister into the bridesmaids mix?

[pannini]

so i am having 4 bridesmaids, and my fiance will have 3-4 groomsmen, the hard part here is i want to add my little sister (who will be 18 by the time the wedding comes around), but can''t make any room for her as an official bm. what are some ways to make her a part of this group, but not have her be an official bm? i hate that i''m even having 4 right now, it feels like too much but i can''t cut out one after asking her to be one, and knowing they are all close, we are all such an established crew already.


so frustrating. the politics involved with this stuff is really annoying. i''m not even getting married till 2011 and it still bugs me.... i can''t not include my sister, because i love her and she so dearly daydreams of this day as much as i do. also my parents would be disapproving LOL.

 

[Haven]

Why, exactly, can''t you ask your sister to be a bridesmaid?

 

[cindygenit]

Hmm panini, there is no reason why you can''t have her as a BM.

I''m having an uneven bridal party too and no one seems to mind LOL

 

[OOHHSparkly]

I dont see why you couldnt ask her to be a BM. I have been in a few weddings where the BM and GM didnt match up and it was totally fine!

 

[swingirl]

Why can''t you have 5 BMs? You do not have to have an equal number of groomsmen.

If I had a sister she would have been my number one choice since our relationship will last for the rest of our lives. Most people don''t stay that connected with girlfriends.

 

[musey]

Date: 9/21/2009 2:02:50 AM
Author:pannini
i can't not include my sister, because i love her and she so dearly daydreams of this day as much as i do. also my parents would be disapproving LOL.

Well, that settles it. Ask her to be a BM. Simple solutions for simple problems

You will very likely regret, probably deeply so, not asking her to be a bridesmaid if you don't. Do yourself a favor and spare everyone the heartache and have her in the bridal party. No amount of symmetry is worth missing out on something like this.

 

[honey22]

Ditto the other ladies here. Why can''t you have another BM. It won''t work if you try and give her a BM-like role, she would be offended.

 

[Rock_of_Love]

Ditto again. Why can''t you "make room" for her? I''m confused...are you concerned that your sides will be uneven, so you can''t "make room"?

I''m sorry, but this kind of stuff just baffles me...what is all the hub bub about having "even" sides?? Why does that matter so much? I would NEVER hurt a friend or a sister just so my sides were even.

FYI - I am probably having 7 BMs, and my FI is probably having 3 (maybe 4) GMs. Talk about uneven!! Who cares! I''d have 10 if it worked out that way! I don''t want to exclude any of my best friends or sister. It is more important to me to have the special people in my life acknowledged and around me.

My advice? Of course "make room" for her!! Ask her and never look back!! She''s your sister!!

 

[vc10um]

Date: 9/21/2009 1:03:37 PM
Author: Rock_of_Love
Ditto again. Why can''t you ''make room'' for her? I''m confused...are you concerned that your sides will be uneven, so you can''t ''make room''?

I''m sorry, but this kind of stuff just baffles me...what is all the hub bub about having ''even'' sides?? Why does that matter so much? I would NEVER hurt a friend or a sister just so my sides were even.

FYI - I am probably having 7 BMs, and my FI is probably having 3 (maybe 4) GMs. Talk about uneven!! Who cares! I''d have 10 if it worked out that way! I don''t want to exclude any of my best friends or sister. It is more important to me to have the special people in my life acknowledged and around me.

My advice? Of course ''make room'' for her!! Ask her and never look back!! She''s your sister!!

+1. Well said, Rock of Love!

 

[junebug17]

Date: 9/21/2009 2:02:50 AM
Author:pannini
so i am having 4 bridesmaids, and my fiance will have 3-4 groomsmen, the hard part here is i want to add my little sister (who will be 18 by the time the wedding comes around), but can''t make any room for her as an official bm. what are some ways to make her a part of this group, but not have her be an official bm? i hate that i''m even having 4 right now, it feels like too much but i can''t cut out one after asking her to be one, and knowing they are all close, we are all such an established crew already.


so frustrating. the politics involved with this stuff is really annoying. i''m not even getting married till 2011 and it still bugs me.... i can''t not include my sister, because i love her and she so dearly daydreams of this day as much as i do. also my parents would be disapproving LOL.

I think you''ve just answered your own question!!! I''m with everyone else on this, make her a bridesmaid, it''s the right thing to do and I think you''ll regret it if you don''t! It doesn''t matter if the numbers are uneven, go for it.

 

[diamondseeker2006]

In my view, the sister comes first before the friends. I had my sister as MOH and my daughter will have her sister as MOH.

 

[TooPatient]

Make her a BM. Soon. Before she realizes she wasn''t at the top of your list.


My mother got re-married and left me out. Until I lost it -- I wasn''t included in the planning or anything. Then she asked me to be "flower girl". I was 18 at the time. 19 by the wedding.

She didn''t even have a BM at the time. Had someone in mind, but hadn''t asked yet.

My family told her (in front of me) what an insult that was to me and suggested that I (her daughter) be her BM. So I was. (of course by then I wasn''t thrilled to be involved at all)


My brother was an usher. Her husband (who lived with us for 10 years) had a friend as his GM and refused to include my brother. Of course it was an informal wedding and he didn''t have anything to do. He is hardly in any pictures. I think he just sat by himself or talked to some family.

 

[charbie]

Date: 9/21/2009 7:31:45 PM
Author: diamondseeker2006
In my view, the sister comes first before the friends. I had my sister as MOH and my daughter will have her sister as MOH.

+1. there was never even a question that my sisters were in the wedding. they are both my MOH''s (so i have two...big deal). FI''s younger brother (he''s 8 yrs younger actually) is his BM- and he never had considered anyone else for the role.

 

[pannini]

thanks everyone, you''re right. i am just into the low profile wedding, and my sister and i aren''t the best of friends, only cause we are half sisters and we have a 15 year age difference. i''m 30 she''s 15. by the time i''m married she''ll be 17/18. so it depends i guess on how close we are. of course i love her to death! but you don''t see me imposing my fiance to have my brother be a groomsman! =P

and i''m not trying to hurt her, if i knew it would hurt her, i''d get her to be a BM instantly. i just thought there was a way to make her unique from the bridesmaids and not have her be my MOH. my MOH and i are much closer than i am with my half sister. she knows me inside out and has been more of a sister to me, especially if she''s known me for longer than my sister''s age! lol.


question then, to follow up with this new lineup, is it more expensive to have more bridesmaids? what''s the deal with that?

 

[cindygenit]

Definitely more expensive pannini!

One extra BM dress and BM bouquet to pay for!! Eep! I have 2 BMs and 2 MOH... why oh why did I decide to have BMs too?? Should have just stuck with MOHs

 

[cocolaw]

you could ask her to do a reading

 

[cocolaw]

if you have her do a reading or something, what if you had her wear the same color as the bridesmaids but a different style dress.

 

[Rock_of_Love]

Date: 9/22/2009 3:33:51 AM
Author: pannini
thanks everyone, you''re right. i am just into the low profile wedding, and my sister and i aren''t the best of friends, only cause we are half sisters and we have a 15 year age difference. i''m 30 she''s 15. by the time i''m married she''ll be 17/18. so it depends i guess on how close we are. of course i love her to death! but you don''t see me imposing my fiance to have my brother be a groomsman! =P

and i''m not trying to hurt her, if i knew it would hurt her, i''d get her to be a BM instantly. i just thought there was a way to make her unique from the bridesmaids and not have her be my MOH. my MOH and i are much closer than i am with my half sister. she knows me inside out and has been more of a sister to me, especially if she''s known me for longer than my sister''s age! lol.


question then, to follow up with this new lineup, is it more expensive to have more bridesmaids? what''s the deal with that?

I think asking your FI to have your bro as a GM is another story all together. I wouldn''t think you would have to do that at all. I''m not asking my FI''s sister to be one of my BMs and my FI is not having my brother. I don''t think that is as much of a big deal as NOT asking your sister.

But, I hear ya...it sounds like things are a little different in your situation. Did you grow up with her? Like when she was born and you were fifteen, were you around? Even if you two aren''t that close, I would imagine there is some inherent closeness just from being family.

I also have a big age difference with my sister - 10 years. And, I am definitley closer to my friends than I am to her. In fact, she has been the least supportive of my relationship with my FI and they don''t really get along at all. So, I have some conflicts about that, but, I could NEVER leave her out of my bridal party. And, I pretty much have to make her MOH, or she would be crushed!

What I am doing, and I don''t know if this would help in your situation, but I am having several MOH''s. I really want to acknowledge my close, longtime friends...I have three...and I can''t not make my sister MOH. So, I am having 4 MOH''s and 3 BM''s. May sound a little crazy, but it is important to me to set these friends apart as having been really important in my life...AND include my sister.

Lastly, I guess it is slightly more expensive when you consider bouquets and bridal party gifts, but I''m not planning to buy everyone''s dresses and shoes, etc.

 

[pannini]

yes i think you guys are right, i''ll just ring her in. i think maybe i''ll cut it down to 1 MOH and 1 BM, my childhood friend and little sis, respectively. that way the "all or none" group of girls will be unified by maybe asking them to do a special reading or sing a song (they are musical) and wear matching dresses of some theme. lol sounds cheesey.

argh this is so political!



and the idea of having my sis wearing a distinctive dress in the same color as the BMs is an alternative as well.