How to respond to snide comments re. ring shopping?

[winternight]

Date: 12/8/2006 1:28:49 AM
Author: diamondfan
Winternight, any updates? I am hoping you are able to just deflect and change the topic if it comes up...so you can enjoy yourself during all of this!

Thanks! I have been just saying that I''m not sure what style I want so it will take awhile - which is absolutely true. I''m going to NYC next week for work and will have some time in the afternoon to myself, my best friend is coming up and we''re going to look at some stores up there. I haven''t heard back from Cartier and there are two rings there that I really want to try on - the saleslady called me Monday to say she''s checking with the NYC store, so I''ll just see the rings when I go up there. We did try some local stores, in one I could see carbon in one of the rings! Another was incredibly expensive, especially for their vintage pieces, but they claimed that vintage rings can fall apart and theirs don''t. I have no idea about that but don''t generally like scare tactics. I''ve been narrowing it down but I''m taking my time (it took me a long time to pick out the guy after all!)

 

[winternight]

Date: 12/9/2006 1:09:43 PM
Author: Cehrabehra

Date: 12/9/2006 12:49:19 PM
Author: diamondseeker2006
To the friends who bragged about spending $30,000 on the wedding and $4000 on the ring, if I had a choice to do that or the reverse, I choose the $30,000 ring and the $4000 wedding! Lol! The ring I''d see and enjoy the rest of my life, and the wedding lasts a few hours...now let me say that I''d want it to be special and memorable, but I have been to some that were that did not cost anywhere near $30,000.

yeah princess for a day or royalty for a lifetime... hmm...... hehehe

I LOVE that! Princess for a lifetime!

 

[diamondfan]

Maria, I have a new one now and it is good but it is acting up. I got the Sony with 12x zoom, over 7 megapixels, but it is not working so I am going to run to the camera store tomorrow so I can take it on our vacation and know it is working...

 

[diamondfan]

Winter, I think you are right, the guy is what matters...but people do expect to see a ring immediately when you say you are engaged. I just cannot deal with how rude people can be about asking things...there are certain things people think NOTHING of blurting out...and it is just obnoxious. I have learned that it is best to be more low key, and I try to get a sense of the person. Do they seem to want to share? If not, I leave well enough alone and just try to offer some helpful insights...not in a know it all or bossy way, but to be of help. But I also know that not everyone wants comments from all those around them, so I try to be sensitive. I think once you have the ring on your finger you will be thrilled to death, and then, when people comment, you can just say how perfect it is and how happy you are and if they ask more intimate stuff, just say, like Starryeyed said, "It was a gift" and let it drop. People who are really happy for you and are coming from the right place will compliment and be gracious. I am sure you will get something incredible and that will keep all the busybodies occupied for a while!

 

[dtnyc]

Date: 12/9/2006 7:14:18 PM
Author: winternight

Date: 12/8/2006 9:47:11 PM

Author: dtnyc

No offense to you, but I find it strange that you are speaking so openly about ring shopping before you are officially engaged. If you are sharing this much info now, it''s only going to get worse- they know that a ring is coming and will start asking soon when are you getting engaged and then once you are engaged and wearing the ring it''s going to even worse than that...

I am engaged. He asked, I answered. I told my co-workers because I was excited. I don''t discuss ring budget with them, they ask me where I''m looking and try to offer suggestions. The only reason the ring comes up is I say I don''t have one yet and I''m getting to pick it out.


I know some people might think I''m not officially engaged until I have a ring, but I don''t believe in that. The ring is just the icing on the cake IMO.

Sorry- I did not know that you were engaged.

I will tell you that there are plenty of people out there who are jealous, and others who wish to live vicariously. It can get v. difficult in the workplace when you are trying to be professional, but all people will do is ask you about your wedding plans.

 

[Cehrabehra]

Date: 12/10/2006 10:28:47 PM
Author: diamondfan
Maria, I have a new one now and it is good but it is acting up. I got the Sony with 12x zoom, over 7 megapixels, but it is not working so I am going to run to the camera store tomorrow so I can take it on our vacation and know it is working...

when you get it up and running, you simply MUST indulge us with a huge photo shoot!!! For those of us not wickedly jealous, we have to live vicariously <~ staying on topic

 

[diamondfan]

I am happy to, but my pictures of diamonds SUCK. I have taken pics of my Roberto Coin bracelets, my South Sea pearls, my new watch, my tanzanite, and posted them. They were all fine...the white diamonds look like yuck and no matter how hard I try I cannot get a good shot...

 

[colorkitty]

They''re not jealous. Why would they be? They have the income to buy their own Tiffany ring, should they chose. What it sounds like to me is that their motivation is half altruistic: they learned along the line that Tiffany prices are really high, and they think you must not know this if you''re going to shop there. Unfortunately, any time you mention you''re shopping at Tiffany''s, the person you''re talking to is going to think they are the first person ever to tell you about the mark up. It''s advice you''ll probably keep getting. And I think the other half of their motivation is that you''re not listening to their amazing advice, and used to be important in other areas of their lives, this might be frustrating for them.

I have first-hand experience with the engaged, no ring thing. My own mother wouldn''t accept that I was engaged until I had a ring.

Buy what makes you happy.

 

[Ellen]

Date: 1/4/2007 1:52:02 AM
Author: diamondfan
I am happy to, but my pictures of diamonds SUCK. I have taken pics of my Roberto Coin bracelets, my South Sea pearls, my new watch, my tanzanite, and posted them. They were all fine...the white diamonds look like yuck and no matter how hard I try I cannot get a good shot...

Have you tried taking some outside in natural light?

 

[aljdewey]

Date: 12/9/2006 7:14:18 PM
Author: winternight

Date: 12/8/2006 9:47:11 PM
Author: dtnyc
No offense to you, but I find it strange that you are speaking so openly about ring shopping before you are officially engaged. If you are sharing this much info now, it's only going to get worse- they know that a ring is coming and will start asking soon when are you getting engaged and then once you are engaged and wearing the ring it's going to even worse than that...

I am engaged. He asked, I answered. I told my co-workers because I was excited. I don't discuss ring budget with them, they ask me where I'm looking and try to offer suggestions. The only reason the ring comes up is I say I don't have one yet and I'm getting to pick it out.

I know some people might think I'm not officially engaged until I have a ring, but I don't believe in that. The ring is just the icing on the cake IMO.

I believe you are engaged when asked as well.....the ring is the icing, as you say.

That said, I can certainly understand sharing your joy at being engaged. OTOH, you are bringing commentary on yourself by being specific.

When asked where you're looking, you could easily reply "Oh, we're looking at a bunch of different places....trying to get a sense for what we like." There is no need to be specific....unless, of course, you're hoping/expecting them to be impressed by the Tiffany/Cartier name, and it's backfired.

Even if you aren't worried about impressing folks, as a smart woman, you must know that folks will feel entitled to make suggestions when you open a line of discussion. If YOU don't provide them with anything to comment on and stay vague, I'm pretty sure you'll get less of this.

I cannot imagine why there's a need to tell folks what your financial allocations are for the ring and the wedding, and again, here I feel that you could cut the commentary short by simply keeping such details to yourself with non-intimates (co-workers and the like).

More important than anything else.....why are you letting others' opinions get under your skin? You shouldn't need approval from outside sources for your choices. Again, the less info divulged on your part, the less of this you'll get in return. I'm sure you're skilled at forming a reply that's pretty innocuous and doesn't really divulge information....oftentimes, the line of work you're in requires it.

As long as you and your fiance are in agreement with the budget and the venues in which you are shopping, nothing else should really matter. People, of course, will always have opinions (and even sometimes share them unsolicited); you can't stop that entirely. You can minimize it by giving them nothing on which to comment.

At the end of the day, you really can't worry about what others think. You can't please everyone, so it's kinda pointless to worry about what others think. Do what makes you happy, and don't get caught up in worrying about what everyone else thinks of your choices.

 

[codex57]

Great posts by aldjewey and colorkitty.

 

[diamondfan]

Ellen, I will...maybe that is what I have been missing!

 

[Ellen]

Date: 1/4/2007 6:13:42 PM
Author: diamondfan
Ellen, I will...maybe that is what I have been missing!

Come on over to my picture posting thread in here and we''ll chat.

 

[diamondfan]

where is it?! (yes, I need a map...)

 

[Ellen]

LOL 2 threads down from this one

 

[mtrb]

Date: 1/4/2007 8:17:36 AM
Author: colorkitty
They''re not jealous. Why would they be? They have the income to buy their own Tiffany ring, should they chose. What it sounds like to me is that their motivation is half altruistic: they learned along the line that Tiffany prices are really high, and they think you must not know this if you''re going to shop there. Unfortunately, any time you mention you''re shopping at Tiffany''s, the person you''re talking to is going to think they are the first person ever to tell you about the mark up. It''s advice you''ll probably keep getting. And I think the other half of their motivation is that you''re not listening to their amazing advice, and used to be important in other areas of their lives, this might be frustrating for them.

I have first-hand experience with the engaged, no ring thing. My own mother wouldn''t accept that I was engaged until I had a ring.

Buy what makes you happy.

Color..funny I did not think this way but you have a point. If they are friends and of the same working class then they may just be sharing this info, because they assume winter is not a savvy consumer. It probably is not a jealousy issue at all. It is an issue of a purchase that her friends believe to be unwise, don''t agree with and want to "educate" their friend on.