How to deal with neighbor issue...

[steph72276]

Hey, guys. Need your advice. I live in a quiet neighborhood, but lately our doorbell has been ringing at night about once a week for the past few months. When we go to check, no one is there. I have suspected it was the boys across the street for a while, but didn''t want to say anything until I was 100% sure. Well, last night it happened again. About 5 mins. later, I turned off the porch light and just looked outside my front window. I saw the boys (2 boys approx. ages 7 & 9) go to the other neighbor, ring their doorbell and run back into their house. So now that I know who it is, what should I do about it? It really is becoming a problem because they do it after our 4 year old is in bed, then the dog goes crazy barking and wakes him up everytime. Also my DH travels quite a bit, so when they do this when he is away it keeps me up all night worried (when I wasn''t sure who it was). I want to go say something to the mother in a nice way, but hubby thinks I should just leave it alone so they don''t do anything worse. What would you guys do? Thanks!

 

[Tacori E-ring]

Have you ever spoken to the mother before? I would say something for sure. I would want to know if Tessa was sneaking out at night playing ding dong ditch. I would just be calm and sweet about. The boys *could* backlash but I would still risk it. Sorry Steph!

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Call their mom or talk to her in person. You shouldn''t be leaving that one alone. My kids are a bit younger than that and I''d be really upset if they were pulling pranks like that and also upset they were running around late at night. And speaking of which, why isn''t their mom paying attention to them enough to know they''re sneaking out?

Oh, and if the kids do backlash especially with anything serious, I would call the police.

 

[AmberGretchen]

I''d politely speak to the mom. Say something as though you assume she doesn''t know its happening (i.e. give her the benefit of the doubt). You are completely within your rights to be upset about this, especially if it is interfering with your little one''s sleep. If it only happened once in a while I''d be less inclined to say something, but since this is an ongoing problem, I think it is best to address it.

 

[steph72276]

Thanks for the advice girls. I have never talked to them...just waved here and there. I think I will try to catch the mom when the kids are back in school next week and politely tell her. I agree she should be watching her children outside in the dark at night. Hubby said we should install one of those sensor lights also and that might deter them from coming back to our house.

 

[Linda W]

Steph,

I would definitely tell their mother. Those boys are close to the ages of my grandsons, only mine are 7 and almost 9.

My daughter would definitely want to know and so would I. At that age, they think it is is funny and both of them are probably going "tee hee". Please have a talk with their mother.


Tacori: You crack me up: "ding dong ditch" ha ha ha ha ha

 

[steph72276]

Date: 1/3/2009 2:34:55 PM
Author: Linda W
Steph,


I would definitely tell their mother. Those boys are close to the ages of my grandsons, only mine are 7 and almost 9.


My daughter would definitely want to know and so would I. At that age, they think it is is funny and both of them are probably going 'tee hee'. Please have a talk with their mother.



Tacori: You crack me up: 'ding dong ditch' ha ha ha ha ha

Yeah, Linda. I know they just think it's a funny thing to do and I wouldn't say anything if it just happened a few times, but since it is an on-going kind of thing, I think I will let the mom know. Thanks for telling me you would want to know, that makes me feel better.

 

[Linda W]

Steph,


I can''t even begin to tell you some of the things that "my two rascals" are starting to do. My sister--in-law tells me horror stories of raising her 5 boys, now all adults. UGH!!!

I am sure if your neighbor knew, she would make the boys come over to apologize.


Linda

 

[steph72276]

I know Linda, I''m sure my little one will be up to things like that in a few years, but I would want to know about it too!

 

[Steel]

This was my first thought...Take the fun out of it.

So I would disconnect the ringer at night (either mains or battery supply). Put a large sign low-ish down on your door saying something like " I have disconnected my door-bell. I know who you are and have told your parents ". That should deal with the kids. Keep it disconnected for as long as you can cope - about a week or 10 days should do it, just put a note on the inside of your door so you remember to reconnect it in the morning. (If you have regular friends or family calling let them know to knock on the door/window or ring your cell.)

I would type up another note with your name address and phone number on it and say, Dear neighbour, I have noticed two children ringing my door-bell late at night (usually between x-xpm). I have no idea who is doing this and am certainly not accusing your children but I thought you would like to know.

But whatever you do, do not accuse her or even suggest it. People can get their backs up far too quickly these days.

 

[steph72276]

Very true. I might send a note typed up to their house and install the motion lights and see if that solves the problem.

 

[Steel]

Date: 1/3/2009 5:31:22 PM
Author: steph72276
Very true. I might send a note typed up to their house and install the motion lights and see if that solves the problem.

Do you remember being little? I would really disconnect and do the note on your front door. It will scare the pants off the kids. And even for some reason they are not scared, and do still press the bell, it will not ring. Where is the fun in that? (Kids thoughts: if you really know who they are and have told their parents they will get into BIG trouble! RUN AWAY!!!!)

 

[Tacori E-ring]

Steph, I like the idea of disconnecting the door bell and the note to the kids but I really would talk to their mom in person rather than sending a note. I think she will take it better seeing you are a real person than a random typed letter.

 

[Steel]

Date: 1/3/2009 6:48:48 PM
Author: Tacori E-ring
Steph, I like the idea of disconnecting the door bell and the note to the kids but I really would talk to their mom in person rather than sending a note. I think she will take it better seeing you are a real person than a random typed letter.

I am not a parent and will gladly stand corrected on this point. I felt that a note was less confrontational, as you have no real proof (like catching the blighters in a big child catching net!) and some parents I have dealt with were a bit...off. But again, I am not a Mom so I would probably go with Tacori on this one and talk to her.

 

[fisherofmengirly]

Especially if you know this person, and know she''s rational and won''t get all bent out of shape (because we all know mothers who think their child(ren) can do no wrong) on you, I''d talk to her. I mean, you have to get some sleep. Or, if you know there are other neighbors being disturbed at night, and you know one of them is better friends with the mother, maybe see if they follow up with her. Like, there is one neighbor who we''re not close to at all, and she''s kind of rude in her nature. I''d take it better hearing that my sons were acting silly at night from someone other than her.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

Steel, she saw the boys so that is proof enough IMHO. I just know I would want to be approached in person. Since she has never talked to her, now is a great time to introduce herself, welcome them to the neighborhood (if they are new) and then ease into the problems her kids are causing. I don''t even like confrontations but worry the note would be viewed as passive aggressive and cause more ill feelings (I would be really annoyed).

 

[steph72276]

I don''t really know the people...we have been in this house less than a year so I''m not close with many of our neighbors yet except for one. Hmmm, I''m going to think about it tonight as to what I should do. I just looked out and about 6 houses around us all have their porch lights on...I think they are doing it to all the houses around us.

 

[JerseyGrl81]

Maybe you can approach her by casually asking her if she is having the same ding dong ditch problem as you. Say that it has been happening to you and that you noticed that two boys ran from your house to hers after it happened one night. That should give her an idea that it might be her children without feeling that you are accusing her. As a teacher- I know that some parents think their child is perfect and can do no wrong!

 

[Sabine]

While I understand the fear that the mother might not take it the best way, I really feel that you should not have to be put out because her kids are misbehaving. You should not have to go out and buy/install sensor lights (unless you have another reason for wanting them), and you should not have to disconnect your doorbell.

I think the best way to approach this would be to go over and talk to the mom in person, be polite, honest, and brief, and say something like, I just wanted to let you know that I''ve seen your kids doing this, and I''d appreciate if you would talk to them.

At that point, if the problem is not taken care of or the mother gives you attitude in any way, you can try some of the other ideas.

 

[neatfreak]

I agree that a note is passive aggressive and would annoy me if I received one. BUT that being said, I would want to know if my boys were pissing off the neighbors and sneaking out! Since you saw them and know for sure it''s her kid, talk to her about it in a non-confrontational way. More like just letting her know her kid is sneaking out rather than saying "your son is annoying us and you aren''t watching him".

 

[steph72276]

Ok, I think I will talk to her face to face in a very sweet and polite way. I am just looking for an opportunity when I see her alone and I will approach her. Thanks guys!

 

[Po10472]

What a nightmare!

Have you spoken to your other neighbour who is having the same problem with the boys? If not, maybe an idea to talk to them first before doing anything to see what you both can do. If they know who is ringing their doorbell then you have another witness. I find that nowadays, many parents defend their children and deny it had anything to do with them and want proof so its best to go in with evidence. Geez - when I was young, if anyone had come to my parents saying I''d been naughty, well lets just say that they wouldn''t have needed evidence - times have changed sadly.
Also, a motion sensor light is a great idea in general and regardless of what happens, I''d get one installed for safety reasons, front and back, particualrly if your hubbie is away a lot. Have you also thought of a wee cctv camera at your doorway which you can link to your pc or tv or video? You''d be able to record this for evidence should you need it.

Just can''t believe that a 7 & 9 year old are allowed to roam about the streets at night.

 

[steph72276]

Hey, Po...yeah I think we are going to install the motion detectors anyway. Yeah I know, we are in a cul-de-sac and it''s happening about 8 pm so I guess they think they are just in the driveway playing...

 

[steph72276]

Hey, guys. Well thank you again for all of your advice. I thought we had the problem fixed with all the neighbors turning on their porch lights every night. Well, it stopped for about a week and a half and then they did it again last night! That was it, I am fed up with it now and I really wanted to go over there and tell the mother what her little kids were doing while she wasn't supervising them at night, but hubby talked me out of it and he doesn't want me to start some kind of feud with them. So, today I wrote out a very polite, but to the point letter telling her what is going on. I ended the letter saying that I hope she will speak to them about how this is disturbing the neighbors so we won't have to take further action. Anyway, we will see if this works at all, but something tells me they don't really care too much if they are letting their little ones roam the neighborhood after dark unsupervised. Thanks again!

 

[Steel]

Yikes..remind me never to have kids; they are a nightmare.

A note seems like a good idea. Did you think about putting a note on your door like I suggested?

 

[steph72276]

I thought about doing that, Steele but honestly I think these kids have really bad behavior and I''m not sure if the parents really care too much. They are out all the time at night and I just don''t want to take a chance of having them egg our house or do something to our car, ya know? We are also having a problem at the front entrance of our neighborhood where we have this really nice fountain and some kids keep putting bubbles in it every few days and someone has to clean it out. It is very irritating and I suspect these kids since their parents seem so clueless about their whereabouts.

 

[Steel]

Oh, I see.

I am sorry. I would feel so very frustrated.

I hope that she is reasonable and the note makes a difference.

 

[steph72276]

Me too. Thanks for the advice and thanks for letting me vent!

 

[AmberGretchen]

Steph - glad you were able to write a letter to this woman. I really hope it does the trick and opens her eyes about what a nuisance her kids are being!

 

[sba771]

Let us know what happens. We had a similar situation when I was growing up. There was this one boy/teen who was terrorizing the neighborhood and people tried to speak up, but it was met with lots of resistance on the part of his aunt (who he lived with). It turns out he was just a bad seed and I cannot tell you how often the police ended up being called and I think he is now in jail. It sounds silly but what those kids think are funny pranks really say a lot about their potential future behavior especially if the parents don''t seem to even care. I wish you luck- we finally got our peace after his like 10th arrest and he was shipped off to reform school (then jail)