How old is to old to have a baby ?

[Cind11]

I had my daughters at age 33 and 35. I would not have wanted to be any older than that because of the risk of Down's Syndrome going up as monarch said and the decreased fertitlity. Also, children are A LOT of work and I couldn't see myself much older than that running after toddlers. I think in my 20's I wouldn't have had the temperment to have kids. By the time I hit 30, I felt like a much more patient person. I also don't think being selfish really works with having kids. The two just don't go together.

My mom had me when she was 39 and I turned out OK (hehe) but I really think for me age 35 would have been the latest I'd want to do it.

 

[KimberlyH]

Date: 2/22/2007 3:56:05 PM
Author: monarch64

Date: 2/22/2007 3:44:58 PM
Author: merrijoy

Date: 2/22/2007 3:42:47 PM
Author: monarch64
Pardon me, I typed in the wrong name. I meant to type ''mrssoontobe...'' Sorry bout that!

No problem

. I just feel really bad for children brought into houses where they are not wanted. It makes me really sad.

I don''t think Mrs.SoontobeAlfonzo (aka MSSTBA, lol) hates kids and just doesn''t want them but feels compelled to have one anyway...in fact I think she''s actually being responsible by saying, look, I don''t want them now, but I think in the future I might, and my FI is willing to be a father because he knows it means a lot to me. She''s saying that essentially they would not make good parents due to their current lifestyle, but thinks things will settle down as they near age 40 or so, and wants to know the risks associated with being pregnant at that age.

There''s a thread over in hangout about flaming and why things get so heated on forums like this...you can''t hear tone of voice, you can''t see people''s expressions, etc.

I totally agree with the point that if you don''t really want children you don''t need to be a parent. Certainly not fair to the child.

MSSTBA: maybe you could explain more about your circumstances so people will understand where your feelings are coming from? Like, are you ever around children? Do many of your friends have kids yet? For myself and my DH, we are never around them! Therefore we feel like we always see the ''bad'' stuff about kids: being out at restaurants, weddings, etc. where there are children misbehaving (or just being kids, lol), screaming, all the annoying things. We don''t get to see the every day joys that I''m sure abound, you know? So maybe we just don''t know what we''re missing yet!

I can''t speak for merrijoy, but I will say this. I responded the way I did to her post because of the very cavalier way in which she stated that her future husband would "give her" a baby even though he didn''t want kids. There is a big difference between sitting on the fence and making a tough decision and thinking it through and talking about having kids then discussing it like one would like a girlfriend would mention having recieved an expensive gift from her husband, even though he wasn''t happy about spending the money.

I am working on my master''s in education and spend a ton of time around children (and have been my entire life due to the size and makeup of my family). It is very apperant to me, just through observation, which children come from caring, loving homes and which ones are burdens to their parent(s)/guardian(s). In the last month, two of my favorite students have been shipped off to other parts of the country to live with other family member because their parents can''t handle them/don''t want them around anymore. It is heartbreaking, and very evident in these children that they know they aren''t wanted. This is not to say that the OP would do this, but to demonstrate one of the many potential consequences children face when they are not wanted by one or both parents.

I too admire a woman who can admit her selfish fears regarding pregnancy. I would go so far as to say people who haven''t experienced those fears, even if only in a very small way, haven''t thought long enough and hard enough about whether or not they are ready to have children. I don''t admire people who convince themselves of things to satisfy their own needs, especially when they won''t be the one to pay the consequences if their assumptions, not based in fact, don''t come to fruition. The OP claimed her FH is a wonderful man. That''s great, but it sure doesn''t mean he''ll be a wonderful parent, especially if he doesn''t want kids! I know lots of amazing, intelligent, loving people who don''t have kids, because it isn''t for them. That is admirable.

 

[merrijoy]

Date: 2/22/2007 4:13:17 PM
Author: KimberlyH

Date: 2/22/2007 3:56:05 PM
Author: monarch64

Date: 2/22/2007 3:44:58 PM
Author: merrijoy

Date: 2/22/2007 3:42:47 PM
Author: monarch64
Pardon me, I typed in the wrong name. I meant to type ''mrssoontobe...'' Sorry bout that!

No problem

. I just feel really bad for children brought into houses where they are not wanted. It makes me really sad.

I don''t think Mrs.SoontobeAlfonzo (aka MSSTBA, lol) hates kids and just doesn''t want them but feels compelled to have one anyway...in fact I think she''s actually being responsible by saying, look, I don''t want them now, but I think in the future I might, and my FI is willing to be a father because he knows it means a lot to me. She''s saying that essentially they would not make good parents due to their current lifestyle, but thinks things will settle down as they near age 40 or so, and wants to know the risks associated with being pregnant at that age.

There''s a thread over in hangout about flaming and why things get so heated on forums like this...you can''t hear tone of voice, you can''t see people''s expressions, etc.

I totally agree with the point that if you don''t really want children you don''t need to be a parent. Certainly not fair to the child.

MSSTBA: maybe you could explain more about your circumstances so people will understand where your feelings are coming from? Like, are you ever around children? Do many of your friends have kids yet? For myself and my DH, we are never around them! Therefore we feel like we always see the ''bad'' stuff about kids: being out at restaurants, weddings, etc. where there are children misbehaving (or just being kids, lol), screaming, all the annoying things. We don''t get to see the every day joys that I''m sure abound, you know? So maybe we just don''t know what we''re missing yet!

I can''t speak for merrijoy, but I will say this. I responded the way I did to her post because of the very cavalier way in which she stated that her future husband would ''give her'' a baby even though he didn''t want kids. There is a big difference between sitting on the fence and making a tough decision and thinking it through and talking about having kids then discussing it like one would like a girlfriend would mention having recieved an expensive gift from her husband, even though he wasn''t happy about spending the money.

I am working on my master''s in education and spend a ton of time around children (and have been my entire life due to the size and makeup of my family). It is very apperant to me, just through observation, which children come from caring, loving homes and which ones are burdens to their parent(s)/guardian(s). In the last month, two of my favorite students have been shipped off to other parts of the country to live with other family member because their parents can''t handle them/don''t want them around anymore. It is heartbreaking, and very evident in these children that they know they aren''t wanted. This is not to say that the OP would do this, but to demonstrate one of the many potential consequences children face when they are not wanted by one or both parents.

I too admire a woman who can admit her selfish fears regarding pregnancy. I would go so far as to say people who haven''t experienced those fears, even if only in a very small way, haven''t thought long enough and hard enough about whether or not they are ready to have children. I don''t admire people who convince themselves of things to satisfy their own needs, especially when they won''t be the one to pay the consequences if their assumptions, not based in fact, don''t come to fruition. The OP claimed her FH is a wonderful man. That''s great, but it sure doesn''t mean he''ll be a wonderful parent, especially if he doesn''t want kids! I know lots of amazing, intelligent, loving people who don''t have kids, because it isn''t for them. That is admirable.

You can speak for me

. I agree with all you said and you are very eloquent.

 

[KimberlyH]

Date: 2/22/2007 4:20:57 PM
Author: merrijoy

Date: 2/22/2007 4:13:17 PM
Author: KimberlyH

Date: 2/22/2007 3:56:05 PM
Author: monarch64

Date: 2/22/2007 3:44:58 PM
Author: merrijoy

Date: 2/22/2007 3:42:47 PM
Author: monarch64
Pardon me, I typed in the wrong name. I meant to type ''mrssoontobe...'' Sorry bout that!

No problem

. I just feel really bad for children brought into houses where they are not wanted. It makes me really sad.

I don''t think Mrs.SoontobeAlfonzo (aka MSSTBA, lol) hates kids and just doesn''t want them but feels compelled to have one anyway...in fact I think she''s actually being responsible by saying, look, I don''t want them now, but I think in the future I might, and my FI is willing to be a father because he knows it means a lot to me. She''s saying that essentially they would not make good parents due to their current lifestyle, but thinks things will settle down as they near age 40 or so, and wants to know the risks associated with being pregnant at that age.

There''s a thread over in hangout about flaming and why things get so heated on forums like this...you can''t hear tone of voice, you can''t see people''s expressions, etc.

I totally agree with the point that if you don''t really want children you don''t need to be a parent. Certainly not fair to the child.

MSSTBA: maybe you could explain more about your circumstances so people will understand where your feelings are coming from? Like, are you ever around children? Do many of your friends have kids yet? For myself and my DH, we are never around them! Therefore we feel like we always see the ''bad'' stuff about kids: being out at restaurants, weddings, etc. where there are children misbehaving (or just being kids, lol), screaming, all the annoying things. We don''t get to see the every day joys that I''m sure abound, you know? So maybe we just don''t know what we''re missing yet!

I can''t speak for merrijoy, but I will say this. I responded the way I did to her post because of the very cavalier way in which she stated that her future husband would ''give her'' a baby even though he didn''t want kids. There is a big difference between sitting on the fence and making a tough decision and thinking it through and talking about having kids then discussing it like one would like a girlfriend would mention having recieved an expensive gift from her husband, even though he wasn''t happy about spending the money.

I am working on my master''s in education and spend a ton of time around children (and have been my entire life due to the size and makeup of my family). It is very apperant to me, just through observation, which children come from caring, loving homes and which ones are burdens to their parent(s)/guardian(s). In the last month, two of my favorite students have been shipped off to other parts of the country to live with other family member because their parents can''t handle them/don''t want them around anymore. It is heartbreaking, and very evident in these children that they know they aren''t wanted. This is not to say that the OP would do this, but to demonstrate one of the many potential consequences children face when they are not wanted by one or both parents.

I too admire a woman who can admit her selfish fears regarding pregnancy. I would go so far as to say people who haven''t experienced those fears, even if only in a very small way, haven''t thought long enough and hard enough about whether or not they are ready to have children. I don''t admire people who convince themselves of things to satisfy their own needs, especially when they won''t be the one to pay the consequences if their assumptions, not based in fact, don''t come to fruition. The OP claimed her FH is a wonderful man. That''s great, but it sure doesn''t mean he''ll be a wonderful parent, especially if he doesn''t want kids! I know lots of amazing, intelligent, loving people who don''t have kids, because it isn''t for them. That is admirable.

You can speak for me

. I agree with all you said and you are very eloquent.

Thanks merrijoy (eloquent even with typos that reult and spelling and grammatical errors!! now that''s a compliment!). I am usually pretty good about avoiding threads where the OP says something that just comes accross as so "DUH" to me, but when kids get involved I get all riled up!

 

[Miranda]

Date: 2/22/2007 10:30:47 AM
Author:Mrs.soontobealfonzo
My fiance, and I are living together and are going to get married in 2 years. We will be 27 and 28 by then. He doesnt want children but understand that when I am ready he will give me one. The problem is I dont want any soon either. I wish I could wait till im 40, but I dont know if thats risky. I dont want to regret not doing it when I was younger and even risk not even being able to conceive at that age. I''m so scared of have a child, I see what my girlfriend go thur and I freak out.

any advice ?

OK, I haven''t read all of the posts and i''m pretty sure it''s heated due to the 2 pages, but, are you sure you want to marry someone that doesn''t want or isn''t sure they want children if you really do?

I''ve had a friend (N) for 25 years. She has wanted to be a stay at home mom since we were kids. She dated and eventually married K who wasn''t sure that he wanted kids and he sure didn''t see the point of staying home with them when you could be earning money. This was unresolved before the wedding. Of course, 4 years later she became pregnant. He left N for a 21 year old when she was 5 mos. pregnant and on bedrest for pre-term labor. If he says he doesn''t want kids, BELIEVE HIM!!!!!!

when I am ready he will give me one - What is that????? Children really need both parents...A baby is not a gift from one parent to another...Nor is it a pet. You''d better give your situation a good deal of thought. There are enough children in this world that are not wanted by both of their parents and from your post it sounds like he really doesn''t want one, but, he''ll cave and do it if he has to.

 

[aussiegirl23]

Date: 2/22/2007 10:30:47 AM
Author:Mrs.soontobealfonzo
My fiance, and I are living together and are going to get married in 2 years. We will be 27 and 28 by then. He doesnt want children but understand that when I am ready he will give me one. The problem is I dont want any soon either. I wish I could wait till im 40, but I dont know if thats risky. I dont want to regret not doing it when I was younger and even risk not even being able to conceive at that age. I''m so scared of have a child, I see what my girlfriend go thur and I freak out.

any advice ?

Any advice?

To me this sounds like... a boyfriend saying they don''t want a cat or a dog... but their girlfriend has whined and complained and nagged him enough so he gives in and "gives" her one. This sounds like a TERRIBLE situation to have a baby. SCARY! Just my opinion.

Aussie

 

[Miranda]

I read through all of the posts now. Oh, Mrs. Soontobe.................Trying. Not. To. Flame....................

 

[NYCsparkle]

Children should be wanted from the start by both parents---he''s not doing you or him a favor by " giving you one" when you want one. a child isn''t something you "give" someone if they feel like having one....he should want to have one--not just have one to appease you. for that matter do you feel like having designer shoes or an insanely expensive bag in a few years....ok he''ll give em to you.

 

[Jewels]

To answer your question - 35. I say 35 because you don''t want to have them too late. Not just the risks involved but you have to think about other things down the road.

Say if you have a child at 40 or 45, when he/she becomes a teenager, those are the years where you can do a lot of adventures things with them, such as going on roller coaster rides. By then you will be around 60. I personally do not think I will have the guts to go on a roller coaster ride at that age.

On another note, I have always wanted to be a mother. I love my husband but if he had told me that he doesn''t want kids, I would not have married him. We have been together for 15 years now. I think what keeps us together is the fact that we share the same vision.

You need to have a heart to heart talk to your BF about this. Not wanting to sound harsh but a few of my friends have divorced over this particular issue.

A good friend of mine has never met her dad at all. He didn''t want kids, her mom got pregnant and he said to her that she could continue the pregnancy. On the day that she was born, her dad walked into the hospital and asked her mom to sign the divorce papers. Her mom was devastated.

 

[hlmr]

Date: 2/22/2007 3:18:24 PM
Author: Mrs.soontobealfonzo
Well Im 25 and plan to have my only child years from now, I just feel everyone one is really getting of the main topic and question. HOW OLD IS TO OLD TO HAVE A BABY? I really dont need advice about anything else. As you can tell im not overly excited to be a mom myself. thats what drew us together. We both shared the same views about wanting children very late. We are both every selfish and are never home. We have tons of friends and demanding jobs. I dont want to get fat and have tons of stretch marks and saggie breast. lol and he loves to travel 5 times a year. but Trust me we have discussed this subject, and just like you all know your husbands and fiances I know mine as well, and if it doesnt work out well that the chance I will have to take. Im sure every last one of you had to take a risk one in your life, but who know I may even change my mind and never want one either

Well MSTBA, I think that it is different for every woman. Physically, the earlier, the better for your body and your chances of conceiving quickly and without complications. If you are in shape, your body will bounce back much quicker if you are younger. Woman's bodies are at their best in late teens and early twenties for baby making. Woman's states of mind regarding being mother ready, especially in this day and age, are all over the board.

How you feel about wanting to have a child may or may not change as you mature, but every year you age makes it a little more difficult physiologically. You don't have to stay fat after you've been pregnant, but you might. You may or may not get stretch marks, but in all aspects of your life, you will have to be less selfish and put your baby first.

Not everyone is cut out for parenting and there is nothing wrong with deciding not to have a child. I found that before, and after I had my son, I couldn't have cared less about stretch marks or some extra weight. But then again, I really wanted a baby, so perhaps that is the difference.

 

[Fly Girl]

Never assume that the choice of having a baby is up to you. Nature might have other ideas. I first got pregnant at 29. Miscarried. Got pregnant again. Miscarried. Got pregnant again. Miscarried. They did lots of tests. Everything looked normal. Got pregnant again. Had a miserable pregnancy, got toxemia and nearly died, but thanks to a emergency midnight C-section at 32 weeks, we finally had a healthy son. I was 32. It took a long time to recover, and I''m glad I was as young as I was. Three years later I breezed through a wonderful pregnancy, and had my beautiful daughter at age 35. At 38 I looked at my husband and said, if you want any more, now is the time. We decided that our two were enough.

I guess what I''m saying is, don''t wait until the last minute to decide to have kids. It took us three tough years to have that first child, and we were well below age 35. Older than 35 and you are fighting decling fertility as well. Give yourselves time, just in case things do not go perfectly. And yes, you lose a lot of sleep raising young children, so I suggest not waiting past age 34 or 35.

 

[diamondfan]

Fertility issues can affect any age of woman, though typically it decreases quite drastically at 35 and continues to do so. I had two kids in my 20''s and one the month before I turned 36. I was scared the third time, a little knowledge is scary and I am a class A worrier.

By the way, Mrs. Soon to Be, stretch marks and saggy boobs are not a total given, if you are healthy and take care of yourself. Some of it is genetics, but not all. And I would bet there are a lot of "hot momma''s here on PS as there are in life, some of the women I see with three or four kids have wonderful figures and look awesome, for anyone, mom or not...

 

[Beacon]

Date: 2/22/2007 8:10:39 PM
Author: aussiegirl23

Date: 2/22/2007 10:30:47 AM
Author:Mrs.soontobealfonzo
My fiance, and I are living together and are going to get married in 2 years. We will be 27 and 28 by then. He doesnt want children but understand that when I am ready he will give me one. The problem is I dont want any soon either. I wish I could wait till im 40, but I dont know if thats risky. I dont want to regret not doing it when I was younger and even risk not even being able to conceive at that age. I''m so scared of have a child, I see what my girlfriend go thur and I freak out.

any advice ?

Any advice?

To me this sounds like... a boyfriend saying they don''t want a cat or a dog... but their girlfriend has whined and complained and nagged him enough so he gives in and ''gives'' her one. This sounds like a TERRIBLE situation to have a baby. SCARY! Just my opinion.

Aussie

This phrase may be different from how it sounds. I am not sure if the OP has English as a native first language. I have a number of friends from Eastern Europe and they use this phrase, just like we might say ''get pregnant''. Not sure if this applies here but maybe better to hold off on judgement.

 

[strmrdr]

There is no right age and no wrong age its the right time and circumstance or the wrong ones.

My mom was 39 and Dad 44 when I was born and 44 and 49 when my brother was born.

 

[Maisie]

Date: 2/22/2007 3:18:24 PM
Author: Mrs.soontobealfonzo
Well Im 25 and plan to have my only child years from now, I just feel everyone one is really getting of the main topic and question. HOW OLD IS TO OLD TO HAVE A BABY? I really dont need advice about anything else. As you can tell im not overly excited to be a mom myself. thats what drew us together. We both shared the same views about wanting children very late. We are both every selfish and are never home. We have tons of friends and demanding jobs. I dont want to get fat and have tons of stretch marks and saggie breast. lol and he loves to travel 5 times a year. but Trust me we have discussed this subject, and just like you all know your husbands and fiances I know mine as well, and if it doesnt work out well that the chance I will have to take. Im sure every last one of you had to take a risk one in your life, but who know I may even change my mind and never want one either

a) If you don''t want to get fat - don''t over-eat during pregnancy.

b) If you don''t want saggy breasts - wear a support bra.

c) If you don''t want stretch marks moisturise your skin and read ''a'' again.

I had my first child when I was 18. In my opinion that was way too young and I wasn''t mature enough to be a mother.

I had my last child at 33. This - for me - was an ideal age. I am laid back and calm. I never lose my temper with him, no matter how much he cries or throws tantrums.

I have saggy breasts and fat! I obviously don''t like it but its not the be all and end all of my life. I am a mother! Its the best thing in the whole world! You would probably find that your priorities will change if you ever have children.

BUT make sure its what you BOTH want before you go ahead with it.

The father of my first child was never interested in him. I changed every diaper, stayed up with him when he cried all night when he was getting his teeth, cleaned up endless amounts of vomit when he was unwell, took him to every doctors appointment, stayed in hospital with him when he was very ill, potty trained him (one of the worst bits!)........ the list is endless. I spent the first two years exhausted because my boyfriend didn''t help me. Is that something you could manage? I wouldn''t recommend it.

Be sure you both want this before you even consider it.

Maisie

 

[Miranda]

Date: 2/23/2007 2:19:01 AM
Author: Beacon

Date: 2/22/2007 8:10:39 PM
Author: aussiegirl23

Date: 2/22/2007 10:30:47 AM
Author:Mrs.soontobealfonzo
My fiance, and I are living together and are going to get married in 2 years. We will be 27 and 28 by then. He doesnt want children but understand that when I am ready he will give me one. The problem is I dont want any soon either. I wish I could wait till im 40, but I dont know if thats risky. I dont want to regret not doing it when I was younger and even risk not even being able to conceive at that age. I''m so scared of have a child, I see what my girlfriend go thur and I freak out.

any advice ?

Any advice?

To me this sounds like... a boyfriend saying they don''t want a cat or a dog... but their girlfriend has whined and complained and nagged him enough so he gives in and ''gives'' her one. This sounds like a TERRIBLE situation to have a baby. SCARY! Just my opinion.

Aussie

This phrase may be different from how it sounds. I am not sure if the OP has English as a native first language. I have a number of friends from Eastern Europe and they use this phrase, just like we might say ''get pregnant''. Not sure if this applies here but maybe better to hold off on judgement.

Oh Beacon...Let''s hold a good thought that this is all a misinterpretation.

Mrs. Soontobe - a saggy bosom is a small price to pay for giving another person life. And stretch marks, while genetics do come into play, mostly has to do with the amount of weight gained during pregnancy and your health prior to becoming pregnant.

 

[ladykemma]

Date: 2/22/2007 2:37:22 PM
Author: WTNLVR
Not to scare you, but I knew someone once whos hubby said the same thing. She got pregnant 5 yrs into the marraige. He said he was fine with it. Well, until she was 8 months pregnant and he realized what he was in for. He left her before she had the baby and refused to even see it after it was born. Now granted, he sounds like he is the scum of the earth, but you never know what the reality of a situation will make someone do. On the other hand, there is another couple where he said he would have them for her but they would be her responsibility. Of course, once they arrived, he was a fine father and involved dad. I guess it depends on if he really doesn''t want them or would just rather not right now. I think it''s something you should maybe see a counselor to discuss or your minister, etc... That may help to really figure out your mutual goals. Hubby and I did this and mutually decided not to have kids-ever. But it was a thought out process with pros and cons discussed, etc... Good luck.

yeah, i know someone this happened to, too.

i think if men don''t want to have children they should get a vasectomy. that way there are no misunderstandings.

 

[diamondfan]

Lady K, I agree, but most men freak out at the thought of tampering with the family jewels...

 

[monarch64]

Date: 2/23/2007 9:18:01 PM
Author: diamondfan
Lady K, I agree, but most men freak out at the thought of tampering with the family jewels...

So true!

I was just thinking about some friends of ours who already have two sons and thought they were finished--she has a difficult time getting pregnant, and he had already started planning for retirement/college funds, etc. accounting for 2 kids only. Surprise, surprise, they got pregnant again with a third son. The guy (who is my DH''s best friend) was over at our house one day shortly after they found out about the pregnancy and he was REALLY quite upset about it. He was going on about how it was completely screwing up his financial planning, and just making him miserable altogether. It sounded quite selfish at the time, but you know he loves their third son just as much as the other two...seeing them together you can really tell he is a great father who loves all of his sons. But he DID go right out after the last baby was born and get a vasectomy--they weren''t taking any more chances, lol.

 

[diamondfan]

Monnie, I have a really funny story. Friends of ours have four daughters and really wanted a son too. But they decided they were done, so he had a vasectomy. However, he neglected to heed the time frame for not having sex. You guessed it, she got pregnant, number 5, and they had their son! He is going to be SOOOO spoiled you cannot imagine...

 

[monarch64]

Ha! That is a great story DF!!! Isn''t it funny how life works out sometimes?!

 

[monarch64]

Oh and I wanted to add my $.02 on the age thing as it relates to my life to this thread as well: my parents wanted at least 6 children, that was their "dream" family. They even bought a 6,000 square foot, 5 BR, 3.5 bath home even after my mom had trouble getting pregnant with my brother (their first), then was told by 3 different dr.s not to even try getting pg again as it was very hard on her body. She had him when she was 31, and then had a miscarriage after she refused to believe the doctors...then at 33 she got pregnant again and had me, but it really wrecked her reproductive system and they stopped after me. They did keep that huge house, though, they''re still there after 28 years and now they kind of knock around in it since there are only the two of them. Also, DH''s parents were "older" parents...his dad was 39 and his mom 29 when they had him, with two girls 5 and 6 years before that--he was also an "accident," lol!

 

[KimberlyH]

Date: 2/23/2007 10:58:58 PM
Author: monarch64
Oh and I wanted to add my $.02 on the age thing as it relates to my life to this thread as well: my parents wanted at least 6 children, that was their ''dream'' family. They even bought a 6,000 square foot, 5 BR, 3.5 bath home even after my mom had trouble getting pregnant with my brother (their first), then was told by 3 different dr.s not to even try getting pg again as it was very hard on her body. She had him when she was 31, and then had a miscarriage after she refused to believe the doctors...then at 33 she got pregnant again and had me, but it really wrecked her reproductive system and they stopped after me. They did keep that huge house, though, they''re still there after 28 years and now they kind of knock around in it since there are only the two of them. Also, DH''s parents were ''older'' parents...his dad was 39 and his mom 29 when they had him, with two girls 5 and 6 years before that--he was also an ''accident,'' lol!

My DH''s parents never planned on having children, he had 2 children from a previous relationship. My MIL was 47 and my FIL was 51 when she gave birth to my husband. Talk about a shock! (this was in the late 60''s) I was talking to him about this thread and he said to me "if my mom had done what my dad wanted, I would have been aborted." It didn''t change my feelings about this thread, but it did tug at my heartstrings quite a bit. DH''s parents were totally unprepared for parenting and as a result did very little parenting. He was and is very lucky to have had some amazing people in his life who fulfilled the roles of mom and dad when his parents wouldn''t step up to the plate.

 

[Skippy123]

Here is a little technical info on when you are too old to have children based on scientific statistics

Egg quality and quantity are together known as the ovarian reserve and at any particular time, two women of the same age may have very different statistics in terms of this ovarian reserve. But, in general, it has been found that the pregnancy rate begins to decline when people reach their the early 30s while the percentage of infertile couples starts increasing as follows:


By age 30, 7%
By age 35, 11%
By age 40, 33%
And at age 45, 87% of couples are infertile

I think it has a lot to do with maturity too when it comes to actually caring for your kids Mrs.SoontobeAlfonzo; it kind of sounds like you all are not mature enough, not to sound mean. Hope the above helps!

 

[VRBeauty]

Date: 2/24/2007 11:43:33 AM
Author: Skippy123


Here is a little technical info on when you are too old to have children based on scientific statistics

Egg quality and quantity are together known as the ovarian reserve and at any particular time, two women of the same age may have very different statistics in terms of this ovarian reserve. But, in general, it has been found that the pregnancy rate begins to decline when people reach their the early 30s while the percentage of infertile couples starts increasing as follows:




By age 30, 7%
By age 35, 11%
By age 40, 33%
And at age 45, 87% of couples are infertile

I think it has a lot to do with maturity too when it comes to actually caring for your kids Mrs.SoontobeAlfonzo; it kind of sounds like you all are not mature enough, not to sound mean. Hope the above helps!

Bear in mind that those are averages, and as they say, your experiences may differ. Which is to say, you cannot rule out the possibility that you will be in that 7% or 11%. I have known women who have had children in their late 30s -- or later -- with no problem; I've known others who had to go the fertility clinic route to conceive in their thirties. Someone previously mentioned a woman who gave birth at age 65 (with the help of donated egg, BTW). The celebrities, friends, etc who give birth over age 40 tend to stand out in our minds. The ones who want to but can't are essentially hidden from view.

 

[MiniMouse]

How old is too old to have a baby?

A good friend of mine had her first baby at 43, she is now trying for baby number 2. She is in her element and loves being a parent.

 

[Maria D]

Date: 2/24/2007 11:43:33 AM
Author: Skippy123

Here is a little technical info on when you are too old to have children based on scientific statistics

Egg quality and quantity are together known as the ovarian reserve and at any particular time, two women of the same age may have very different statistics in terms of this ovarian reserve. But, in general, it has been found that the pregnancy rate begins to decline when people reach their the early 30s while the percentage of infertile couples starts increasing as follows:



By age 30, 7%
By age 35, 11%
By age 40, 33%
And at age 45, 87% of couples are infertile

I think it has a lot to do with maturity too when it comes to actually caring for your kids Mrs.SoontobeAlfonzo; it kind of sounds like you all are not mature enough, not to sound mean. Hope the above helps!

Thanks for the stats Skippy, it''s just what I needed to hear today! I have nothing to add to this conversation that hasn''t already been said. But I am over 8 days late for my period and am also a class A worrier about things like that.

So, if I''m 45 AND my husband has had a vasectomy, it''s virtually impossible for me to be pregnant right? (It''s probably menopause, LOL)

 

[firebirdgold]

Date: 2/24/2007 4:02:32 PM
Author: MINIMS
Bear in mind that those are averages, and as they say, your experiences may differ. Which is to say, you cannot rule out the possibility that you will be in that 7% or 11%. I have known women who have had children in their late 30s -- or later -- with no problem; I''ve known others who had to go the fertility clinic route to conceive in their thirties. Someone previously mentioned a women who gave birth at age 65 (with the help of donated egg, BTW). The celebrities, friends, etc who give birth over age 40 tend to stand out in our minds. The ones who want to but can''t are essentially hidden from view.

That''s very true. I have a friend who had her two children at 39 and 40 (amazingly brilliant children!), and another friend who had her kid at 40. But I also have a friend who spent her entire 30''s trying to get pregnant without success. OTOH, that friend and her husband adopted the most perfect little girl from China.

It worked out well in the end but those years were just misery for them.

 

[ephemery1]

Not sure if this was mentioned earlier, I may have overlooked it... but the likelihood of genetic abnormalities increases significantly with the mother's age. Here is a chart outling the risks of Down syndrome. Definitely something to be aware of if you are planning to wait until your 40s to conceive! Your chance of having twins also increases with maternal age.

Father's age does not appear to have as much of an impact, although there is some research being done to determine whether advanced paternal age may be linked to autism... so far, they have found some indications of this.

As for all the other stuff, I wondered whether English might be the OP's second language also... wording just seemed a little "off". Let's hope so!

 

[Ellen]

Date: 2/26/2007 9:19:43 AM
Author: ephemery1
Your chance of having twins also increases with maternal age.

Interesting, I never knew that!