How Much Pre-Engagement Wedding Planning?

[SoonIHope]

Some of us were talking in another thread yesterday about how much planning we have done so far even though we''re not yet engaged.

So I was just wondering about everyone else! Do you buy wedding magazines? Save clippings? Have a specific dress/bouquet/menu picked out?

As for me, I have decided not to buy any physical magazines or books or anything wedding related until I''m actually engaged. BUT I have an email folder of wedding stuff and I email myself pictures and links and ideas alllllll the time. Plus I know where we''re getting married, have a (tentative

) date picked out, an approximate guest list, and pretty clear flower/menu ideas...

How much planning have YOU done?

 

[AmberWaves]

Oh Albi, you know how much I love this topic...

As for us, pre-engagement: Date is set (3/25/07), site kinda set (we know it''s going to be on a boat, either queen mary or chartered yacht waaay cheaper than it sounds), Semi-set menu (I don''t drink or eat red meat), narrowing down dresses, colors are set (sage green, rose pink, and mariney-blue), and I have TONS of magazines (no books yet), and a very fat manilla fodler with lists of venues, songs, guests, menus and favors! Hair type, semi-set (up-do or half up/down). I am such a loser...

(I''m still looking)

 

[Erin]

I bought my dress last April.
Shortly after I bought my pearl necklace and matching earrings.
I started scoping for other things while I waited for the proposal.
That was last year - I''ve since stopped all together and I am now "concentrating on waiting"

 

[SoonIHope]

Hehehe, I was hoping you would reply Amber!!

Yeah, I have decided on my inspiration dress (wayyyy too expensive to buy though), and rough menu concepts (I''m vegetarian, trying to work out a nice meal that meat-eaters won''t be freaked out by - I''m thinking mainly Italian? Pastas, eggplant parmesan etc?) I also had my colors all set for a long time, but then I briefly flirted with the idea of getting married next September instead of June 2007 and then I thought the orange in my color scheme would make it too "fall"-y which I didn''t really want so I came up with a new one. But my boyfriend is very opposed to a September wedding (end of summer, dying leaves, death, depression...and he likes fall! But he just thinks spring is so much better for a "beginning") BUT that meant I revised to a new September color scheme which I ended up really liking so I don''t know which one to go with now.

Luckily I have almost TWO YEARS to finalize these details...

And I like that yacht idea! We''re getting married at my family''s summer home built in 1848 where many many generations of my family (inc. parents, grandparents, cousins, and in a couple months my brother), but if it weren''t for that, I think choosing a location would be the hardest/most fun part of the plan!

We''re probably going to have a local reception (that''s wayyy in the middle of nowhere, far away from all of our friends and family) the week afterwards though so more people can come - and we''ll get to choose a place for that!

 

[SoonIHope]

Hehe Starset, do you just try on your dress and pearls and walk around the house when you''re by yourself?? I toootally would do that...that''s why I try to impose a few limits on myself.

Although I came REALLY REALLY close to buying my cheongsam (red Chinese dress to wear to our banquet - my boyfriend''s Chinese) a couple of months ago. I still go to the website and gaze at it sometimes...I like it ten MILLION times more than any other one I''ve ever seen....(which is also why it costs literally ten times as much as all the others

)

Here it is though just so you can gaze at it! Damn maybe I really will buy it before we get engaged....

 

[bravesfan]

I am glad to here that I am not the only person who does this!!!!!

I already know what kind of dress I want where I want it what I want served for dinner!!!! You name it I have prob planned it!!!! I have a notebook that will soon turn into two notebooks!!!

 

[Caribou]

That's a pretty dress albicocca.

I haven't really 'planned' anything presay. I've picked out dresses I like and done some research on things...but that's about it. I know how many people I want to be in the wedding and where I want it (although I've known this longer than I've known my SO) and yesterday decided what kind of reception I wanted. That's it though.

 

[caligal]

That dress is gorgeous!

I think Amberwaves and I are secretly sisters.... I have a 3-ring binder full of ideas on reception (trying to save money in So-Cal!), flower ideas (I''ll be creating all the flowers myself!- Did you know you can buy a TON of beautiful roses from Costco?), hair ideas, dress ideas, centerpiece ideas, bridesmaids gowns. In fact it was hard to NOT go to David''s Bridal during the sale and buy a dress! What held me back was the fact that we haven''t picked a time of year to do this- so the dress will vary based on that. But- David''s always hold their sales in Sept time, so when he proposes this summer- I''ll be ready to shop!!

I keep everything in a drawer at work so he doesn''t find it and come across my obsession- seriously, he totally doesn''t get it and would want to enter me in some time of group therapy!

 

[AmberWaves]

Al- I went to a wedding the other day (and since it was my BF''s family we totally got the "when''s your turn?" asked a million times- but because he met me there, I was able to say a couple thousand times, "You ask him! I''m still waiting!") and since I''m a vegetarian also, the dinner was steak and shrimp. I had to wait while they fixed me something up, and you know what it was? Squash parmesan. Not good. Not even cooked all the way. Although the mashed taters baked in the tomato was yummy. That dress is stunning. So my favors/placecards for the wedding? Glass bottles corked and filled with sand and shells. I''m still unsure of the cake. I want ice cream cake, which is just so complicated for a sea going wedding. I was also thinking about cupcakes! I''m such a dessert-aholic. But my BF doesn''t eat sugar so much!! What to do?

 

[E B]

I visit the knot occasionally, just to look at everyone's dresses (and rings, if they post pictures of them!

). What we do know: we'll be married on the beach, and our cake will look like 3 sea urchins in a stack (with two little starfish on top). Oh, and it's blue. It sounds ugly, I know, but I think it's great! I'm not really interested in a "serious" wedding with bridesmaids and garter tosses and all that. I doubt we'll have bridesmaids, best men, a garter toss, or any religious vows. We just want to have a good time with our family and friends!

p.s.
my cake: http://www.modernbride.com/styles/popup_photo.ssf?/cgi-bin/slide-show.cgi/modbride/slide_show.ata?index=13&g_id=5080

Isn't it fun? I think it's perfect for a beach wedding.

 

[AmberWaves]

Caligal- you and I should hang out. I live in L.A.! We could do all the things my BF thinks I''m crazy for doing... He doesn''t know I''m getting phone calls from "Fantasea Yachts" about our 2007 wedding. Don''t tell, he''d have me put away! We can do all the things we''re not allowed to do with them! My friends think I''m crazy. I already told a pestery ex that we''re getting married. He wouldn''t leave me alone.. Booty caller. Jerk. I wanted to go to David''s Bridal too. I hear about all these trunk shows.. Where are you?

I still want to try on rings. Paul won''t let me...

 

[SoonIHope]

aaaahhh, I have to admit that cake didn''t SOUND so great but it is SO CUTE!!!! I LOVE IT!!!!

Alas, I don''t think we''re going to have a fancy cake...that''s one of the places we''re trying to cut costs

(Don''t I sound like I''m engaged already?? Thanks to all of you for making me feel less psycho though!

)

And yeah, I used to hang out at the Knot a bit until I discovered PS...this is better.

 

[SoonIHope]

Hehe yeah, I''m going to David''s Bridal over Thanksgiving weekend to try on...BRIDESMAID dresses for my friend''s wedding. I SOOOOOOO don''t think I am going to be able to handle being in there with all the pretty wedding dresses!!!!! But yeah, all my friends already think I''m psycho even for being able to explain what a cushion cut is when I tell them about my soon-to-be ring.... My friend who''s getting married could not have cared less what setting her fiance put her inherited diamond in, and none of my other friends are remotely close to considering getting engaged so I''m very much on my own in the real world.

 

[AmberWaves]

I love that idea of the cake. It''s beautiful!! I want a chocolate fountain. I want everything!!

 

[SoonIHope]

hehehe Amber, I totally had that song in my head and didn''t know why!! I clearly just read your signature earlier and then zoned it out consciously even though my head kept singing...

hehehe

 

[E B]

Date: 11/3/2005 4:07:48 PM
Author: albicocca
aaaahhh, I have to admit that cake didn't SOUND so great but it is SO CUTE!!!! I LOVE IT!!!!

Alas, I don't think we're going to have a fancy cake...that's one of the places we're trying to cut costs

(Don't I sound like I'm engaged already?? Thanks to all of you for making me feel less psycho though!

)

And yeah, I used to hang out at the Knot a bit until I discovered PS...this is better.

Are you speaking of my cake? I know, it sounds really ridiculous until you see a picture of it. I saw it in a fancy bridal magazine a while ago, and knew it's what I wanted! I know what you mean about cutting costs, though. I'm going to try to have this cake made as cheaply as possible. It doesn't have a design or amazing fondant flowers, so I think I'll be okay.

Since I'm going to have a beachy wedding, I'm going to save a lot of money on flowers. I'll probably do my bouquet myself (I hear Costco has great flowers) and since I highly doubt I'll have bridesmaids or a flower girl, no problems there! I'm not using flowers to decorate, either. Probably sand and seashells and candles and the like.

I don't like big, fussy parties. I won't be wearing a ballgown. There's this Reem Acra dress I love called Bliss. It's kind of blue-ish, and if I could get it made (the actual dress has far too many layers of tulle) it's something I'd love to wear. Not too bride-y. I'm only 22, but pretty low key.

Since you ladies have email folders full of stuff, please share!

 

[AmberWaves]

I saw Costco has these flower packages, like all the flowers- his & hers, bouquets, and centerpieces for 6 tables. Hydrangea or Roses. Love it. I love Costco. Hey, on one note, I was there with the BF, and I told him about a ring there, and that if we had it made in gold it would be cheaper, and you know what he said? "Babe, you haven''t been doing research, I can find it for cheaper, I''ve looked." I hope this is a good sign (and I don''t get a browny-yellow diamond), huh?

 

[jcrow]

Date: 11/3/2005 3:57:44 PM
Author: EBree
I visit the knot occasionally, just to look at everyone''s dresses (and rings, if they post pictures of them!

). What we do know: we''ll be married on the beach, and our cake will look like 3 sea urchins in a stack (with two little starfish on top). Oh, and it''s blue. It sounds ugly, I know, but I think it''s great! I''m not really interested in a ''serious'' wedding with bridesmaids and garter tosses and all that. I doubt we''ll have bridesmaids, best men, a garter toss, or any religious vows. We just want to have a good time with our family and friends!


p.s.

my cake: http://www.modernbride.com/styles/popup_photo.ssf?/cgi-bin/slide-show.cgi/modbride/slide_show.ata?index=13&g_id=5080


Isn''t it fun? I think it''s perfect for a beach wedding.

ok- how bad am i?? i knew the exact cake you described before looking at the link. show''s what i do in my spare time (and not on PS)

 

[E B]

Date: 11/3/2005 4:33:01 PM
Author: AmberWaves
I saw Costco has these flower packages, like all the flowers- his & hers, bouquets, and centerpieces for 6 tables. Hydrangea or Roses. Love it. I love Costco. Hey, on one note, I was there with the BF, and I told him about a ring there, and that if we had it made in gold it would be cheaper, and you know what he said? ''Babe, you haven''t been doing research, I can find it for cheaper, I''ve looked.'' I hope this is a good sign (and I don''t get a browny-yellow diamond), huh?

A browny-yellow diamond would be horrible! Do you think your boyfriend would mind if you found your own diamond? What if you found something, sent the link in an email (title: isn''t this gorgeous?), and left the setting up to him? Do you know his budget?

 

[anchor31]

My dress: Off-the-shoulder, A-line, light beading at the neckline and hem, sweep trail, ivory. I've found a few I like, so I've put the pictures in a special folder.
My bridesmaids: I want my twin sister as MoH (poor thing, she hates dresses...) and my bestfriend as bridesmaid. No one else.
My bridesmaids dresses: Probably empire waist with bateau neckline. Nothing fancy and I want my sister and bestfriend to look their best too. I've found a few styles that I like and I think will suit them and put them in the special folder too.
The colours: I'm not sure yet, but I was thinking about buttery yellow, pale green and pink. My sister and my bestfriend would look gorgeous in pale yellow.
The location: I really want an outdoor wedding. I'm a tree-hugger. Somewhere with trees and flowers, and where we could have the reception there too.
The ceremony and reception: A morning wedding with a stand-up buffet for lunch would be lovely.
The wedding cake: Raspberry cheesecake would be great.
The favours: Probably going to be those cute little tulle candy bags. Apparently, the unmarried girls are supposed to put them under their pillow and they'll dream of they future groom... Cute!
Time of year: August or September would be the best months.

I definitely want something small, with the close family and friends. I don't want anyone there that neither me or my boyfriend know well. My parents told me once that the parents of the bride and groom are supposed to send the invitations, but I would hate that. We both have huge families and don't know more than half of the people in it, so it would turn into a big family reunion with a lot of "My! How you've grown!", "What do(es) you(he) do for a living?", "When are you going to have children?", cheek pinching and fake smiles. Not my idea of a dream wedding. No plus ones, no distant relatives or long lost friends. I want to be with the people I love and celebrate with them, not catch up with obscure relations and/or pretend I like them. I also don't want to go bankrupt.

Keep the ideas coming!

 

[SoonIHope]

EBree--yes, I meant your cake! So cute!

And most of my emailed to myself ideas are either ring ideas which are mostly from PS to begin with, or are things like the Lazaro dress I WOULD buy...and that Shanghai Tang $400 cheongsam

So it''s not actually particularly productive research I''ve been doing.... We''re going to get married outside somewhere at the big old country house in the middle of nowhere, so we can''t have very many people and it would be really bizarre if it were formal at all...so I''m tryyying to minimize formality/expense as much as possible...plus we''re paying for everything ourselves I think. Costco sounds like a great idea but again, we''re going to be in the middle of nowhere.

Amber--oooh, he''s doing research!!!! I bet you''ll get a great one!!!!

One funny thing about PS is I really do feel just as excited when I hear progress for someone else is happening as I do when it''s for myself! So exciting!!!

 

[jcrow]

Date: 11/3/2005 4:12:09 PM
Author: albicocca
Hehe yeah, I''m going to David''s Bridal over Thanksgiving weekend to try on...BRIDESMAID dresses for my friend''s wedding. I SOOOOOOO don''t think I am going to be able to handle being in there with all the pretty wedding dresses!!!!! But yeah, all my friends already think I''m psycho even for being able to explain what a cushion cut is when I tell them about my soon-to-be ring.... My friend who''s getting married could not have cared less what setting her fiance put her inherited diamond in, and none of my other friends are remotely close to considering getting engaged so I''m very much on my own in the real world.

you sound like me and my friends~!! i tried making small talk with an old friend who recently got engaged. i was asking her what insurance they were looking into getting for the ring-- they had no idea about Chubb and policies and all. anyway, i think they think i am nuts! i can only imagine if i tried talking to friends about diamond shapes. what''s a cushion? i''ve never heard of an asscher... i can hear it now. i only feel sane talking about engagement rings and wedding plans here on PS.

 

[AmberWaves]

Yes, I''ve sent him everywhere to look at the 4 cs. Luckily he catches on quick. I don''t know his budget- should I? I love outdoor weddings, too. BUT, I''m allergic to the sun.. Seriously. I break out in hives if I''m not slathered in my special from Canada sunscreen with the titanium in it!!

I don'' really think he''ll get me an ugly diamond. I think I hurt his feelings by sending him tons of pics and settings. He asked me, "You don''t think I''m going to get you anything good, do you?" And looked really sad. I felt so horrible.

 

[anchor31]

I had never heard of cushion and assher cuts before I found PS... Everyone in my RL thinks I''m mad about this anyway. Some of them are either already engaged and didn''t do through the waiting phase. Most of them are not in that stage yet in their lives or aren''t thinking about getting married to their boyfriend at all. They want to move in with them and have babies. They say I''m paranoid, insecure and blackmailing my boyfriend into marriage because I don''t want to move in with him before we''re engaged...

Am I not allowed to have my own values and convictions? Meh.

No wonder I can''t stop hanging around here. I feel so understood (for once).

 

[AmberWaves]

Date: 11/3/2005 4:14:02 PM
Author: albicocca
hehehe Amber, I totally had that song in my head and didn''t know why!! I clearly just read your signature earlier and then zoned it out consciously even though my head kept singing...

hehehe

It was our first date movie (not counting our first date in ''97- that was 7 years in tibet

) I love this movie. I want to live this movie, well, parts of it. I love the part when the guy who''s in love with his best friend''s wife goes to the house and says his ruined heart will love her forever. BTW, in case anyone wonders- it''s Love Actually!

 

[SoonIHope]

Anchor - OH MY GOD you just described what I want my dress to be!!!! [okay I really am replying to this thread too much now aren't I??] But yeah, PLEASE SEND ME PICTURES!!!! The only one I've found which I think is the type of thing you're describing is the Lazaro one here which just took my breath away when I saw it. Is that what you had in mind?

To fill out the new little list you made up:

My dress: As close to this one as I can get!!! (for the ceremony/small reception afterwards), then one week later at the Chinese style wedding banquet, a cheongsam like the one above.
My bridesmaids: Just my best friend, who happened to introduce us!
My bridesmaids dresses: Probably a halter neck since she looks best in those. Nothing too formal, maybe linen? And knee length.
The colours: I was originally thinking pale yellow too! (but it wouldn't look good on her...) So my original June concept was pale yellow, dark green, with accents of bright orange (and maybe a smidge of red). But then when I was thinking of moving the wedding to September I thought that would be too close to the traditional "fall" colors, so I changed my mind to a slate grey-blue with bright red accents. BUT that won't go as well with the house where we're getting married which is pale yellow and dark green. So I really don't know yet.
The location: Outside somewhere on the grounds of my family's 1848 summer house in upstate NY in the Adirondacks. SO gorgeous! And the traditional place everyone in my family gets married, so I've always imagined it would be there, and I'm sooo glad my boyfriend loves it too!
The ceremony and reception: Afternoon wedding with a not so fancy buffet dinner, then a week later a big Chinese wedding banquet in NYC.
The wedding cake: No idea! Something with chocolate...I might even try making something myself?? Is that going to end up being a disaster??
The favours: Probably some little cute Chinese trinket. I found an awesome Chinese wedding site online and I looove looking through all their favors and decorations.
Time of year: June 23, 2007 most likely!

 

[AmberWaves]

Date: 11/3/2005 4:55:07 PM
Author: anchor31
I had never heard of cushion and assher cuts before I found PS... Everyone in my RL thinks I''m mad about this anyway. Some of them are either already engaged and didn''t do through the waiting phase. Most of them are not in that stage yet in their lives or aren''t thinking about getting married to their boyfriend at all. They want to move in with them and have babies. They say I''m paranoid, insecure and blackmailing my boyfriend into marriage because I don''t want to move in with him before we''re engaged...

Am I not allowed to have my own values and convictions? Meh.

No wonder I can''t stop hanging around here. I feel so understood (for once).

We''ve been living together for over a year, and I never thought I would. It just happened, he moved out of his place (due to reasons not to do with me, his roommate (a girl) had a baby, and it was bad) and then I just moved with him, I was over there so much anyway! I was the only one to put the baby to sleep! Now I wonder if that made it worse for me.. He already has what he needs. Although he did tell me that he WANTS to get married, and not just live with me. It''s not blackmail, honey. It''s called wanting to cement your love. Nothing wrong with that.

 

[E B]

albicocca, that dress is STUNNING! Wow. So beautiful.

AmberWaves: You definitely don''t need to know his budget, nor do you need to choose your own diamond. I just offered it as a suggestion because it''s what I did. My boyfriend was pretty open with the entire process, and he let me choose everything I wanted. Other boyfriends want to choose it themselves and keep it a surprise. Both kinds of boyfriends are great! If he knows what you like, I''m sure he''ll pick something gorgeous. My boyfriend would have too, except I picked pave on the sides and he would have gone simple solitaire, something a la Jeff Cooper.

 

[AmberWaves]

Yeah, I love that dress, Albi! But mine is SO different! Since I''m only 5 feet tall, I can''t have my ball dress I''ve dreamt of. Too short, I''ve heard. I''m getting an a-line with a corset.. I have big boobs I need to corral. And don''t worry, not gloating. I''m griping.

I need chocolate for my wedding cake. He wants raspberry. I only want like, 75/95 people. As little as possible. You are SO lucky you have a beautiful home to have it in!! As for bridesmaids, I have none. Maybe future sister in law as MoH. That''s my problem, where to put family members.

 

[E B]

This is the dress I'm talking about. Reem Acra's "Bliss", in the middle. I like the amount of tulle shown in the picture, but the actual dress has something like 7 layers! Total poofy princess dress, totally not me. If I have it made, I want it to look just like it does in the photo. Great for the beach themed wedding, right?

*Sigh*. I love Reem Acra's work. A close runner up is "Good Luck", gorgeous and simple.