How much of an age difference is too much?

[BonnyLass]

Hi Everyone. I recently met a fantastic guy at the dog park and can''t stop thinking about him. He''s extremely smart, kind, witty. He asked me out recently but I declined on the grounds of our age difference! We still see each other all the time and it isn''t awkward between us. If he lost 20 years I''d be all over him. He''s 54 and I''m 29. What do ya''ll think? My friends would be really shocked!

 

[princesss]

Why does it matter what anybody thinks? If you like him and are attracted to him, go for it.

 

[ladypirate]

If you like him, go for it. Who cares what your friends think?

ETA: LOL, Princesss...great minds, eh?

 

[Porridge]

Can''t see why not. Was at an engagement party recently of a very happy couple, she''s 24 and he''s 40. FI is 9 years older than me. It depends on the people, where you are in life, what your thoughts for the future are. I wouldn''t miss an opportunity just because of age. It''s a date, not a proposal of marriage!

 

[JulieN]

It's just a number unless he can't keep up with you.

My last boyfriend's father is around 50-55 and he just had a daughter with a woman who is in her mid-thirties. They have a great relationship.

 

[Kaleigh]

The key to what you said, was you can''t stop thinking about him..

Go for it, age is just a number.

 

[chiapet]

I agree! Age is just a number. I''ve dated older men that are young at heart and they have no difficulty keeping up with me. I say, GO FOR IT!!

 

[soocool]

I am not saying good or bad. Everyone is different and circumstances are different.

But my friend married someone 21 years her senior when she was 25. She is now 53 and he is 74 and though it seemed she has a wonderful marriage she has confided that for the past 5 years or so it is like taking care of an aging parent. They had their first child when he was 50 and the second when he was 52. While she says she is in her prime ready to travel and have fun since the kids are all grown and have moved away her DH is no fun at all anymore. She said he has more in common now with her parents than with her and is seriously contemplating divorce saying she is still too young to be her husband''s nursemaid. I never saw this coming. I guess she hid her emotions very well.

I guess you have to go with what feels right for you, but if you ever decide to get serious with someone much older I guess you have to not only think about is this the person I want to spend the rest of my life with, but also am I ready to have him grow old before me.

 

[swingirl]

When you are 49 he''ll be 74. Spend some time with a 74 year old. Better yet ask your parents what their sex life was like at 74. Age is more than just a number because you can''t stop your body from aging just because you are "young at heart".

 

[Dancing Fire]

Date: 3/15/2009 6:29:03 PM
Author: JulieN
It''s just a number unless he can''t keep up with you.

My last boyfriend''s father is around 50-55 and he just had a daughter with a woman who is in her mid-thirties. They have a great relationship.

yeah, he need to rest once awhile.

 

[Haven]

I agree that age is just a number, and if I were you I''d ask myself if it is worth it to give up a potentially great love because of age.

As for keeping up with you when you''re older and he is much older, I believe that if you are completely honest with yourself about what is likely to happen when he''s in his seventies and you''re in your fifties, and you *still* want to pursue a relationship with him, then go for it.

My husband is nearly 11 years older than me, and I wouldn''t give him up for anything in the world.

 

[Dancing Fire]

Date: 3/15/2009 7:23:50 PM
Author: swingirl
When you are 49 he''ll be 74. Spend some time with a 74 year old. Better yet ask your parents what their sex life was like at 74. Age is more than just a number because you can''t stop your body from aging just because you are ''young at heart''.

before or after the discovery of Viagra?

 

[Dancing Fire]

let me put it this way, if my daughter married a man 25 yrs her senior "i would never speak to her again"

 

[joflier]

I say give it a try. Nothing serious. Just see where it leads you. It may be nowhere, but it also may very well be somehwere. When looking at the long term, I think it would be better to have 20 amazing years with the love of your life than 50 mediocre ones with someone that may not be quite as right.......

 

[Regular Guy]

Date: 3/15/2009 7:47:27 PM
Author: Haven
I agree that age is just a number, and if I were you I''d ask myself if it is worth it to give up a potentially great love because of age.

As for keeping up with you when you''re older and he is much older, I believe that if you are completely honest with yourself about what is likely to happen when he''s in his seventies and you''re in your fifties, and you *still* want to pursue a relationship with him, then go for it.

My husband is nearly 11 years older than me, and I wouldn''t give him up for anything in the world.

Seems like good advice.

BTW, I''m 53...and my wife, now 49...is very sensitive about not wanting to be associated with number 50 in advance of her time.

 

[MissGotRocks]

25 years age difference represents a generation. In terms of a relationship, that''s a significant difference. No one - not even your friends - can tell you what is right for you to do. It is definitely a consideration though and would add a dimension to a relationship that I would not have wanted to wrestle with - but that''s just my opinion!

 

[Regular Guy]

I tend to be sympathetic to the serious concerns presented here, but...

Date: 3/15/2009 8:01:56 PM
Author: Dancing Fire
let me put it this way, if my daughter married a man 25 yrs her senior ''i would never speak to her again''

DF...why so harsh...

 

[Kaleigh]

DF is guilty of ageism. It's a word, I heard it on The millionaire matchmaker. Not sure I spelled it correctly. But maybe ageism should be a topic for another thread??

All I know, is the OP met a great guy. He was witty, smart and had a great sense of humor. They both have dogs.

To me, go out on a date, you have nothing to lose. You may find that this guy is your soul mate. You may find him to be an ole geezer. But go out, have a nice dinner and see what's what. He seemed to wow you, see if that happens on a one to one.....

I would love to play matchmaker on PS......

 

[chrono]

Date: 3/15/2009 8:52:26 PM
Author: Regular Guy
I tend to be sympathetic to the serious concerns presented here, but...

Date: 3/15/2009 8:01:56 PM
Author: Dancing Fire
let me put it this way, if my daughter married a man 25 yrs her senior ''i would never speak to her again''

DF...why so harsh...

Sounds like a traditionalist. My parents would disown me as well because they are only looking out for my best interest. There is a very real concern that when the younger partner geta older, it''s like looking after another parent. Not only that, she would probably end up a widow in her 50''s when there''s so much life to live yet.

 

[SparklyLibra]

I think if you can''t stop thinking about him then you should give it ole college try and see what happens... It''s just a date, not donating a kidney... I don''t see what the big deal is....

 

[iheartscience]

I wouldn''t do it...in 10 years he won''t seem so young and vital. I couldn''t imagine getting serious with someone who is so much older than me. You''ll end up in soocool''s friend''s exact situation. I feel for her, but it seems pretty cruel to divorce someone just for getting old when she knew that was exactly what was going to happen.

The same thing happened to my professor''s mother, actually. Her mother married a much younger man (about the same age spread as you) and they had a fantastic marriage until her mother hit her 70''s. Then she wasn''t so much fun, and at 50ish, her husband didn''t enjoy being with her and ended up divorcing her. So now she''s alone in her final years.

If you don''t go out with him, you won''t be forced to make a tough decision about your future after you''re in too deep to think clearly.

 

[Linda W]

My cousin married an older man. She is 59 and he is 76. They adore each other and have been married a long, long time. They go everywhere together.

My aunt and uncle were concerned at first, but grew to love him as well.

My cousin has not had to take care of him, due to his age. It has been the other way around. She had a serious health issue and he was right there, taking care of her.


I would say, if you are attracted to him, he seems nice, go for it.

 

[KimberlyH]

I would date him and see where it goes. If you ever became serious open communication would be key to your relationship but I don''t think it''s a reason not to see where things might lead.

My aunt married a man 20 years her senior when she was in her mid-twenties. He died young (64) and that was difficult for her, but even now, 12 or so years later, she wouldn''t trade one second of the years they spent together. He was an amazing man and they had the most wonderful, loving relationship. Anyone would be lucky to have what they did, even if their time together was cut short due to his age and illness.

 

[cnspotts]

From a different perspective here...we ONLY have today. Why pass up a chance to find out where this could take you? If you can''t stop thinking about him then you''ll most likely regret not finding out if he could have been one of the great loves of your life.

It''s great that he stirs something in you, now you get the opportunity to clarify your "list". The list of stuff you want in a partner.

Age could matter, but so does traffic. Deal with it as needed.

 

[Tuckins1]

I don''t really think the numbers are really that important- unless we''re talking an Anna Nicole- J. Howard Marshall thing... That''s kinda gross!

 

[lucyandroger]

You guys are all so romantic!

I would say as long as you are real with yourself and your expectations, go for it. But you have to really think about if you want to have children or not. Are you willing to be a widow in your 50s or not? Being in a relationship with that kind of age difference will not be easy. It''s a personal decision whether you''re willing to make the sacrifice or not.

Then again, maybe you''re just looking for a fling

...then I definitely say go for it!

 

[Dancing Fire]

Date: 3/15/2009 9:09:06 PM
Author: Chrono

Date: 3/15/2009 8:52:26 PM
Author: Regular Guy
I tend to be sympathetic to the serious concerns presented here, but...

Date: 3/15/2009 8:01:56 PM
Author: Dancing Fire
let me put it this way, if my daughter married a man 25 yrs her senior ''i would never speak to her again''

DF...why so harsh...

Sounds like a traditionalist. My parents would disown me as well because they are only looking out for my best interest. There is a very real concern that when the younger partner geta older, it''s like looking after another parent. Not only that, she would probably end up a widow in her 50''s when there''s so much life to live yet.

exactly Chrono !! or she''ll be baby sitting a 75 yr old man. thanks for typing my mind.

 

[swingirl]

Interesting that the "senior" posters know how the scenario will play out 20 years from now; old age, baby sitting, health issues, etc. whereas the younger members think about how wonderful the love will be for the next 10-15 years. Once you actually experience middle and old age you realize numbers do count. A 10 year spread is doable but 20+ years is a whole generation. I would cry if my daughter found a man the same age as her father. It would be creepy.

 

[asscherisme]

He did not ask you to marry him, he asked you on a date. Why not go and have fun? I think everyone is overanalyzing it.

If you can''t stop thinking about him and he asked you out, go. Life is short, have a good time!

 

[Italiahaircolor]

I think before you (or anyone) can really judge, you should go out and have dinner with this man.

Like with every potential relationship, you need to establish if you have anything in common first and foremost--otherwise all this worry is a moot point.

If you find that this could "go somewhere" then you need to have a real and honest conversation with yourself about your expectation from a relationship...do you want children? What is his back story, are you comfortable with that? When you get to be in your 50''s and are unmarried, there are bound to be questions, is he divorced? Does he not commit? You need to decide if he meets your requirements.

Then, you can start worrying...