How much do you let social circles and lifestyle dictate what kind of jewelry you wear?

[cemrn]

This thread is something I am dealing with. Many know I just upgraded from a 1 ct solitaire to a 3 stone 3.3 total cw. This was a big jump for me. My mom doesn't like diamonds (gasp) or jewelry other than silver, my MIL has never had much money. I have only told my sister that I got the ring. I am seeing my MIL this weekend and am nervous about her reaction.

Question: How do you handle the comments made with that tone such as "Wow, that's very flashy", "I'll bet that set you back a pretty penny"
I am not sure what to say. I did have a coworker ask me how much it cost and I told her I'd rather not say. She said "oh that bad huh?"

dreamer: I said to my husband when I got the ring that this is going to be my happy place. When I am stressed or upset I can look at it, breathe and get centered again
"But I am like you because I love big bling!! I look at my ring at least 100 times a day and it brings me great pleasure. "

 

[jill_s]

Date: 4/22/2010 3:09:33 PM
Author: Venice
I say go for it! Life is too short to worry about something that would make you happy. Your ''true'' friends will not mind one bit. I, too, love sparkles whether it be diamonds or crystal. I LOVE looking at it! It makes me happy. I put my ring on the minute I wake up just so I can look at it. It may sound dumb to some people, but looking at diamonds makes me happy, and I deserve to be happy. So do you!

Venice - Like you, I am completely guilty of wearing my ring all day long just so I can enjoy the sparklies!

It just makes me happy. Even DH doesn''t seem to understand, but he tolerates pretty well!

 

[Dreamer_D]

Date: 4/22/2010 9:56:32 PM
Author: cemrn

Question: How do you handle the comments made with that tone such as 'Wow, that's very flashy', 'I'll bet that set you back a pretty penny'
I am not sure what to say. I did have a coworker ask me how much it cost and I told her I'd rather not say. She said 'oh that bad huh?'

Honestly, I think it is important to just be proud and confident about what you have. My MIL has always had a large diamond for our circle -- 1.3ct -- and when people compliment here or say "Wow, that looks great!" she gets embarassed and will say things like, "Oh, there is a huge inclusion here." or "Oh yes, well, my husband got it for me I did not really want it." That sort of apollogising makes others uncomfortable I have noticed. Instead, when people say "Wow that is flashy" you could say, "I know, I love it!" and give a big smile! If they ask how much it cost, you can say, "About as much as my husband's new car/golfing/other hobby!" and smile again! We should not be embarassed that we love diamonds just because other people don't. I know for a fact that my DH's cousin, for example, spent MUCH more on a ridiculously large and silly car than I spend on my ring. Why is that any different? He does not apologize and nor should we.

 

[jill_s]

Date: 4/22/2010 3:22:57 PM
Author: susimoo

Date: 4/22/2010 3:10:59 PM

Author: susimoo

Hi



Let me start of by saying I love your set. Your solitaire is my dream kind of size.



Now to your question. I wear my rings for me, no one else, just me. What anyone else, besides my DH thinks of them, I couldn''t care less! Obviously it is very nice to be complemented on your sparkle, but if no one else ever mentioned them to me again, ever, it wouldn''t bother me. They are my pleasure.



I say go for it.You are doing it sensibly, not going into debt for the upgrade, so why not treat yourself to your heart''s desire!!!




Ps I know, enable, enable, enable, but hey ho, its a diamond forum!

Pps Forgot to add I am also a SAHM. I wear on an average day 8 carats of diamonds between my wedding set, RHR, ER''s and bracelet just to do the nursery run! lol

8 carats each day? You go girl!

If you have it, you might as well enjoy it, huh?

 

[jill_s]

Date: 4/22/2010 3:36:17 PM
Author: dreamer_d
Jill, this thread is timely for me because I have been thinking about these issues a lot too. As you now, I am upgrading to ~1.7ct right now and although it is my dream size that I have been hankering for since I started coveting diamonds 3 years ago, it will be *very* conspicuous in my social circle. I do not know a single person other than my MIL who has a ring larger than 1ct, her ring is around 1.3ct and set into a Simon G style pave split shank setting and it gathers a lot of attention in our family. And I don''t see larger rings when I am out and about either. And I worry a little about what people will think

My one friend who is interested in diamonds and supports my habit totally actually commented that she is nervous about my ring being too big for our social circle!


But we are like your family in that we do not spend our money on fancy cars or vacations-- others we know do. My DH likes to golf, and I like bling, so that is where our discretionary income goes! It will be ending for me though with this upgrade because we need to prioritize other things in the coming years.


But I am like you because I love big bling!! I look at my ring at least 100 times a day and it brings me great pleasure. I love the feel of big rocks on my hand, the sparkle, the decadence... the whole enchilada. That three stone you posted is my DREAM ring, I love it completely, and one day I will reset my diamond into something similar with slightly smaller sides to match my smaller center stone.



I think that ring looks awesome on your hand and will completely satisfy your desire for more bling. At least it should

A larger center stone will not add as much wow factor in my opinion as that three stone will, because your diamond is alreasy so large that you would need to make a huge leap to notice the difference.

DD - decadence is a good word to describe it. I get excited when I''m outside on a sunny day, because I just love to see my ring set off fireworks in the sun. Wearing diamonds just makes me feel good. My hope is that a 3-stone reset will make me forever happy with my ring. And like you said, we have other financial priorities in the coming years, and I just want to have a ring that I adore for the long haul and never want to change.

 

[jill_s]

Date: 4/22/2010 6:30:58 PM
Author: Lola0918
My first ER was a pretty 1 ct princess cut and at the time (Mid 20''s), it was a ''keep up with the Jonses'' type thing between my friends. Even though it was never verbally expressed, everyone was trying to outdo one another. It was really bothersome.


I since divorced but run with the same crowd, my girlfriends from childhood. My FI gave me a 2.7 ct cushion that is just to die for and I felt kind of funny showing my friends for the 1st time. I thought there would be some eye rolling by some. We''ve all grown up quite a bit and have faced some life challenges so all of the reactions I received were the heartfelt emotions of me finding what I never thought I could ever have in a partner. I''m sure there were some feelings of envy but nothing outright nasty. They wouldn''t be my friends if they were! Bottom line, we both work and make a pretty decent living, live well below our means and he gave me this ring for ME! Not to show off but because he knows I am in love with diamonds. Out of all my friends, I dress to the nines every day for work and also put in the effort when we are at a playdate with my son, at the park, at a school function, etc. I''m considered the glam one and I don''t care. I don''t flaunt anything. I just love all things fashionable and pretty.


I think any hard feelings may be coming from other issues individually, whether it be unhapiness, financial struggles, etc. I love my girlfriends and I count on them for everything but I do think a little envy is human nature. I went through my fair share and I came out of it all happier, stronger and wiser. My friends know that and are happy for me.

Lola - congrats on your engagement...your cushion is delicious!!! Like you, I''m also the one in my circle of friends that likes to dress to the nines most days (even if it is just to take DD to playdates) because it makes me feel good about myself. I feel that same way about diamonds...they just make me feel good.

 

[jill_s]

Date: 4/22/2010 9:56:32 PM
Author: cemrn
This thread is something I am dealing with. Many know I just upgraded from a 1 ct solitaire to a 3 stone 3.3 total cw. This was a big jump for me. My mom doesn''t like diamonds (gasp) or jewelry other than silver, my MIL has never had much money. I have only told my sister that I got the ring. I am seeing my MIL this weekend and am nervous about her reaction.


Question: How do you handle the comments made with that tone such as ''Wow, that''s very flashy'', ''I''ll bet that set you back a pretty penny''

I am not sure what to say. I did have a coworker ask me how much it cost and I told her I''d rather not say. She said ''oh that bad huh?''


dreamer: I said to my husband when I got the ring that this is going to be my happy place. When I am stressed or upset I can look at it, breathe and get centered again

''But I am like you because I love big bling!! I look at my ring at least 100 times a day and it brings me great pleasure. ''

cemrn - congratulations on your new beauty! It is absolutely amazing!

My family is much like yours, my mother wears a ~0.80 diamond and my MIL wears a ~0.50 stone. Both were original engagement ring stones they''ve had for 30+ years. Of all the reactions I''m concerned about, it''s the ones from my family. My mom is awesome, but I know she just won''t understand. When she first saw my 2.40, her initial comment was that it was enormous, though not in mean or snotty way.

As for your question, I''m not sure how I''d handle that. I definitely wouldn''t reveal how much was spent, and I''d likely just try to deflect the conversation. In fact, I honestly wish people wouldn''t notice or make comments about it all.

 

[Amethyste]

Do it

DO it

DO It

DO IT!!!!

As you said, life is too short to not enjoy fully the things you love ( granted you can afford them ).
Personally, i came to the realization that i don''t really care what people think. I spend my money on my ring, while others might say something
negative about it but they smoke and go eat out all the time. I mean, to each its own. For me it''s was the purchase of my ring and i really do not regret it ONE BIT!

Btw, your ring is gorgeous!!!

 

[Luckyeshe]

If it makes you happy, and I''m in the same camp where staring at my diamond 100x a day makes me happy, then I think you should get it! Life''s too short to worry about other people''s opinion.

 

[marcy]

Wear what makes you happy.

 

[yssie]

I don''t, at all (except for going back to India to visit, in which case I won''t wear anything but a plain band for both safety and because it would feel horribly wrong to be flashing "expendable wealth" in a community that can barely afford the necessities).


I''ll definitely stand out with the new ring, but here in the US it''s not because others in my circles couldn''t afford the same and more if they chose to spend their money that way - they just have very different priorities.

 

[LabRatPhD]

Definitely ditto everyone else. Wear what makes you the happiest!
My jewelry is far more than what others in my circle (grad students) have, but on par (maybe even less) than what other women have in FI''s work circle. My friends have more of a "you go girl" attitude as opposed to a jealous attitude, which I appreciate.

I would say that my work dictates what I wear. Anything over 2 cts on my hand while doing labwork would cause me way too much anxiety!