LiW How many times have you been engaged?

[Black Jade]

Date: 8/12/2009 2:18:37 PM
Author: trillionaire

Date: 8/12/2009 2:08:10 PM
Author: vespergirl
Engaged 3 times, but married twice. I was engaged the first time at age 22, to my first husband, when we were just out of college - we were married for two years.

Then I was engaged again at age 26 to a lawyer I had been with for a while, but he had anger issues, so I broke off the engagement after 4 months.

Finally, I met my husband at 27, and we got engaged & married when I was 29 - we have now been married for 3 years, have a 2 year old son, and another baby on the way.

My advice to any young women who want to be engaged is this:
1. Learn how to cook. Not just one dish either. I cook for my husband almost every night (we go out once or twice a week) and it''s totally a way to get to a man''s heart. Most men don''t want to be eating takeout every night for the rest of their lives.
2. Be an avid sexual partner. Not to get too explicit, but men like to think that they will continue having sex after marriage, otherwise they won''t want to take the plunge.

My advice is, don''t be someone who you don''t plan to be in marriage, before marriage. If you plan to be a cooking, cleaning sex goddess for the rest of your life, then by all means... but men marry you for who you are, not who you might become. If you are cooking all the time and putting out, they aren''t going to appreciate it when you stop. Just be true to yourself... don''t try to bait a man into marrying you, you will probably regret it later.

Some women do like to cook (I personally consider it an art and find it a great outlet for creativity) and also there are a FEW women (I would think anyway) who lenjoy having sex with the man they love and don''t think of it as ''putting out''. You may not have meant it this way but it sounds a bit like a put down to say something like "If you plan to be a cooking, cleaning sex goddess for the rest of your life, etc." as if that must somehow be fake or inferior.

In this current economy it''s great for the budget if someone knows how to cook. (Not to speak of the waistline). And what''s the point of getting married if not to have sex? If you just want to be friends who live in the same house, I don''t get the point of bothering to get married.

Sorry, but your remarks really rubbed me the wrong way and seemed like a putdown of vespergirl (though I don''t agree with her about sex before marriage.)

 

[Black Jade]

engaged one, married to that guy now twenty-six years.

 

[suchende]

two times, going on three. once was a big ol'' mistake that lasted a month, the other we had a venue, date set, everything, then he cheated on me.

 

[FrekeChild]

Date: 8/12/2009 3:22:54 PM
Author: Black Jade

Date: 8/12/2009 2:18:37 PM
Author: trillionaire

Date: 8/12/2009 2:08:10 PM
Author: vespergirl
Engaged 3 times, but married twice. I was engaged the first time at age 22, to my first husband, when we were just out of college - we were married for two years.

Then I was engaged again at age 26 to a lawyer I had been with for a while, but he had anger issues, so I broke off the engagement after 4 months.

Finally, I met my husband at 27, and we got engaged & married when I was 29 - we have now been married for 3 years, have a 2 year old son, and another baby on the way.

My advice to any young women who want to be engaged is this:
1. Learn how to cook. Not just one dish either. I cook for my husband almost every night (we go out once or twice a week) and it's totally a way to get to a man's heart. Most men don't want to be eating takeout every night for the rest of their lives.
2. Be an avid sexual partner. Not to get too explicit, but men like to think that they will continue having sex after marriage, otherwise they won't want to take the plunge.

My advice is, don't be someone who you don't plan to be in marriage, before marriage. If you plan to be a cooking, cleaning sex goddess for the rest of your life, then by all means... but men marry you for who you are, not who you might become. If you are cooking all the time and putting out, they aren't going to appreciate it when you stop. Just be true to yourself... don't try to bait a man into marrying you, you will probably regret it later.

Some women do like to cook (I personally consider it an art and find it a great outlet for creativity) and also there are a FEW women (I would think anyway) who lenjoy having sex with the man they love and don't think of it as 'putting out'. You may not have meant it this way but it sounds a bit like a put down to say something like 'If you plan to be a cooking, cleaning sex goddess for the rest of your life, etc.' as if that must somehow be fake or inferior.

In this current economy it's great for the budget if someone knows how to cook. (Not to speak of the waistline). And what's the point of getting married if not to have sex? If you just want to be friends who live in the same house, I don't get the point of bothering to get married.

Sorry, but your remarks really rubbed me the wrong way and seemed like a putdown of vespergirl (though I don't agree with her about sex before marriage.)

Um. I think you missed the point of Trillionaire's post. And that was to stay true to yourself. I can't imagine anyone who disagrees with that advice.

Changing yourself to get a proposal is a lose/lose situation for everyone.

(This is coming from someone who is a trained professional cook.)

 

[hisdiamondgirl]

Date: 8/12/2009 3:22:54 PM
Author: Black Jade

Date: 8/12/2009 2:18:37 PM
Author: trillionaire

Date: 8/12/2009 2:08:10 PM
Author: vespergirl
Engaged 3 times, but married twice. I was engaged the first time at age 22, to my first husband, when we were just out of college - we were married for two years.

Then I was engaged again at age 26 to a lawyer I had been with for a while, but he had anger issues, so I broke off the engagement after 4 months.

Finally, I met my husband at 27, and we got engaged & married when I was 29 - we have now been married for 3 years, have a 2 year old son, and another baby on the way.

My advice to any young women who want to be engaged is this:
1. Learn how to cook. Not just one dish either. I cook for my husband almost every night (we go out once or twice a week) and it''s totally a way to get to a man''s heart. Most men don''t want to be eating takeout every night for the rest of their lives.
2. Be an avid sexual partner. Not to get too explicit, but men like to think that they will continue having sex after marriage, otherwise they won''t want to take the plunge.

My advice is, don''t be someone who you don''t plan to be in marriage, before marriage. If you plan to be a cooking, cleaning sex goddess for the rest of your life, then by all means... but men marry you for who you are, not who you might become. If you are cooking all the time and putting out, they aren''t going to appreciate it when you stop. Just be true to yourself... don''t try to bait a man into marrying you, you will probably regret it later.

Some women do like to cook (I personally consider it an art and find it a great outlet for creativity) and also there are a FEW women (I would think anyway) who lenjoy having sex with the man they love and don''t think of it as ''putting out''. You may not have meant it this way but it sounds a bit like a put down to say something like ''If you plan to be a cooking, cleaning sex goddess for the rest of your life, etc.'' as if that must somehow be fake or inferior.

In this current economy it''s great for the budget if someone knows how to cook. (Not to speak of the waistline). And what''s the point of getting married if not to have sex? If you just want to be friends who live in the same house, I don''t get the point of bothering to get married.

Sorry, but your remarks really rubbed me the wrong way and seemed like a putdown of vespergirl (though I don''t agree with her about sex before marriage.)

Well personally, vespergirl''s comments rubbed me the wrong way. I bring much more to the relationship than meals. If he is not happy that I have a career that is important to me and that I am working 60 hr weeks to provide a good life for the both of us, and that I don''t have the time or energy for home-cooked meals every night, then he''s with the wrong person. If I had the luxury of staying at home, then of course, I would have a home-cooked meal waiting for him every day, but the way it is, for most people nowadays, I think not. It is actually a little insulting to be told that I have to cook to get a man to marry me, I mean come on, what year is this?

 

[FrekeChild]

Once.

The other guy who talked about it, got kicked to the curb when the talk became serious. Thank goodness I had some kind of common sense at 21/22...in that area at least.

 

[FrekeChild]

Date: 8/12/2009 3:39:10 PM
Author: hisdiamondgirl
Well personally, vespergirl''s comments rubbed me the wrong way. I bring much more to the relationship than meals. If he is not happy that I have a career that is important to me and that I am working 60 hr weeks to provide a good life for the both of us, and that I don''t have the time or energy for home-cooked meals every night, then he''s with the wrong person. If I had the luxury of staying at home, then of course, I would have a home-cooked meal waiting for him every day, but the way it is, for most people nowadays, I think not. It is actually a little insulting to be told that I have to cook to get a man to marry me, I mean come on, what year is this?

Ditto! (Except we''re in different situations, but in general...)

And apparently it''s 1950. And we''re in Stepford, Connecticut.

 

[hisdiamondgirl]

Oh, and I haven''t been engaged...yet!

 

[pluck15]

Never...but hopefully once and only once by the end of this month!!

 

[musey]

One time. Never got close before my husband. I was always very quick to decide whether relationships had potential, and got out if they didn''t. I would only have ever gotten close enough to someone to be proposed to if marriage was truly inevitable with us.

 

[princesss]

Date: 8/12/2009 3:42:19 PM
Author: FrekeChild

Date: 8/12/2009 3:39:10 PM
Author: hisdiamondgirl
Well personally, vespergirl''s comments rubbed me the wrong way. I bring much more to the relationship than meals. If he is not happy that I have a career that is important to me and that I am working 60 hr weeks to provide a good life for the both of us, and that I don''t have the time or energy for home-cooked meals every night, then he''s with the wrong person. If I had the luxury of staying at home, then of course, I would have a home-cooked meal waiting for him every day, but the way it is, for most people nowadays, I think not. It is actually a little insulting to be told that I have to cook to get a man to marry me, I mean come on, what year is this?

Ditto! (Except we''re in different situations, but in general...)

And apparently it''s 1950. And we''re in Stepford, Connecticut.

Hey, man, I don''t know what it''s like where you live, but I vaccuum in my heels. (Really. Having to bend down low to vaccuum under tables is a great quad workout!)

FWIW, I think vesper has some valid points (nobody wants to think the

well is going to dry up), but I think Trill sums it up best for me. I am now who I will be forever (in terms of habits - people change, but my basic nature will be the same) and I value that BF knows that and still loves me (I''m a little difficult, doncha know). He''s teaching me how to cook (he''s worked as a cook for years, so his skills in the kitchen are light years ahead of mine), he''s better about keeping his stuff neat, and well, he''d make a great Stepford wife! But he knows me and I know him, and regardless of who cooks/cleans/fixes the toilet (all him, btw

) we''re happy this way because we''re able to be totally ourselves.

If I was trying to "land a man" by cooking, cleaning, and uh...

ing, it wouldn''t be *me*, and that could create some nasty expectations after marriage. But if those were things I truly enjoyed, it wouldn''t create a problem later, because I was being myself.

 

[star sparkle]

Once, to ex-FI.

Was in a relationship after that with a guy who I thought I would eventually become engaged/married to, but that didn''t end up working out.

Now I''m single.

 

[purselover]

Date: 8/12/2009 2:18:37 PM
Author: trillionaire

Date: 8/12/2009 2:08:10 PM
Author: vespergirl
Engaged 3 times, but married twice. I was engaged the first time at age 22, to my first husband, when we were just out of college - we were married for two years.

Then I was engaged again at age 26 to a lawyer I had been with for a while, but he had anger issues, so I broke off the engagement after 4 months.

Finally, I met my husband at 27, and we got engaged & married when I was 29 - we have now been married for 3 years, have a 2 year old son, and another baby on the way.

My advice to any young women who want to be engaged is this:
1. Learn how to cook. Not just one dish either. I cook for my husband almost every night (we go out once or twice a week) and it''s totally a way to get to a man''s heart. Most men don''t want to be eating takeout every night for the rest of their lives.
2. Be an avid sexual partner. Not to get too explicit, but men like to think that they will continue having sex after marriage, otherwise they won''t want to take the plunge.

My advice is, don''t be someone who you don''t plan to be in marriage, before marriage. If you plan to be a cooking, cleaning sex goddess for the rest of your life, then by all means... but men marry you for who you are, not who you might become. If you are cooking all the time and putting out, they aren''t going to appreciate it when you stop. Just be true to yourself... don''t try to bait a man into marrying you, you will probably regret it later.

Agreed! I don''t cook AT ALL I think FI would rather realize that now then be in for a rude awakening after the honeymoon. For what it''s worth FI makes my dinner almost every night and it was definitely the way to my heart it''s why I said yes when he proposed

 

[Allison D.]

Once, and I married him.

I didn''t get engaged until I was 38, because I didn''t meet the right guy until I was 37.

 

[monarch64]

This is not part of the question, but I have been proposed to (without a ring) more times than I can count.

Only accepted 2 rings, been married once, now going through a divorce. I've had a few more ringless proposals in the past six months.

Also, I can cook and I enjoy cooking for and sharing a meal with someone, but I don't think I've ever even dated a man who hasn't told me that he loves to cook and would gladly cook for me every night of the week.

 

[LaurenThePartier]

Date: 8/12/2009 4:39:18 PM
Author: monarch64
This is not part of the question, but I have been proposed to (without a ring) more times than I can count.

Only accepted 2 rings, been married once, now going through a divorce. I''ve had a few more ringless proposals in the past six months.

Also, I can cook and I enjoy cooking for and sharing a meal with someone, but I don''t think I''ve ever even dated a man who hasn''t told me that he loves to cook and would gladly cook for me every night of the week.

LOL, Monnie!

You just reminded me of my proposal via email, buy a guy I met when I was living in London.

The best part - he attached it as a Word doc. And it was 3 pages long.

 

[trillionaire]

Date: 8/12/2009 3:22:54 PM
Author: Black Jade

Date: 8/12/2009 2:18:37 PM
Author: trillionaire

Date: 8/12/2009 2:08:10 PM
Author: vespergirl
Engaged 3 times, but married twice. I was engaged the first time at age 22, to my first husband, when we were just out of college - we were married for two years.

Then I was engaged again at age 26 to a lawyer I had been with for a while, but he had anger issues, so I broke off the engagement after 4 months.

Finally, I met my husband at 27, and we got engaged & married when I was 29 - we have now been married for 3 years, have a 2 year old son, and another baby on the way.

My advice to any young women who want to be engaged is this:
1. Learn how to cook. Not just one dish either. I cook for my husband almost every night (we go out once or twice a week) and it's totally a way to get to a man's heart. Most men don't want to be eating takeout every night for the rest of their lives.
2. Be an avid sexual partner. Not to get too explicit, but men like to think that they will continue having sex after marriage, otherwise they won't want to take the plunge.

My advice is, don't be someone who you don't plan to be in marriage, before marriage. If you plan to be a cooking, cleaning sex goddess for the rest of your life, then by all means... but men marry you for who you are, not who you might become. If you are cooking all the time and putting out, they aren't going to appreciate it when you stop. Just be true to yourself... don't try to bait a man into marrying you, you will probably regret it later.

Some women do like to cook (I personally consider it an art and find it a great outlet for creativity) and also there are a FEW women (I would think anyway) who lenjoy having sex with the man they love and don't think of it as 'putting out'. You may not have meant it this way but it sounds a bit like a put down to say something like 'If you plan to be a cooking, cleaning sex goddess for the rest of your life, etc.' as if that must somehow be fake or inferior.

In this current economy it's great for the budget if someone knows how to cook. (Not to speak of the waistline). And what's the point of getting married if not to have sex? If you just want to be friends who live in the same house, I don't get the point of bothering to get married.

Sorry, but your remarks really rubbed me the wrong way and seemed like a putdown of vespergirl (though I don't agree with her about sex before marriage.)

I am a cooking, sex goddess myself... some days!

But if you are not, I don't think you should make yourself such a person to 'get someone to marry you'. I think that society these days is full of 'gimmicks' for women to get the guy. I appreciate Vespergirl's commentary, but I wanted to offer something different for women who don't see themselves as 'that person'. My comment may not have resonated with you, but it might for others. I certainly meant no put-down of Vespergirl!


ETA:
I can see how 'putting out' could have the wrong connotation, but I am brash sometimes... I've only been with the man I am marrying, so the terms don't matter much to me.

 

[CNOS128]

Just the once, to my husband.

And I''ve cooked for him maybe 5 times in 3 years. He, in particular, would affirmatively dislike it if I had dinner on the table for him every night. I think it''s because he was raised by a feminist and non-cooking mother.

 

[trillionaire]

Date: 8/12/2009 4:46:04 PM
Author: trillionaire

Date: 8/12/2009 3:22:54 PM
Author: Black Jade

Date: 8/12/2009 2:18:37 PM
Author: trillionaire

Date: 8/12/2009 2:08:10 PM
Author: vespergirl
Engaged 3 times, but married twice. I was engaged the first time at age 22, to my first husband, when we were just out of college - we were married for two years.

Then I was engaged again at age 26 to a lawyer I had been with for a while, but he had anger issues, so I broke off the engagement after 4 months.

Finally, I met my husband at 27, and we got engaged & married when I was 29 - we have now been married for 3 years, have a 2 year old son, and another baby on the way.

My advice to any young women who want to be engaged is this:
1. Learn how to cook. Not just one dish either. I cook for my husband almost every night (we go out once or twice a week) and it's totally a way to get to a man's heart. Most men don't want to be eating takeout every night for the rest of their lives.
2. Be an avid sexual partner. Not to get too explicit, but men like to think that they will continue having sex after marriage, otherwise they won't want to take the plunge.

My advice is, don't be someone who you don't plan to be in marriage, before marriage. If you plan to be a cooking, cleaning sex goddess for the rest of your life, then by all means... but men marry you for who you are, not who you might become. If you are cooking all the time and putting out, they aren't going to appreciate it when you stop. Just be true to yourself... don't try to bait a man into marrying you, you will probably regret it later.

Some women do like to cook (I personally consider it an art and find it a great outlet for creativity) and also there are a FEW women (I would think anyway) who lenjoy having sex with the man they love and don't think of it as 'putting out'. You may not have meant it this way but it sounds a bit like a put down to say something like 'If you plan to be a cooking, cleaning sex goddess for the rest of your life, etc.' as if that must somehow be fake or inferior.

In this current economy it's great for the budget if someone knows how to cook. (Not to speak of the waistline). And what's the point of getting married if not to have sex? If you just want to be friends who live in the same house, I don't get the point of bothering to get married.

Sorry, but your remarks really rubbed me the wrong way and seemed like a putdown of vespergirl (though I don't agree with her about sex before marriage.)

In hindsight and retrospect, Vespergirl's advice is right on.


If my FI had started putting out and cooking all the time, I would have proposed to him YEARS ago!

 

[kittybean]

I've only been engaged once, to my husband.

For the record, I'm like the lilies of the valley, I "toil not, nor do spin." Cooking and cleaning are not my strong suits--I've told my husband that from day one--but I'm a brilliant conversationalist

.

I think both Trillionaire and Vesper have it right: show your SO who you really, truly are, and make sure they love the real you before you commit to marry them. And while people seldom change their true character, it is never bad to learn new skills and improve on the ones you already possess.

 

[katomm]

Well I''m sorry this turned into a little controversial post but have enjoyed reading everyone''s answers. Three of my engagements were before I was 24 so I was just young and dumb.


To go along w/ the rest of the thread, not only do I cook but I clean and work. If I didn''t do any of these things thing BF would still love me. His ex wife did not cook nor clean so as far as he''s concerned, he''s got the perfect woman! LOL

 

[vip0802]

Date: 8/12/2009 9:45:14 AM
Author: ckrickett
24 (25 in gasp like 4 days)

BUT never... unless you count my ex and I we practically had the wedding planned all the vendors on alert and our families up in arms, then I pulled the plug before I got a REAL proposal b/c I knew it wouldn''t work out.

for a second there, i thought you meant you were engaged 24/25 times! i was like, "daaayyuummm ckrickett!" hahaha!

i''ve never been engaged, but BF was once before. thank goodness that didn''t work out!

 

[chiquitapet]

I was only ever engaged once, to my DH, who also was my ''first boyfriend''.

I have cooked maybe 5x in the last few years - as I have no time or desire to. He on the other hand loves cooking and is always trying new recipes. He knew I won''t be cooking going into our marriage, so I must be really good btw the sheets then!

 

[monarch64]

Date: 8/12/2009 4:44:19 PM
Author: LaurenThePartier

Date: 8/12/2009 4:39:18 PM
Author: monarch64
This is not part of the question, but I have been proposed to (without a ring) more times than I can count.

Only accepted 2 rings, been married once, now going through a divorce. I''ve had a few more ringless proposals in the past six months.

Also, I can cook and I enjoy cooking for and sharing a meal with someone, but I don''t think I''ve ever even dated a man who hasn''t told me that he loves to cook and would gladly cook for me every night of the week.

LOL, Monnie!

You just reminded me of my proposal via email, buy a guy I met when I was living in London.

The best part - he attached it as a Word doc. And it was 3 pages long.

Hahahaha! Proposal via email, omg! That''s hilarious. Did you email back your answer? In a word attachment? ROFL

My grandmother has something like 5 solitaires from broken engagements. She was only married once, to my grandfather who died in ''77. She is 85 years young. She was wearing one I''d never seen before last time I saw her, and I asked her if it was a new ring, because she''s been dating a new guy for the past two years or so. She smiled as she looked down at it and said, "oh no, this is from someone else, I think he thought we were engaged." She wasn''t being sarcastic or anything!

I said, "Grandma, I want to be just like you when I grow up." She got a kick out that.

 

[LtlFirecracker]

I was engaged for about 6 months once, than I discovered some big "red flag" stuff about my than BF.

Now I have been with a great guy for the last 2.5 years and in LIW status for an undetermined amount of time.

 

[wolftress]

Date: 8/12/2009 5:36:56 PM
Author: trillionaire

Date: 8/12/2009 4:46:04 PM
Author: trillionaire

Date: 8/12/2009 3:22:54 PM
Author: Black Jade

Date: 8/12/2009 2:18:37 PM
Author: trillionaire

Date: 8/12/2009 2:08:10 PM
Author: vespergirl
Engaged 3 times, but married twice. I was engaged the first time at age 22, to my first husband, when we were just out of college - we were married for two years.

Then I was engaged again at age 26 to a lawyer I had been with for a while, but he had anger issues, so I broke off the engagement after 4 months.

Finally, I met my husband at 27, and we got engaged & married when I was 29 - we have now been married for 3 years, have a 2 year old son, and another baby on the way.

My advice to any young women who want to be engaged is this:
1. Learn how to cook. Not just one dish either. I cook for my husband almost every night (we go out once or twice a week) and it''s totally a way to get to a man''s heart. Most men don''t want to be eating takeout every night for the rest of their lives.
2. Be an avid sexual partner. Not to get too explicit, but men like to think that they will continue having sex after marriage, otherwise they won''t want to take the plunge.

My advice is, don''t be someone who you don''t plan to be in marriage, before marriage. If you plan to be a cooking, cleaning sex goddess for the rest of your life, then by all means... but men marry you for who you are, not who you might become. If you are cooking all the time and putting out, they aren''t going to appreciate it when you stop. Just be true to yourself... don''t try to bait a man into marrying you, you will probably regret it later.

Some women do like to cook (I personally consider it an art and find it a great outlet for creativity) and also there are a FEW women (I would think anyway) who lenjoy having sex with the man they love and don''t think of it as ''putting out''. You may not have meant it this way but it sounds a bit like a put down to say something like ''If you plan to be a cooking, cleaning sex goddess for the rest of your life, etc.'' as if that must somehow be fake or inferior.

In this current economy it''s great for the budget if someone knows how to cook. (Not to speak of the waistline). And what''s the point of getting married if not to have sex? If you just want to be friends who live in the same house, I don''t get the point of bothering to get married.

Sorry, but your remarks really rubbed me the wrong way and seemed like a putdown of vespergirl (though I don''t agree with her about sex before marriage.)

In hindsight and retrospect, Vespergirl''s advice is right on.


If my FI had started putting out and cooking all the time, I would have proposed to him YEARS ago!

LOL

Vespergirl, I usually agree with you but I have to say your advice really rubbed me the wrong way. I have been proposed to 4 times and engaged twice but I hardly cook and when I do, it''s a real hit-or-miss affair. Once I tried to cook chicken wings as a contribution to Christmas dinner and they weren''t cooked on the inside when I served them

I have never lived this down. Not sure about the avid lover bit as I''ve never asked for feedback but I have always been myself and never tried to fit into any mould. Which I think all women should do, and if the man doesn''t propose then he''s not the one for them.

For the record, DH cooks and cleans but that wasn''t a factor when I accepted his proposal

 

[purelily]

1 or 2 times... depending on whose perspective you are looking from..

 

[Dannielle]

Once, to my FI

 

[iheartscience]

Date: 8/12/2009 3:39:10 PM
Author: hisdiamondgirl
Well personally, vespergirl''s comments rubbed me the wrong way. I bring much more to the relationship than meals. If he is not happy that I have a career that is important to me and that I am working 60 hr weeks to provide a good life for the both of us, and that I don''t have the time or energy for home-cooked meals every night, then he''s with the wrong person. If I had the luxury of staying at home, then of course, I would have a home-cooked meal waiting for him every day, but the way it is, for most people nowadays, I think not. It is actually a little insulting to be told that I have to cook to get a man to marry me, I mean come on, what year is this?

Ditto, of course...except for I don''t like to cook so I would probably never do it, whether I stayed home or not. Conveniently, my husband loves to cook-yay for me!

And I''ve just been engaged the one time...guess I didn''t cook or put out enough to get more than one proposal.

 

[vespergirl]

Well, I''m going to clarify my original post before. First of all, I do stand by my original assertion that cooking & sex are things that may transition you from "girlfriend material" to "wife material" in your boyfriend''s mind. I can tell you from experience that all 3 men who proposed to me told me that those were things that I did (that previous girlfriends didn''t) that made them want to spend the rest of their lives with me. Obviously, love, chemistry, personality and compatibility are also factors, but I do believe it''s true that if it''s important for that particular man, he''s not going to be rushing out to buy a ring for a girl that he doesn''t think is ever going to roast a turkey for Thanksgiving or give a oral sex ever again after the wedding night. Maybe not everyone agrees, and that''s fine. This is just some advice from a woman who was engaged 3 times before the age of 30 to women who are waiting for a proposal on a thread dedicated to how much they want a proposal. Take the advice or not - it may not work for some, but it worked for me. I will also mention that I received the first two proposals after one year of dating, and my last one after two years.

I also agree with Trillionaire, though, that you should be true to yourself. Even though I love cooking and sex, I hate cleaning the house. So, we have a maid. DH knew that from the get-go - it''s important to not advertise one thing, and do another after the wedding. I actually have two good friends who are going through divorces now for similar reasons. They acted one way before marriage, and both have almost totally stopped having sex with their husbands (within a few months of the wedding). Sex should not be used as bait - and I truly believe, as Jade said, if you don''t want to have sex, why on earth are you getting married?

Finally, I don''t live in 1950 Stepford, CT. Before I had my first child, I was a marketing manager at one of the world''s largest law firms, and made a great salary. However, I knew that when I had children I wanted to stay at home with them, so it was important for me to be with someone financially successful who supported my choice to raise my own children. When I met my DH, he wanted the same type of upbringing for our children, so he was happy to support me while I take few years off until my youngest is in school. He knew that I was looking for a man who was financially successful, and that never bothered him. In fact, it fills him with joy and pride to take care of us - the same way that I feel when I take care of him & our son.