How long did it/has it/will it take for you to send ALL your thank you cards?

[Gypsy]

I''m not confessing, cause I''m afraid Haven will hit me with Linda''s granny bat.

But .... um, how long did it take you all. We have up to a year right??? Right??? (Please???)

 

[cammy85]

Emily Post says we have up to a year! We have about 7 more to write, all of them to address and we''re 4 months past our wedding. I really want to get them out, they''re like this looming thing and I feel like such a horrible person, but with a new house, renovations, etc, it''s been hard to find any time for anything other than that and sleeping.

That is my goal for this weekend though!

 

[CNOS128]

We''ve sent out almost all of ours; we only have about 5 or 6 left. It''s been almost 2 months since the wedding! I heard somewhere that you only get 2 weeks, so I felt like a major slacker, until my MIL complimented us on our timeliness! I was shocked, but I felt a lot better. She said lots of people wait until they can use professional photos in their cards, which could be months!! Gypsy, I think you''re fine!

Here''s my question: Do you send thank yous to people who attended but didn''t give gifts? We have a handful of people who didn''t give gifts. Should I assume some of these people might send gifts later, and wait to send them "Thank you for attending our wedding" notes? If so, how long should I wait?

 

[cammy85]

Date: 7/21/2009 12:51:31 PM
Author: TheBigT
We''ve sent out almost all of ours; we only have about 5 or 6 left. It''s been almost 2 months since the wedding! I heard somewhere that you only get 2 weeks, so I felt like a major slacker, until my MIL complimented us on our timeliness! I was shocked, but I felt a lot better. She said lots of people wait until they can use professional photos in their cards, which could be months!! Gypsy, I think you''re fine!

Here''s my question: Do you send thank yous to people who attended but didn''t give gifts? We have a handful of people who didn''t give gifts. Should I assume some of these people might send gifts later, and wait to send them ''Thank you for attending our wedding'' notes? If so, how long should I wait?

I don''t send thank yous to attendees with no gift. Unless, that is, they traveled a lot to get to the wedding. That''s my personal take, though, and everyone does things differently, for sure. I feel like depending on the ''audience'' for a thank you note, a ''thank you for coming'' note might be read as ''where''s my gift?'' instead. But I''m slightly jaded from some people haha.

I''m sure if you want to send thank yous to attendee''s they would love it, but in my mind it''s certainly not necessary.

 

[CNOS128]

Date: 7/21/2009 12:56:17 PM
Author: cammy85

I don''t send thank yous to attendees with no gift. Unless, that is, they traveled a lot to get to the wedding. That''s my personal take, though, and everyone does things differently, for sure. I feel like depending on the ''audience'' for a thank you note, a ''thank you for coming'' note might be read as ''where''s my gift?'' instead. But I''m slightly jaded from some people haha.

I''m sure if you want to send thank yous to attendee''s they would love it, but in my mind it''s certainly not necessary.

That was my fear - I certainly wouldn''t want anyone to have this reaction!! I supposed it may be better not to send a note!

 

[Gypsy]

Um... I''m hiring a teenager to help me write mine. Seriously. I hate hand writing things and my husband, god love him, thinks that by printing out address labels he''s done his part. I offered one my co-worker''s teenagers 100 bucks for one day of note writing.

BTW. John feels we should send people ''thank you for attending'' cards, but I''m debating.

I have sent ANY OUT. I''ve gotten some written, but the steps of putting them in the envelopes, addressing them, then depositing them in the mail box... those are apparently beyond my abilites.

I''m terrible.

 

[Lilac]

Gypsy, it''s so funny you started this thread because I was literally in the middle of writing thank you cards just now and signed onto PS to start the same thread!

I sent out all the engagement present thank you cards pretty much the week after we received the gifts, but the wedding ones are so much harder (I had much more time during the engagement period, but since the wedding DH and I have been consumed with work/school).

My wedding was in February and we had over 500 people (got around maybe 300 gifts) . I''ve sent out about 200 or so cards already. I have another 100 or so to go, but after writing 15 my hand starts killing me!!! I would ideally like to have every last one out by the 6 month mark though (so I have until August 8!) Wish me luck...

 

[sba771]

Date: 7/21/2009 1:16:34 PM
Author: Gypsy
Um... I''m hiring a teenager to help me write mine. Seriously. I hate hand writing things and my husband, god love him, thinks that by printing out address labels he''s done his part. I offered one my co-worker''s teenagers 100 bucks for one day of note writing.


BTW. John feels we should send people ''thank you for attending'' cards, but I''m debating.


I have sent ANY OUT. I''ve gotten some written, but the steps of putting them in the envelopes, addressing them, then depositing them in the mail box... those are apparently beyond my abilites.


I''m terrible.

I know I am not married yet but I had to chime in here when you said you were considering hiring a teenager. I told my FI I should open a thank you note ghost writing business. We had an 80 person engagement party and I had the thank yous done in 3 days. I am weird and love writing cute and personal thank you notes and don''t find it a chore. I am glad I am not the only one who has thought about out-sourcing it, lol- if only I could actually turn it into a business.

 

[musey]

I thought we had up to two weeks from receipt of the gift?

We sent almost all of ours before the wedding, for the gifts that came before, with only a couple of stragglers. We only got 4 or 5 gifts at the wedding, so it didn''t take long to churn those out when we returned from the honeymoon... maybe 3 days? So hoping that people gave us some slack for not writing while out of the country for the three weeks following the wedding

... we had all of ours out within a month of the wedding.

To be fair, we only received maybe 25-30 gifts (including cards), tops, so it really was not a big job.

 

[Gypsy]

Date: 7/21/2009 1:35:42 PM
Author: sba771

I know I am not married yet but I had to chime in here when you said you were considering hiring a teenager. I told my FI I should open a thank you note ghost writing business. We had an 80 person engagement party and I had the thank yous done in 3 days. I am weird and love writing cute and personal thank you notes and don't find it a chore. I am glad I am not the only one who has thought about out-sourcing it, lol- if only I could actually turn it into a business.

Oh you totally should! I would have hired you guys in a heartbeat. Emily Post would have a heart attack, but I think it's a FANTASTIC idea. I'll supervise her, but she's a really good kid (goes to college next year) and I'm only having her do the ones for people that wouldn't recognize my handwriting (all my mom's friends).


Musey, I had pnemonia right after the wedding, then my mother went in for surgery, ended up having life threatening complications, we got robbed, moved in ahurry. Then I got sick over the holidays again... resulting in my hospitalization in Februrary. So honestly April was the earliest I was able to get to them. And well... I didn't. I wrote many. Just... didn't get the rest of it done.

 

[Hudson_Hawk]

Date: 7/21/2009 12:56:17 PM
Author: cammy85

Date: 7/21/2009 12:51:31 PM

Author: TheBigT

We''ve sent out almost all of ours; we only have about 5 or 6 left. It''s been almost 2 months since the wedding! I heard somewhere that you only get 2 weeks, so I felt like a major slacker, until my MIL complimented us on our timeliness! I was shocked, but I felt a lot better. She said lots of people wait until they can use professional photos in their cards, which could be months!! Gypsy, I think you''re fine!


Here''s my question: Do you send thank yous to people who attended but didn''t give gifts? We have a handful of people who didn''t give gifts. Should I assume some of these people might send gifts later, and wait to send them ''Thank you for attending our wedding'' notes? If so, how long should I wait?

I don''t send thank yous to attendees with no gift. Unless, that is, they traveled a lot to get to the wedding. That''s my personal take, though, and everyone does things differently, for sure. I feel like depending on the ''audience'' for a thank you note, a ''thank you for coming'' note might be read as ''where''s my gift?'' instead. But I''m slightly jaded from some people haha.


I''m sure if you want to send thank yous to attendee''s they would love it, but in my mind it''s certainly not necessary.

LOL that''s the exact reason why I''d WOULD send one to someone who came without a gift! I kid, I kid...

 

[anchor31]

I think it took me 6 months or so. I had to wait until the photog finished them and posted them to us, so it''s not like I could have done it faster! We have only one attendee and date who didn''t give us a gift (he was a GM of all people!), and I don''t remember if we sent a thank you or not. DH handled his immediate family and attendants, so he might have. Good thing too, otherwise I would probably have made some veiled allusion to his drunk last-minute date who stole a BM''s bouquet...

 

[musincy]

I thought the etiquette was 8 weeks. I don''t know... I haven''t started yet. That''s my plan for tomorrow or Thursday (to start anyway). Hopefully I''ll have them done in the next couple of weeks.

 

[kittybean]

Any gifts we received before the wedding were sent a thank you within a week of receiving the gift. People were so surprised, and many commented on how nice it was to know that their gift they shipped was received in one piece and enjoyed.

At the wedding, we received probably 100 more gifts (these were mostly cash gifts). I am trying to get them all out before the beginning of August; our wedding was June 20. We were actually writing notes on the honeymoon because I couldn''t just let them sit for two weeks--I may have some compulsive tendencies when it comes to thank you notes

.

As a guest, I''m very pleased to receive a thank you within three months or so. More than six months and I start to feel a little miffed (unless I know the couple well and they otherwise acknowledged my gift already). I just like to know that my gift got to them and that they knew I was thinking of them; I also love to hear that they enjoyed the gift, but if they didn''t, just an acknowledgement is fine.

Gypsy, I actually think hiring someone sounds like a great idea! I would happily be a ghost thank-you-note writer if someone paid me. What is the going rate, I wonder? Also, I think you have to force John to write a couple if you end up in a pinch. I made DH write all the ones to his friends and family!

As for writing a "thank you for attending" note, it really didn''t occur to me to do something like that. If they attended, I thanked them in person at the wedding for attending, and I acknowledged that some had traveled a long way and how much I appreciated them making the trip. If they did not give a gift, I''m not planning on sending a note. I agree with Cammy that it could be misinterpreted as an attempt at soliciting a gift, which I would be loathe to do. I also wouldn''t want them to feel bad about not sending a gift--it certainly is not a requirement in my book (although I think it is polite to give a gift), and I don''t want to give someone a guilt trip by sending them a thank you note.

 

[musey]

Date: 7/21/2009 2:26:16 PM
Author: kittybean

As for writing a 'thank you for attending' note, it really didn't occur to me to do something like that. If they attended, I thanked them in person at the wedding for attending, and I acknowledged that some had traveled a long way and how much I appreciated them making the trip. If they did not give a gift, I'm not planning on sending a note. I agree with Cammy that it could be misinterpreted as an attempt at soliciting a gift, which I would be loathe to do. I also wouldn't want them to feel bad about not sending a gift--it certainly is not a requirement in my book (although I think it is polite to give a gift), and I don't want to give someone a guilt trip by sending them a thank you note.

I did this in some cases, when I knew the person really had to go out of their way to attend. I cannot believe that sending a "thank you so much for attending" note could be interpreted as a gift grab!!

These notes were somewhere along the lines of "It meant so much to have you there, especially considering the distance you had to travel / your schedule / your kids' stuff" etc. I honestly don't see how that could come across as "did you forget to give us a gift?" Perhaps if gifts were expected/compulsory, yes, but they are not...

Anyway, we had a lot of people who attended without giving a gift. Probably close to 1/3 of our guests, really. Some of them came from great distances and/or in spite of very busy schedules, so I really felt like I owed an above-and-beyond 'thank you' to those guests, I wanted them to know I was aware of and appreciated the time/money/effort it took to get them there. Considering how much it cost many of our guests to travel across the country and stay in town for the wedding, I think that was much more deserving of a thank you note than the person who bought us a $3 candle from bed bath and beyond then drove 20 minutes to our wedding venue for some free drinks & dinner

 

[Gypsy]

Musey, I think it depends on how you write it.

On the ones I have written I wrote.

Dear X and Y,

We are so grateful that you both could make the trip out to our wedding. It meant so much to have you there sharing such a special day with us, and made the day even more meaningful. We hope you enjoyed the wedding, and hope to see you both soon!

Love,
Layla and John.

 

[vintagecushion]

I'm not disciplined enough to write thank you cards on a schedule so I wrote them immediately after receiving gifts. People were so shocked and I actually received a few thank you for writing back so quickly cards. Crazy, no?

Anyway, to answer Gypsy's q, given the shock expressed over quick replies I think you should get them out soon-ish and not worry about it.

 

[musincy]

Date: 7/21/2009 3:48:15 PM
Author: vintagecushion
I''m not disciplined enough to write thank you cards on a schedule so I wrote them immediately after receiving gifts. People were so shocked and I actually received a few thank you for writing back so quickly cards. Crazy, no?

Anyway, to answer Gypsy''s q, given the shock expressed over quick replies I think you should get them out soon-ish and not worry about it.

That''s hilarious... I feel like the chain could just continue forever if everyone wrote thank you notes for thank you notes.
But honestly, I appreciate receiving a thank you card quickly. I went to a wedding in the spring and have not received a thank you note. My gift was in an envelope, and I''m very concerned that it got lost!

 

[kittybean]

Date: 7/21/2009 2:41:36 PM
Author: musey

Date: 7/21/2009 2:26:16 PM
Author: kittybean

As for writing a ''thank you for attending'' note, it really didn''t occur to me to do something like that. If they attended, I thanked them in person at the wedding for attending, and I acknowledged that some had traveled a long way and how much I appreciated them making the trip. If they did not give a gift, I''m not planning on sending a note. I agree with Cammy that it could be misinterpreted as an attempt at soliciting a gift, which I would be loathe to do. I also wouldn''t want them to feel bad about not sending a gift--it certainly is not a requirement in my book (although I think it is polite to give a gift), and I don''t want to give someone a guilt trip by sending them a thank you note.

I did this in some cases, when I knew the person really had to go out of their way to attend. I cannot believe that sending a ''thank you so much for attending'' note could be interpreted as a gift grab!!

These notes were somewhere along the lines of ''It meant so much to have you there, especially considering the distance you had to travel / your schedule / your kids'' stuff'' etc. I honestly don''t see how that could come across as ''did you forget to give us a gift?'' Perhaps if gifts were expected/compulsory, yes, but they are not...

Anyway, we had a lot of people who attended without giving a gift. Probably close to 1/3 of our guests, really. Some of them came from great distances and/or in spite of very busy schedules, so I really felt like I owed an above-and-beyond ''thank you'' to those guests, I wanted them to know I was aware of and appreciated the time/money/effort it took to get them there. Considering how much it cost many of our guests to travel across the country and stay in town for the wedding, I think that was much more deserving of a thank you note than the person who bought us a $3 candle from bed bath and beyond then drove 20 minutes to our wedding venue for some free drinks & dinner

Maybe I am overly pessimistic about the possible interpretation of a "thank you for coming" note! I think it''s just that I feel compelled (and I know not everyone does) to send a wedding gift to any couple who invited me to their wedding, even if I don''t go. If I had not given a gift or had forgotten to send one and I received a "thank you for coming" note, I would feel awful, because it would point out to me that I didn''t give a gift when I personally feel I should have. I think I''m just imposing my personal feelings on the general population of wedding gift-givers!

Musey, I really think it is very thoughtful of you to thank the people who made the effort to come to your wedding. You are right that traveling out of town to celebrate someone''s marriage is a big commitment of both time and money. I hope I expressed my own thanks sufficiently in person when I spoke with those who had journeyed a long way to be with us.

 

[violet02]

Date: 7/21/2009 12:46:04 PM
Author: cammy85
Emily Post says we have up to a year! We have about 7 more to write, all of them to address and we're 4 months past our wedding. I really want to get them out, they're like this looming thing and I feel like such a horrible person, but with a new house, renovations, etc, it's been hard to find any time for anything other than that and sleeping.

That is my goal for this weekend though!

Don't get me started!

It's not a year! In fact the latest issue of Inside Weddings has a bit by Anna Post the grandaughter of Emily Post who addresses the 1 year 'myth'. In fact she said the best policy is to send cards out as you get the gifts so you don't forget! I think if you send a card within a couple of months that's fine. I personally sent them out within 2 weeks or so of each gift but generally as soon as I could after receiving the gift. That's just me though.

My friend sent out her thank you notes exactly 1 year to the day of the wedding, which was kind of weird, since a year had gone by and we were all wondering if they'd even gotten some of our gifits or not (my friends and I).

 

[Lilac]

I think it definitely is best to send them out as soon as you get the gifts, but sometimes it''s just not realistic. Engagement gifts were staggered so I was able to send them all out within a couple days of getting each gift. Bridal shower gifts I only had about 30 or 35 thank you cards to write so I was able to write those all the next two or three days. People who gave wedding gifts before the wedding also received thank you cards within about a week or so. But once the wedding came, we got over 300 gifts in one night - and when you don''t take off any time from work or school and don''t get home until 10 at night, it''s just not possible to write 300 cards within 2 weeks!

Honestly, I know I should have had these out a few weeks ago, but I just have to hope people understand that it takes a little while to write SO many cards and unfortunately, some people end up at the end of the list rather than the beginning.

 

[October2008bride]

Gypsy - I''m going to be honest to help you out. We took FOREVER to get our TYCs out. I''m talking 6 or 7 months. It took almost 3 months to get our pictures, and then I ordered note cards from the states and they took a while too.

Excuses excuses. I was embarrassed they took so long but I fell back on the Emily Post 1 year thing.

As far as the non- gift givers I damn well did send a card that said "thanks for coming - I appreciated your attendance" but in much nicer language.

 

[Laila619]

I thought the deadline was generally accepted to be 2 months, so I got all ours done in exactly 2 months to the day. Man was it time consuming! I was SO relieved to be done.

 

[SarahLovesJS]

What about thank you for ignoring my invitation (even though you were supposed to be a close/must-invite family member/friend) and not even having the decency to send back a return addressed, stamped envelope that we paid for cards?

Oookay someone is still a little bitter/annoyed! Lol. Yeah not sending those I am just kidding obviously..but as for the real cards I am trying to get them out ASAP. Already sent out about 10..about 20 more to go. Gypsy if it would make you feel good to send them then I say send them anyway!!

 

[cammy85]

I''m curious for all those who have posted your timelines - how many did you have to send out.

I know Lilac you said you had nearly 300 and SaraLoveJS you mentioned you had about 30. So for the people that are doing them in a really short amount of time, did you have a ton to write? I can''t wait to finish mine, I feel like such a bad person, but I also know that I have been verbally thanking people (especially those that couldn''t come to the wedding) so that they know their gift was received, and they''re understanding that we had a new house with lots of renovation the minute we came home from the honeymoon. We''re doing the best we have given the timeline, but I still feel like it isn''t enough

 

[newsboysgrl777]

For me, it''ll have been 3 weeks since the wedding as of tomorrow and I haven''t gotten a single thank you card out. I feel really bad about that and I told DH that last night (because every time I see a gift someone gave us, I''m like "Oh man! They didn''t have to do that. They were so generous. I really need to let them know how much I appreciate it"), but he reminded me that the first entire week after our wedding, we were on our honeymoon, and the past week and a half, I''ve been incredibly sick with the flu, so it''s not like I''m REALLY slacking...it''s understandable. That being said, I AM going to be getting thank you cards from the store tonight or tomorrow and begin the task.

HOWEVER, I also haven''t sent out all my thank yous from the bridal shower yet...and that''s been since June 7!! Granted, I moved during June and of course I was still planning the wedding, etc., but still...I''m hoping that whole ''you have a year to get thank yous out'' counts for shower gifts, too?

 

[SarahLovesJS]

Date: 7/23/2009 8:34:49 AM
Author: cammy85
I''m curious for all those who have posted your timelines - how many did you have to send out.


I know Lilac you said you had nearly 300 and SaraLoveJS you mentioned you had about 30. So for the people that are doing them in a really short amount of time, did you have a ton to write? I can''t wait to finish mine, I feel like such a bad person, but I also know that I have been verbally thanking people (especially those that couldn''t come to the wedding) so that they know their gift was received, and they''re understanding that we had a new house with lots of renovation the minute we came home from the honeymoon. We''re doing the best we have given the timeline, but I still feel like it isn''t enough

Lots of hand pain! My goal to survive it is to make DH help. Lol. We had around 60-65 guests attending so that resulted in around 30 ty cards to send out..some people didn''t respond and didn''t send a gift, some families all went in and got a big super nice gift together, etc. I did already get all of the bridal shower ones out which was about 20something and considering I just did graduation ones at the end of May I am freaking thank you carded out!!

But man I couldn''t imagine having to do like 300..

Cammy it sounds like you''re doing your best, things are crazy busy! Just keep on truckin''.

 

[Lilac]

I wrote 30 on Tuesday and then realized I didn''t have stamps

I feel like these cards will never end

 

[cammy85]

I keep humming to myself:

"Just keep swimming, just keep swimming, just keep swimming, swimming, swimming..."

I''ve officially lost it.

 

[musincy]

I just sent mine out today... so less than a week. I know that''s totally ridiculous, but we''re leaving for our honeymoon soon and I don''t want to come back and do them. Plus, I only had about 30 to write.