How long before you knew?

[vr78239]

Date: 5/12/2008 11:56:47 AM
Author: gwendolyn
First of all, welcome!

I''m probably not the right person to reply first to your thread, because I don''t *KNOW* for sure yet about my boyfriend.

He''s ready to marry me, and I''m 99% sure we will get married eventually, but I''m not positive yet. We''ve been in an international long distance relationship for almost 3 of the 3 1/2 years we''ve been together. And now that we''re in the same country, we''re STILL long-distance, just not as far as before! So I want us to live together first, just to make sure. Our visits now are more like vacations or short holidays than real life, and I want to make sure we spend some time in the real world before getting married.

So is your boyfriend in the armed services then, if he''s being deployed soon? My last housemate was married to a man in the army (who thankfully is done with his 2 tours of Iraq and living at home with her), and I lived with her during his 2nd tour, and it was so hard just to watch someone go through that. I can''t imagine how life must be for the wife/girlfriend of a soldier. I really admire the strength and courage that your SO has to go and fight, but also that you have to wait for him at home. I don''t think I could do it!

Gwendolyn,

My BF is in the Air Force. The deployment is in May 2009 so we do have a year together before he leaves for 4 months. I don''t look forward to it, but I know it''s going to happen and I guess I just have to make the best of it. I consider myself very luckly that he isn''t deploying for 12-18 months as so many other military personnel are.

 

[stryeyes102]

I totally agree with everything impatient one wrote!!

Deployments are not for the weak of heart. All you have, if your lucky is calls or perhaps emails. It makes you change your whole view of communication as you cannot speak face to face. You have to learn to deal with stress and little tiff''s in a whole new way. Your emotions and feelings get shared straight out because you dont have the ability to show them (if that makes sense). You both grow in different ways while apart and have to re adjust to being back together. They are work, In every possible way. By the end of them though, your communication as a couple is at its best.. Plus, when he gets back home, its like this feeling of falling in love with him all over again. You know, the butterfly stomach and that first kiss that makes your knees go weak. *its awesome

*


My boyfriend and i met online.. We talked for 4 months while he was in core school.. We met/starting dating in nov and on jan 5th, he deployed. He is currently deployed for his second time and will be home in alil less then a month.. We knew we wanted to be together after a year into our relationship and, we had even debated getting married before this latest deployment. But we decided against it.

Just please, dont rush! its tough enough to deal with deployments, you dont need the added stress of being a newlywed in with being apart. Deployments are do-able. Find hobbies and just keep busy. One great time filler is to start scrapbooking!

Dont keep thinking about it, just enjoy all the time you have together

 

[vr78239]

Date: 5/13/2008 2:59:25 PM
Author: stryeyes102
I totally agree with everything impatient one wrote!!

Deployments are not for the weak of heart. All you have, if your lucky is calls or perhaps emails. It makes you change your whole view of communication as you cannot speak face to face. You have to learn to deal with stress and little tiff''s in a whole new way. Your emotions and feelings get shared straight out because you dont have the ability to show them (if that makes sense). You both grow in different ways while apart and have to re adjust to being back together. They are work, In every possible way. By the end of them though, your communication as a couple is at its best.. Plus, when he gets back home, its like this feeling of falling in love with him all over again. You know, the butterfly stomach and that first kiss that makes your knees go weak. *its awesome

*


My boyfriend and i met online.. We talked for 4 months while he was in core school.. We met/starting dating in nov and on jan 5th, he deployed. He is currently deployed for his second time and will be home in alil less then a month.. We knew we wanted to be together after a year into our relationship and, we had even debated getting married before this latest deployment. But we decided against it.

Just please, dont rush! its tough enough to deal with deployments, you dont need the added stress of being a newlywed in with being apart. Deployments are do-able. Find hobbies and just keep busy. One great time filler is to start scrapbooking!

Dont keep thinking about it, just enjoy all the time you have together

stryeyes102,

Your avatar almost made me cry...I''m such a baby.

Thanks for your insight in reference to the deployment. I know it will be challenging and am grateful that we get a whole year together before he goes. Thanks so much for your reply!

 

[Pandora II]

Date: 5/13/2008 2:12:29 PM
Author: vr78239
Thank you all for your responses and sharing your experiences! I am definitly enjoying this period in our relationship and luckily have been in a long term relationship before, so I know the butterflies won''t always be there. We are so compatible and I look forward to discovering more about him in ways that only time will tell. Thanks again!

Don''t be so sure - my father still feels that way about my mother after 37 years!

After nearly 4 years the butterflies are still there for me...

 

[redfaerythinker]

I knew within two or three months. I just felt this special connection that made me more comfortable with him than any other guy, and way sooner. And that NEVER happens with me. Normally guys start to annoy me within a couple weeks and I know they aren''t right. He was the real deal. And he made it through the annoyance test!

 

[that_someone_special]

Well.. we had been dating only 2 months when I went to the Bahamas for a week. It would cost WAY too much money (like $3/ min) to call, and internet was spendy too. I didn''t get to see or talk to him for 9 days.

It drove me nuts. I cried on the way to the airport. I called him as soon as a phone was within reach when we were on our way back. There was just something different...

I KNEW I would say, around 8 months. We can fight like crazy, but we are also crazy about each other. He''s the only guy that can make me SO happy and SO cranky

he knows me too well! Same with him. I can get under his skin, yet I can make him feel great too.

These last 5 months have been rough.. with graduating college, depression, medical issues... he''s been there through everything with me. He was the only one to offer to drive me to the ER -- TWICE!! He''s my knight!

 

[that_someone_special]

Date: 5/13/2008 5:22:42 PM
Author: Pandora II

Date: 5/13/2008 2:12:29 PM
Author: vr78239
Thank you all for your responses and sharing your experiences! I am definitly enjoying this period in our relationship and luckily have been in a long term relationship before, so I know the butterflies won''t always be there. We are so compatible and I look forward to discovering more about him in ways that only time will tell. Thanks again!

Don''t be so sure - my father still feels that way about my mother after 37 years!

After nearly 4 years the butterflies are still there for me...

AWWW that''s so cute

 

[Haven]

I think I approach relationships in a weird way, because I didn''t really have a moment when I *just knew* he was the one.

Here''s the way I looked at it:
- When we first met and he asked me on a date I asked myself "Am I interested enough to spend a few hours with this guy?"
- After our first date I asked myself "Do I like him enough to give him another few hours of my time?"
- After a few months of dating I asked myself "Do I want to spend another few months dating this guy?"
- After a year I thought "I can''t believe it''s been a year! Do I want to spend another year with him?"
- After two years I didn''t have to ask any more questions. I knew that I didn''t want to imagine spending any time without him because he had become such an integral part of my life. I suppose that''s when I knew.

SO, for me it was a gradual realization of how important he was to me, and of how willing I was to allow him become a necessary part of my life. Now I can''t imagine my life without him, and I don''t want to.

The other thing is that I don''t like to rush things because I (like to think I) have a big, long life ahead of me. I love this man. I want to be with him forever, but rushing forward with things (e.g. marriage) isn''t going to make forever come any sooner. (If that makes any sense.)

We were engaged after 3 years of dating, and we''ll be married this July after four years of being together.

I''m so happy for you that you found someone you love who loves you back. Isn''t that the most remarkable thing? (I think Hugh Grant has a great line in Notting Hill about that.)

 

[vr78239]

Date: 5/13/2008 5:22:42 PM
Author: Pandora II

Date: 5/13/2008 2:12:29 PM
Author: vr78239
Thank you all for your responses and sharing your experiences! I am definitly enjoying this period in our relationship and luckily have been in a long term relationship before, so I know the butterflies won''t always be there. We are so compatible and I look forward to discovering more about him in ways that only time will tell. Thanks again!

Don''t be so sure - my father still feels that way about my mother after 37 years!

After nearly 4 years the butterflies are still there for me...

Too cute Pandora! I based that statement off of my only other relationship that was a mess. Here''s to hoping the butterflies don''t ever fade!

 

[vr78239]

Date: 5/14/2008 10:46:54 AM
Author: Haven
I think I approach relationships in a weird way, because I didn''t really have a moment when I *just knew* he was the one.

Here''s the way I looked at it:
- When we first met and he asked me on a date I asked myself ''Am I interested enough to spend a few hours with this guy?''
- After our first date I asked myself ''Do I like him enough to give him another few hours of my time?''
- After a few months of dating I asked myself ''Do I want to spend another few months dating this guy?''
- After a year I thought ''I can''t believe it''s been a year! Do I want to spend another year with him?''
- After two years I didn''t have to ask any more questions. I knew that I didn''t want to imagine spending any time without him because he had become such an integral part of my life. I suppose that''s when I knew.

SO, for me it was a gradual realization of how important he was to me, and of how willing I was to allow him become a necessary part of my life. Now I can''t imagine my life without him, and I don''t want to.

The other thing is that I don''t like to rush things because I (like to think I) have a big, long life ahead of me. I love this man. I want to be with him forever, but rushing forward with things (e.g. marriage) isn''t going to make forever come any sooner. (If that makes any sense.)

We were engaged after 3 years of dating, and we''ll be married this July after four years of being together.

I''m so happy for you that you found someone you love who loves you back. Isn''t that the most remarkable thing? (I think Hugh Grant has a great line in Notting Hill about that.)

Thanks Haven! It truly is a remarkable thing and congrats on your upcoming nuptials!

 

[Guilty Pleasure]

I knew I loved him within three weeks of dating. We took a spontaneous road trip to Lake Charles (gambling) in college which was a pretty long drive. I was having fun, but by the time we got to Lake Charles he was getting on my VERY LAST nerve. He kept interrupting me in the middle of a story to tell his own story!! Then I looked at him, and thought, "who cares if he's annoying me," which is something I usually don't think. That's when it hit me - he is annoying the crap out me... but I 'd rather be here than anywhere in the world! Then we graduated a few weeks later, he left as an officer in the navy, and we've had an on-again off-again LDR ever since (six years).

So I knew that I loved him within three weeks, but I still don't KNOW that he is the one. I have hope that he is the one, and I believe I'll know within a few months since I am moving to be near him next month. I can't believe we are finally in the same time zone, and next month, we'll be in the same zip code!!!

 

[blingergrrrl]

Huh! So many interesting stories!

When I first joined PS, I was seeing someone for a few years and we had started talking marriage and buying a house together, but then everything went downhill from there. We broke up, but it was the best thing that ever happened to me! I met my present BF only a couple months later at a mutual friend's wedding. He's said (later in the relationship) that he knew he was going to marry me that night! I knew after our first date - he blew my mind! I always thought it was a bunch of hooey when people said they just know, but now I completely understand. He's already asked my ring size and what I like....so... soon....

(maybe "boy soon" tho!)

We have to do the long distance thing too as he works up north (about a 10 hour drive). But I see him ~2 times a month. However, I think the phone calls have made us really close as your communication skills have to be REALLY good! His job is also very risky and 2 people that do what he does have died in the past year...It's hard when you don't really know what's going on when he's working....But he's supposed to be transferred south really soon!

 

[anchor31]

FI knew after 5 months. He told me so then and it scared me a little! It took me 16 months. I was just 18 when we started dating (he was 21), so we took our time even if we knew!