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How long before you knew?

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vr78239

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Apr 14, 2008
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Hello ladies!

I''m new here and just love all the support and positive words you all offer each other, so I decided to join the fun!
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I was previously in a dead end relationship with a boy, and I repeat boy, that lasted waaaaay too long, (8 yrs). I guess the thought of starting over seemed so daunting and I''m only 25! I finally kicked his sorry butt to the curb...hindsight sure is 20/20.

Anyway, I''ve recently met a wonderful man! He is intelligent, caring, fun, and kind. We''ve been seeing each other for only 2 months and we are already planning to get married. Does that seem strange? I guess I''ve never been in a relationship where I''ve felt like "I know this is it" especially so soon. I don''t feel like we are rushing. He says he doesn''t want me agonizing over timelines, so he let me know that he plans to ask me to marry him sometime before he deploys, which is May 2009 and we will get married the month after he returns in Sept. 2009. Has anyone else experienced this? When did you KNOW your SO was THE ONE? Was it early on or did it take time for you to realize? Just in case in matters, I''m 25 and SO is 30.

Thanks in advance for you responses and I look forward to chatting with you all more over the coming months!
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gwendolyn

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First of all, welcome!
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I'm probably not the right person to reply first to your thread, because I don't *KNOW* for sure yet about my boyfriend.
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He's ready to marry me, and I'm 99% sure we will get married eventually, but I'm not positive yet. We've been in an international long distance relationship for almost 3 of the 3 1/2 years we've been together. And now that we're in the same country, we're STILL long-distance, just not as far as before! So I want us to live together first, just to make sure. Our visits now are more like vacations or short holidays than real life, and I want to make sure we spend some time in the real world before getting married.

So is your boyfriend in the armed services then, if he's being deployed soon? My last housemate was married to a man in the army (who thankfully is done with his 2 tours of Iraq and living at home with her), and I lived with her during his 2nd tour, and it was so hard just to watch someone go through that. I can't imagine how life must be for the wife/girlfriend of a soldier. I really admire the strength and courage that your SO has to go and fight, but also that you have to wait for him at home. I don't think I could do it!
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Bia

Ideal_Rock
Joined
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Hello and welcome!
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Well, I am on the other end of the spectrum. BF and I have been together over 6 years and I only just started "knowing" in the last year or so--always wanted to marry him but wasn''t ready. Now I am waiting for the proposal and cannot wait to call him my fiance...funny how one day things just click.
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I do believe some couples do not need as much time because they are much more compatible or more mature--really any number of reasons.

Congrats to finding a great guy after a bad relationship...a long one to boot!
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Lauren8211

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I will never, ever tell my boyfriend this, but I knew I wanted to marry him about 3 months after we started dating. lol

I know this wasnt a true "know" because I didnt know him well enough to be certain he would make a good life partner, but I had an overwhelming hunch that it would last forever.

I think I really KNEW, as in..gone through the honeymoon phase, our first fights, and living together adjustments at about 1 1/2 years of dating.

I don''t think its weird you feel that way -- but there''s still a lot more growing together to do before you are ready to marry. I think getting engaged a year from now can give you a good enough amount of time to be really certain. Sometimes those warm/fuzzy feelings at the beginning of a relationship get you feeling like this man is PERFECT! Once you realize he''s not, and you want to spend your life with him anyway, THAT''S when you know for sure that you should get married. :)

Good to hear you''ve found a great man -- I truly hope you two are destined, and end up happily married!
 

ahappygirl

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Mar 22, 2008
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611
I worked with my DH for a month, only noticed how nice and smart he was, his integrity in tough situations, he didn''t really notice I even existed. I was planning on moving out of state, given notice on my apartment, packed things up, then SURPRISE! We met up with mutual friends and spent a night out talking. Hmmm. He''s really nice! But not really my type. (stupid, stupid girl). He asked me out, 2 or 3 dates, I moved 4 hrs away. He visited once, we talked on the phone a lot. I moved back and stayed with a friend for 2 months, worked and studied for my board exam. The plan was to go where the job was afterwards. HA!! Engaged after 2 1/2 mos of dating, 3 1/2 mos of meeting. Married 10 yrs last month! Ecstatically happy. I was 28 when we met, he was 25!! 29/26 when we got married. I didn''t know he was younger when we met or it would have been curtains for him! Little did I know he skipped 2 yrs of college.

We just knew. Sometimes that''s how it is.
 

FrekeChild

Super_Ideal_Rock
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I *knew* a month into our relationship. Having said that, I KNOW now, after two years.

I really honestly wonder if you should slow down, because deployment can make people want to rush things. Now luckily he doesn't deploy until May 2009, so you have a year more to be together before making that choice, but I would still proceed with caution.

$.02

Welcome to PS!!!
 

Keepingthefaith21

Brilliant_Rock
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1,531
Well, I had a feeling he was the one for me before we started dating!

We were best friends for a very long time and the more my jealousy increased when he met a new girl, the more it became apparent to me I had some strong feelings for him. Little did I know he was feeling the same way about me.

I think, given the bond we had as friends, that we both felt this relationship was going to be The One. If one of us doubted the fact that we were meant to be together, I do not think we would have agreed to chance the friendship we had.

Despite both of us having the “this is it” feeling, we have taken every step of our relationship deliberately slow. Having both survived very serious relationships prior, we knew that moving too fast can often times come back to bite you. I wouldn’t change the pace we’ve done things at.

There is something wonderful about knowing things are perfect as they are and they only stand to get better! I really can’t remember a time in my life where I felt like I had so much to look forward to and I get to share it all with my best friend in the entire world!


ETA - Welcome to PS!!!
 

sunnyd

Ideal_Rock
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I *knew* probably a few months into it, but when we were having a romantic night on my birthday 5 months into the relationship, he said ''I''m not asking, but would you marry me?'' It was a really good feeling. And now that we''re a year and 4 months into it, I KNOW KNOW. It''s a happy thought.
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dragonfly411

Ideal_Rock
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I knew at 3 months. He knew almost immediately. We just mesh very well, love the same things, and there are some things that I enjoy that he doesn''t and he looks past those things. We are happy and we always have fun together.
 

anniee19

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Mar 31, 2008
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308
Around 3 months, once I started to get to know my boyfriend better, it started occuring to me more and more what a great guy he is! I really, realized that he was the one I wanted to marry when I went to school in NYC for a semester. We had been dating for about 6 months at the time, and all I wanted to do was be with him. We spent almost every single day together over the summer, so it was hard to be apart for 4 months, and our feelings only grew stronger when I came back home and we moved in together.
 

Independent Gal

Ideal_Rock
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Nov 12, 2006
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We both knew within two or three months. Same goes for all my friends who have ended up married. It doesn''t always work that way, of course! But often it does. Then it''s just a good idea to wait a while to make sure that nothing unexpected about the person''s character comes up. So a year from now, May 2009, sounds just right!

Enjoy it! Sounds promising.
 

CNOS128

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jan 28, 2008
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2,700
It''s funny because we were having this conversation just last night.

I knew by month 2 (I remember almost exactly because there was a night when I couldn''t reach BF on the phone because, unbeknownst to me, he was consoling a friend whose father was suddenly, terribly ill - and I started to panic at him being uncharacteristically out of touch) that I didn''t want to be without him. That feeling''s only become stronger.

Apparently he knew very early on - between 2 & 3 months. He told me that he never said anything at that time because he wanted me to get to that point on my own. I love that.

Anyway, although I guess we both knew early on, the way our relationship has grown and developed over the past year and 8 months has been absolutely vital to the strength of our relationship.
 

musey

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Sep 30, 2006
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11,242
I "hoped" after two months. This is when I knew I loved him (he knew that at 1 month).

I "thought" after six months. This is when I began realizing how compatible we truly were and would continue to be (when the "please like me" behavior--honeymoon period--began to wear off).

I "knew" after two years. This is when I stopped having doubts that we could build a happy and fulfilling life together--and stopped wondering whether there was "something better" out there.

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I think there are bigger issues than personality compatibility that I watch for, that would never be evident at two, three, even six months. Things like emotional issues, spending habits, ideas about how they want their life to unfold (which they may not even be aware of, but become evident through their actions, in a long-term relationship). You know, dealbreakers. I guess I've just seen too many people who "knew" early on, got married to someone they have a great personality compatibility with, and then discover they have... you know... a gambling addiction. Or a repressed temper. Or something.

So, even though I "knew" he was a great match for me, personality-wise, very early on--I suspended judgment until I could communicate and observe enough for my inherent concerns and paranoias to be put to rest. Know what I mean? I like to depend on extended life experience with a person, rather than a "feeling." But I'm kinda more scientific in that way
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ETA: To be fair, I was saying "he's the one!" after only a few months (less than six). Looking back, though, I was just caught up in the fun of my first truly good relationship. What I felt (and "knew") then is nothing compared to the settled and content confidence in our relationship that I have now.
 

Blair138

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Apr 8, 2008
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1,207
WELCOME!!!

Going into our relationship I thought it would just be some fun before I transferred to college 2 hours away. I had **just** broken up with a bf of 2 years (it had not even been a week) and he was a few months out of a relationship. We dated all summer and when I went to college and he kept calling and coming to see me and ''waited'' for me to graduate-I knew he was the one. Now it''s been 4 years and I''m just waiting for a proposal which is coming VERY SOON!
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stereogirl

Rough_Rock
Joined
May 12, 2008
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28
here''s my big first post...

anyway, i knew i wanted to marry b about 5 months into our relationship, 8 months later i am positive and waiting as patiently as i can for my lovely engagement ring!
 

ilovethiswebsite

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Jan 13, 2008
Messages
1,788
I knew from our first date we were meant to be. Two and a half years later I am still 100% sure.
 

ImpatientOne

Brilliant_Rock
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Oct 19, 2006
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1,394
Well, my hubby and I are older, but I knew I was going to marry him about 4 months after I met him. Right after our first date (and I mean within hours!) he deployed to Thailand for two months, so the first two months were spent getting to know one another better via email and phone calls. Once he came back, we started dating exclusively. He had only been back a couple of months when he started throwing out the "M" word.

We were engaged 8 months after we first met, and married just shy of one year after meeting. My hubby is military, too, and we knew he was going to be deploying to the Middle East. I did not want to go through a 15 month deployment without being married, and neither did he. We were both anxious to get settled into married life before he left. As it turned out, he ended up deploying right before our six month mark. We just passed our first wedding anniversary in March.

I don't know how long your bf will be deployed, but I will tell you this - deployment will test you in ways you never imagined. If your relationship is strong, it will only get stronger! May 2009 is still a year away! IMHO, that is plenty enough time to know whether he is "the one" or not and a decent amount of time to be dating before becoming engaged
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Best wishes!
 

PearlDahhhling

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Apr 1, 2008
Messages
1,167
Honestly, I knew from the moment we met. And as he''s told me, he did too. I''d always kinda believed that when you meet "the one" you''ll just know, but when it actually happened, it was like WOW. Everything just fit into place and I knew that he was the one I was going to spend the rest of my life with. He''s my best friend and I couldn''t imagine my life without him, and I have no doubt about us at all. We''ve been together almost 3 years now and are going to get engaged fairly soon and I couldn''t be happier or more sure!
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kittybean

Ideal_Rock
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May 2, 2008
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4,125
Date: 5/12/2008 12:07:32 PM
Author: Lauren8211
I will never, ever tell my boyfriend this, but I knew I wanted to marry him about 3 months after we started dating. lol


I know this wasnt a true ''know'' because I didnt know him well enough to be certain he would make a good life partner, but I had an overwhelming hunch that it would last forever.

Lauren, I''m totally with you. At three or four months, I had that overwhelming feeling it was going to last and that he was the one. Now at two years, I know he''s going to be a great life partner and am thrilled at the prospect of being engaged in the coming months.

vr78239, I think you should make sure you are evaluating your man in the next year or so and deciding whether you truly want to be with him, remembering that the crazy infatuation inevitably fades and real people are left--and real people are inherently imperfect, occasionally difficult, and sometimes hard to love. If he asks the all-important question a year from now and you feel like he''s the one, go for it 100%.

However, don''t be scared to admit to yourself that he''s not the right man for you if he really isn''t. I know it seems daunting to start over when you''re 25 (or older for that matter), but it is completely worth starting over if what you had wasn''t what you need. I hope you see what I mean. I think a lot of women are scared of starting over and therefore settle for something less that what is truly right for them. I''m not advocating having ridiculous expectations of real people, but just make sure you look at things away from the rose-colored lens of infatuation. I think you already have the ability to do this based on your courageous move of breaking off that eight-year relationship that wasn''t right for you.

All that said, I hope it works out wonderfully for you, and much respect to your boyfriend for serving our country.
 

gwendolyn

Ideal_Rock
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Aug 4, 2007
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Date: 5/12/2008 8:35:26 PM
Author: musey
ETA: To be fair, I was saying ''he''s the one!'' after only a few months (less than six). Looking back, though, I was just caught up in the fun of my first truly good relationship. What I felt (and ''knew'') then is nothing compared to the settled and content confidence in our relationship that I have now.
Thanks, musey, that says it so well for me! If we''re talking about the first episode of butterflies-in-the-stomach "OMG I think he might be the one for me, ____ happened and he''s still here!" then yeah, I had that with J within the first 6 months or so (everything''s been sort of on a delay with us because of the distance). But like musey said, it was more me just being excited that he was like my old boyfriends than really ''knowing'' we were right for each other. Once J and I have some time together when we''re settled in the same city and things are still good--then I will KNOW, and then we will get married.
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claireabelle

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Mar 28, 2008
Messages
366
My BF and I have been together for 6 years. We''ve talked about marriage from day dot. We are quite young (me 25 him 27) and we have done so much in that time (lived overseas together, traveled extensively together, he has supported me through my parents divorce, we bought our first apartment together, we own a dog together...).

I''ve had so much faith in our relationship from the start. I have always felt secure, happy and at home. I guess we both just knew - right from the start.
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Pandora II

Ideal_Rock
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Aug 3, 2006
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9,613
I knew within 24 hours of meeting FI.

I told my mother I had met the man I would marry two days later - she was quite shocked as I''ve had quite a few serious relationships and never said anything of the sort about any of them.

However, I wanted to take things slowly as he is nearly 3 years younger than me (I was 32 and he was 29 when we met) and I was his first serious girlfriend so he needed time.

We got engaged 2.5 years after meeting and get married in July.
 

Delster

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Joined
Apr 22, 2007
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Date: 5/13/2008 4:29:11 AM
Author: gwendolyn



Date: 5/12/2008 8:35:26 PM
Author: musey
ETA: To be fair, I was saying 'he's the one!' after only a few months (less than six). Looking back, though, I was just caught up in the fun of my first truly good relationship. What I felt (and 'knew') then is nothing compared to the settled and content confidence in our relationship that I have now.
Thanks, musey, that says it so well for me! If we're talking about the first episode of butterflies-in-the-stomach 'OMG I think he might be the one for me, ____ happened and he's still here!' then yeah, I had that with J within the first 6 months or so (everything's been sort of on a delay with us because of the distance). But like musey said, it was more me just being excited that he was like my old boyfriends than really 'knowing' we were right for each other. Once J and I have some time together when we're settled in the same city and things are still good--then I will KNOW, and then we will get married.
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I agree with all of this!

I had that instant 'BAM! he's-the-one moment' the first time I ever saw BF. Actually stopped dead in my tracks halfway in through a doorway and just gawped. I was mid-sentence and everything. I'm not half obvious, me!
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On our first date BF said something about how he'd never lose his temper very easy, unless 'a woman I loved - like Mom or you - was in danger'. I guess he's not half obvious either!

There were about 18 months between when we first met and when we started dating. We were dead serious about one another from the very beginning. But I do think there's a difference between the 'I know' of the first few months, which is based on idealism and romance and butterflies, and the 'I know' of (for us) five years down the line, which is strengthened by shared experiences and knowing almost everything about one another.

vr78239 - enjoy those early days 'I know' butterflies and in a year's time you'll have a good idea of whether or not the 'settled and content confidence' kind of 'I know' is there or not. Trust your deepest instincts, they won't be wrong.
 

MoonWater

Ideal_Rock
Joined
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3,158
I knew he was "the one" after three months but I would never have been willing to marry him after such a short time.
 

vr78239

Rough_Rock
Joined
Apr 14, 2008
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Thank you all for your responses and sharing your experiences! I am definitly enjoying this period in our relationship and luckily have been in a long term relationship before, so I know the butterflies won''t always be there. We are so compatible and I look forward to discovering more about him in ways that only time will tell. Thanks again!
 

vr78239

Rough_Rock
Joined
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Date: 5/12/2008 12:54:52 PM
Author: FrekeChild
I *knew* a month into our relationship. Having said that, I KNOW now, after two years.

I really honestly wonder if you should slow down, because deployment can make people want to rush things. Now luckily he doesn''t deploy until May 2009, so you have a year more to be together before making that choice, but I would still proceed with caution.

$.02

Welcome to PS!!!
Freke,

I agree, deployment can make couples speed things up. We were just discussing this a few nights ago. Even though deployment is a year away, we still don''t want to rush and get married before he leaves and then spend our first few months as a married couple apart. Thanks for your input!
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vr78239

Rough_Rock
Joined
Apr 14, 2008
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Date: 5/13/2008 12:08:28 AM
Author: ImpatientOne
Well, my hubby and I are older, but I knew I was going to marry him about 4 months after I met him. Right after our first date (and I mean within hours!) he deployed to Thailand for two months, so the first two months were spent getting to know one another better via email and phone calls. Once he came back, we started dating exclusively. He had only been back a couple of months when he started throwing out the ''M'' word.

We were engaged 8 months after we first met, and married just shy of one year after meeting. My hubby is military, too, and we knew he was going to be deploying to the Middle East. I did not want to go through a 15 month deployment without being married, and neither did he. We were both anxious to get settled into married life before he left. As it turned out, he ended up deploying right before our six month mark. We just passed our first wedding anniversary in March.

I don''t know how long your bf will be deployed, but I will tell you this - deployment will test you in ways you never imagined. If your relationship is strong, it will only get stronger! May 2009 is still a year away! IMHO, that is plenty enough time to know whether he is ''the one'' or not and a decent amount of time to be dating before becoming engaged
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Best wishes!
ImpatientOne,

Wow, he deployed after your first date? That is an amazing story! I couldn''t imagine a 15 month deployment...My BF is AF and will be deployed for 4 months. I know I will miss him like crazy and figure that planning a wedding during that time will serve as a small distraction? Probably not, but at least it will keep me busy. Thanks for your well wishes!
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vr78239

Rough_Rock
Joined
Apr 14, 2008
Messages
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Date: 5/13/2008 1:08:39 AM
Author: PearlDahhhling
Honestly, I knew from the moment we met. And as he''s told me, he did too. I''d always kinda believed that when you meet ''the one'' you''ll just know, but when it actually happened, it was like WOW. Everything just fit into place and I knew that he was the one I was going to spend the rest of my life with. He''s my best friend and I couldn''t imagine my life without him, and I have no doubt about us at all. We''ve been together almost 3 years now and are going to get engaged fairly soon and I couldn''t be happier or more sure!
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This is exactly how I feel!
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You put it into words better than I ever could!
 

FrekeChild

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Dec 14, 2007
Messages
19,456
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My best friend (K) got dumped by his ex (R) for a guy (D) she met on the phone while working for a cell phone company when he called in for help. D lived in North Carolina while K and R were here in NM. R called D after her shift was over to check on D''s problem, and they kept talking. She dumped K after a month of talking to D and then flew out to NC to visit him. D was going to be deployed a week after R went to visit him-and he proposed to her while she was visiting.

Um. Talk about fast...

I have no idea if they are married or engaged or whatever, but she did move out to NC just about time he was supposed to get back from Iraq. And that''s all I know.
 
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