How Important is Your Birthday?

[AmberGretchen]

Date: 3/26/2009 10:20:57 AM
Author: mayachel
It sounds like you could be writing our conversation on the matter exactly! In fact for a number of years, I made a big ta-do about his birthday, hosted some parties, some brunches, always found amazing thoughtful gifts...etc...


And, for the first couple of years, close friends of mine that lived in our area would hear we didn''t have plans, and plan something for me because they couldn''t imagine not. (I threw a party of year through college-so ya, I''m into celebrating my day).


Well, they moved away and df has been given the opportunity to pick up the ball...


This year I was a little passive agressive and didn''t plan anything in particular for his birthday. I made a nice dinner, and it was just the two us, and that was that. I thought for sure that it would open a conversation, where in I could point out that I was tired of tossing hoops for his day, only to have mine go by with him thinking as long as we go out for dinner, he has covered it.


Except that=this childish version of trying to resolve something did not work. (I know, big surprise, right?) Instead, he didn''t actually seem to care much.


So I took it into my own hands, happening to have another friend staying with us with the same birthday, we did our own thing, and included him. We (my friend and I ) also went out on our own ''in celebration'' of our birthday.


The truth is he does lots of little special things throughout the year, if he would just simply stamp one of them with, ''and this is for your birthday'' I''d be happy. In the meantime, I''m trying to grow up.

Hehe Maya - that does sound similar. I think my DH almost decides that if he doesn''t know EXACTLY what I want, then he should do nothing because that''s better. I don''t totally understand that reasoning, but whatever.

I think part of it for me also is that I feel like my birthdays have gotten shafted for a while now - in college they were always over Spring break, so I was lucky if anyone even remembered by the time we got back, and then since then there''s not really been a year where people were in town to really celebrate. I do recognize that that doesn''t mean I should necessarily feel hurt though.

 

[AmberGretchen]

Date: 3/26/2009 10:27:19 AM
Author: dragonfly411
We do a week long heheeheeeee

WOW, there''s certainly a spectrum here. I never even though of suggesting a week - maybe I''ll start with a weekend and see how that goes

 

[JSM]

I don''t get the big hulabaloo about birthdays after the age of 25 or so (excluding milestones). It''s just a day. Absolutely celebrate it, but the whole world doesn''t stop just because you happened to be born on that day a number of years earlier.

I think I''m bitter because my FSIL (whom I currently live with) wants everyone to drop everything for her birthday. She was mad because I yelled at her and my fiance (her brother) when they were making a ton of noise and drinking on her birthday night. It was 2:00 in the morning on a TUESDAY. Jeez, I will buy you shots on Friday or something, but guess what? I still have to go to work! We can celebrate on the closest weekend like normal people!

 

[Tacori E-ring]

Date: 3/26/2009 2:02:52 AM
Author: FrekeChild
I just want to go eat at where I want to on my birthday. That''s all I care about.

Me too. Also I do want a card. Otherwise I don''t really care. I have never been a birthday week (or month) kinda girl.

 

[AmberGretchen]

Date: 3/26/2009 10:39:36 AM
Author: NovemberBride
Birthdays are a pretty big deal in my family, no matter how old you are. I can't imagine a birthday for myself or a family member that did not include a meal, cards, gifts and just an all around celebration. That would be sad to me. I am turning 30 in 2 weeks and my DH has planned a big birthday dinner with all my friends and family and I can't wait. My youngest brother is even flying home from college across the country to be there. I can't imagine it any other way. DH's 30th is this summer and I am already trying to decide what to do. My MIL is turning 60 this fall and DH and I are planning to throw her a party as well (she is divorced from D's dad). I agree that in some instances it can feel desperate for older people to force large celebrations on their friends and family, but in the case of my friends and faimly it's not that way at all. We love celebrating together. Most of our friends are turning 30 this year and we will happily attend parties to celebrate with all of them.

That's always how I thought of birthdays. I've tried to make sure that birthdays are that way for those I'm closest to (including DH and my mom - I threw her an awesome 60th b-day surprise party when I was in high school

), so I guess part of it for me is that it is hurtful that they don't seem as concerned about my birthday as I do about theirs. I mean, I get that that's not what its about, its just that it seems like such a nice opportunity for celebration, and I'm with you - why not do it, if you can.

 

[gwendolyn]

We have the same sort of dynamic--I like to make a big deal out of the birthdays of those that I love, and J sees birthdays as a very ''meh'' sort of thing (although he seems to be adapting well to the fact that I''ve been making a fuss on his bday by making it all about him but NOT putting him in the spotlight which he hates). I don''t need everyone that''s ever met me to make a big deal out of it, but I do like to do something special and for people to remember.

My dad''s birthday is 3 days after mine, and my first year away at college, I came home right on my dad''s birthday--had a present and card for him and was all excited to celebrate our birthdays together, something we used to do sometimes when they fell around the same weekend. But, nothing was done about my birthday that year. Before I went back to college, I asked if we could celebrate my birthday, and my mom told me that I had been away and missed my birthday and that there was no making it up. That only made me want to celebrate twice as much the next year.

Strangely, now, things are different, and I''ve missed my last two birthdays with my family because I''m living in another country now, but they now are fine with me having a birthday party that''s a month late (when I visit in April). My mom''s idea. I just go with the flow.

 

[kama_s]

Date: 3/25/2009 11:50:01 PM
Author: Kaleigh
Growing up, my parents forgot a couple of my birthdays. Forgetting my 10th birthday, was a real low point.

Likewise for me. Although mine was intentional. On the other hand, my MIL tells us in detail everything that happened on the day Mr. Kama was born....EVERY single birthday. It''s so cute when she remembers seeing him for the first time, and how she swore like a sailor while pushing out all 10 pounds 6 ounces of him!

I love wishing people at midnight. So now we have cake everytime at midnight, hehe.

 

[kama_s]

Date: 3/26/2009 1:57:31 PM
Author: Tacori E-ring


Me too. Also I do want a card. Otherwise I don''t really care. I have never been a birthday week (or month) kinda girl.

Me too. I love cards, especially when the person has written a special message for me.

 

[somethingshiny]

I voted center of the universe, but it deserves an explanation. As a child, our birthdays consisted of a home-made cake (the best!) and sometimes a gift. Other than that, all was normal, no decorations or extra hugs.

As an adult, I often claim "Birthday Weekend" and I demand lavish attention from DH. He secretly loves indulging me so I get it. However, I''m lucky if my parents or siblings call and there are never presents from my family. Actually, I usually call my mom on my birthday to wish HER a Happy Birthday.

I''m also the one who goes overboard for the Birthdays around me. But, I can''t help it, I love showing the people I love how much they mean to me.

 

[oobiecoo]

Date: 3/25/2009 11:21:38 PM
Author: decodelighted
Think ahead about this ... how silly would it be for a 37 year old woman to need a big todo about her birthday ... or a 44 year old dude ... or a 57 year old grandma. It just gets so ... desperate.


Honestly, I think it does kids a huge disservice to have big birthday blowouts because it sets up ridiculous expectations that are unlikely to be met throughout life ... voluntarily at least. I suppose you can manipulate people into caring if you try hard enough but how empty is that? Pretty empty.

This is TOTALLY how I feel! Christmas and birthdays and every other holiday were made into a huge event when I was younger and now that I''m an adult, those holidays are kind of a let down because its not as extravagant as it used to be and my birthday isnt all about ME ME ME.

 

[vespergirl]

In our house, it may as well be a national holiday (I always used to take the day off when I was still working). We actually celebrate "birthday week" which includes all kinds of perks for me, e.g.: "I can''t do the laundry this week, it''s my birthday week." We also usually go away for the weekend, either the weekend before or after.

However, this grandeur that surrounds the day of my birth may have something to do with the fact that I''m a Leo

 

[AmberGretchen]

Date: 3/26/2009 10:51:08 AM
Author: Rockit
Birthdays were pretty big growing up. But, now, I''m rather uncomfortable being the center of attention, and, I''m old enough so that I''d prefer to forget that another year has passed me by! I do usually receive a little remembrance from my very small family, a card or phone call sometime close to the ''big day,'' and couple of my closest friends usually call or write. Other than that, my DH usually takes me out for a special dinner somewhere and delights in giving me silly cards (ok, sometimes they are a little ''racy''). It goes without saying the I am always hopeful for a little gemstone gift... sometimes (on a ''noteworthy'' birthday, for example) my dream comes true, sometimes not! But the gemstone wish holds true for EVERY day, not just my Birthday...

I do fuss over my DH and DS when each has a Birthday. I always try to have a special gift and favorite meal planned, and at the table there is ALWAYS a Birthday cake, candles, cards, and a camera at hand ready to take a couple of pictures.

Well of course every day holds a wish for treats of a sparkly variety

I don''t think I''ve had a birthday cake in at least 10 years though - that must make your DH and DS feel very special that you make that happen for them every year

 

[AmberGretchen]

Date: 3/26/2009 11:08:32 AM
Author: princesss
In my family you get to pick what''s for dinner and what kind of cake you''d like. That plus a few presents after dinner, and presto! Birthday.


BF doesn''t really do much for his birthday, but I like to make it a little special. I don''t get many opportunities to spoil him, so I like to take the ones I get!

That sounds like a nice family ritual

That''s very sweet that you spoil your BF - I feel like I''m like that with my DH and my mom and my friends - I tend to go out of my way to do nice things for them, so I totally understand where you are coming from on that

 

[AmberGretchen]

Date: 3/26/2009 11:13:44 AM
Author: OUpeargirl
I think my birthday is kind of a big deal, but I also treat other''s birthdays to be big deals as well.

I''m the same way. I think DH is the opposite - he doesn''t think his is a big deal so he doesn''t treat others'' as though they are either.

 

[AmberGretchen]

Oh no! Sick in Vegas for your birthday sounds horrible

But being a leap-day baby is pretty cool

 

[AmberGretchen]

Date: 3/26/2009 12:03:25 PM
Author: Octavia
AG, too funny that you asked this question. Today is my birthday, and last night my FI arranged a surprise party for me. It was so touching to have a bunch of friends here, some who traveled quite a distance, and it was a TOTAL surprise. But I felt a little guilty, because I''ve never been much of a birthday person and I don''t know how I''m ever going to return the favor for all the people who came or for my FI (I''ve actually tried to have a surprise party for him the past two years, but his birthday is the day after Christmas, and half of his good friends are in a different country anyway, so I''ve always been unsuccessful

). It is a little uncomfortable for me to have people make a big deal out of my birthday, no matter how sweet and heartfelt the things they do are.

I''m sorry the surprise made you uncomfortable - I can see where it would, although I certainly don''t think people participate in these things expecting any kind of retribution/repayment in kind or anything like that. That is extremely sweet that your FI went to the trouble to set it up though - what a sweetie pie!

 

[AmberGretchen]

Date: 3/26/2009 12:44:17 PM
Author: bee*
I like celebrating mine but it doesn''t bother me hugely. For the past three years I''ve had exams on my birthday and the day after so I''ve barely done a thing for it.

Oh Bee* - exams on your birthday sounds horrible

I hope D takes you out and makes a very big deal of you (and possibly makes sure another pair of Manolos appear

) to make up for that!

 

[AmberGretchen]

Date: 3/26/2009 12:59:11 PM
Author: AprilBaby
I voted OTHER. Usually its no big deal but ONE MONTH from today I turn FIFTY! That is going to be a BIG celebration!

CONGRATULATIONS!! That IS a big deal - sounds like it will be a fun celebration. Do you know what''s planned? Possibly something shiny in the way of gifts?

 

[AmberGretchen]

Date: 3/26/2009 1:41:11 PM
Author: Fly Girl
We try to have a small celebration, maybe go out to dinner, and give a gift. It doesn''t require a big, blow-out party. It''s always been that way in both our families, so I guess that we have similar views. This year he was out of town on business, so I wished him a happy birthday over the phone. We had a quiet celebration when he returned. I think it is important to acknowledge milestones, but toning down the birthday celebrations is a part of growing up. Having all your friends make a big deal about it strikes me as more suitable for young children.

Interesting flygirl - that seems to be a common viewpoint, that birthdays should become less of a big deal when/as you grow up...

 

[Efe]

My birthday is St. Patrick''s Day and when I was a very little kid, I thought that everyone was celebrating my birthday with all the green balloons and shamrocks everywhere. Didn''t take me long to get straight on that one though. However, it was fun in my younger partying days. Always walked to the front of the line at the Irish bars and was let right in!

Happy Birthday Octavia!

 

[AmberGretchen]

Date: 3/26/2009 1:41:25 PM
Author: kama_s
Well, as a child, my mum wouldn''t even wish me!! I think it might have a little to do with how she never wanted to have kids...!! Sooo, Mr. Kama tries and makes it special for me every year! Really, though, it doesn''t take much to make me happy. Ideally, on a perfect birthday, I''d like to be woken up with a kiss (and coffee

), have a nice dinner (at home or out) and finish up with dessert (preferably something either chocolatey or cheese-cakey...OR BOTH!!). I''d also love a card from Mr. Kama and my brother (I''m a big card person, have every single one collected since I was 7).


As a kid, I''d always try and forget it was my birthday...just because it was always a sad day for me. So it feels a little weird when Mr. Kama makes it special, although it does make me all warm and fuzzy inside

Although that could be the chocolate cheese-cake, but whateva!!

Oh kama - that''s so mean of your mom! I can''t believe all the mean things parents do to children - you and tlh have totally made me lose faith here - I can''t believe parents would be so mean to their own kids on their birthdays!

Sounds like mr kama is super sweet about it though - that''s really lovely of him to make it special for you (and chocolatey sounds AMAZING right about now...)

 

[AmberGretchen]

Date: 3/26/2009 1:57:27 PM
Author: jsm
I don''t get the big hulabaloo about birthdays after the age of 25 or so (excluding milestones). It''s just a day. Absolutely celebrate it, but the whole world doesn''t stop just because you happened to be born on that day a number of years earlier.


I think I''m bitter because my FSIL (whom I currently live with) wants everyone to drop everything for her birthday. She was mad because I yelled at her and my fiance (her brother) when they were making a ton of noise and drinking on her birthday night. It was 2:00 in the morning on a TUESDAY. Jeez, I will buy you shots on Friday or something, but guess what? I still have to go to work! We can celebrate on the closest weekend like normal people!

jsm - sounds like your FSIL is a real pill. I get super ticked off when people think its OK to make noise at obscene hours on nights when others have to go to work/school the next morning

 

[AmberGretchen]

Date: 3/26/2009 2:02:26 PM
Author: gwendolyn
We have the same sort of dynamic--I like to make a big deal out of the birthdays of those that I love, and J sees birthdays as a very ''meh'' sort of thing (although he seems to be adapting well to the fact that I''ve been making a fuss on his bday by making it all about him but NOT putting him in the spotlight which he hates). I don''t need everyone that''s ever met me to make a big deal out of it, but I do like to do something special and for people to remember.


My dad''s birthday is 3 days after mine, and my first year away at college, I came home right on my dad''s birthday--had a present and card for him and was all excited to celebrate our birthdays together, something we used to do sometimes when they fell around the same weekend. But, nothing was done about my birthday that year. Before I went back to college, I asked if we could celebrate my birthday, and my mom told me that I had been away and missed my birthday and that there was no making it up. That only made me want to celebrate twice as much the next year.


Strangely, now, things are different, and I''ve missed my last two birthdays with my family because I''m living in another country now, but they now are fine with me having a birthday party that''s a month late (when I visit in April). My mom''s idea. I just go with the flow.

gwen - it sounds like you and I are very similar in what we want out of birthdays. I''m with you exactly - I don''t need everyone I know to make a big deal (in fact, no one I work with in my lab even really knows its my birthday tomorrow), I just want it to be special and for those I''m very close to to do something nice.

 

[AmberGretchen]

Date: 3/26/2009 2:03:47 PM
Author: kama_s

Date: 3/25/2009 11:50:01 PM

Author: Kaleigh

Growing up, my parents forgot a couple of my birthdays. Forgetting my 10th birthday, was a real low point.

Likewise for me. Although mine was intentional. On the other hand, my MIL tells us in detail everything that happened on the day Mr. Kama was born....EVERY single birthday. It''s so cute when she remembers seeing him for the first time, and how she swore like a sailor while pushing out all 10 pounds 6 ounces of him!


I love wishing people at midnight. So now we have cake everytime at midnight, hehe.

That''s so cute about your MIL kama!! It reminds me of that scene at the beginning of the movie City Slickers, when Billy Crystal''s character''s mom calls them at like 5am to tell them the story about how he was born and they can both remember it so well they are mouthing the words - that scene makes me giggle every time

 

[AmberGretchen]

Date: 3/26/2009 2:57:45 PM
Author: somethingshiny
I voted center of the universe, but it deserves an explanation. As a child, our birthdays consisted of a home-made cake (the best!) and sometimes a gift. Other than that, all was normal, no decorations or extra hugs.


As an adult, I often claim ''Birthday Weekend'' and I demand lavish attention from DH. He secretly loves indulging me so I get it. However, I''m lucky if my parents or siblings call and there are never presents from my family. Actually, I usually call my mom on my birthday to wish HER a Happy Birthday.


I''m also the one who goes overboard for the Birthdays around me. But, I can''t help it, I love showing the people I love how much they mean to me.

somethingshiny - I''m with you, and I might have to try requesting a weekend of adoration

Actually, I''d settle for just spending some relaxed time together at this point - with DH working a super stressful job and me trying to finish a PhD, there are whole weeks where we barely even see each other

 

[AmberGretchen]

Date: 3/26/2009 3:42:04 PM
Author: vespergirl
In our house, it may as well be a national holiday (I always used to take the day off when I was still working). We actually celebrate ''birthday week'' which includes all kinds of perks for me, e.g.: ''I can''t do the laundry this week, it''s my birthday week.'' We also usually go away for the weekend, either the weekend before or after.


However, this grandeur that surrounds the day of my birth may have something to do with the fact that I''m a Leo

Hehe vesper, I''m an Aries, so I think I''m prone to the dramatic (and also the self-centered

) as well. I like the sound of birthday week - I somehow just don''t think I could ever talk my DH into doing all the chores for a whole week...

 

[JSM]

Date: 3/26/2009 4:18:58 PM
Author: AmberGretchen


jsm - sounds like your FSIL is a real pill. I get super ticked off when people think its OK to make noise at obscene hours on nights when others have to go to work/school the next morning

She can be very nice, but sometimes I think she forgets it''s not all about her.

I don''t know if I''ll make it back to this thread but I did want to say HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! You should have a great day celebrated the way you want it to be.

And though I don''t get the birthday thing, having a week of no chores sounds simply delightful!

 

[AmberGretchen]

Date: 3/26/2009 5:06:08 PM
Author: jsm

Date: 3/26/2009 4:18:58 PM

Author: AmberGretchen



jsm - sounds like your FSIL is a real pill. I get super ticked off when people think its OK to make noise at obscene hours on nights when others have to go to work/school the next morning

She can be very nice, but sometimes I think she forgets it''s not all about her.

I don''t know if I''ll make it back to this thread but I did want to say HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! You should have a great day celebrated the way you want it to be.


And though I don''t get the birthday thing, having a week of no chores sounds simply delightful!

Thanks for the nice birthday wishes!

I''m with you on the no chores thing - I might give up any celebration at all just to have that

 

[mia1181]

A-Gretch- You guys are just like us! Not that DH''s family doesn''t care about birthdays, they just seemed to lack the creativity that my family had. I have 5 siblings, so Birthdays were a huge deal to us. It was the only day that we got to feel special. We were king/queen for a day also. No chores, you picked the meals, what to watch on TV, where to go, etc. DH is a fairly romantic guy so he does okay with Birthdays, but he doesn''t go the extra mile my family did. Like he might start a small arguement on my birthday, to which I usually respond with "Oh HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!"

In a sarcastic tone. In my family if you had an issue with someone, you wouldn''t dare bring it up on their birthday!

But I did choose "other" on my poll because I don''t actually make a big deal on my B-day to others. I''m not one to countdown to everyone when my birthday is coming. I don''t expect my friend to make a big deal out of it or anything. It''s just supposed to be a big deal to DH.

Happy Birthday BTW!

We''ll be the same age tomorrow... until November!

 

[diamondringlover]

My birthday is Dec 30, so it has been forgetten since I was born, even when I was young no ever celebrated my birthday

so I guess it is just in my head that its just another day

but I do make sure my kids know that there birthday is very special to me