How do I not think about it??

[Mandarine]

Ok so I feel like I'm going a little crazy and nobody understands me. I know how brutally honest we are all here so I'm hoping to get some opinions.

I'm not going to repeat my story because I think most of you know. In a nutshell, we have been together for almost 2.5 years. Had our heart-to-heart at the end of '05 (or beginning of '06...can't remember) and we set our timeline: 2006 for engagement and planning on getting married in 2007.

In hindsight I almost wish I didn't have a timeframe because I think in some ways it's made this a tough year. Although I knew I needed one at the moment.

The other day I mentioned to a couple of my good friends that I was getting anxious because 2006 was almost over and I'm at this stage were I'm very happy because I know it's coming and then very nervous because 'what if' it doesn't happen. When I said that to them they both thought I was crazy. I told them I don't think I would break up with him, but I would be hurt and disappointed and I just honestly don't know how that would change our relationship. One of them said that if he *needs* to meet this timeline then she would wonder why I'm even with him (like I'm just with him because I want to get married, not because I want to be with him). I know this is not the case. I want to be with him 100%.

I have asked him that given all the things that happened in 2006 if our plans had changed. He said they haven't....I am 99.9% sure he knew I meant our 2006/2007 talk because at one point I said something like ("are you waiting for Dec 31st? because that wouldn't be funny!"). Still my friends don't get why I would be upset if it doesn't happen this year. For one, I would feel that I was mislead and that he didn't care to tell me if plans had indeed changed. It would make me feel a bit like a fool because I did believe that 2006 meant 2006.

Then today I'm talking to my sister and I said I couldn't believe 2006 was almost done...and that I was starting to freak out because in less than 6 weeks we leave to go on vacation out of the country (without him). She knew what I was referring to and said "what if he doesn't do it?, is it really a big deal?". She thinks I shouldn't worry about this or feel anxious...that I should just know it's coming and not to worry about it. She thinks that 2006 doesn't mean actual calendar year '06, but "around 2006" and if I know him and love him and trust him I shouldn't be anxious or nervous. I agree with that last comment, but it's still hard. Needless to say this was a long and very teary conversation because I just feel like nobody understands me right now!.

How do I not worry about it?. How do I help not getting a little nervous/anxious that our timeline is ending?. I'm wondering if the fact that I think about this means that I really just don't trust him completely...and I don't know why. Sometimes I just tell myself that I'm just internally getting ready for the "worse"...then sometimes I think that just reading some of the PS stories where timelines come and go just make me be a little cautious and therefore I get nervous. Reading some of these stories just make me wonder sometimes.

My sister says if I continue to feel like this I won't enjoy the moment because it will be more like "yes, finally you proposed!" rather than a happy moment. I know what she means and I know she means well. I really don't want to ruin this because for all I know and for all he's shown (actions and words) I really have nothing to worry about.

I haven't shown him at all that I am feeling nervous about this...because I already asked him before, he said nothing has changed...if really nothing has changed then he would be irritated that I can't trust him.

It's just hard to not have these bad thoughts come in and out of my mind.
Is this normal? How do I get through it without driving myself crazy. Am I really being that crazy? Right now I just feel like whatever I'm feeling regarding this I better keep to myself because every time I say something (friends or family) they just really don't get why I feel like this at all and I end up feeling worse...l

Maybe it's because I have a cold, or because it's around that time of the month, or because it's dark and gray outside. I just feel like I could just lay on my couch, get something yummy to eat, watch a sad movie and cry my eyes out.

M~

ETA: Most days I am ok and happy...and actually calm. Specially when I'm with him. I don't see him during the week and I guess that doesn't help. Then I start thinking in terms of weekends and that's when I get anxious about this. I just re-read my thread and it does make me sound like I'm constantly very miserable right now...that's not the case ups and downs I guess.

 

[janinegirly]

ok madarine, i had a feeling you''d have a moment like this--only because it seems so close, but at the same time it''s makes liw''s more anxious as it gets closer, b/c the what if''s and lack of control issues creep in. It''s NATURAL and you are certainly not crazy. I feel very similar to you. First of all, it''s OK to set a timeline. Because when you''re living with someone, things can get complacent. And guys aren''t driven to change thigns b/c they have everything they need. So we prod, joke, drop hints all to keep things on track. This doesn''t mean he''s not trustworthy, it''s natural female behavior! But as the date, or range of dates, gets closer, we feel so anxious!
I don''t think feeling this way will ruin the moment, it''s still going to be wonderful. you have no idea exactly when he''s going to do it, what the ring will look like--it''s going to be a total surprise! And I don''t think your friends/sister can relate, b/c from the outside it seems like you''re turning into the LIW stereotype of someone being overly worried and sabatoging things. That''s why this forum is (sometimes) helpful. It shows that these feelings are normal and actually common. Waiting is not fun and it can be so unsettling!
So my advice is this: vent here and to your friends. Do not question the outcome though. From everything you''ve said here, it is coming and soon. And he has confirmed that. Some will say just enjoy the moments before..but that is easier said than done. A good distraction technique I find is to mentally move the deadline a few months...tell yourself it''s going to happen by v-day by example. In reality, I''m sure it''ll happen before, but at least that relieves some anxiety of...oh my god, it''s only 6 wks now! Then just keep yourself busy which won''t be too hard with the holidays. And if it becomes all consuming, don''t feel you can''t talk to your bf. Knowing your style, it''s not like you''re going to nag him. Just say you get anxious from time to time and it''s hard not knowing when and what the future will be like for sure. Women like to plan. He''s gotta know what you''re talking about. He''ll likely reassure you and then you''ll feel better. But if you can hold it in for a few mo''s that''d be best, b/c he''s probably planning stuff and a conversation might push things off slightly. Not the end of the world, but sometimes that extra week feels like forever!!
Another twist is maybe your sister knows something? And she''s trying to throw you a curve ball?
Honestly, following your story I think you have nothing to worry about. But of COURSE I understand the sentiments and feelings of losing it from time to time. I''m there too girl, I''m also hoping for proposal by the end of the year. By T''giving in fact.

 

[bee*]

Hi Mandarine, I think its completely normal to have some of those what if feelings. I have the same feelings occasionally when I think about next year when we''ve agreed to do it and it can be very nerve wrecking waiting for it. I dont think it means that you dont trust him. I know what you are saying when you say that you''d be hurt if he doesnt do it in 2006, I''d be the very same way if D doesnt do it nxt year. Its hard to know what to do in that case.

 

[KimberlyH]

Mandarine,

Do you trust him? Step back and look at your whole relationship, if he''s prone to not following through than there''s your reason for feeling so nervous. If that''s not the case, then you''re just anxious and you need to find a way to cork it so as to not upset or frustrate him, not because it might prolong the proposal but because he''s the man you''ve choosen and that means you need to have faith that he''ll do what he says. And if you can''t, tell him in a way that doesn''t make him have to answer questions: "Honey, I love you and I don''t want you to respond, I just need to share something with you. I am feeling very nervous about our impending deadline. I love you and trust you but I can''t help feeling this way because XXXX"

And then take deep breathes, remind yourself that you are still a whole and happy human being even if there isn''t a ring on your finger by December 31, 2006 and figure out what your next step is if he doesn''t follow through, if you think that will make you feel better (I always operate best when I have a plan in place). And all this talk of deadlines only makes sense to me if there are some consequences on the other end. So what are yours? It could be something as simple as you spending some time internally evaluating your relationship and deciding what your next best move is, sans proposal. It could be as drastic as dating other people. Only you can decide. But whatever it is be prepared to stick to it and don''t make threats that you don''t intend to keep. You''ll only hurt yourself, your integrity if you do.

Find some things to do with your spare time, especially when he''s not around. Read (or read more if you already do), take a class (go to your community rec center they have great classees available from making ornaments to cooking!), exercise, go to the movies (going to the movies alone is one of my favorite things to do, it''s such an adventure). Point being find things to do with yourself besides worry.

Deep breathes, it''s only 6 more weeks. If it makes you feel better my husband waited until three days before his self-imposed time frame (I never asked for one, he just shared his with me one day) to propose. It gave me a good laugh as it is so typical him and I wouldn''t want it any other way.

 

[Mandarine]

Ok deep breaths!.

Thank you girls.

Janine- Thank you for your support..I really appreciate it!!! Just wanted to clarify that I don''t live with him and don''t intend to until we are either married or very close to gegting maried. If my sister knows something she''s being VERY good...which is usally so not like her. She can''t keep a secret to save her life (and BF knows this) so I doubt he''d trust her hehe.

bee Thanks for your support. I think that you, like I, don''t know what we would do if it goes past this timeline.

Kimberly I loved your post and it made a lot of sense. I do trust him and he has given no reason to think that he wouldn''t keep his word. This timeline was also self imposed (after I asked him for on...hehe)....but he was the one that came up with the actual 2006/2007. I have never seen it as a deadline though....and I guess that is why I''m having a hard time.

Like you, I like having back up plans. I''m an engineer...I plan everything! but I draw a blank when I think of "what would I do". This is how I have approached my friends and sister and this is how they all turned around and said I was crazy...that I shouldn''t be thinking what if...because first I should trust him and then it would be crazy for me to say that I would end things if our timeline doesn''t work as he had originally set it.

Getting into other activities helps. I already have all my nights booked with gym classes and dance classes..hahaha. I think what I do need is more time out with friends and I should make a point of doing that.

Kimberly I like your suggestion of how you prahse that comment that I could make to him without it being a question. I will keep it in mind in case I can''t hold it any longer!!!.

I know my sister meant well but some of the things she said just hurt me. Like when she said I have ruined this and me and the entire family will be more like "finally" rather than celebrating

So should I be thinking ''what if'' and have a plan?. Then it''s not a timeline, it''s a deadline....I hate to think of it that way

. I like teh fact that it''s a timeline and we should be able to talk about any changes to it...with a deadline you''re pretty much saying that if it doesn''t happen by X date then this would happen. At this point I can''t see it that way because deep inside I know I can trust him....so I think I''m just very anxious...

I don''t know that I can think of plan B without getting emotional....is that healthy at this point or should I really put all these thoughts away (or try to) and if it gets to that then have a talk with him?....

Once again...thank you girls!!!!!!!!

M~

 

[KimberlyH]

Miss Mandarine,

From what I can recall of your posts, you have a really happy healthy relationship and your issue is all about timing, not the relationship. Consequences are not the same as ultimatums, so please if you do decide that there need to be some, don''t spring them on him. And I believe it''s good to review relationships no matter what their status. My husband and I have a talk about once a month evaluating how were doing, how we''re feeling, etc. even if things are going great (which they usually are) we have a little "how are you feeling about us" talk. It''s a safe way to air frustrations and boost each others egos without being too sappy! He would do this every day if I let him; I am not a talker so we compromise. Anyways, if you''re not ready for deadlines and this is just an approximation for you than that is okay! And I''m sorry your sister hurt your feelings. Just remember that it''s your relationship and only you can decide what is best for you. You also need to remember you can never be angry at someone else for things you decide are acceptable. And girlfriends are key! Spend time with them, dinners, movies, shopping etc.

 

[therighttime]

Mandarine,
I didn''t think your post made you sound miserable at all... you just sounded like a ''normal'' LIW to me! We are all here on this board because we go through the ups and downs of waiting!

I don''t have an official timeline in place, but bf told me in September that it would be within the next couple of months, and as I keep mentioning (!!!!) he asked my dad for his blessing WAY back at the first of August! So, I am hoping something is going to happen by the end of the year. There are a lot of us on here hoping/expecting for something between now and Dec. 31st.

It''s not much longer! Hang in there! I wouldn''t worry about the "what if''s" of it not happening.... you can''t control that anyway. IF it doesn''t happen during your timeline, you can make decisions then. As for now, just think positively and enjoy the countdown till the end of the year and all the new yearr may hold!

good luck!

 

[Julian]

Mandarine!

You need to chill, girlfriend! Sounds like you and your guy have a wonderful relationship and that he WANTS to marry you. Most importantly, he wants to get engaged this year!

Don''t sour things for him, too!

Trust! Vent here... but don''t put too much pressure on him! Let him do his thing. Playful hints might not be a bad idea if you need reassurance. But it sounds like you will definitely get engaged very soon! Can''t wait to congratulate you both when it happens.

 

[bestdeal]

Hey Mandarine,

I am in a similar position - my partner has told me its coming and i am constantly finding myself feeling frustrated to the fact that its not happening RIGHT NOW and the year is coming to a close !! But what has helped me is thinking of the long term- i think the problem is that i (we) think of what we want and think too much short term. The past months has helped just thinking long term ok in long term i know we will get married, have kids etc. I dont know perhaps that will help you also!

Totally understand though- its bloody hard!

 

[anchor31]

Keeping your mind of it is definitely hard. In my last six weeks, Lord knows how I had a few bad days myself! I like Kimberly''s suggestions. As for me, my summer job helped, as well as my school transfer stuff and looking for a place to stay... I also enjoy creative writing, so that helped. I started a cross-stitching project and did some yoga. Do things you love and take care of yourself, it''ll make you feel better.

 

[Mandarine]

Thank you all!

It helps to hear all these because all I get from my friends and family is that I''m acting crazy. So we are either all crazy here or you just have to be there (or have been there) to understand.

Today has been a crazy day and that talk with my sister really hit me hard. It just felt wrong to feel the way I felt when I told her that I didn''t know what I would do if 2006 was over and nothing had hapenned. She acted like it didn''t need to happen by 2006 and it didn''t mean he loved me less or wanted to marry me less if he proposed in February instead.

I do understand that....but I would not be ok with it if that was the case and he never talked to me about it!. Not to say that I would be happy if he came tomorrow and told me things had changed and now we were looking at a longer time. I wouldn''t be happy but I wouldn''t feel mislead. In my mind, that would showed that he cared about me enough to no act selfishly and be open and honest about anything that changed.

This is teh part that my "outside" friends/family don''t get...and it just makes me feel so much better that you guys do and I''m not being irrational about this.

As to what I will do if 2006 comes and goes and nothing.....I seriously don''t know and don''t want to think about it. It December is approaching and I see no movement I might be forced to slip a comment like Kimberly suggested but that would be it.

Ok...I feel better (emotionally)...physically I''m exhausted.

Off topic so you can see where my day has gopne all wrong. Did I mention I''m fighting an uphill battle with fleas? yep, not fun...who knew fleas still existed in this day and age....hehe...just kidding

. They do exist and my doggie found them and brought them home for me. Little rascal

Thank you guys!

M~

 

[akw94]

Mandarine,
You are not alone in your feelings! As a matter of fact, I''ve been thinking a lot of similar things lately. It is hard to stop! YOUR post helped ME, b/c it is always nice to know that others can relate and you are not going crazy!
For whatever reason, I think that people who aren''t going through the same thing or haven''t gone through it, just don''t get it. And probably some women handle it better than others. I am pretty emotional and am a huge worrier, so I don''t handle the lack of knowing well. It makes me feel crazy and makes me question my relationship, even though I know there is no logical basis for that.
I would try not to worry too much about the what-if''s, as others have said. I think that just makes it worse. I also definitely prefer the term "timeline" to "deadline". I think there''s a difference. I don''t have an actual deadline either but MY timeline is early 2007. My bf and I haven''t set an actual timeline but since we''ve talked about moving in 2008, he knows and I''ve made it clear that there''s only one more year and everything has to happen in that year. If nothing happens by Feb. or March, I will be upset; I''m already anxious about it but I will handle it then. As long as he and I are on the same page, I am ok w/it not happening in my anticipated timeframe. Not necessarily happy about it but ok.
But I think what you said about being hurt if he didn''t propose in 2006 makes sense, if he didn''t talk to you about that first. I feel the same way. I rely on the fact that I trust him. I rely on the fact that he would tell me if there was a problem. If I found out after the fact, it would be very hard for me.
All that being said, all you can do now is wait. I agree w/others about trying not to talk to him about it. Boy do I understand how hard that is! You said that you feel a bit more at ease when you and he are together. Actually, sometimes I feel the opposite b/c I can distract myself to some extent when I''m not w/him. When I am and am so happy w/him, I want to say something, I wonder why he hasn''t proposed, I wonder if there''s something I don''t know, etc... It is hard not to drive yourself crazy! However, I haven''t said anything in awhile and am trying hard not to.
I guess the key is to remember your trust in him, have faith in that. He knows the timeframe and you have to assume that he would say something if he couldn''t follow through.
And if you find an easy way to forget about all of this for the next month or so, don''t forget to tell me!!!

 

[TravelingGal]

You''re not being irrational...deadlines make any person nervous.

From your previous posts, it seems like you guys have a good relationship. I think it will happen for ya!

Re: Fleas...I had a problem awhile back..not even our fault as we don''t have pets! The neighbor''s cats loved sunning on our welcome mat, and fleas bred there...hopping on for a ride on our pants and coming in the house.

I have one word for you: BORAX. I flea bombed the house 3 times. Vacuumed all the time. Handsprayed the carpet. Did everything I could, and nothing worked. The key is you''ve got to get the eggs somehow! Then I read about borax soap and probably went overboard with it. I put it on the floor in every corner of the house. Left it on overnight and vacuumed it up the next day. Not a flea since. Pretty cheap solution too. Double check if it''s OK for dogs...I think it is, but I have heard it is toxic to cats.

 

[Mandarine]

Good morning!!

Thanks girls for chimming in!. Dixie, it's good for me to hear others feeling the same things as I am.

TravellingGal - Thanks!!! I am actually using borax and I'm really hoping it works. I thought maybe it was just sort of an urban legend so I've been using a spray along with Borax! hehe


Ok...so I'M AN IDIOT!!!!!!!!!

Here I am tealling you all how I'm not going to say anything. Well, last night my nervousness got the best of me and I talked to him

Afterwards I felt like an idiot!!! like I really can ruin the moment if I don't stop. The poor guy, was so patient.

So I was so nervous I couldn't even remember Kimberly's advice on what to say. Boy I wish I would have...because my way was just so.....childish?. That might be the best way to describe it.

We were just on the phone and then I felt a sudden urge like I had to say something.....I tried to fight it, but it didn't work. So here is what happened in the middle of a light hearted 'how was your day' kind of conversation:

Me: I'm anxious
Him: About what??
Me: I don't know.....(silence and both sides)...I guess the end of the year is approaching and I'm getting anxious.
Him: Don't be anxious (in a very reasurring tone).

I should have stopped there. ight?. Obviously he knew what I was talking about....but like I said I'm an idiot so I keep going.

Me: Do you even know what I'm anxious about?
Him: I'm sure I know (now in a very annoyed voice)
Me: Well?
Him: What do you want me to say?
(silence)

Him: It's sressful for me too, I feel like I'm operating under a "deadline"

(here I remembered how much I hate that word....and what an uncomfortable stuation I had put myself into)
Me: No. Don't feel that way. This is a relationship and it's ok if things have changed or not, I just want to be able to talk about it. Don't feel like it's a deadline. Let's just be open and honest if something is going on.

(silence)

Then he says the sweetest thing...

Him: I'm not going to tell you all my thoughts!!!!

(I thought he meant that something had chnaged but he couldn't tell me what he was thinking!...so I asked why)

Him: I don't want to tell you exactly when I'm proposing!!!
Me: Oh...ok
Him: Believe me, this is front up in my head
Me: and in you heart? (in a cute voice)
Him: (laughs) Of course, but that part is done. That's the part that says this is the one and that is done. Now it's just logistics and thinking.

So then I started to change the topic.

I really wish I had not brought it up. I need to trust him. He has done nothing for me not to trust him....it's just so ridiculous. I do feel like I'm acting crazy when I act like that

In the other hand, he was reassuring and very patient. I honestly don't know if it will happen by Dec 31st...but that's ok (or it has to be ok). I know where his heart is and mine. This is what I need to keep telling myself.

Anyway. So that was that. Maybe I should have a pen and paper in front of me when I'm talking to him on the phone (I can control myself in person because we're just doing stuff and I'm just happy and I know it feels like everything is right). So on the phone, everytime I feel like saying something I write it down and look at how stupid it looks....hehe...maybe that would help!!!

M~

 

[janinegirly]

mandarine, first of all, that''s GREAT that the convo went so well and you got some specific answers! But, secondly, you really already knew all that and many of us knew too and tried to remind you! (said in lighthearted, friendly tone)

Seriously, the reason I gave the advice I did is b/c I am in the same point in my relationship except maybe ahead by a few weeks or months. I had the SAME exact conversation a few weeks ago--maybe not same words, but very very similar. He also said reassuringly and gently " you have nothing to worry about" when I said I was anxious, and I pushed and he got frustrated and said he does not want to give me ALL the details, etc.etc.
Anyway, that''s why I was trying to push for you to not say anything but be reassured by all his actions, because I''d been on the same path. Nevertheless, of course we all understand the anxiety because HELLO, we are going through the same thing.
Honestly, I feel you bf is going to propose on xmas or shortly before, so no more anxiety episodes for you young lady.

And if you do have more anxiety attacks, vent here so you don''t vent to your bf. (instead of venting to both!). Venting to him won''t cause any probs at all, but slight chance he''ll move it back, if say, he was planning something this wkend or soon. The next 6 wks are going to be exciting on this board!!

 

[sumbride]

When I was nervous, my FI would say "Just trust me." He''d had a plan for a year, and he followed through way ahead of the time frame he gave me, but when we were talking about it later, post-proposal, and I told him I''d been so nervous, he said "I told you to trust me... I wasn''t going to let you down..." and he was right. I was just getting myself worked up into a frenzy over nothing. Find another outlet for your nervous energy... he still has time left in the year and I''m betting it will be around the holidays. TRUST him!

 

[Mandarine]

I know, I know, I know....

Mandarine slaps herself with the kleenex box sitting at her desk!

I''m so glad you guys do understand. If I said this conversation I had to anyone I know they will just confirm that I *am* indeed crazy.

M~

 

[akw94]

Mandarine,
It''s ok! So you said something to him, not the end of the world. And it seemed like it went well. Even better! So now you feel reassured and sometimes that is important too. That makes the waiting a little easier. As long as you feel a little better today, I''d try not to worry as much about yesterday. It seems clear that it''s on his mind too, he knows how you''re feeling and he''s not holding back anything negative. I think that''s all you can hope for right now.
Btw, you are NOT an idiot! Your reactions are normal and justified.

Are you feeling better today?

 

[KimberlyH]

You are so not an idiot, you needed a bit of reassurance and he gave it to you (not for the first time!). NOW, it''s time to take deep breathes relax and let him do his thing. He loves you, he thinks your the best ever and he wants to marry you. That is your new mantra!

 

[caligal]

Hi Mandarine hon!! O.k.- what you did wasn''t that bad- you weren''t screaming or crying, so pat yourself on the back for that! And it is totally normal to freak, I constantly do with mine and we are on the same deadline! Of course, it is a little different since we do have a wedding date and location secured in May, but now I am even more excited to be official so I can share it with everyone! Now it is hard to pry into weekend plans and just wait.... remember it will be very soon!!

 

[Mandarine]

thanks girls

I just sent him a cute e-card right now

I''m feeling better (from my cold). Although the people at work say I saound worse (I''m losing my voice and sound very stuffy!)...I do feel better though

This weekend it''s his birtdhay and I should be concentrating my energy on making it extra especial....

We are probably going to make dinner at home and invite a couple of friends, have some wine. Any suggestions on yummy-delicious dinners?. He''s all about home cooking so this is his idea of the perfect birthday!.

As for the gift I think he''s going to be surprised and hopefully love it!. I''m going to get him an office shredder because I know he really wants one and now that he has a proper office at home he will love it!.

Of course that''s not it (you''re all probably sitting there like "that''s it?"). The office shredder will act as the wrapping for the gift.

Everytime we go biking by the beach he sees the kite boarders and just loves what they can do with the kites and boards. He''s very sporty and loves the outdoors!. So I thought I would give him a certificate for a 2-hour kite-boarding lesson!. I''ve already found the perfect place and talked to the trainer. They''re not cheap, but apparently it''s not an easy sport to learn because you have to learn the kite, the wind''s behavior, the board, the waves, etc.....but two hours should be enough to see if this is something he likes and wants to start doing going forward. If he likes it then I will have more options for future gifts for him...hehe...so in essence it''s a win-win situation!. If he hates it, then at least he will be glad he tried it

What do you all think about my plan? and how about birthday special dinners? suggestions anyone?

M~

 

[Mandarine]

I''m feeling like Fisher did in her last few weeks and had her long thread going.....and I kept telling her to chill!!!!!

hehehe....easier said than done!

M~

 

[KimberlyH]

I love to cook! What type of food is his favorite?

 

[Mandarine]

My specialty is fish dishes and mediterrenean/spanish food (my family is from Spain so it''s in my blood!).

he loves Spanish food (also has Spanish in his family) and also loves all the good-old hearty American favorites...such as pot roasts, nice stews, etc.

I love adding a gourmet kick/touch to simple/old time dishes!

M~

 

[KimberlyH]

The gift sounds great.

I tend to modify recipes to suite my tastes as opposed to coming up with my own. Here are a few.

I''ve never had people compliment a food I''ve made more than these enchiladas. It''s a recipe from epicurious.com but slightly modified. It''s pretty rich, so I''d keep the sides simple.

Chicken Enchiladas
1 16-ounce container light sour cream
1 7-ounce can diced green chilies
4 large green onions, chopped
1/2 cup chopped fresh cilantro
1 1/2 teaspoons ground cumin
2 cups diced cooked chicken
2 cups grated sharp cheddar cheese
8” corn or flour tortillas
1 8-ounce package light cream cheese, cut lengthwise into 8 strips
1 large can enchilada sauce
Additional chopped fresh cilantro (optional)

Preheat oven to 350°F. Butter or grease a 13x9 baking dish.

Mix 1 3/4 cups sour cream, chilies, green onions, 1/2 cup cilantro and cumin in large bowl. Mix in chicken and 1 cup cheddar cheese. Season filling to taste with salt and pepper.

Spoon filling down center of each tortilla. Top filling with cream cheese strip. Roll up each tortilla, enclosing filling. Arrange enchiladas seam side down in prepared dish.

Pour enchilada sauce over enchiladas. Cover and bake until sauce bubbles and enchiladas are heated through, about 45 minutes. Uncover, sprinkle with remaining 1 cup cheddar cheese and bake until cheese melts, about 5 minutes.

Top with remaining sour cream. Garnish with cilantro.

Another modified recipe, I can''t recall from where.

Chicken Coconut Curry

2 tablespoons vegetable oil
1 white onion, chopped
2 cloves garlic, crushed
1 pound skinless, boneless chicken breast halves - diced
1 russet potato cubed
3 carrots diced
1-2 teaspoons yellow curry powder (taste and add additional)
1 teaspoon garlic salt
1 14 ounce can unsweetened coconut milk
1/3 cup chicken stock
salt and pepper to taste

Heat the oil in a skillet over medium heat. Stir in the onion and garlic, and cook until tender, about 8-10 minutes. Mix in the chicken, and cook 10 minutes, or until juices run clear.

Mix the vegetables, curry powder and garlic salt into the skillet. Pour in the coconut milk and chicken stock. Reduce heat to low, cook for 30 minutes, stir occasionally. Season w/ salt and pepper to taste.

Serve over jasmine or white rice.

 

[Mandarine]

Thanks!!!!!!!!!!

Thios both sound so YUMMY!

I love curry, but my BF is not a big fan...so I will have to save that recipe for me!...that''s ok..more for me! hehe.

He would LOVE those enchiladas too! they sounds delicious!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I was also thinking maybe I should venture and try making a Paella. I''ve never made one because I''ve always thought it''s complicated...so we''ll see.

If I can''t find a good recipe for Paella I think I will go with your enchilada recipe....and I love cilantro!!!


I''m like you, I modify all the recipes to my taste. I use them for as a guideline but can never really follow completely through!

Thanks Kimberly!!!

M~

 

[Becky P]

Date: 11/7/2006 8:49:31 PM
Author: Mandarine

As to what I will do if 2006 comes and goes and nothing.....I seriously don''t know and don''t want to think about it.

I totally understand this Mandarine! Everyone''s been asking me that about my deadline with my guy, and your statement just sums it up. I seriously don''t know what I''d do and don''t want to think about it. Because, thinking about an alternate plan kind of feels like giving up on the relationship and loosing all trust for the man you''re with. So, I say, in light of your conversation last night, just try to relax because it sounds like it''s definitely coming and he just wants to plan something to make it really special for you - you''re a lucky gal!

 

[Mandarine]

Hi Becky!...

I''m really sorry about what you''re going through right now

It''s very hard to think in terms of deadlines. Even in your case I don''t think you should have a "drop dead deadline"...

You''ve told him what you want, he understood it. He told you how he feels...and you''re trying to understand it. Even if you gusy don''t talk about and he ends up moving that doesn''t mean the realtionship is over...it just menas he moved away and you decided to not follow because you weren''t comfortable with the situation. This might be exactly what he needs to realize why excatly he''s not ready and what it will take for him to be ready. Eventually things will clear up though and you will either see that it''s time to move on or you guys will move forward together. To put a date to when that happens it''s just way too hard and to be honest I don''t think it''s the best way to do it....because your heart will pretty much decide for you when it''s time to move on or not. Just be strong though...this is the part were you can''t just follow your heart.

Good luck!!

M~

 

[Becky P]

Thanks M. I think one of the best things about this board is realizing that you''re not alone. Other people are going through, or have gone through, what we''re going through now. Your sister probably just doesn''t understand what all of us are going through. You''re not crazy, and neither am I, but we''re just in a really wierd spot in our lives right now. I really hope your guy proposes soon! It will be super exciting!!!

 

[TravelingGal]

Mandarine, mix the borax with salt. Apparently the salt dries the eggs. Not sure if it's all myth, but all I know is it got rid of our fleas...

ETA: re: cooking. I love tapas. One of my favorites is dates wrapped in prosciutto then grilled. So easy and full of flavor. I also did a very simple scallop wrapped in bacon the other night...fantastic appetizer.