how did you onw you were "done" having kids?

[ellaila]

Here's my take:

I gotta say this family with eight kids sounds more like a commune than a family! No leaving the compound, kids! All you need is right here at home.

As people have said, different strokes for different folks, but I personally find it appalling that a mother wouldn't encourage her kids to do things outside of their immediate area. I don't really understand how a child can be well-adjusted when they're not even given the option to explore things. Sure, reading is great and so is playing with other kids in the neighborhood, and my brothers and I did a lot of both of those things, but there's a lot to be said for little league, and dance lessons, and soccer games, and whatever else they may be interested in that could be a few miles away from their home. This mother is shielding her kids from the real world, if you ask me. Legally, children CAN'T drive, so the solution is to confine them to just the block they live in?! Umm, I don't think so.

I think Miranda's sentence "I don't make a large effort with them because they didn't with me..." is pretty telling. My cousin was raised similarly, and he definitely resents the limits that were put on his childhood because his mother wouldn't drive him somewhere.

I'm not saying this mother doesn't love her children and take care of them in other ways. But I personally think she's robbing them of a big part of their childhood, and they will resent her for it later in life.

Just my two cents!

ETA: I don't think kids need six million activities to do, and I agree that nowadays some parents go overboard with that. But I don't think that the solution is to "just say no" to activities!

 

[rainbowtrout]

Date: 1/17/2007 9:18:52 AM
Author: ladykemma

Date: 1/16/2007 12:53:46 PM

Author:


these kids are turning out very well. not overscheduled, no one is crazy, isolated, or bored. they have after school chores that need doing as well. they have time to study, read a book, go to the library, go look at tadpoles, play with friends on the block, do their after school activities. what i am trying to say is that my friend says the world will not end if you refuse to do the chauffer (sp) thing.

Amen. My parents made a conscious decision to NOT book every minute of every day. Their take: "What you get then is a child who can't entertain themselves." Now, I don't really agree with having so many children that you can't take them to 1 or 2 activities they each enjoy...but it's hard to judge these things from the outside.

 

[ladykemma]

Date: 1/17/2007 9:36:27 AM
Author: ellaila
Here''s my take:

I gotta say this family with eight kids sounds more like a commune than a family! No leaving the compound, kids! All you need is right here at home.

As people have said, different strokes for different folks, but I personally find it appalling that a mother wouldn''t encourage her kids to do things outside of their immediate area. I don''t really understand how a child can be well-adjusted when they''re not even given the option to explore things. Sure, reading is great and so is playing with other kids in the neighborhood, and my brothers and I did a lot of both of those things, but there''s a lot to be said for little league, and dance lessons, and soccer games, and whatever else they may be interested in that could be a few miles away from their home. This mother is shielding her kids from the real world, if you ask me. Legally, children CAN''T drive, so the solution is to confine them to just the block they live in?! Umm, I don''t think so.

I think Miranda''s sentence ''I don''t make a large effort with them because they didn''t with me...'' is pretty telling. My cousin was raised similarly, and he definitely resents the limits that were put on his childhood because his mother wouldn''t drive him somewhere.

I''m not saying this mother doesn''t love her children and take care of them in other ways. But I personally think she''s robbing them of a big part of their childhood, and they will resent her for it later in life.

Just my two cents!

ETA: I don''t think kids need six million activities to do, and I agree that nowadays some parents go overboard with that. But I don''t think that the solution is to ''just say no'' to activities!

these kids have outside activities. the family are historical reenactors, they do weekends and events. the kids are involved in band and other things. no compound here!

 

[CaptAubrey]

Sorry to jerk this back on topic, but I meant to post this yesterday.

As a dad of three, I can relate.


The Birth Order of Children:

Your Clothes:
1st baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your OB/GYN confirms your pregnancy.
2nd baby: You wear your regular clothes for as long as possible.
3rd baby Your maternity clothes ARE your regular clothes.

Preparing for the Birth:
1st baby: You practice your breathing religiously.
2nd baby: You don''t bother because you remember that last time, breathing didn''t do a thing.
3rd baby: You ask for an epidural in your eighth month.

The Layette:
1st baby: You pre-wash newborn''s clothes, color-coordinate them, and fold them neatly in the baby''s little bureau.
2nd baby: You check to make sure that the clothes are clean and discard only the ones with the darkest stains.
3rd baby: Boys can wear pink, can''t they?

Worries:
1st baby: At the first sign of distress--a whimper, a frown--you pick up the baby.
2nd baby: You pick the baby up when her wails threaten to wake your firstborn.
3rd baby: You teach your three-year-old how to rewind the mechanical swing.

Pacifier:
1st baby: If the pacifier falls on the floor, you put it away until you can go home and wash and boil it.
2nd baby: When the pacifier falls on the floor, you squirt it off with some juice from the baby''s bottle.
3rd baby: You wipe it off on your shirt and pop it back in.

Diapering:
1st baby: You change your baby''s diapers every hour, whether they need it or not
2nd baby: You change their diaper every two to three hours, if needed.
3rd baby: You try to change their diaper before others start to complain about the smell or you see it sagging to their knees.

Activities:
1st baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics, Baby Swing,and Baby Story Hour.
2nd baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics.
3rd baby: You take your infant to the supermarket and the dry cleaner.

Going Out:
1st baby: The first time you leave your baby with a sitter, you call home five times.
2nd baby: Just before you walk out the door, you remember to leave a number where you can be reached.
3rd baby: You leave instructions for the sitter to call only if she sees blood.

At Home:
1st baby: You spend a good bit of every day just gazing at the baby.
2nd baby: You spend a bit of everyday watching to be sure your older child isn''t squeezing, poking, or hitting the baby.
3rd baby: You spend a little bit of every day hiding from the children.

Swallowing Coins:
1st child: When first child swallows a coin, you rush the child to the hospital and demand x-rays.
2nd child: When second child swallows a coin, you carefully watch for the coin to pass.
3rd child: When third child swallows a coin you deduct it from his allowance!!

 

[Ellen]

Capt, GREAT post!! It''s so funny, cuz it''s true.

 

[diamondfan]

Cehra, Jack is a boy from our neighborhood whose family Kaleigh knows very well, and he was killed right before Thanksgiving weekend a couple years ago, he was a teen ager and was crossing a street a couple streets from his house, at dusk, and was hit by a car...there is now a stop sign but at the time there was not and cars go speeding down this stretch of road. It was terrible. He died in his mother''s arms. And he was only going a couple blocks in his neighborhood...

I also am NOT trying to act as if it is easy to get some help, for a lot of reasons I understand. But, to me, if you have a lot of kids, you have certain responsibilities to them. Maybe you need to cut back on some of the activities or get your dh to help. Find car pools. Trade sitting time with a neighbor so on your busy night you can have help and then you are there for them when they need it. I just would never forgive myself if I sent my kid out to an activity and something happened, when had I just taken them, even if meant putting the other kids into the car, I could have prevented it...Of course accidents happen. And not all things can be prevented. Kids go off to college and such, and are out of our watchful supervision and we have to hope they are careful and safe...but I just think, with some creativity, there ARE options that do not involve spending excess money.