How did you know your SO was THE one?

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Oct 30, 2002
honestly for me a break is a kind of make it or break it. no pun intended!

when my ex and i took a break, it was clear i wanted to be on my own without him, continuously. i think i already knew that but just being out on my own, having my own life, doing whatever i wanted to was so freeing. i had been in a trap of my own making.

when greg and i took a break...well we really broke up, but it ended up being a break because we got back together...we realized we missed each other horribly and it was very hard for both of us. we could have both moved on if we had to, of course...but we were happier together. we worked things out (it was really mostly miscommunication) and when we got back together it was better than ever.

so if you think that it can help clarify things, a break might be a good idea. but yes it's hard to discuss something like that because he could take it the wrong way or if as you mentioned, takes criticism heavily could be a tough discussion to have. but if it improves your quality of life...even just temporarily enough to figure things out, it would be worth it. i do recall you are in school, so i don't think you work, do you feel dependent on him for finances, aka do you feel like maybe it would be that much harder to leave him or take a break if you have no income?


May 5, 2006
I'm so sorry you're confused about your relationship! Everyone has ups and downs, but if you're having real doubts, your heart (and your head) may be telling you something. Re: your question about how everyone knew he/she was THE ONE...everyone will have a different answer. Some had a moment, others had a feeling, others just any case I believe something inside you should say "This is the person I can be with" whether you believe there is one perfect match for you or there are many matches out there. I agree that maybe some kind of break is in order here... time apart can be very telling and may open your eyes a bit to either a.) you can't live without him, b.) you definitely can live without him, or c.) some evil middle ground. At the very least though, it'll give you some time to sort things out. Good luck and please vent here. =)

ETA: Asscherisme...I sincerely hope things get better for you also!


Jun 17, 2005
I also agree there is not ONE person out there for us. Timing is essential, and being able to recognize certain truths and prioritize things, and how does that stack up with the person in your life? And I also think when you are together a long time, of course there are good and bad cycles, you can drive each other crazy and just feel like you are spinning your wheels...but something keeps it together. I sort of advocate the take a step back approach. If you find you do not miss them, that you are happy and content without them around, and you do not yearn to see them or commnicate with them, likelier than not you are not with the right person. I really hope it all becomes clear, and breaking up is better than getting divorced, especially with kids involved, though of course one should do what has to be done if it comes to it...I just think it is better to be brutally honest with yourself and then him, and see where the chips fall.


Nov 30, 2005
I'm more in the 'The One' camp, but mainly because I know how impossible it'd be to ever find another man who not only matched perfectly with everything I had ever dreamed of in a guy but who also thinks most of my worst flaws are cute. (He laughs when I lose my temper)

While I had a dog-related AhHa moment right at the beginning, the real moment when I knew he was The One for me was one morning when I looked at my mono-syllablic grumpy boyfriend sipping his coffee and I asked myself if I really could live with this for the rest of my life. The answer was: Happily!
Usually I so wanted a relationship to work that I willfully blinded myself to the other person's fatal flaws. This time I could see all the bad as well as all the good very clearly.

The confirmation that he's the one for me and that I'm the one for him is that as time goes by it's gotten easier to deal with the other person's flaws, not harder. (This is partly because we're both improving as people under the other person's influence) We're becoming more of a perfect fit rather than less over time.

I've been in serious relationships before and I always had little niggling doubts that I tried to ignore. I should have listened to my own subconscious a bit closer back then! This time I have no doubts. I've had insecurities, and I've questioned myself seriously on wether or not I really could commit to a lifetime with him... but that's not the same thing as doubts.

If you're having serious doubts and given what you've described of your spending time together situation, I'd say that your bf isn't the one for you. If you're not quite ready to call it quits and move on, then you should get couples counseling pronto.
This goes for Asscherisme as well. You shouldn't feel trapped just because you have kids. Yes it's hard to leave once you're married with kids, but it is possible. I'm sure you've tried this already, but it wouldn't hurt to try again. Go to couples counseling. Best of luck, and big hugs!

p.s. I simply refuse to start dinner until he calls me from the car on the way home and tells me where he is in his commute. I've had plenty of 'I'll leave work early today' turn into him leaving at 6:30.
At least your guys probably leave work at work. Mine is currently in his home office doing something I'd call work.
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