How did you know you were ready to START having kids?

[flutterby]

thanks for all your kind words ladies! I''m pretty excited!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[jadeleaves]

Date: 1/17/2007 11:25:28 PM
Author: anchor31
J once told me he''d like to have one child before he''s 30;

Lol my hubby was exactly like that! I only just snucked in BEFORE he turned 31

We knew we were ready when:

1)we have a stable income
2)my business is established enough that I can take time off to be with our child without it affecting the business and also still be able to draw an income
3)have enough investments to generate a return for us to live on IF hubby lose his job and my business collapses (touch wood!)
4)have a house with a backyard (we''ve always lived in apartments and am waiting for our house to be built - few more months to go!)

Basically we wanted to be sure we are ok financially before we have a baby. Nothing prepares you for parenthood though! I am still learning as I go along

Cehra - I got warm fuzzy feelings reading your story too!

 

[robbie3982]

Apparently I''m not the only one in my relationship worrying about having kids! FI really loves kids and wants to have 2. Yesterday he came up to me and I could tell something was wrong. He said that he was worried, but was really hesitant about telling me what he was worrying about. Finally he spit out that he''s worried that I''m pregnant. Apparently he looked at where I was at in my pill pack and thought that it should be that time of the month already. It''s not though. Apparently he was worrying about it without saying anything for a few days. My poor sweetie. At least we''re both at the same stage of not being ready, lol.

 

[eks6426]

I''m not sure you''re ever really ready because it''s one of those things that you can''t know what you''re getting into until you live it. You may think you know, but you don''t. It''s like trying to empathize with someone who has a terminal illness. You want to understand, can imagine what it feels like in your head, but until you''re faced with it you have no idea. Becoming a parent is the same. You think you want a baby, you imagine it, feel your family needs one NOW, but you can''t really understand what it is like to be a parent until you are one.

 

[ephemery1]

Date: 1/18/2007 9:53:58 AM
Author: IslandDreams
I''m not sure you''re ever really ready because it''s one of those things that you can''t know what you''re getting into until you live it. You may think you know, but you don''t. It''s like trying to empathize with someone who has a terminal illness. You want to understand, can imagine what it feels like in your head, but until you''re faced with it you have no idea. Becoming a parent is the same. You think you want a baby, you imagine it, feel your family needs one NOW, but you can''t really understand what it is like to be a parent until you are one.

If anyone thinks they''re fully ready for ANY major life decision (getting married, having kids, career change)... I think they''re probably in for a surprise!!

But SOMETHING has to prompt that initial decision to cast aside the birth control... and I really appreciate hearing everyone''s responses about that. I agree that being in a good place financially (and happy there, as Mara mentioned) is important... but as my dad likes to say, there''s no point in waiting until you have ENOUGH money... cause it''s never going to happen!

I also find it interesting that traveling came up so often. We definitely don''t have the disposable income to be planning elaborate trips abroad right now... too many other things to save for! But we do get to piggyback on a lot of great vacations with our families (and are eternally grateful each time we''re invited!). I actually think we''ll be in a better place financially to do the world-traveling thing AFTER our kids are grown, given the nature of our income (future inheritance, etc).

Thanks for sharing your experiences!

 

[sumbride]

Date: 1/18/2007 8:30:28 AM
Author: robbie3982
Apparently I''m not the only one in my relationship worrying about having kids! FI really loves kids and wants to have 2. Yesterday he came up to me and I could tell something was wrong. He said that he was worried, but was really hesitant about telling me what he was worrying about. Finally he spit out that he''s worried that I''m pregnant. Apparently he looked at where I was at in my pill pack and thought that it should be that time of the month already. It''s not though. Apparently he was worrying about it without saying anything for a few days. My poor sweetie. At least we''re both at the same stage of not being ready, lol.

that''s too funny! I''m glad you were able to reassure him. My FI keeps all the math in his head and he can actually tell ME when it''s time. Comes in handy for vacations! We''re both pretty sure we don''t want children but haven''t ruled it out entirely. Everytime we see a really bratty kid he says "keep taking those pills babe." and I say "definitely."

 

[february2003bride]

I read somewhere that if every couple waited until they were 100% ready for a baby (financially, emotionally, stable marriage, etc) then 75% of the population wouldn''t exist!

 

[colorkitty]

Interesting thread. I have a pretty unpopular opinion on this, but variety is the spice of life, so here it goes:

I realize the advice that you''ll never be 100% ready is as common as water, but I just don''t buy it. I think you can be 100% ready and that it''s better to wait forever and never have children than it is to roll the dice and risk finding out you''re still not ready *after* you''ve gone and had the baby. It is not true everyone falls into parenthood naturally after the stick turns pink. It''s a risk. Better to be ready.

Then again, I''m not having children in part because I know I''d be a crappy parent. So what do I know!

 

[poptart]

Date: 1/20/2007 7:57:53 PM
Author: colorkitty
Interesting thread. I have a pretty unpopular opinion on this, but variety is the spice of life, so here it goes:

I realize the advice that you''ll never be 100% ready is as common as water, but I just don''t buy it. I think you can be 100% ready and that it''s better to wait forever and never have children than it is to roll the dice and risk finding out you''re still not ready *after* you''ve gone and had the baby. It is not true everyone falls into parenthood naturally after the stick turns pink. It''s a risk. Better to be ready.

Then again, I''m not having children in part because I know I''d be a crappy parent. So what do I know!

Well, I think it''s great that you acknowledge that you don''t want children and take precautions so that you don''t. You are right that it''s worse for a child to come into a home that doesn''t love him/her. Not everyone is meant to be a parent, and many that think they are... really aren''t (we have all seen people that have NEVER discipline their kids or even attempt to pay attention to them)! The important thing is that you lead a fulfilling life, and that doesn''t necessarily mean you have to have children. I must also add I respect that you have the gumption to say you don''t want kids, because so many people just fall into societal standards and have kids just because their families says they should, or they thought it would be a good idea at the time. I admire people who actually have conviction!

*M*

 

[Dandi]

My FI and I are on slightly different wavelengths, I think mainly due to the age diifference (7 years... I''m 24, he''s 31). Even now we''re at the stage where we could get by on his wage (just... doesn''t leave much spending money for diamonds now, does it

) and my income is a bonus. We have 2 investment properties that generate a small income at the moment, but that will most likely tend to increase over the next few years as rent costs increase with interest rates. So he''s of the frame of mind that, well, any time from now is good for trying for a baby.

Uhhh... NUP! I don''t want to start trying for kids until I''m around 30, because when we decide to, I want to OWN our house, have seen more of the world and have all the freedom we have now, but as a MARRIED couple! Plus for the next few years I''ll be fairly career-oriented, having just entered management where I work. Each couple/person''s circumstances are so different.

 

[ljmorgan]

I think that everyone has an "ideal" time in their head to have children, if they decide that they want them. My husband and I both want children relatively soon, which is still 2-3 years away. I say relatively soon because I''m 23, and 25-26 is fairly young to have children among our friend circle at work. We are lucky to own a nice home, have good paying jobs, and be in a good financial situation, being 23 and 25. I am just starting my masters this summer, so if I can finish in two years going part-time in the evenings, I really think we''ll be ready to have children in two years.

I have to say though... when my parents had me, they lived in a tiny apartment, and didn''t make much at all. And I had one of the happiest childhoods... so I''m not sure what being "ready" even means, because I don''t think you have to even have X amount of money in the bank... if you love each other, and work hard, there aren''t too many problems that can arise that you can''t work through.