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how did you hint or let your DH know which ring you wanted without sounding too demanding?

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Rough_Rock
Joined
Oct 23, 2009
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hi there

Me and my other half have spoken on engagement rings briefly but he has told me when it does come to the time he will get it for me and it will be a surprise. I just want to know if many of you chose the ring with your other half or did you tell them what you wanted?

I want to let my boyfriend know what i like and i have told him but just wanted to know how other did it?

I want the ring to be my perfect ring and i dont want to upgrade in the future as i just wanted to stick to the ring.

I hope it makes sense what i wrote.

If not let me know and i will explain more

Many Thanks

xx
 
I think the only way to ensure you get what you want is to go to some stores together. See what looks good in your hand, what''s in the budget, what you hate.

This is not a sweater, or nail polish...it''s the one.
 
Agreed.

If you can, go shopping with your man. Head to a few Brick and Mortars and try on as many rings as you can!!! It''s fun, and it''s informative--many a woman has THOUGHT a ring was her "perfect ring" until she tried it on and realized it just wasn''t "the one"! And he''ll be glad to have the guidance. Try on sizes... shapes... metals... solitaires... 3-stones... 5-stones... colored stones... have fun! Who knows what you''ll end up loving!?!
 
My hubby was a traditionalist and wanted it a surprise. He also didn't want me to know how much anything costs. I just told him I preferred rounds and 6 prongs over 4, and that was the major stuff. I let him do the rest
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But if you have a really specific idea of what you want, maybe tell your sister or best friend and have them drop him some hints in the form of internet links and "oh, you know what ring she just LOVES"...
 
Going shopping together is a great idea. Not to buy, but just to see what you both like. It can still be a surprise, but you can at least let him know what you really do NOT like!
 
I didn''t hint. :) I just told him what I wanted. He was more than fine with that.
 
I don''t have a ring yet, but my BF and I have gone ring shopping and he is REALLY appreciating it. He''s still surprising me with which ring and when, he won''t even tell me a budget or anything.....but now he knows my taste (which is very particular) and I know his and it''s great! Ring shopping is sooo fun too (I got to try on a 5 ct ring!), and super eye opening especially for both sides. Things I thought I would like, I didn''t and things I thought looked bad, looked pretty good. For him, he never knew how many different styles there were to pick from.

Bottom line, bring him shopping "for fun".

BTW, I started at Tiffany''s!!!!
 
I guess I didn't worry about sounding too demanding, nor did I bother with hinting. I just asked for it straight out, and he came with me to buy the diamond. That was pretty much his only involvement, and we're both happy with that.

He's not willing to put in the research and generally hates shopping for anything, so I did the footwork and he did the paying.
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I'm not the best to give "subtle" advice because I don't think most men get it. There are plenty of threads here from girls who ended up less than happy with the ring their fiances chose (and consequently, girls who are VERY happy with the rings their fiance chose). I am not the type of girl who would be thrilled to wear a ring I didn't love, so I saved us both some trouble by being straightforward.
 
My situation sounds very similar to yours so I thought I would chime in...

My SO wants it to be a surprise, he wants to do it mostly on his own, and we both want it to be the forever ring (no future changes or upgrades).

The problem was that I am very picky and have a clear idea of what I like and what I hate. Hinting does not work with him, so I simply told him a few characteristics that I would love in a ring, and a few that I really hated. We talked about getting engaged alot, so it wasnt a big deal to bring those things into a conversation. He appreciated some direction and also appreciated being able to keep the final product a surprise. I have not seen the ring yet, but I know I''m going to love it.
 
We decided on a vendor (WF) then I made a "wishlist" with several different settings and he picked from that. I think it was the best of both worlds because I knew I would love the ring no matter what he chose but he ultimately got to pick the ring.
 
I have heard of girls cutting pics out of magazines (bridal) and leaving them around the house. Say stuck to the mirror...in
his car...in his tool chest..sock drawer etc.
 
DH and i went to a few stores and tried on some rings and we realized that we have VERY different tastes when it comes to e-rings. i am also very picky and overly detail-oriented so we decided that it would be best if i picked out the stone and setting. i''m happy b/c i''m getting exactly what i want and he''s happy b/c i''m happy
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I got him very drunk and then took him into a b&m, picked out the stone, and had him sign the CC slip while he was nearly blacking out.
 
I felt the same way as you did - i didn''t want to upgrade in the future, and since i am so smitten with jewelry and I am also particular, I just told him all of that flat out. We went and picked the ring together, and then it was up to him to surprise me with it when he chose to. For me, it just made sense that i would contribute to picking the ring - i love jewelry, and he doesn''t really care about jewelry at all. I will be wearing the ring for the rest of my life also, so i thought i should help pick.

But then, i am really lucky because i don''t have an overly sentimental FI, and he wasn''t the least bit bothered by me telling him what I wanted - in fact, i think it took the pressure off him
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Date: 11/9/2009 12:32:37 PM
Author: MC
I got him very drunk and then took him into a b&m, picked out the stone, and had him sign the CC slip while he was nearly blacking out.
Click to expand...

Very clever!
 
I was very involved with the ring choosing process. We looked at lots of different styles before he bought the ring. I would advise you to do the same if you want a ring you will be 100% happy with. Better to let him know now than receive a ring you don''t love. Good luck!
 
Date: 11/9/2009 12:32:37 PM
Author: MC
I got him very drunk and then took him into a b&m, picked out the stone, and had him sign the CC slip while he was nearly blacking out.
Click to expand...
Hee!
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My DH is traditional, so I really didn't give him any input as the proposal was a surprise.

Now for my upgrade diamond, that is a different story!
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Date: 11/9/2009 2:21:33 PM
Author: Maisie
I was very involved with the ring choosing process. We looked at lots of different styles before he bought the ring. I would advise you to do the same if you want a ring you will be 100% happy with. Better to let him know now than receive a ring you don''t love. Good luck!
Click to expand...
agreed. Same with us
 
DH and I went and looked at rings together. I had a very particular setting style in mind, so once we found it I got a picture and gave it to him to take to whoever he decided to get the ring from. I did not give him any input on the diamond size, although we did try on rings within a certain range so I had a pretty good idea of his budget. I am a very modern woman, but I think it''s tacky to ask for/demand a diamond of a certain size. IMHO, that''s basically telling them how much to spend. Of course, if the couple is splitting the cost of the ring, that doesn''t apply. But since DH was buying my ring himself, I figured that he knew his budget and what he was comfortable spending. I also knew my DH was very generous and would buy the best he could afford for me, so I wasn''t worried at all.
 
I wasn''t involved in picking out the e-ring, but I wasn''t very particular with jewelry back then.

Ditto on going ring shopping together if you want something specific.
 
I told my FI what style of cut and setting that I wanted but it was still a surprise when I got the ring - especially after having to wait 6 weeks for it to be made. That was the longest 6 weeks ever
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I agre with trying stuff on with your partner. You may love somthing you never thought you would. Maybe together you could pick the top contenders and let your BF do the rest from there.

I knew my ring was "the one" when I felt upset that some one else might buy it.
 
Honestly my husband knew me well enough to know that I would want to fully design my engagement ring. He inherited the center stone from his family and knew that I really wanted to design a ring that would be passed down for future generations. We also quickly realized that we do not have the same taste in jewelry. He likes simple and understated and I like the bling factor!!!! We agreed on a budget then we found a jeweler we were both comfortable with and off I went! SMART MAN! It took some of the romance and surprise out of it, but in the end I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE my ring and can''t ever imgaine changing it.
 
Hubby had wanted to surprise me with a ring, but decided to propose without it after he realized even with research, he was not going to be able to get exactly what I wanted
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. Before he started the search, he had asked me what colors I liked and shapes, silly me didn't even realize what he was talking about. We shopped for it together, and he gave input on the setting, metal, side stones... His rationale was since I will be the one wearing it for a long, long time, I'd better love it.

He ended up surprising me anyway, since he took full responsibility for working with the jeweler and pretended that it was not ready when in fact he had it in the house already!
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We didn't go for the surprise factor. I've got really particular taste, and luckily we have similar taste, so basically for the first ring we got, we shopped together for it, within the budget set. Then when I needed to replace it years later, he gave me the budget again, and turned me loose
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I left him with veto power- I wasn't going to wear something he hated, you know? But luckily we both like ornate antique stuff, so it was no trouble finding a setting we both loved.

I think if you don't have incredibly particular taste the surprise thing can work well. If you are picky (and as I definitely am, I'm definitely not knocking it) it's hard to just accept just anything as a forever ring. I think you just need to come out and tell him what style you like. Nothing wrong with that! I suspect most guys are relieved that they don't have to guess on such an important purchase, lol. I suppose you could be sneakier, like with magazine pictures or asking family to pass the info along, but if you guys are actually talking about ring purchases anyway, I'd vote for a direct approach to avoid miscommunication. I personally think asking for a particular SIZE of diamond is a little tacky, but shape and style of setting? That's totally reasonable IMO.

So yeah. Go try on stuff to make sure you know what you want, and then just tell him.

(MC, you are too silly!
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)
 
try on heaps of styles by yourself, what you may think you like,might not work on your hand. I love love cushions, but they look mehhh on my hand.

Then give him some guideines, or if he is up for it take him out together so he can see what rings look like on your hand for the same reason as above, make it fun - lunch, beer/champagne etc.

For us it was too much money for DH to do it byhimself, as well as the fun of doing it together

good luck
d2b
 
The BF and I have gone shopping together. We learned a lot about things we each liked and didn''t like. He has a very sharp eye when looking at stones. I was more concerned about the setting. Then he finally realized that the setting was in fact harder to find than a diamond. We finally found a setting we both liked A LOT and settled on a vendor to make the ring. I wanted him to be comfortable with what we chose given that he''s paying but he also wanted me to be involved because he didn''t want to give me something I wouldn''t like and be wearing it for the rest of my life. I also wanted him to get the best value for his money so I wanted to share the knowledge I''ve gained from Pricescope with him. I''m out of the process now so everything from here on out will be a surprise.
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LR
 
Told him to make it a solitaire, focus on the center stone, sink all the money into that, and make the mounting a basic 6-prong that would be low cost as possible but sufficient. And shop around for the best bang for the buck. I changed the mounting later, before the wedding. There were not as many gorgeous options to pick from back then, so there really wasn't any battle over how much to spend on a mounting.
 
I gave specific instructions. Very, very specific instructions.
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But I didn''t get involved in the purchasing process in any way -- told him what I wanted and let him figure out where to get it.
 
We shopped together once a week for what seemed like months (I think it was really only about 2) until I chose what I wanted and it worked in the budget we''d chosen. Then DH purchased the stone and ring when he was ready - and I totally knew because I was trolling the jeweler''s, waiting to see when the stone would leave the case. ;)

My rule of thumb: with your partner, it should never be considered demanding to simply tell the person what you want, unless you''re demanding something you know your partner is uncomfortable with or something you know your partner cannot or is unwilling to provide. Listening and being open with what you want is pretty key in a relationship. Of course some couples prefer to do things differently when it comes to e-rings, but if you want to have a role in the decision, you need to assert that openly and discuss it with future FI.
 
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