How can they wait?!

[PrincessNatalie]

I simply just dont understand how guys can wait once they have purchased the ring.

I have just been thinking about everytime I have ever gotten anyone a present, the longest time I have waited to give someone something special is about 6 weeks, and those 6 weeks absolutely killed.

Seriously.

I would go loopy!

Its not like they are thinking "if" anymore, its all about "when" from then on, so its not like they have to think on it any further.. I mean did they wouldn't drop those $$$ unless they knew it was the right thing to do... right?

I sure wouldnt!

I mean fair enough if they are waiting for a holiday or some other special occasion (anniversary?) but otherwise, these guys that wait 8, 9 months, even a year, I just dont understand how or why they do it!I would be bursting at the seams to surprise my honey if it were the other way around!

If D doesn't propose at the end of the year I am going to seriously question his sanity. And probably lose mine.

I wish we had more boys around in here so that we could corner them and get them to explain their genders logic!

 

[AdanaEsq]

LOL I guess they want to wait for the perfect time. I also don't get spending lots of $$$ on something like that and then hold onto it for a long time. It does seem strange.

 

[labellavita81]

My husband kept the ring (without me knowing about it) for 5 months before he gave it to me!!!

 

[Autumnovember]

Mine kept it for 8 months before proposing....and did spend $$$$$$ on it..its not any less 'strange' if he would have spent 'less' on it.

I'm also the type to want to give someone their gift right after I buy it. However, I guess since the ring is much more symbolic and has the extra tie of commitment than most other gifts its easier to wait.

 

[AdanaEsq]

Autumn my point was an e-ring if it costs a few hundred to several thousand dollars is a significant purchase and usually an expensive purchase proportionate to the income/savings of the person so I find it strange in general to spend that kind of money then have the thing sit there!

Whenever I buy bf gifts (watches etc) I'm inclined to give them to him right away! I love seeing his face when he gets gifts.

 

[PrincessNatalie]

Mine kept it for 8 months before proposing....and did spend $$$$$$ on it..its not any less 'strange' if he would have spent 'less' on it.

I'm also the type to want to give someone their gift right after I buy it. However, I guess since the ring is much more symbolic and has the extra tie of commitment than most other gifts its easier to wait.

I agree, but I also dont think I would be ready to make the commitment to buying a ring, with out being ready to make the commitment, right now. Because if you aren't and you decide to end the relationship, then you are left with no finace and a ring, which unless you want to risk getting into uncomfortable discussions with the next potential fiance, you probably wont be able to use it in future.

I dont think anyone was implying only a "very high dollar value" was classified as "strange", it seems as though an engagement ring is an expensive endevour, for the boy involved, regardless of the size of the stone.

It also seems strange to me that us girls never seem to hear the *reason* for the wait. I have not been told a reason. I am assuming that it is because we are going overseas at the end of the year, but if he doesnt do it then I will have no idea WHY he is waiting. And that bugs me lol.

He even said "It might be a good idea to get it now because obviously it is going to be used someday" at the time I am 99% sure he did get it.

Obviously indeed.

 

[AdanaEsq]

I do wonder what the process is Princess. I mean I know in my situation bf won't be getting a ring, I'd think, until closer to the time he's ready to propose but I really wonder how I guy can hang onto the ring for several months. My question would be sort of like you said, why buy it if you aren't ready at that point because if things don't work out, you'd be stuck with a ring.

 

[Autumnovember]

Mine kept it for 8 months before proposing....and did spend $$$$$$ on it..its not any less 'strange' if he would have spent 'less' on it.

I'm also the type to want to give someone their gift right after I buy it. However, I guess since the ring is much more symbolic and has the extra tie of commitment than most other gifts its easier to wait.

I agree, but I also dont think I would be ready to make the commitment to buying a ring, with out being ready to make the commitment, right now. Because if you aren't and you decide to end the relationship, then you are left with no finace and a ring, which unless you want to risk getting into uncomfortable discussions with the next potential fiance, you probably wont be able to use it in future.

I dont think anyone was implying only a "very high dollar value" was classified as "strange", it seems as though an engagement ring is an expensive endevour, for the boy involved, regardless of the size of the stone.

It also seems strange to me that us girls never seem to hear the *reason* for the wait. I have not been told a reason. I am assuming that it is because we are going overseas at the end of the year, but if he doesnt do it then I will have no idea WHY he is waiting. And that bugs me lol.

He even said "It might be a good idea to get it now because obviously it is going to be used someday" at the time I am 99% sure he did get it.

Obviously indeed.

Then maybe it just has something to do with waiting for the perfect moment when it FEELS right?

For my Fiance, he found the perfect ring and KNEW he wanted to absolutely marry me. He was waiting for the perfect moment. I hated waiting. It was beyond miserable and I'm sure you remember my posts but being on the other side now is very interesting and has definitely opened my eyes to HIS perspective.

 

[FuturePsyD]

My ff doesn't have my ring. I don't think he is even done saving up for it! So, I know my ring isn't hidden somewhere waiting for me (unfortunately).

I have to admit, I really don't see the logic behind holding onto a ring for long periods of time. I believe some posters even wear their rings around the house but not outside because its not official.

There was a poster recently (sorry I forget her name) whose ff had the ring, they were set in all other ways (jobs, house, kids, etc.) they went on a very romantic weekend getaway (which she stated was out of the norm and something they rarely did) and her ff did NOT take that opportunity to propose. Honestly, I would be PISSED! I mean, what would the hold up be? I guess waiting for a specific holiday, I dunno? Just doesn't add up for me and I can't imagine how men can be so calm and relaxed while we are suffering from LIWitis!

To all the lucky ladies whose ffs have your rings in their possession <<<DUST>>> to getting you lovely rings ASAP!

 

[monarch64]

I simply just dont understand how guys can wait once they have purchased the ring.

I have just been thinking about everytime I have ever gotten anyone a present, the longest time I have waited to give someone something special is about 6 weeks, and those 6 weeks absolutely killed.

Seriously.

I would go loopy!

Its not like they are thinking "if" anymore, its all about "when" from then on, so its not like they have to think on it any further.. I mean did they wouldn't drop those $$$ unless they knew it was the right thing to do... right?

I sure wouldnt!

I mean fair enough if they are waiting for a holiday or some other special occasion (anniversary?) but otherwise, these guys that wait 8, 9 months, even a year, I just dont understand how or why they do it!I would be bursting at the seams to surprise my honey if it were the other way around!

If D doesn't propose at the end of the year I am going to seriously question his sanity. And probably lose mine.

I wish we had more boys around in here so that we could corner them and get them to explain their genders logic!

I'm not a boy/man... but I think that the reason they wait is to keep women waiting!!! What other reason would they have to slow the engagement process???

Ladies, please just allow them their time. They want nothing more than to surprise you with a beautiful ring, and a beautiful statement. Let them have their moment.

 

[Autumnovember]

I simply just dont understand how guys can wait once they have purchased the ring.

I have just been thinking about everytime I have ever gotten anyone a present, the longest time I have waited to give someone something special is about 6 weeks, and those 6 weeks absolutely killed.

Seriously.

I would go loopy!

Its not like they are thinking "if" anymore, its all about "when" from then on, so its not like they have to think on it any further.. I mean did they wouldn't drop those $$$ unless they knew it was the right thing to do... right?

I sure wouldnt!

I mean fair enough if they are waiting for a holiday or some other special occasion (anniversary?) but otherwise, these guys that wait 8, 9 months, even a year, I just dont understand how or why they do it!I would be bursting at the seams to surprise my honey if it were the other way around!

If D doesn't propose at the end of the year I am going to seriously question his sanity. And probably lose mine.

I wish we had more boys around in here so that we could corner them and get them to explain their genders logic!

I'm not a boy/man... but I think that the reason they wait is to keep women waiting!!! What other reason would they have to slow the engagement process???

Ladies, please just allow them their time. They want nothing more than to surprise you with a beautiful ring, and a beautiful statement. Let them have their moment.

I completely agree.

Trust me, I understand how it feels to be the girl waiting for the ring (for 8 months). I know the feelings all too well. But now that I'm on the other side, I can totally see the other perspective and I've realized that just allowing the men have their time is so so so so key.

 

[Glitz]

I wonder if some guys are just clueless about timelines OR they just don't want to have a very long engagement. I know my SO thinks that we should have an engagement no longer than 1 year, so I'm assuming that he's holding out so that our engagement period won't be as long. I'm trying to logically understand what these men are thinking, but what I've learned about men is that there's usually no logical explanation for some things they do. These are some reasons I have come up with:

1. He wants a shorter engagement period
2. He's waiting for a special date (x-mas, new years etc.)
3. He bought the ring and hid it so well that he forgot where he put it
4. He has no idea how he should propose
5. He's waiting to ask your father permission
6. He's building up courage to kiss his single life good bye FOREVER!

 

[amc80]

I think guys put a lot of importance on the proposal...because they think we do. The first question after you tell someone you are engaged (well, first after "let me see the ring") is "how did he do it?". I think there's a little bit of competition in there too- they want your proposal to be better than you friend's/sister's.

Don't get me wrong, I want a nice proposal, but that doesn't mean it requires a lot of planning...more important that it comes from the heart.

 

[kurtwoodfork]

so actually I'm ring shopping w/ my BF right now. (he won't let me really call him "fiance" because he hasn't proposed yet the way he wanted to, apparently!...even though we're shopping for a ring together.... )

so i'm pretty much done with searching for the ring, and I think I know what I want. we are going to visit two more stores this weekend and then i'm pretty much going to make a finalized decision on what i want, and from that point on, he will finish it. most likely, we'll have our ring custom made by philip press, from renaissance platinum and try to incorporate some of my own drawing into his design. (you can see it here:https://www.pricescope.com/communit...ting-antique-art-deco-edwardian-style.151387/)

anyway yesterday we were eating dinner together and he says that he saw an AMAZING hawaii deal on costco sometime in december and he was sad that it was during my school so we can't go (I'm in medical school right now...) and to go on drooling about the deal, he says "and plus, by then I should have the ring...and i'd much rather propose to you in hawaii than (said something but i kind of stopped listening)" .

soooooo we're not a very romantic type of a couple, and it'll be our 7th year anniversary NEXT WEEK! and the thing about philip, once he starts his work he said he can get the ring done in ~2 weeks maybe 3 weeks max. so, i was hoping we'd be engaged by thanksgiving and share the good news with our families back home!!! ....but he was going to HOLD ON TO IT?? i was more shocked by the fact that he wasn't going to propose as soon as he gets the ring than he wanted to try to do something romantic. i mean...over dinner is perfectly fine with me..............................i mean, i want the ring now!

well i can never complain about a hawaii trip (it wont happen b/c of scheduling), but still...i was shocked to find out he wanted to hold onto it for any period of time! :sigh:

 

[DuckLovingVegan]

I don't get it either. I sure hope my SO doesn't do that to me but maybe to be mean and to make me even more bonkers when the time comes he would. I mean when I buy someone a present I want to give it to them right away. I also love to see their face when they see the present. I just hope it burns a hole in his pocket or where ever it is and he just does it soon.

 

[captainmcgee]

I am about to be in this situation.

We are ring shopping together but we aren't engaged. He just knows me well enough to know that only I could pick it, plus he gets very nervous and unsure and couldn't do it alone....cute :-p haha!

He said "just cause we are getting the ring doesn't mean you can have it right away I might hold onto it for 12-18months". I was like what???? Anyway I understand time is key and he places great importance on the tradition of a proposal and asking my dad etc so I will be a LIW for a long while

 

[lovetorenovate]

My ff doesn't have my ring. I don't think he is even done saving up for it! So, I know my ring isn't hidden somewhere waiting for me (unfortunately).

I have to admit, I really don't see the logic behind holding onto a ring for long periods of time. I believe some posters even wear their rings around the house but not outside because its not official.

There was a poster recently (sorry I forget her name) whose ff had the ring, they were set in all other ways (jobs, house, kids, etc.) they went on a very romantic weekend getaway (which she stated was out of the norm and something they rarely did) and her ff did NOT take that opportunity to propose. Honestly, I would be PISSED! I mean, what would the hold up be? I guess waiting for a specific holiday, I dunno? Just doesn't add up for me and I can't imagine how men can be so calm and relaxed while we are suffering from LIWitis!

To all the lucky ladies whose ffs have your rings in their possession <<<DUST>>> to getting you lovely rings ASAP!

Yup, this is me and it's killing me still! So I found the ring in his closet (he has a closet at my house even though he doesn't officially live here). I'm going to have to tell him to take it away - it kills me being here in the house (it's taking all my will power not to try it on), knowing he could propose at any time but that he hasn't.... I'm not quite sure what is going on. I know he's a slow decision maker - but I don't know if he realizes how torturous it is for me. I don't want to bring it up again - I've really avoided talking about it as much as possible (nothing has been said for weeks now). It's not that we'd be having a shorter engagement - we already picked a date in March 2011. If he doesn't propose until December - our next weekend alone - that give me only 90 days to plan. I know he's got so much going on at work, with his kids, everything - life can be quite busy sometimes... but it feels ridiculous in many ways: 1. He's already spent the money and there it sits in the closet, 2. waiting to propose puts the potential wedding date we picked in jeopardy because I don't feel comfortable booking things until we are officially engaged, 3. it stresses me out that planning the wedding will be even more of a rush because he's waiting - which feels really inconsiderate to me, and 4. it makes me wonder if emotionally he's not ready - and if that's the case, I'd rather he be upfront and honest and we have a "grown up" discussion about it rather than stalling on the proposal.

I do think it's that he wants this really perfect proposal - and I'd love that.... but all he needs to do is plan for a nice dinner, some time alone, it shouldn't be this hard! With as busy as our lives are with all the kids, school events and other activities like scouts, soccer, etc, shared custody schedules, work, travel, holidays... you need to take advantage of what opportunities you have - even if it's not "perfect". He doesn't look ahead as much as I do. If we got married in March - we only have about 4 weekends together between now and then (without his or my kids). Looking at our calendars for the next year to pick out potential dates - we agreed that we don't have any good weekends for the wedding/honeymoon in the summer with summer camps, swim team, work stuff, etc. And that would push us back to fall - and even then we have some conflicts most weeks that make wedding planning harder. So at the end of that discussion we agreed to March 12 as the best date. Oh well. I'm going to stop worrying about it (easier said than done) and move on with my own plans. Maybe I'll book a girls weekend for the weekend we had picked as the only appropriate wedding weekend. Since there's no proposal - no point keeping that date blocked on my calendar.

And... one more thing I can't figure out.... I don't want a holiday proposal and we've already passed our anniversary date 2 months ago.... so I can't fathom what he is waiting on. If starts to feel a bit passive aggressive and makes me question if our decision making styles are compatible. It also brings in anger and frustration to an event that should be all about joy and happiness together. So I think this totally sucks! I should just stay off pricescope all together because reading about this stuff - seeing rings, looking at diamonds, keeps this in the forefront of my mind. I'm not sure how I could "forget" about it anyway... but I'm sure pricescope doesn't aid that.

 

[sphenequeen]

I hate to say this, but if you are part of the ring shopping experience, this is the price you pay.

 

[sphenequeen]

I just wanted to add that I think that ignorance is bliss in these cases, don't you think? You would never know he had the ring for X amount of months!