HELP with "surprise" engagement ring

[diamondfan]

I would think twice about how much involvement she has. This is about you and your guy. I am sure he is super busy and maybe even really clueless about diamonds, but I still think he should be more involved in this process and not handing the duties over to him mom. I am sure he is capable of getting informed and spending an afternoon with you looking at things.

Also, I have what I have now, but I got engaged with a 1.5 carat round. I cared about what I wanted to a degree but did not micromanage. If you get something now with all this mother in law input, I would think you can never upgrade as it might offend her. Not that you will want to, but I am just thinking out loud. And I would not be so size specific either if her other DIL got less I just do not see her giving you such a large stone. Maybe your future sis in law won''t care, but I would not want to start down THAT path, with the two of you and your mother in law, human nature being what it is. Anyway, I know cushions can vary and I am in support of you getting the shape and look you want, I just think it would upset me to have my future hubby hand THIS off to his mom, and I would tread lightly as to what I asked them to pay for.

 

[honey22]

Date: 7/14/2008 11:33:58 AM
Author: missy26
I just wanted to say a *big* thank you to everyone who offered me supportive, thoughtful and helpful advice. I love my boyfriend more than anything and I am so happy to be joining his family soon, no matter what ring I get, I will be happy knowing I am marrying the man I love. After talking to my FMIL again I have decided to just send her a few pictures and let them pick whatever they want based off of that.

I decided to post my question on Pricescope because I thought this was a community of people with common interests -- obviously diamonds. I did not post my question on a relationship forum asking for feedback in that context.

To everyone else who offered nasty judgemental statements regarding who is paying for the ring, what my boyfriend does for a living, the kind of relationship we have, and criticism regarding what my preferences are I just want to say that I am really shocked that a community of people on a website ABOUT DIAMONDS, would not be mature enough to respond solely to my question. In no way was I expecting that posting a simple question would result in having my life analyzed by total strangers on the internet. I was under the impression that Pricescope had certain rules in place regarding posting to safeguard against these types of comments, but clearly it is not well regulated.

I have never once criticized or judged anyone else on these message boards for any of their statements, questions etc. I am actually quite insulted by what I have read and I am shocked that a group of people on pricescope could be so rude, judgemental and critical, and make idle commentary about my perceived lifestyle and family. As a result of this I surely will not be a part of this community any longer.

Missy - I am really really sorry you feel like this, and I honestly feel a little ashamed at PS at the moment. I have been an active member for 12 months and lately on several occasions I have felt the need to ask a few people to ' play nice'. I have noticed a few newer members having a less than "Pricescope" attitude so to speak.

I honestly think this atmosphere at the moment is not indicative of the awesome community of kind, sharing membes we have here, who regulaly go out of their way to help people, both with diamond advice, but also to offer support for members when they need it during relationship problems and just life in general.

I hope this thread hasn't scared you off of PS. Most of the time, it's a very friendly and suportive environment.

Maybe I can take this opportunity again just to remind people that on the end of every post in a real life person sitting at their computer, complete with a heart and feelings. Please think about what you type before you type it, and ask, would I say this directly to the face of someone I care about? Or even a stranger for that matter. Please don't hide behind your annonymous identities and treat people with less respect that you would your own family or friends. We can all be friends and still get our points across nicely!!

 

[Circe]

Date: 7/18/2008 4:07:25 AM
Author: honey22

Date: 7/14/2008 11:33:58 AM

Author: missy26

I just wanted to say a *big* thank you to everyone who offered me supportive, thoughtful and helpful advice. I love my boyfriend more than anything and I am so happy to be joining his family soon, no matter what ring I get, I will be happy knowing I am marrying the man I love. After talking to my FMIL again I have decided to just send her a few pictures and let them pick whatever they want based off of that.


I decided to post my question on Pricescope because I thought this was a community of people with common interests -- obviously diamonds. I did not post my question on a relationship forum asking for feedback in that context.


To everyone else who offered nasty judgemental statements regarding who is paying for the ring, what my boyfriend does for a living, the kind of relationship we have, and criticism regarding what my preferences are I just want to say that I am really shocked that a community of people on a website ABOUT DIAMONDS, would not be mature enough to respond solely to my question. In no way was I expecting that posting a simple question would result in having my life analyzed by total strangers on the internet. I was under the impression that Pricescope had certain rules in place regarding posting to safeguard against these types of comments, but clearly it is not well regulated.


I have never once criticized or judged anyone else on these message boards for any of their statements, questions etc. I am actually quite insulted by what I have read and I am shocked that a group of people on pricescope could be so rude, judgemental and critical, and make idle commentary about my perceived lifestyle and family. As a result of this I surely will not be a part of this community any longer.

Missy - I am really really sorry you feel like this, and I honestly feel a little ashamed at PS at the moment. I have been an active member for 12 months and lately on several occasions I have felt the need to ask a few people to '' play nice''. I have noticed a few newer members having a less than ''Pricescope'' attitude so to speak.


I honestly think this atmosphere at the moment is not indicative of the awesome community of kind, sharing membes we have here, who regulaly go out of their way to help people, both with diamond advice, but also to offer support for members when they need it during relationship problems and just life in general.


I hope this thread hasn''t scared you off of PS. Most of the time, it''s a very friendly and suportive environment.


Maybe I can take this opportunity again just to remind people that on the end of every post in a real life person sitting at their computer, complete with a heart and feelings. Please think about what you type before you type it, and ask, would I say this directly to the face of someone I care about? Or even a stranger for that matter. Please don''t hide behind your annonymous identities and treat people with less respect that you would your own family or friends. We can all be friends and still get our points across nicely!!

Honey22, dittoing everything you just eloquently said. A-friggin''-men.

 

[pyramid]

Want to give you my support too missy26. You are right, no one should make you feel so bad you want to leave. I hope you will stay even just lurking for a bit, just so you see there really is a great and helpful community here.

 

[diamondfan]

Missy, just wanted to add that I see many diamonds of that size where I live and they do not look fake or costumey. I myself have a large stone and the honest truth is I know it is not fake, so it really does not matter to me what others think.

If there is a way for you to broach the subject without ruffling feathers, that is great. It seems like your mother in law is good to you, which is always a nice thing! However, it might be best to say less, and maybe talk to your guy about it. Let him think it over and figure it out, so you are not in the thick of it. That is just kind of asking for an issue later so I would just be aware now.

 

[diamondfan]

Date: 7/13/2008 8:51:52 PM
Author: EBree

Date: 7/13/2008 8:00:51 PM

Author: NeverEndingUpgrade

Date: 7/13/2008 3:59:21 PM


Author: RxTechRN2b


My XH had no money and I wore his dinky little engagement ring for twenty years. And I wouldn''t have wanted a bigger stone if it meant my MIL chose, shopped for, and bought it for me. Indeed, the motivation of the giver and reciever of this large cushion speaks volumes in my book.

Me too. It always blows me away when these young people get such large diamonds just starting out. I guess that means they get the 5-10 caraters on their anniversaries!

I''m just wondering what these 20-25 year old men do for a living. Who gets $150,000+ a year jobs fresh out of college?

Ebree, some business grads are getting that in NYC and even LA and Philly. And they think they are underpaid!

Rx, I started out at 24 with a 1.5 round. At 35 I got a three carat emerald cut with a carat on each side from Tiffany''s. For my 40th we traded that back to them and I got my current ring. It was never really a planned thing or anything I focused heavily on, it just sort of happened when I wanted it and hubby was okay with it. It did not consume me or become my sole focus. I live in an area where some of the women (granted they are in their 50''s for the most part) have 10 carat rings, and I have even seen bigger. Some of them are obnoxious in other ways, and some of them are lovely and have successful husbands who wanted to do this for them. I do not know all the details in each case. However, I do not care what size diamond someone has, as long as they are nice. Some people care about big, some people are happy with a plain band. It really makes no difference to me.

I hope the young girls getting engaged place the priority on the marriage and their mate instead of ring size, and that they get what their fiance can afford at the time, and sometimes it seems like it is more about getting larger than their sister or best friend. Even if one gets bigger, there are often other issues at play, and the bigger ring does not make them as happy as they thought it would.

I can say I envy, in a nice way, Missy having a mother in law who WANTS her to have nice things and is supportive and not threatened. My mother in law to this day (after nearly 20 years of marriage!) still resents her son spending money on me...oy vey, get over it!

 

[sklingem]

Sorry to ruin the "OMG we retract all comments that may have ruffled some feathers" party, but my impression is that Missy26 did not even remotely think that asking for a 2.5-3 ct stone was a problem in any way (hey, all MY gfs have big stones!!) and the reality-check that she received was neither expected nor welcome (yeah, living on some social circles will skew your reality). In the end she wanted input on HOW to tell the family what kind of stone (cut, shape etc.) she wanted, and not WHETHER it should be that big. But that was not clear from the initial post. At the same time I do agree that passing quick judgements on someone''s values, moral and relationships is not the best way to go in any case. Missy''s reaction though to (apparently) leave this forum shows her state of mind: it''s her way or the highway (and yes, I am judging here). And that is sad. But not surprising based on the first post. Well, you can''t have it all. Back to the kind and helpful social circles that do share similar values - and ct. sizes as well.

 

[AggieTexan]

Date: 7/18/2008 4:07:25 AM
Author: honey22

Date: 7/14/2008 11:33:58 AM
Author: missy26
I just wanted to say a *big* thank you to everyone who offered me supportive, thoughtful and helpful advice. I love my boyfriend more than anything and I am so happy to be joining his family soon, no matter what ring I get, I will be happy knowing I am marrying the man I love. After talking to my FMIL again I have decided to just send her a few pictures and let them pick whatever they want based off of that.

I decided to post my question on Pricescope because I thought this was a community of people with common interests -- obviously diamonds. I did not post my question on a relationship forum asking for feedback in that context.

To everyone else who offered nasty judgemental statements regarding who is paying for the ring, what my boyfriend does for a living, the kind of relationship we have, and criticism regarding what my preferences are I just want to say that I am really shocked that a community of people on a website ABOUT DIAMONDS, would not be mature enough to respond solely to my question. In no way was I expecting that posting a simple question would result in having my life analyzed by total strangers on the internet. I was under the impression that Pricescope had certain rules in place regarding posting to safeguard against these types of comments, but clearly it is not well regulated.

I have never once criticized or judged anyone else on these message boards for any of their statements, questions etc. I am actually quite insulted by what I have read and I am shocked that a group of people on pricescope could be so rude, judgemental and critical, and make idle commentary about my perceived lifestyle and family. As a result of this I surely will not be a part of this community any longer.

Missy - I am really really sorry you feel like this, and I honestly feel a little ashamed at PS at the moment. I have been an active member for 12 months and lately on several occasions I have felt the need to ask a few people to '' play nice''. I have noticed a few newer members having a less than ''Pricescope'' attitude so to speak.

I honestly think this atmosphere at the moment is not indicative of the awesome community of kind, sharing membes we have here, who regulaly go out of their way to help people, both with diamond advice, but also to offer support for members when they need it during relationship problems and just life in general.

I hope this thread hasn''t scared you off of PS. Most of the time, it''s a very friendly and suportive environment.

Maybe I can take this opportunity again just to remind people that on the end of every post in a real life person sitting at their computer, complete with a heart and feelings. Please think about what you type before you type it, and ask, would I say this directly to the face of someone I care about? Or even a stranger for that matter. Please don''t hide behind your annonymous identities and treat people with less respect that you would your own family or friends. We can all be friends and still get our points across nicely!!

Absolutely! Well said, Honey22!