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Help with proposal...

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cmcspadden

Rough_Rock
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Dec 7, 2002
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1
My boyfriend and I have been together for what seems like forever and have recently started talking about marriage. We both know that we will get married, but he is very private about his feelings and it is hard for him to vocalize how he feels. He says that he will propose but he is really nervous about it. I think to help him out and to make things easier on him, that I would propose to him. Anyone have any ideas on how to propose to a man without being too girly and cheesy. Thanks in advance. :))
 

aljdewey

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Nov 25, 2002
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9,144
I know this isn't what you asked.....but.....

I think you should wait and let him propose to you. It's a very important step for most men. You mentioned that you've already talked about it, and he's said that he'll propose. If you preempt that proposal, he may read into that as being your way of saying he's not doing it quickly enough for you, or see it as a lack of your faith in his ability to do it adequately.
 

student

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Sep 2, 2002
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167
Please, please, for his sake and the sake of men everywhere, give the guy a chance. My guess: he's thinking about it, probably fretting, and he'll do it when he's ready. Who knows--perhaps he is even on this forum! One strategy men have at their disposal is to feign unreadiness for the sake of surprise.

:Up_to_something:
 

phi368

Rough_Rock
Joined
Oct 14, 2002
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29
I have to agree with waiting for him to propose. If he's a proud-natured guy really into doing "guy" things, then I think you should let him do it. It's a big deal for us guys and I think I would feel a little weird if my girlfriend proposed to me. As a guy, I feel that's my job and it would somehow feel less manly to be proposed to.

Now before, everyone starts jumping the gun about how they were perfectly happy when their girlfriend proposed, I'm just stating how I would feel. But my guess is that most guys feel the same way.
 

phi368

Rough_Rock
Joined
Oct 14, 2002
Messages
29
Student is right about the feigning part. Me and my girlfriend have went to look at rings and we always talk about getting married. She wants to be engaged now but I always tell her I don't have the money I want to put a lot of planning into it. I think she's expecting something in another 4-6 months. Plus, I always act like a complete moron when it comes to knowing anything about diamonds.

She has no idea I've been studying everything I can about them for the past 3 months and have been working for the past month to pull off a Christmas proposal.

Hopefully she doesn't read this board.
 

student

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Sep 2, 2002
Messages
167
My girlfriend proposed to me once... and then I woke up in a cold sweat.

phi368, we should go out for a beer sometime.
 

Mara

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Oct 30, 2002
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31,003
Okay female perspective here...my boyfriend and I have been together for 2.5 years, he's 34 and was somewhat a committed bachelor until we met. Used to being independent, doing things his own way, etc..had some strange ideas about 'marriage' from his parents divorce and other marriages he had seen etc. It's taken him this long to really feel comfortable enough to think about a future with someone, luckily that someone is me! But he led me on a good goose chase, with uncertainty on what he wanted the future to hold.

What I didn't realize was that in his own mind, for a long time now, he has been thinking things over very seriously. Guys (or maybe just mine) have this ability to hide very well whats going on in their heads! It wasn't until one night we were out to dinner and he'd had a little too much red wine that he started talking about how I should take him ring shopping to give him a little push, and how he was more ready than I thought. That kind of clued me in..and from that point on, I took him at his word:bigsmile: and we started the process.

So in synopsis..I think you should definitely be patient a little longer and you might be surprised! My guy just showed me what he wanted me to see so that he could work things out in his head at his own pace. He also told me he'd never say yes to me if I proposed, because that is the 'guys job'. I am very glad I waited, and didn't let my imagination run away with me..it's difficult to be patient when you feel strongly about something you want and are ready for, but it really is about 2 people in this relationship, and I didn't want to rush him into something he might later regret.

Hope that helped some :) Best of luck!!
 

Googleman

Rough_Rock
Joined
Nov 16, 2002
Messages
53
Female perspective....

I think there would be nothing wrong with a girl proposing to her boyfriend. It is very sweet and many men would be flattered by it. (Also, could take the pressure off of them.)

HOWEVER, in your case, based on what you wrote regarding the situation and personality of your boyfriend, it sounds like he needs a little time. This is nothing personal, even though he could know he wants to marry you and will eventually, he just may not be ready to take "the plunge" and may need a little more time. Guys are like that. A proposal on your part could really catch him off guard and not turn out the way you hope that it would, even though he loves you very much and wants to marry you.

The guys here also bring up a very good point. He could be playing the "I'm not ready" in order to catch you off guard and surprise you. I'm sure this has been done many times before. Wouldn't it be fun if he surprised you!?!? I know that it is hard, but patience will have its rewards in the end! :))
 

Googleman

Rough_Rock
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Nov 16, 2002
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53
Mara:
I swear I didn't just steal your "female perspective" line. We must have been posting at the same time! (Great minds think alike!) :sun:
 

student

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Sep 2, 2002
Messages
167
cmcspadden, I'm sure you have heard of the technique known as "hint-dropping". Many women are extremely good at this. They must be getting their training somewhere. I don't know where. Ask another woman.

If worse comes to worse, you might have to resort to the more serious strategy of "deadline-setting". But only if diplomacy fails.
 

fire&ice

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jul 22, 2002
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7,828
----------------
On 12/9/2002 4:39:11 PM

cmcspadden, I'm sure you have heard of the technique known as "hint-dropping". Many women are extremely good at this. They must be getting their training somewhere. I don't know where. Ask another woman.


It's taught in the hint dropping 101. You must move on to a more advanced class if your guy is thick. If your schedule permits, you are also allowed take the credits for manipulation 101.

The classes are taught next to the school where they teach men the answers to questions like "Do I look fat in this?" I have heard there is much heated debate about whether "If you speak & no women are within earshot, are you still wrong?"

Sorry, I couldn't resist. Hint dropping is very effective. Maybe I'm a traditionalist; but, I would give it some time for him to propose. It seems like its some sort of right of passage for men. Men seem to "work things out in their head" - if that makes sense. My then BF openly stated he was not going to even think about marriage until he was 30. We were engaged at 23 married at 24. That said, we women have to facilitate things. Good luck.
 

student

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Sep 2, 2002
Messages
167
...in fact, F&I, I suspect he might have the answer I have sought for so long.

The question:

"Do you think I've lost weight?"
 

Mara

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Oct 30, 2002
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31,003
You could do what my boyfriend does...

Q-have i lost weight?'

A-Yes and I think you look too thin now.

HA HA :love:
 

student

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Sep 2, 2002
Messages
167
Hmm, Mara, that's not bad. Not bad at all.

How about this:

I think my girlfriend might have her suspicions. So, I'm planning to get her some small piece of jewelery for Christmas. Then she'll be off-guard, and I can propose a few days later. :Up_to_something:
 

Mara

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Oct 30, 2002
Messages
31,003
Great idea--the funniest part would be if you gave her a piece of jewelry she would never want to wear or have..something horribly cheesy or garish. She would think..hmmmm..this is interesting...then you surprise her with the real thing a few days later.

BTW if you have not viewed the diamond in xmas tree lights, be sure to..we did it with ours over the weekend before taking it back to our jeweler to have it set, and it looks as though each facet contains a rainbow. It's amazing. I definitely was starstruck. I wanted to hang it on the tree. :)
 

fire&ice

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jul 22, 2002
Messages
7,828
----------------
On 12/9/2002 5:50:09 PM



Student, you are truly bad! However, don't keep her hanging on TOO long! Silly boy, of course she looks like she lost weight; but, no, she's not TOOO skiny....geez I hope a remidial course is not in your horizon.

Well, the secrets out. You can get an advanced MR. degee. You have too answer such questions ike "Do I look younger than her?". "Are my wrinkles really noticeable?"

On a serious note, I've been married close to 19 years - engaged 20. Humour, above all, is the best medicine.
 

Mara

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Oct 30, 2002
Messages
31,003
Sometimes I think my guy will have to take the remedial course..as he DOES please most of the time when I ask ridiculous female questions..but then he pulls things like...

Statement from me: I look fat in these jeans!
Statement from him: No way..your jeans are just too tight.

:errrr:

Luckily I am a self-assured woman and hold myself in the highest esteem, so I know what he really means is:

You are perfect and your jeans don't deserve you.
 

student

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Sep 2, 2002
Messages
167
I don't know, F&I. I think you're failing to appreciate the danger of:

"Did I look fat before?"
 

student

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Sep 2, 2002
Messages
167
Regarding Mara's suggestion of a cheesy piece of jewelery for Christmas to catch her off-guard:

I'm not THAT bad! And it wouldn't work, anyway. She would know I was up to something, because she knows I have impeccable taste!
 

student

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Sep 2, 2002
Messages
167
BTW, the best answers I have come up with on my own are:

"Uh, I don't know. How would I know? You look great! Let's go out for ice cream."

and:

"I know how you women work and I'm not going to fall for it!"
 

fire&ice

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jul 22, 2002
Messages
7,828
----------------
On 12/9/2002 6:49:47 PM

Sometimes I think my guy will have to take the remedial course..as he DOES please most of the time when I ask ridiculous female questions..but then he pulls things like...

Statement from me: I look fat in these jeans!
Statement from him: No way..your jeans are just too tight.

:errrr:

Luckily I am a self-assured woman and hold myself in the highest esteem, so I know what he really means is:

You are perfect and your jeans don't deserve you.
----------------



Mara, I'm with you with a lawyer spin - don't ask a question you don't already know the answer to.

These are silly female questions; but, every women would be lying if they said they never asked. I think what we really are soliciting for compliments. Society puts much emphasis on a females appearance. Boy, that in itself is a hot topic. But, as in diamonds, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Fotunately, we all have different tastes.
 

fire&ice

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jul 22, 2002
Messages
7,828
----------------
On 12/9/2002 6:53:19 PM

I don't know, F&I. I think you're failing to appreciate the danger of:

"Did I look fat before?"
----------------


It is a trick question. Got to learn to field them all.
 

sylvesterii

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Nov 3, 2002
Messages
295
back to the original question...don't rule out that he doesn't already have things planned. I had been planning on my proposal for about 4 months, and was given thousands of "where is her ring?" questions. from family, parents, etc. all in good humor, but fully hint dropesque.

maybe he is just a member of the super-sneaky perfect proposal club. it has very limited membership, but seems to work well for those who know their ladies well enough.
 

Lanee

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Jan 29, 2003
Messages
534
I just happened to come across this thread while searching for another that fell off my radar a couple of days ago. This was so gooooood! I haven't stopped smiling since I started reading it. Everyone who participated, this was like a group comedy chat. So good.
 
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