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Help, second guessing all around

CSpan

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Mar 7, 2016
Messages
250
Because I'm a glutton for punishment I have 2 projects going right now. And I'm feeling awful about them both. One is not a diamond so I hope it is ok to tall about in here, this is more setting related.

1. Diamond wedding band. I picked a stuller setting didn't speak up when it was beyond uncomfortable and ended up with ring that I couldn't wear. The jeweler is letting me trade in those stones for a band I would prefer. They have done a few CADs and have a wax waiting for me to try. But now I'm going up on the cost. The original ring was .60 and a stock setting which came to about $850. When I asked for an estimate on the new band (prior to knowing I'd be ordering it sooner than later) he said $1300. Now it appears it will cost $900, which added to my "mistake" is a lot more than I want to spend. We started this journey off 3 years ago at $400. Anyhow, I assume that includes the trade in stones and I know they would need to buy more as ring 1 was 3/4 and ring 2 is eternity. Should I just stop and walk away, I may be too emotional to make a good decision? Or should I ask for 3/4 or half diamonds? Here is the recent cad.

IMG_5996.jpg

Granted I still have yet to see the wax so who knows if I even love it.

2. RHR band. It won't be diamonds but a gemstone with similar properties. The stones are 2.25mm x 2.25mm squares. And there are 7. The vendor, who has been super patient, didn't have anything in stock that would fit and i wanted something super delicate. A custom option would have required a CAD, understandable, but at twice the price of the stones for the finished setting (and with other expensive endeavors not even remotely possible). She then was able to source a channel setting. Except it think it is bulky. My original wedding band is on my right hand and it is already thick, maybe 4mm, so 3.5mm feels like a lot of metal. But I feel ungrateful and she has worked hard to find me something and it is a much better price (but still $$). Do I suck it up and take it? Should I take the loose stones and shop around? I haven't found any vendors who have unset settings for bands, do they exist? My fear is if I take loose stones I'll never get them set since I am a little leery of my current jeweler's bench for delicate. Here is the model for that setting.

icm_75x75.220303518_pjiize42vr4wsg0cokow.jpg icm_75x75.220303510_30n6xhrxib8kw8kc0s0c.jpg

I feel silly, this should be fun right? But I just feel anxious and like I am making terrible decisions and am going to end up spending a fortune on rings I hate. I know the PS voices of reason will help.
Thanks in advance.
 

headlight

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Nov 2, 2003
Messages
1,522
Hi! First of all, don’t feel silly. And, yes, this is supposed to be fun but for some reason it is often highly stressful (as evidenced by all the similar posts here!). And, yes, you are a glutton for punishment lol! I’ve worked on more than 1 jewelry project at the same time and it consumed me! I’ve had a lot of fit issues with rings and it’s my view that you shouldn’t take so much on yourself with regard to “not speaking up” about the fit because the jeweler should’ve been on this. Whether you verbalized it or not, they have made the ring, this is what they do, they should know what to look for, and then they should look for it to ensure the fit is appropriate, irregardless of whether you brought it up or not. Some people honestly don’t know what a proper-fitting ring should be like. They may not have a lot of experience wearing rings, they may not be aware of size fluctuations throughout the day, the month, the seasons of the year. Now, I can see you are a bit more experienced in this realm lol, but the jeweler shouldn’t assume anything. So don’t take this all on yourself. If you were a jeweler, you’d be a jeweler, if you get my meaning. If you didn’t need their services, you wouldn’t have paid for them so in that context they should do their job. Enough said on that!
So for ring #1, let’s just review the evils of custom: It either starts out being expensive and gets more expensive, or it starts out seemingly reasonable and ends up expensive. There are so many unknowns along the way through the journey from concept to completion and each adjustment along the way can (does) add more expense above the initial quote. At least my current (yet still longtime) jeweler got smart enough and doesn’t even give an exact price... he gives a “range”. So that’s full disclosure on the nature of custom from his side... it’s “my bad” for being lame enough to sign up for that type of insanity! (Yet I repetitively do this!). I have done a lot of custom over the course of the past 30 years since I got engaged, working with different jewelers along the way and it’s always been the same struggle. Okay, sure, you could say I’m the common denominator lol! But when I read your story and so many similar others here on a daily basis, it tells me it’s not just me! That’s why I’m honestly not a good candidate for this and I’m better off just purchasing jewelry that’s already made or having something made for me that already has a physical sample available for them to exactly replicate. I’m not good with surprises and I can’t take the stress... and my husband deplores the drama he has to endure from me in the process. And the thing that really gets me is that I always feel “shamed” by the jeweler as if there’s something wrong with me as to why it didn’t turn out as hoped for. I feel that you are already so into it, for many years and expense, and you have to now just suck it up (emotionally, mentally, and financially) and see this through. You obviously want the ring and you don’t want this to drag on and table it for now and then start the agonizing journey again at some point in the future. For one thing, you will be obsessing on what will be the once again postponed project until you start it up again. Just get it done right, once and for all, and pay what it will cost to make it the way you want (because while you hate throwing money at it, you know to your core you will not be happy if you make concessions). With all that said, I love the CAD, HOWEVER, given there was a fit issue already, I am hesitant about you doing a full eternity where you have no resizing options.. both immediately if it needs adjusting, as well as down the road if your finger changes. I don’t know how old you are, I’m assuming much younger than me; I am 54 and I can tell you our bodies change in different places at different times. This is now becoming quite the investment, a real “lifelong” true custom piece that you will want to be able to wear for decades to come (depending on your age). This isn’t a moderately priced “fun ring”. So please seriously give this consideration. Also, the thing about full eternities with large stones is they can crack because they are more susceptible to damage because we make contact with hard surfaces all the time on the underside of the shank. Additionally, full eternities with sizable stones create bulk between the fingers and some people don’t like this, although I would hope one would become accustomed to it, yet everyone is different. I can’t even stand tags in my clothes so I probably wouldn’t get used to it! I just also want to point out regarding the remake and credit for the stones to me is a bit of B.S. because they should be remaking the ring (the original version, not this more elaborate one) at their cost IMO if it doesn’t fit because, as stated previously, I feel the onus was on them to have ensured proper fit. So now that you have “up’d” the project to a more expensive one, I feel you should be getting a full credit from the first one toward this. They delivered an ill-fitting ring. Period. This is a business loss, a cost of doing business. My husband is an importer... if the goods are late in their manufacture and the shipping deadline to the customer won’t make it in time via boat from China, they have to be aired in. Who do you think absorbs that cost? Not the customer, unless my husband wants to lose that customer! So guess what? My husband airs in the goods at his expense and eats it, cost of doing business. Shit happens. It’s life. Again, this is (supposed to be) what they do.

Ring #2: First and foremost, don’t feel bad. This is what they do for a living. They aren’t going to get every project. If they weren’t able to source it to your liking, they don’t get the job. You don’t accept the project and expense for something you don’t like off the bat just because they did some legwork. That’s how they seek out customers. It’s incumbent upon them to, essentially, “work for you”, not the other way around. You aren’t supposed to pay them to make you unhappy. You owe them nothing. This is also part of procuring a lifelong client. I’m impressed how this jeweler has really put a lot into it for you... that shows they don’t want a one and done, they want a customer for the long haul. If they don’t get your business this time, because of how much effort they’ve put forth this time, they’ll get your business next time. This is the way it’s supposed to work. You are not happy with your options on that right now and I think this is going to take more time. Given the status of ring #1, let’s table this for now. Too much stress with decision making, as well as too much outlay of cash at one time which I think is adding to the stress, consciously or unconsciously. And yes, it’s too much width on one finger. Do NOT take stones loose. Odds are when you find the right mounting they will not be the right specs. When you find the ring, the stones can be sourced at that time. I repeat: Do not take the loose stones! And if you feel the ring is not delicate now, it most certainly will be of completely wrong scale once made.
I hope this has helped!
 

rockysalamander

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
May 20, 2016
Messages
5,013
On #1, check the wax. Wear it awhile and be honest. I would 100% leave space for resizing as mentioned above. You did not say what you really wanted, but I think the cad is very nice. It take a delicate hand to accomplish a setting like this. You might have a look at Cecile Raley. She makes rings like this in gemstones and you can have a look at some details like how rounded you want the hexagons vs. sharp. Melee or not. Side profile flat or not.


On #2, I hesitate to say it given the time your've already spent, but maybe a gypsy setting would suit your RHR better. You can have them make it as thin as possible, the thickness off the finger is 100% determined by the stones. But, a well-made channel setting would also be very nice. It sounds like you want the edges of the channel softened and not very squared off. They can accomplish that in finishing.

A story...I had a suite of colored gemstones I wanted for a RHR. I saved and searched to get the right colors buying over several years from several vendors. But, I have larger hands so I went with larger stones. After getting my stones....even my clay mock up made it clear that I would hate it. The base of my fingers is wider than my knucle. That extra bulk would drive me crazy. So, I bought a few more stones and made them earrings. Sometimes, you have to be open to changing directions when you work with stones.


1570707905381.png
 

MK Malone

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Mar 24, 2019
Messages
230
Get exactly what you want. Speak up or you will regret it. Some people will say not to get a full eternity because they are harder to size later on and because the palm of your hand may hit hard surfaces and be more likely to knock a diamond loose. A 3/4 eternity might be more practical. But I think it’s like all things “jewelry”, it’s personal preference. We are all so different. Best of luck figuring out what you like best and getting what you want from custom work. It’s hard!!
 

distracts

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Oct 11, 2011
Messages
5,122
Ring 2 - buy the stones loose. A nice matched benitoite set doesn’t come around every day. (I don’t think @headlight realized they were rarer colored stones when advising you not to get them loose. With diamonds it would be the wrong move. With rare colored stones it is the right move.) You can always find a setting or have one made later. Don’t worry about doing it all at once. I have bought stones and let them sit for YEARS before I had the wherewithal to get a setting made. Just get the stones and only worry about the current project. If you decide you want to go back and get the setting the vendor showed you, you can always do that later. You don’t need to decide now.

Ring 1 - are you saying it’s an EXTRA 900 on top of the 1300? That’s quite a lot, but you did make the diamonds significantly larger. I would ask the jeweler to break down the extra costs for you. Maybe understanding why will make you feel better about it. The pricing does not seem out of line with what I would expect. I would not stop and walk away OR rush to make a decision - ask your jeweler the pricing for half or 3/4 eternities, ask about how the plain metal would be done (do you want a plain band, or still the octagonal areas? The former might be more economical), get the answers, let your jeweler know you are thinking about it and will get back to him within two weeks. Then don’t think about it for a few days and come back to it. Whether you want a full or partial eternity really depends on what you prefer to wear. Whether you’d be happy if the back of your ring was just a plain band and not octagonal also depends on you.

In general - my answer is don’t quit, but don’t think you have to make every decision right now. Take the time to think about it, and just as importantly (maybe more importantly), take the time to NOT think about it. Rushing will cause you to make bad decisions, but quitting will cause you to lose the progress you’ve made.
 

distracts

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Oct 11, 2011
Messages
5,122
Re unset settings for bands - yes, there are stock setting manufacturers. The stock is not necessarily online but jewelers have huge catalogs of it. It’s best to work with a jeweler on that. But leave it for another day. You’re having enough stress with one project, don’t try to do two at once.
 

headlight

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Nov 2, 2003
Messages
1,522
Get exactly what you want. Speak up or you will regret it. Some people will say not to get a full eternity because they are harder to size later on and because the palm of your hand may hit hard surfaces and be more likely to knock a diamond loose. A 3/4 eternity might be more practical. But I think it’s like all things “jewelry”, it’s personal preference. We are all so different. Best of luck figuring out what you like best and getting what you want from custom work. It’s hard!!
totally agree with you... who doesn't love a full eternity! I just didn't want her to end up with another fit situation after the first debacle. And also wanted her to have full disclosure on these inherent things so she can make an informed decision. Trust me, I make PLENTY of decisions that in hindsight probably weren't the best for me but it is what I wanted LOL!
 

headlight

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Nov 2, 2003
Messages
1,522
Ring 2 - buy the stones loose. A nice matched benitoite set doesn’t come around every day. (I don’t think @headlight realized they were rarer colored stones when advising you not to get them loose. With diamonds it would be the wrong move. With rare colored stones it is the right move.) You can always find a setting or have one made later. Don’t worry about doing it all at once. I have bought stones and let them sit for YEARS before I had the wherewithal to get a setting made. Just get the stones and only worry about the current project. If you decide you want to go back and get the setting the vendor showed you, you can always do that later. You don’t need to decide now.

Ring 1 - are you saying it’s an EXTRA 900 on top of the 1300? That’s quite a lot, but you did make the diamonds significantly larger. I would ask the jeweler to break down the extra costs for you. Maybe understanding why will make you feel better about it. The pricing does not seem out of line with what I would expect. I would not stop and walk away OR rush to make a decision - ask your jeweler the pricing for half or 3/4 eternities, ask about how the plain metal would be done (do you want a plain band, or still the octagonal areas? The former might be more economical), get the answers, let your jeweler know you are thinking about it and will get back to him within two weeks. Then don’t think about it for a few days and come back to it. Whether you want a full or partial eternity really depends on what you prefer to wear. Whether you’d be happy if the back of your ring was just a plain band and not octagonal also depends on you.

In general - my answer is don’t quit, but don’t think you have to make every decision right now. Take the time to think about it, and just as importantly (maybe more importantly), take the time to NOT think about it. Rushing will cause you to make bad decisions, but quitting will cause you to lose the progress you’ve made.
Thank you for that info... my point was just that I didn't want her to end up paying for stones that go in the "no use stones baggie" lol of which I have plenty of post leftovers from rings I took apart and redesigned! But yes, if these stones are really unique and it takes a quest to find, then by all means get them and store them away for a rainy day... as was also mentioned, she may end up using them in something else... ahh, this jewelry obsession is most definitely a journey ;-)
 

distracts

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Oct 11, 2011
Messages
5,122
Thank you for that info... my point was just that I didn't want her to end up paying for stones that go in the "no use stones baggie" lol of which I have plenty of post leftovers from rings I took apart and redesigned! But yes, if these stones are really unique and it takes a quest to find, then by all means get them and store them away for a rainy day... as was also mentioned, she may end up using them in something else... ahh, this jewelry obsession is most definitely a journey ;-)
Lol... I don’t have a “no use” baggie, I have a “admire the pretties and think about how to set them” tray.
 

MK Malone

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Mar 24, 2019
Messages
230
totally agree with you... who doesn't love a full eternity! I just didn't want her to end up with another fit situation after the first debacle. And also wanted her to have full disclosure on these inherent things so she can make an informed decision. Trust me, I make PLENTY of decisions that in hindsight probably weren't the best for me but it is what I wanted LOL!
@headlight I was in no way speaking to your thoughts. Strictly my own. I think many times, people post here wanting opinions, hopefully to realize that there are many. We are individuals and have specific and varying taste. I was hoping to share another viewpoint to help the OP see there are no right or wrong answers....it’s just a matter of figuring out what we prefer individually. Hearing lots of opinions can help us get there. I also brought up the positives of 1/2 or 3/4 eternities in case she decides she wants to save a few bucks on the ever growing price tag. And you, @headlight, are one of my favorite members. Always helpful!!
 

CSpan

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Mar 7, 2016
Messages
250
Thank you.
@headlight Thank you so much. I must have re read your post quite a few times. I feel so much better and you are right, having not done any of this before I underestimated how much energy and emotion this was. I hadn't even thought about sizing in the future but I remember my mother had a ring that she couldn't wear for a decade after my brother was born, once she had it size it cost so much she said she wasn't getting a new diamond! Anyhow, I take most of the responsibility for ring 1 ver. 1.0 however I agree my jeweler should have said something to me before we set it. I am getting a breakdown of the new costs so I will see how much is a "credit." He has been out for the Jewish holidays so I expect him to get back to me this weekend.

@rockysalamander ironically I bought the stones from Yvonne. Part of my reason for having her set them was she is experienced in the soft stones but either way I need to put it on pause. I hadn't thought of earrings, there are an odd number of stones but I can always keep one to just admire. Hmm

@MK Malone exactly why I come here and keep coming back, I love the range it experience and opinions.

@distracts as always wonderful points. I looked at the wax and am much happier with it. I am giving myself permission to take time out and have a good think. I probably wasnt too clear, I had been fasting for the holiday and I think I am still rehydrating my brain cells :). Re the cost Ring 1.0 was $850. Ring 2.0 would have been $1300 had i just walked in and ordered it. Since I am trading in stones ($400 worth, I saw the invoice) ring 2.0 has come down to $900. I am not sure anything can be done with the old setting but it was gold so I need to remember to ask if there is any value coming back to me for that. I did request we leave out a stone so it can be sized, they will just fill in an octagon so 1 stone saved! I'll ask for costs for 3/4 and the full.
 

CSpan

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Mar 7, 2016
Messages
250
Here is the wax from yesterday (and the inspo ring). It feels smooth around my finger, they definitely learned from the first go around. In fact, the fellow helping me pointed out how deep the stones would be set to ensure I wasn't being scraped. He also set a stone in there for perspective. I dare say they finally got it. I am however holding off on the go ahead for 2 weeks as @distracts suggested.

Screenshot_20190828-204740_Pinterest.jpg 20191010_160706.jpg 20191010_161209.jpg 20191010_161202.jpg
 

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distracts

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Oct 11, 2011
Messages
5,122
Oh, that sounds like a decent amount of credit. My opinion is that the total price is very fair, as is the amount of credit given. Of course I haven’t seen your jeweler’s custom work, but I think you’d be hard-pressed to find many people who would make this ring for less.

I think the wax looks good! But always good to step back and think about it so you know you’re making the right decision. With my latest custom project (the paraiba ring), I had to take a break for a week after I got the waxes because I knew what I wanted but just couldn’t figure out how to SAY it and was causing myself too much stress. But then when I thought about it after the break I knew what to say to have it make sense and ended up with a ring I love.
 

partgypsy

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Nov 7, 2004
Messages
6,201
I was going to say that is a lot of money given you won't know if this ring is any more comfortable. But given the way the cad looks and can even try on the mold, I think the prices are reasonable and I think it would be a beautiful ring.
 
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