Help! How to do this without being pushy or rude?

[gwendolyn]

Hello all! This is my first thread in BWW as an official bride-in-waiting. Cool beans.

J and I have almost no money to play with for our wedding (which will be in the UK), and so have been looking into inexpensive types of weddings. However, if we did have some money, we''d probably go with having our ceremony and reception at a stately home or castle.

While browsing through venue sites, I found a stately home that was offering a "free" wedding if you meet 3 criteria, two of which we could definitely meet.

1. Get married in March, 2010 (sure, no prob)
2. Get married on a non-peak day of the week (Sun-Thurs: again, no prob)
3. Guarantee that 50 guests spend the night after the wedding.

The last point obviously cinches things for them, since they get money from the guests (bride and groom stay free). They say it''s a way to ''spread the cost'' of the wedding among the guests. Trouble is, how would I go about asking people if they''d be interested to see if we could get 25 couples/50 people total to spend the night there? Don''t people usually include things on the invites like, "There are these hotels nearby, this one would give you a discount, but knock yourself out with whatever one you pick," rather than, "Tell me for SURE if you are coming and will book a room here." Y''know? But if we can''t do this deal, I know we can''t have the wedding there. So, if we were to try to do this, HOW would we go about asking people? And how far in advance?

The price for each guest would be £80, which includes one night''s accommodation in this castle and a breakfast the following morning. So, couples would have to pay £160, which at the moment is about US$239, plus their airfare (for those coming from the US anyway). It''s about a 5 hour drive from J''s family, so some of them would probably want to stay over also.

Basically, it seems like a good idea on paper, but when I think about actually asking people yes or no, I worry that it''s asking too much of them too far in advance. I have offhandedly mentioned it to a couple of friends who have asked where the wedding will be and they seemed really excited about the idea, but that wasn''t me saying, "Right, and sign here on the dotted line to promise you''ll be there and give them your money." You know?

 

[CDNinNYC]

Hey Gwen!

Welcome to the BWW board!

I have a question for you: what happens if you agree to have the wedding at this venue but end up falling short of the 50 guest minimum? Are you required to pay the difference?

 

[Morgie44]

I don''t think you can really ask people up front if they are going to come and if they are going to stay at the hotel, but I think most of the time if guests are going to a wedding where there is a hotel on site, they stay at the hotel. Depending on what your financial situation is as well as how many guests you would be inviting, are there many hotels in the area that would be cheaper, and are most of the guests OOT, I think you could be able to proceed hoping that you will get 25 couples staying, but make up the difference if not? So if you are planning on inviting 100 guests, or 50 couples, you would need half to stay at the hotel, if most are OOT, then that is pretty good chance that you will have half stay. If you are inviting 52 people, then it would be a lot less likely, obviously, but even if half stay, could you make up the difference between the minimum and the actual guests that stay overnight?

 

[gwendolyn]

Date: 4/16/2009 11:03:20 AM
Author: CDNinNYC
Hey Gwen!


Welcome to the BWW board!


I have a question for you: what happens if you agree to have the wedding at this venue but end up falling short of the 50 guest minimum? Are you required to pay the difference?

I would think so. I haven''t been able to talk directly to the venue rep since we''re in the US right now, but we fly back tomorrow so I should be able to contact him this weekend, probably.



My dad suggested sending out a preliminary email to give people some background about the situation and asking for a head count of people who would be reasonably sure they could do it. Think that''s how to approach it? I''m worried about sounding demanding (feels bad enough that I''m asking them to fly to the UK!), but my dad and J think that just asking around without any expectation on them is fine. What do you all think?

 

[Guilty Pleasure]

I think if you sent an email telling everyone the week you''re looking at and say you are just trying to get an idea of how many people are planning on flying over and attending a midweek wedding so that you can move forward with plans and finding a venue. You do not need to tell people the specifics of the hotel arrangement, etc. - just make it clear that you really do want to know the truth on whether they hope to come or not. If you are not clear on that, then people will say, "sure, I''d love to come to England!" without thinking about it. This way, you can get a reasonable estimate of the number who are going to fly over and see if it will be enough. Since it is 5 hours from his friends/family and overseas for yours, it is a reasonable assumption that people attending will stay at your venue.

Personally, if I was to fly over to England for a wedding, I''d be ecstatic that it was midweek since I''d be on vacation anyway and I''d have the weekend to be a tourist! I don''t know how many of the locals will be able to attend a midweek wedding five hours away though.


Also, you might get more responses (and accurate numbers) if you sent each person a personal email or called them directly instead of a mass email.

 

[fieryred33143]

Hi Gwen

This is probably a silly question but when they say 50 guests, do they mean 50 people or 50 rooms? I ask because sometimes they throw in these terms and you find out later that they meant something else.

Do you know how many OOT guests you will have?

If you''re having a lot of OOT guests then providing that hotel information with the booking link on the STD would make sense since they need to book a hotel anyway and most people wouldn''t know where to book. But if you have a lot of local guests, my guess is that they won''t stay at the hotel just because it''s during the week (have to work the next day).

 

[kama_s]

Eeps, Gwen...I dont think there is a non-pushy/rude way of doing this.

If you dont meet the quota, would the venue charge you for that amount? I'm just thinking of worse case scenario, if you do have say 46 people, then can you pay the equivalent of the four people to continue having your wedding there?

What I would do is send out a save-the-date early with the ceremony info, and then only put down accomodation info at the castle. Most people will want to stay at the same place as you and the festivities. Also when you only give them one accomodation info, most people would also just stick with it. Very few would want to a) be in a place other than where everyone else would be and b) want to do their own homework to find another place in the area.

Hope this helps?

 

[Vienne-bee]

Hi there, I'm also new to this site, first, congratulations to your engagement!

I assume the venue is request for a revenue of the equal amount of 8000 GBP as to 50 rooms at 160 GBP each.

If I have to handle similar situation, I would try to see if I can pay it off and offer my guests to have an one night free staying at the venue room. If it's still too much for me, I would chat with the venue if I can pay half which is 4000 GBP (of course also hoping my guests will be willing to pay 80 GBP to stay one night there). So on.

Hope you will find a solution! All the best!

 

[Inanna]

Date: 4/16/2009 11:19:42 AM
Author: gwendolyn

Date: 4/16/2009 11:03:20 AM

Author: CDNinNYC

Hey Gwen!

Welcome to the BWW board!

I have a question for you: what happens if you agree to have the wedding at this venue but end up falling short of the 50 guest minimum? Are you required to pay the difference?

I would think so. I haven't been able to talk directly to the venue rep since we're in the US right now, but we fly back tomorrow so I should be able to contact him this weekend, probably.

My dad suggested sending out a preliminary email to give people some background about the situation and asking for a head count of people who would be reasonably sure they could do it. Think that's how to approach it? I'm worried about sounding demanding (feels bad enough that I'm asking them to fly to the UK!), but my dad and J think that just asking around without any expectation on them is fine. What do you all think?

I actually think this is a great plan! First send out a "feeler" email to get an estimate of how many guests will probably make it to the wedding (ETA: I wouldn't give a full background on the 50 guest minimum to get a free wedding, just convey to them that its important to you to have a good idea of who plans on attending). If it were me, I'd want to be pretty confident about at least 60 guests, given that you have a 50 guest requirement (some could always fall through).

It sounds as though 100% of your guests are from out of town, and they will all need a place to stay. If you decide to go with this venue, perhaps think of it as a hotel room block. For instance, I have a room block with only one hotel for my wedding, and I already know that most if not all of my attending guests are staying there instead of other nearby hotels. The deadline for my guests to book their room (and get the special rate) is 2 months prior to the wedding. You could inform your guests of a similar deadline to book their room (perhaps at around 4 months prior) and you will know early where you stand on the 50 guest minimum.

I also think $239 for two people isn't bad at all. I paid $200 recently for a room at the Holiday Inn in Pittburgh, PA

... I'm sure this venue is MUCH nicer. Have you priced out nearby hotels in the area? If they are similar in price, I'm quite certain your guests will prefer to stay at the wedding site.

 

[wannaBMrsH]

Hi Gwen!

I would clarify with the venue if they mean 25 rooms, 50 people, etc and on one specific night or would they count people who stayed for multiple nights? I had a similar problem for my destination wedding in that we had to guarantee 30 people for the event. The fine print was that it was 15 rooms! So children didn''t count, triples didn''t count either, etc.

As far as reaching out to your guests, how many people do you know or think are coming from out of town? I am so glad that FI convinced me to stay with the orginal guarantee of 30 people, because I wanted to guarantee 50 to get more freebies, but you would be amazed at how many people TELL you that they are coming (bought a dress, saving for their flights, etc) and then DO NOT book their travel! We struggled to even fill the original 30 slots!

If you have to book 25 rooms, start your list with those that you are SURE about. Would your parents and FI''s parents stay there? that''s 4 people, 2 rooms! You could even do a day after brunch somewhere nearby to ensure that people want to stay in the area. Would your bridal party and SO''s stay there? Would you ask them to make that expense and cut back on something else or are your plans set in stone?

The reason I am asking so many questions is because I am trying to think like your BM or guest. If I was local and was in your bridal party and was buying a reasonable dress and wore shoes I already had and did my own hair and makeup, I would absolutely be thrilled to stay at such a cool place with my FI after the wedding. We wouldn''t have to worry about drinking and driving, plus it''s always romantic to me when we get a hotel room after a nice event (it just lends itself better to seksy times

) and it wouldn''t be a complete deal breaker for me and FI. Now, if I was buying a $200+ dress and had to buy a specific pair of shoes and had to get my hair and makeup done at a particular place with a particular price, I would have a much harder time convincing FI to cough up so much money for a hotel room locally.

As an out of town guest, I might consider the total cost as simply the cost of attending the wedding. Wear an evening gown I already own, etc....and just stay there because that is the most convenient option.

I didn''t have a very hard time convincing all of our guests to stay at our resort as most didn''t want to pay the "Resort Fee" of $75/pp if they stayed elsewhere, so I don''t know how you would ask, but as your friend, (Which I imagine I would be if you invited me to your wedding) I wouldn''t have a problem with you being honest upfront and asking me to firm up my plans so that you could plan your wedding.

 

[Bia]

I say if it's 50 of your closest people, be pushy!

They love you so they won't care, and if they do, they'll get over it!...hehe.

I agree with the ideas that you send out a FYI email to get a feel for what people are thinking. The problem is a lot of people say one thing and then do another. In these cases you have a lot of people saying they'll be there and then three months before the wedding, they back out.

Be careful. Read the fine print. It might sound like a great idea but then it might be a disaster if things don't go according to plan.

ETA: Also, just keep in mind that the hotel rate might be expensive for some because they will be spending quite a bit for travel, expenses, and gifts. For instance, FI and I were able to swing accommodations in Rome for a DW in October, but he decided against it when he learned that the travel alone was going to cost $3000 for both of us. This didn't include spending money, hotel, attire, gifts, etc.

Gwennie's planning her wedding!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YAY!

 

[Pandora II]

To be honest Gwen, that isn''t bad in terms of prices for hotel accommodation here - especially if you add in that they won''t be paying taxi fares to a hotel plus they can all drink without worrying about driving. Add to that the fact that you get to stay in an amazing venue and I don''t see a huge problem.

DH and I are going to a wedding in July and are struggling to find a hotel in the area for under £150 - and it''s not London but miles away.

When I''ve been to friends weddings abroad - one in Italy for example - the couple sent us all details of the accommodation and we all paid the cost to them. We got to stay in a fabulous villa, all the guests were there and the wedding lasted 3 days. DH and I shared a double-roomed apartment with two friends and it cost us each £70. No-one was offended or thought it weird.

My wedding I asked people about accommodation when I sent the STDs out. I then booked all the rooms on my credit card and the guests paid the hotels directly the day after. Most of the hotels I had were in the £80 - £160 a night category (and we''re not talking 5 star here) and no-one thought anything of it. It meant that all our close friends could be in the same hotel as us and we all went for fish and chips on the beach the next day.

I think there are huge pluses to having the accommodation all sorted for people - and unless you are getting married in a decent sized big town or city, it''s actually very hard to do block bookings in the UK (I had to reserve rooms over a year in advance), and if the venue is near a small village you can end up having to drive 30 minutes or more to get to hotels.

Where in the UK is the venue?

Otherwise, if you have a vague idea of budget, let me know and I will see if I can suggest a few places.

 

[gwendolyn]

Thanks for the congrats on the engagement!

Ok, to clarify a few things (sorry for not posting this stuff earlier):

--I''m from the US; J''s from England. We''ll be getting married in England (due to immigration costs and things). Therefore, when we talk of OOT guests, we''re talking people who are flying at least 8 hours (and probably suffering some amount of train travel as well) to attend.

--We are very limited with our budget, due to us being poor, my parents being in a difficult position to help us out although they are contributing a little, and the costs of the immigration paperwork we have to pay for before the wedding. That''s why this appealed to us, if we can figure out if we can make it work.

--The deal is 50 *people* not 50 rooms, so it works out to £4000 worth of hotel room (with a two-course breakfast included). If we had the money, I think a good compromise would be for us to pay for all the rooms ourselves and then hand them out to the people who can come, but this may not be an option (from the castle''s point of view) since it''s a charge per person, and not per room.

--A strike against the location is that it''s not "just outside Cardiff" as advertised (Cardiff has an international airport which would''ve been convenient for our out-of-country guests) but is actually over an hour away and we would either have to rent a bus (if we could orchestrate everyone arriving at more or less the same time?!

) OR expect most everyone to rent cars (another expense for them) and drive on the opposite side of the road--something I know some of them really wouldn''t be keen to do. There is a train they can get, but only from London (why?!

), which would mean they''d have to fly to London and then travel 5+ hours by train to arrive. Not cool either.

--A plus, though, is that it''s in a breathtaking location in a national park in Wales, which would be a great mini-vacation for them...but that doesn''t weight out the difficulty in getting to it.

The more I think about it, the less likely a venue option it seems because there are multiple aspects of it that would probably scare people away (cost of rooms, difficulty in finding it, cost in getting there from airport). But, J doesn''t think we should give up on it so easily, so we''ll still mull it over....but then we come back to the fact that, even if I can rationalize the asking for a preliminary headcount of guests, my gut is uncomfortable with the idea.

Bia, glad you''re excited that we''re planning our wedding--because I''m certainly not. Getting married? Absolutely! But planning? Oh hells no.

 

[meresal]

Date: 4/16/2009 1:03:52 PM
Author: gwendolyn
Thanks for the congrats on the engagement!

Ok, to clarify a few things (sorry for not posting this stuff earlier):

--I'm from the US; J's from England. We'll be getting married in England (due to immigration costs and things). Therefore, when we talk of OOT guests, we're talking people who are flying at least 8 hours (and probably suffering some amount of train travel as well) to attend.

--We are very limited with our budget, due to us being poor, my parents being in a difficult position to help us out although they are contributing a little, and the costs of the immigration paperwork we have to pay for before the wedding. That's why this appealed to us, if we can figure out if we can make it work.

Gwen, if J's family is 5 hours away, then those would definitely be OOTG's as well.

Are there other hotel options within the area?
What if you put something like "Only 25 rooms available at "VENUE", so please book soon if you plan on attending." I know it's kind of tricky, but trust me, it will get people to act quickly!!

My friend did this beacuse her venue only had 15 cabins, and they were all booked within a month of getting the STD.

 

[gwendolyn]

meresal--oh yeah, that was dumb of me to not say that J''s family would (for this venue) be OOT too. Some of the other venues we''re looking at are in his hometown (where his entire family still lives), but it''ll be difficult and expensive for my side to get up there to where they live, so we''re looking all over. But yeah, for this place in Wales, they''d need to spend the night too.

That''s an interesting (and tricksy

) way of wording the STD''s--that might work...hmmm....

By the way, I love your new avatar! Those are some tasty shoes!

 

[Bia]

Date: 4/16/2009 1:03:52 PM
Author: gwendolyn

Bia, glad you''re excited that we''re planning our wedding--because I''m certainly not. Getting married? Absolutely! But planning? Oh hells no.

I feel ya babe.

Excited for you, yes. Excited to plan my wedding, not yet. I''m so overwhelmed. And I honestly don''t know what I would do without PS.

 

[bee*]

I think that your dads idea of sending the email out is good and it will give you a rough idea of how many people are wanting to stay. For your friends, I''d just say it to them in person. That sounds like a great deal at the venue!

 

[sammyj]

First, as a guest, I LOVE destination weddings and we often jump at a chance to go to one because it''s a great ''excuse'' for a vacation!

Second, the venue you''re looking into sounds lovely!

Third, we went to a DW in Spain last October and we are going to another one in Costa Rica in November. In both cases, the brides sent out an FYI email (much like the one your dad suggested and was dittoed a couple of times) where they laid out the cost per room and other estimated expenses (flights, car rental, taxi ride, etc.). It was very helpful for us to determine whether or not the trip was within our budget and it was nice that certain aspects of our trip were already being looked into for us. The intent of the emails were to get general numbers for who would be able to attend the DW and a more formal invite was sent afterwards.

Some extra info: for the wedding in Spain a shuttle was NOT arranged and it took us over 2 hours to get from Barcelona to the villa (huge pain!). The b&g for the Costa Rica wedding are arranging a shuttle from the airport to our vacation rentals (~1-1.5 hours away) which I''m very much looking forward to.

 

[Guilty Pleasure]

Just curious - Would you have your wedding in the evening with people staying there that night or would you have your wedding in the morning with people staying there the night before?


Does this "free wedding" include the cost of the reception - meal, music, etc - or is all that added on?

 

[Guilty Pleasure]

You could always charter a bus from the airport to the place, if you can afford it. Choose a time after most flights have come in and spread the word via email, save the date or early invitation, to let people know when the bus leaves. If they choose a different flight or don''t want to wait for the bus, they can rent a car.


Personally, I would want my own car since I would plan on touring everything else. There''s no way I''d go to any DW without making a vacation of it and exploring, especially if I''ve paid airfare to Europe.

 

[meresal]

Date: 4/16/2009 1:24:25 PM
Author: gwendolyn
meresal--oh yeah, that was dumb of me to not say that J's family would (for this venue) be OOT too. Some of the other venues we're looking at are in his hometown (where his entire family still lives), but it'll be difficult and expensive for my side to get up there to where they live, so we're looking all over. But yeah, for this place in Wales, they'd need to spend the night too.

That's an interesting (and tricksy

) way of wording the STD's--that might work...hmmm....

By the way, I love your new avatar! Those are some tasty shoes!

Thank you Gwen!

I'm not sure who said it, but I thinnk offering a shuttle to and from that specific hotel would be a huge selling point for people to get rooms there. How far is the commute from the airport or train station?

I'll look at the exact wording of the STD when I get home. But, the way she said it was perfect. Not pushy at all, and came off extremely helpful. It never even crossed my mind, that she may get a "kick-back

" for us staying there.

 

[february2003bride]

Gwen,

Just reading your posts on PS, your probably the nicest person EVER, so I don''t see how anyone who actually knows you would find you pushy for wanting a headcount this early, and for good reason!

How many people that you know would definitely come do you have total? Maybe your remaining number won''t be that far off from 25!

 

[wyndham]

Date: 4/16/2009 1:30:58 PM
Author: sammyj
Third, we went to a DW in Spain last October and we are going to another one in Costa Rica in November. In both cases, the brides sent out an FYI email (much like the one your dad suggested and was dittoed a couple of times) where they laid out the cost per room and other estimated expenses (flights, car rental, taxi ride, etc.). It was very helpful for us to determine whether or not the trip was within our budget and it was nice that certain aspects of our trip were already being looked into for us. The intent of the emails were to get general numbers for who would be able to attend the DW and a more formal invite was sent afterwards.

Hi Gwen,
Congrats on the engagment! I always like reading your posts and I wish you all the best with your wedding planning.

I know you jokingly mentioned that your budget is almost nothing, but I think it probably makes sense to sit down with a spreadsheet and figure out an exact number for "almost nothing" so that you can decide whether or not you can afford to take the risk of having to pay for empty rooms if you don't meet the minimum. Also, I'm sure you know this already, but you also have to account for other costs of the wedding -- any extra venue fees or food fees, decor, gifts/favors, etc. I would start by getting together a firm budget and then working backwards from there, though--that really helped me figure out what we could afford and what we couldn't. Once you've done that, I think you'll know pretty easily whether or not this is a feasible option (if you can't afford to shoulder *any* of the costs of the rooms, it's not a viable option in my book because you know someone will inevitably flake at the last minute!).

If you decide to investigate this venue more, I think SammyJ's idea is a great one. I think you should get a lot more information together and price it out for both your American guests and your UK guests, then send those groups 2 separate emails listing out the approximate cost of every expense. I think that if you just send an email saying "rooms at our wedding are $240/night, are you in?", most people will probably write back "sure!" and not stop to think about the cost of airfare, transporation to/from the venue, miscellaneous expenses, etc. I would spell it out for people in as much detail as you can provide, and then I would ask them to think about it for at least a couple of days and let you know if they think they'd be able to attend.

Unfortunately, even after you hear back from people, I think you have to expect that a certain # of those who 'commit' are going to end up backing out because March 2010 is a decent way away so the economy can certainly get worse between now and then. Bottom line: I wouldn't commit to something like this unless you're able to pick up the tab for at least several empty rooms.

Best of luck to you, and I hope to hear more as your planning progresses!

 

[gwendolyn]

Thanks everyone for your input!

CDNinNYC, thanks for the welcome!

I just got another 2 emails from this venue (6 total since I first emailed them about 3 days ago!) and the evening meal is included in the price! So we might have the option of us booking the rooms (in lieu of paying a venue rental fee and meal fee) and then ask our guests to pay through us for their rooms (which they would probably also prefer since they could pay me in dollars and not have to worry about converting their money for that).

Morgie44, this castle is in a national park in the middle of Wales, so there''s a very small choice for local accommodation other than the castle where we''d be having the event. All of the guests would be OOT, since my family and friends will be coming from the US and J''s family and friends from northern England. We haven''t figured out yet how many people we are inviting but my guess is around 50-75.

Guilty Pleasure, yeah, many of my friends and family have asked after hearing that we got engaged where we will be getting married, and when we said it had to be in England, about half said, "Oh yes, we wouldn''t miss it!" and the other half said, "We hope we can come, we will try to come." This economy isn''t the best time to ask people to travel, y''know? Also (to answer your later questions), we''d want to get married in the afternoon, and have folks eat and then sleep at the castle the night following the wedding. We want to check out how much it would cost to get a bus from the Cardiff airport to the castle to see if we could offer that option for those who wouldn''t want to rent a car (like you, I''d want to rent a car too!). And the ''free'' wedding includes the meal, coffee & tea, and that''s it I think (plus the hotel room and breakfast the following morning). Not sure what the costs for the other stuff would be (or which of it I care about), but am going to call the rep this weekend to try to sort some of these questions out.

fieryred, they do mean 50 people, not 50 rooms. No idea how many guests, but they will all be OOT and need rooms somewhere--ooh, which gives me a good idea to look at the prices of any other hotels in the area to see how this venue compares--assuming there are even any other places to stay (it''s way out in the country)!

kama, when I get back to the UK, I''m going to call the venue and ask what happens if all the rooms/50 people don''t book, and if it''s possible for us to book the rooms for them and have our guests pay us for the rooms instead.

Vienne-bee, we definitely wouldn''t be able to afford to gift all the guests a night of free accommodation, although it would be lovely if we could. We might be able to swing offering it to them for a reduced rate, maaaaybe, but until we have a better idea of our budget, it''s not in the cards. Good idea to try to bargain with the venue though, especially since many of them will be coming from the US and would possibly want to stay on for more nights!

Ianna, thank you! Your post was very helpful--I haven''t yet priced the surrounding area hotels (if there even are any) but definitely will to get an idea what the alternate options are for the hotel. And this may have sucked for you, but that''s really helpful to know that your Holiday Inn in Pittsburgh was $200 for one night! Makes this seem pretty good!

wannaBMrsH, yes, you bring up a good point about children! I know that some children will be attending (J''s nieces and nephews definitely) and don''t know how that figures into the prices. I will have to put that on my ever-growing list of things to ask the venue rep when I call him this weekend!

Yes, our parents would definitely stay with us--2 rooms down, you''re right! My aunt and uncle and grandparents have also said they''d go, and my friend''s mom and her partner--so that''s 5...we''re getting there!

Not sure if we''ll have a bridal party so don''t think that''s an issue. Thank you, your questions are very helpful!!

Bia, yeah, the worry is that they all WANT to come but will not be able to come at the last minute, when everything''s paid for. The good news is that, as far as airfare goes, flying to England in March is one of the cheapest times to do it--a couple could get round-trip tickets for under $1000 if they shop in advance! And no gifts!! Them just coming is plenty gift enough!!

Pandora, aye, the more research I do on venues in the UK, the more it seems quite reasonable. The venue is in the Upper Swansea Valley in Wales called Craig-y-Nos Castle. They are still available for all dates except one in March 2010, when we would want to book. From what I gather from the deal they are offering, they are expecting few to no bookings for the hotel, so my guests would be essentially guaranteed a room if they wanted/needed one.

meresal, I agree that a shuttle from the airport would be great--just have to see how much it would cost! And yes, please share with me how she phrased her STDs!

Bia, yeah, am excited that it''s happening, but just kinda want it to arrange and pay for itself.

bee-star, thanks, hon! I have mentioned it in passing to a few people and they''ve seemed keen, but we fly out tomorrow, so what I''ll probably do is do more research and price some things and then send out emails to people to give them an idea what it would cost for them. Hopefully I''ll get lots of people saying yes!

sammyj, ahhh, that''s good info to know, especially about how difficult you found getting to the venue without a shuttle! Will definitely have to see if we can work that in.... Also, I hope even HALF the folks we invite have the great attitude about DWs that you do!

february2003bride, aww, how sweet of you to say that! Not sure people who know me would say I''m the nicest person ever, haha

, but seriously, I really hope no one would find such a head count to be rude or anything. Not sure yet how many people are definites--not even sure everyone knows we''re engaged yet!

We''ve been running around here in the US on our visit and some of our family and friends back in England may not know yet (unless people have been talking, which is always possible, hehe)!

Thank you all again so much for your help. I was really stressing about this whole process, but you''re all really helping me see things in the right sort of perspective. So, thanks!

 

[gwendolyn]

Date: 4/16/2009 4:10:26 PM
Author: wyndham
Hi Gwen,

Congrats on the engagment! I always like reading your posts and I wish you all the best with your wedding planning.


I know you jokingly mentioned that your budget is almost nothing, but I think it probably makes sense to sit down with a spreadsheet and figure out an exact number for ''almost nothing'' so that you can decide whether or not you can afford to take the risk of having to pay for empty rooms if you don''t meet the minimum. Also, I''m sure you know this already, but you also have to account for other costs of the wedding -- any extra venue fees or food fees, decor, gifts/favors, etc. I would start by getting together a firm budget and then working backwards from there, though--that really helped me figure out what we could afford and what we couldn''t. Once you''ve done that, I think you''ll know pretty easily whether or not this is a feasible option (if you can''t afford to shoulder *any* of the costs of the rooms, it''s not a viable option in my book because you know someone will inevitably flake at the last minute!).


If you decide to investigate this venue more, I think SammyJ''s idea is a great one. I think you should get a lot more information together and price it out for both your American guests and your UK guests, then send those groups 2 separate emails listing out the approximate cost of every expense. I think that if you just send an email saying ''rooms at our wedding are $240/night, are you in?'', most people will probably write back ''sure!'' and not stop to think about the cost of airfare, transporation to/from the venue, miscellaneous expenses, etc. I would spell it out for people in as much detail as you can provide, and then I would ask them to think about it for at least a couple of days and let you know if they think they''d be able to attend.


Unfortunately, even after you hear back from people, I think you have to expect that a certain # of those who ''commit'' are going to end up backing out because March 2010 is a decent way away so the economy can certainly get worse between now and then. Bottom line: I wouldn''t commit to something like this unless you''re able to pick up the tab for at least several empty rooms.


Best of luck to you, and I hope to hear more as your planning progresses!

Hello, wyndham! Thank you so much for the kind words and congratulations!

Well, I have to be honest--saying our budget was "almost nothing" wasn''t really a joke--we are relatively newly engaged and have spent 99% of our time as an engaged couple in the US, having a whirlwind tour visiting my family and friends before we head back to the UK. Because we''ve been away, some people in the UK don''t even know we''re engaged yet (like some of J''s family who will probably be invited), and his parents mentioned helping us with wedding costs possibly, but we haven''t seen them yet so don''t know what (if anything) they will be able to contribute. My parents only just said today how much they will be able to help (just a bit, £1000), so the rest of it will come from whatever J and I can save (including the costs for the immigration paperwork we have to pay also).

Our back-up plan if this is too expensive is to get married at a registry office in J''s hometown and then (if it''s cool with his parents, who love to throw parties) have a BBQ in his parents'' backyard. It''ll be in March so not the best time for a BBQ, but that''s the sort of thing we''d have to do.

As for the budgeting info, I am with you 100% about being very exact with the money we have and exactly how much all the little things will cost (because I know they add up!). I didn''t really expect to find a venue like this that could potentially be within budget--other similar sorts of venues asked between £5000-£8000 just to rent out the venue for the day, not including food or anything! So, when I saw it might be possible, I started brainstorming to see if it could work, and here we are--still mostly wondering since the budget is up in the air, but I wanted to know how to move forward if we do decide to look further into using this venue.

 

[emeraldlover1]

Gwen, I didn''t have time to read all of the responses so forgive me if you have already answered this question but I wanted to tell you about something that we did. Our wedding is about 2 hours from our home in NYC and being that our venue is in the middle of the catskill mountians it is a destination for everyone. There is only one hotel in the area so all of our guests that are staying the weekend are staying at the same hotel. I put the info in the save the dates when I sent them. A few people asked me if there were other options and it was not because of the price. The answer is no and no one had a problem with that.

We invited 200 guests and right now with 5 months to go we have filled over 50 rooms in the hotel. I can tell you that not everyone has booked yet.

I think what I am trying to say is that if there is no where else where people can stay....people will stay at your location. We are going to a wedding in October in Santa Barbara at the Four Seasons (not cheap at all) and we are staying there because that is where the wedding is. Anything else is too much of a hassle when you are coming from out of town. So I think from a guest perspecitve it just makes things easier. Hope that helps. And CONGRATS!

 

[Sabine]

Gwen, I think that the idea to check out if that price is reasonable compared to other hotels in the area is great. If it is at least comparable, then by all means I would send a feeler email, at least to people you feel comfortable asking! Good luck, I hope it works out, because it sounds like a great deal!

 

[LaraOnline]

Yes, it''s interesting to consider whether you could pay for the shortfall of guests...
also, definitely clarify the number of rooms vs guests...

I get the feeling you are a chatty, and popular girl!

I think I would get on the phone (No emails for right now) and call your best friends, your family members and all the people you love to speak to, and ask their opinion.

all my friends and family stayed at the reception house where I had my wedding, it was a natural thing for most of them, and really was great!!!

I personally would think the whole thing is a fab idea and would be more than happy to spend the night in a castle for my Gf''s wedding!

 

[honey22]

Hey Gwen!!! Just wanted to say welcome gorgeous! Can''t wait to see all your beautiful wedding plans come to life!! Congrats to you and J!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[hawaiianorangetree]

There are so many great ideas on here, and i think if you can pull it off you should.

Something tells me that people wont feel that you are being pushy, asking for them to stay where the wedding is and i think that people would naturally want to stay where the action is.

Talk to people casually first, get a feel for peoples reactions and such to see if you think it will be doable, and with having so many out of towners needing to stay somewhere, there''s a good chance you will fill up all of those rooms!

And if people do have reservations about this, and you are not too fussed on presents, you could tell people that presents are not required as people staying in the accommodation is a gift engough for you both since it''s allowing you to have the dream wedding that you otherwise couldn''t afford.

Goodluck!