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- Apr 21, 2010
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Thank you. Your words are very kind. <3marymm|1468853874|4056664 said:^ House Cat - I am struck and moved by your extremely well-written post on parenthood - it is beautiful and honest and pragmatic - I wish it could be required reading for every single person on earth.
OCgirl|1468865322|4056761 said:... I also think a lot of women (mothers) out there are giving other childfree women a hard time.
I am not sure why that is?
kenny|1468866075|4056766 said:OCgirl|1468865322|4056761 said:... I also think a lot of women (mothers) out there are giving other childfree women a hard time.
I am not sure why that is?
I'd guess in some cases it's pure jealousy.
OCgirl|1468866885|4056767 said:kenny|1468866075|4056766 said:OCgirl|1468865322|4056761 said:... I also think a lot of women (mothers) out there are giving other childfree women a hard time.
I am not sure why that is?
I'd guess in some cases it's pure jealousy.
I want to believe people are better than that?
It was your choice. You should be happy with it.
If you aren't, then why are you giving me a hard time for not making the same decision?
OCgirl|1468865322|4056761 said:This is a topic I constantly think about... on a daily basis.
I belong to the group that so far I don't feel the maternal instinct. And not sure if I will ever get there.
It's a hard hard road. I've been married for over three years. I can't tell you how often I'm being questioned and/or judged by people. I've been called "selfish" countless times by people who are close to me. There are times that I feel so frustrated that I just want to move away.
My husband initially wanted kids but he has "come around." The first two years were tough for us. He grew up wanting kids. We've had A LOT of conversations about this. Initially he wrote me off like all others. I wanted him to understand that I thought long and hard (and am still thinking) before coming to this conclusion. It wasn't a decision that I made rashly. He has come to understand my reasons and came up with even more on his own. He said before he thought of having kids as the natural progression of life until I told him no, it's a choice you make. It's a lifetime commitment of making sure you try your best to raise a decent human being.
I am actually very offended by the word "selfish" when people talk about people who choose to be childfree. I don't understand how is it any MORE selfish than having kids? I am not trying to turn this into a competition of who's more selfish but yes people who are childfree have more time and money to themselves. In that sense they are more "selfish." But what if you look at this from other aspects? I am big on protecting the environment. Even though I don't think I want kids, I care about this planet and want the future generations to enjoy what we can still enjoy now. A lot of the parents I know (and I'm not saying ALL) are the most environmentally selfish people out there. Diapers, multiple strollers, multiple car seats, closets and closets of clothes and toys for theirs kids... just to mention a few. There are many other examples I can give that parents are totally selfish people.
I also think a lot of women (mothers) out there are giving other childfree women a hard time. I am not sure why that is? I get judged a lot more harshly by women than men. I feel like we (as a gender) need to be kinder to others and respect another woman's decision to not procreate. I have A LOT of respect for mothers. I wouldn't be here if my mom didn't sacrifice her own career to be a stay-at-home mom for her whole life. But I think we live in a society now that we all get to choose what we want to do with our lives. We can all contribute, just in different ways.
PierreBear|1468871829|4056795 said:OCgirl|1468865322|4056761 said:This is a topic I constantly think about... on a daily basis.
I belong to the group that so far I don't feel the maternal instinct. And not sure if I will ever get there.
It's a hard hard road. I've been married for over three years. I can't tell you how often I'm being questioned and/or judged by people. I've been called "selfish" countless times by people who are close to me. There are times that I feel so frustrated that I just want to move away.
My husband initially wanted kids but he has "come around." The first two years were tough for us. He grew up wanting kids. We've had A LOT of conversations about this. Initially he wrote me off like all others. I wanted him to understand that I thought long and hard (and am still thinking) before coming to this conclusion. It wasn't a decision that I made rashly. He has come to understand my reasons and came up with even more on his own. He said before he thought of having kids as the natural progression of life until I told him no, it's a choice you make. It's a lifetime commitment of making sure you try your best to raise a decent human being.
I am actually very offended by the word "selfish" when people talk about people who choose to be childfree. I don't understand how is it any MORE selfish than having kids? I am not trying to turn this into a competition of who's more selfish but yes people who are childfree have more time and money to themselves. In that sense they are more "selfish." But what if you look at this from other aspects? I am big on protecting the environment. Even though I don't think I want kids, I care about this planet and want the future generations to enjoy what we can still enjoy now. A lot of the parents I know (and I'm not saying ALL) are the most environmentally selfish people out there. Diapers, multiple strollers, multiple car seats, closets and closets of clothes and toys for theirs kids... just to mention a few. There are many other examples I can give that parents are totally selfish people.
I also think a lot of women (mothers) out there are giving other childfree women a hard time. I am not sure why that is? I get judged a lot more harshly by women than men. I feel like we (as a gender) need to be kinder to others and respect another woman's decision to not procreate. I have A LOT of respect for mothers. I wouldn't be here if my mom didn't sacrifice her own career to be a stay-at-home mom for her whole life. But I think we live in a society now that we all get to choose what we want to do with our lives. We can all contribute, just in different ways.
OCgirl - I'm sorry that you feel this way and more importantly that other have made you feel this way. When I started this thread, I knew that it had potential to bring up emotions but really intended it to be an avenue for people to share their views/thoughts/guidance. When I used the word "selfish" in my post, it is really an internal turmoil I personally have. Parents, friends, strangers etc have never made me feel shame but rather in a form of an encouragement... "you can be a good mom if you want to" even though they don't always word it in the best way. haha... For me, I think it can be true but perhaps it is fear that I can't do it as well as I want or perhaps I just don't want to? It's hard for me to know what's truly in my heart. Thanks for sharing your thoughts and I pray that you get the support you need to live the life you desire.
anne_h|1468883981|4056869 said:I personally believe that choosing to have children or not have children are both selfish choices... we are doing or not doing it because that's what *we* want to do. I know some people may disagree, but this is my personal point of view.
I do agree that some people with kids giving those without a hard time do it out of jealousy. Which is totally inappropriate.
I applaud people who choose not to have children - it's a major life change and a lot of work. I completely understand and support that decision!
In my own life, I feel it's healthy to role model for my children that I have a life outside of them and the family... because I hope that for them as well. I feel my job is to educate them enough, and teach them how to learn and think for themselves, so that they can make their own informed decisions (on all topics) as they become independent adults. I heard a great saying once... we're not raising kids, we're raising adults. Which is so true!
Also - I noticed that it seems to be women who get more grief about choosing to not have children, which I find discriminatory and antiquated. Women and men are equally entitled to remain childfree.
My two cents!
Anne
OCgirl|1468887604|4056897 said:anne_h|1468883981|4056869 said:I personally believe that choosing to have children or not have children are both selfish choices... we are doing or not doing it because that's what *we* want to do. I know some people may disagree, but this is my personal point of view.
I do agree that some people with kids giving those without a hard time do it out of jealousy. Which is totally inappropriate.
I applaud people who choose not to have children - it's a major life change and a lot of work. I completely understand and support that decision!
In my own life, I feel it's healthy to role model for my children that I have a life outside of them and the family... because I hope that for them as well. I feel my job is to educate them enough, and teach them how to learn and think for themselves, so that they can make their own informed decisions (on all topics) as they become independent adults. I heard a great saying once... we're not raising kids, we're raising adults. Which is so true!
Also - I noticed that it seems to be women who get more grief about choosing to not have children, which I find discriminatory and antiquated. Women and men are equally entitled to remain childfree.
My two cents!
Anne
It's refreshing to hear you have such an open and positive view I thank you for that.
I guess growing up I never thought I wanted kids. But I honestly didn't expect the level of backlash.
I know you shouldn't let comments get to you. And I normally don't. But I feel like people are being HIGHLY DISRESPECTFUL when they make comments like these:
#1.
Me: I work hard because I have a family to support.
Coworker: But you don't have kids.
Me: My husband is my family. I also support my parents and my in-laws.
Coworker: That's not a family. A family is a couple with kids.
#2.
Me: I am working late these days and pulling long hours. Trying to get this project done.
Friend: That's nothing. Wait till you have kids.
OCgirl|1468866885|4056767 said:kenny|1468866075|4056766 said:OCgirl|1468865322|4056761 said:... I also think a lot of women (mothers) out there are giving other childfree women a hard time.
I am not sure why that is?
I'd guess in some cases it's pure jealousy.
I want to believe people are better than that?