Have your paid for your own upgrade?

[frankiextah]

Has anyone paid for an upgrade because your DF or DH doesn''t agree on upgrading? are they upset with you? moreover, have you upgraded stone without telling your SO''s?

would love to hear your experiences!

 

[Kelli]

I would NEVER upgrade my stone without my fiance/husband''s consent. He''s really sentimental about my original stone, and I''d never hurt his feelings like that. However, I''d have no problem saving up my own money for a right hand ring of my choice!

 

[atroop711]

I did but not for my e-ring but for my wedding band. I still have my original but it doesn't fit and it won't ever fit again

The original wedding band doesn't go with the new upgraded e-ring we had made a few yrs back so I decided to save it for one of my kids...and just buy a new wedding band. I got myself an eternity band and so happy I got it. DH actually likes it better than the original that was bought over 13yr ago. BTW dh didn't know I was ordering a new wedding band. He didn't care when he saw it

 

[D&T]

we talked about it for over a year and half, and our finances are combined, so we both have a say in it, but with other diamonds and jewelry,,, I just give my DH a heads up and I keep some funds aside for my Bling Fund

and he knows it.

 

[frankiextah]

thanks! i''m asking because DF told me that he would never ever upgrade my 1.72ct stone (how do i change his mind? haha)... i plan to own a 3ct stone down the road (either DF will upgrade it or i will save for one), and if i invest on it for my right hand ring, i fear that my DF might get upset and feel that his ego is crushed...

 

[Todd Gray]

I think that if a client ever told me that she was planning on upgrading her diamond without discussing the matter with her significant other that I would advise against doing so... You don''t want to hurt the poor guy''s feelings now, do you? In my experience guys are kind of touchy on the subject of the diamond in their wife''s wedding ring - sometimes it''s a matter of the diamond "being the original" and they feel that changing the ring might change their state of bliss and all that; other times it is a reminder of how things were (what you could afford) when you got engaged / married and how far you''ve come and all that... And sometimes it''s just a matter of pride and possibly financial priorities and taking such a dramatic step might tilt the balance of your financial well being.

We recently helped an existing (male) client re-create the engagement ring he presented his bride more than 20 years ago (off a picture) which had been lost... He insisted that the ring had to be "just like" the ring he originally presented her 20+ years ago and was hell bent on it being so. The matter of upgrading the size of the diamond or design of the ring was out of the question, but she can buy any other jewelry item that catches her fancy without consulting him - his sensitivity is restricted solely to her wedding set.

Now my Mom purchased her own diamond from us after 25 years of being married to my step-father a few years ago because he didn''t believe in spending money on diamonds and had sarcastically remarked one day that "if you want a diamond, you''ll just have to buy it for yourself!" which she did... And six months later while sitting across from her at my Grammy''s Easter Table he happened to notice it (six months! maybe that''s why they''re not together anymore!) and he said "What''s THAT?!?!" while pointing at the one carat round brilliant on her hand and before she could answer my Aunt responded with "It''s a diamond stupid!" to which he intelligently chose to return to the feast that appeared on his plate before him and the diamond was never mentioned again. Really.

So I''d at least try to broach the subject of upgrading the diamond with your significant other before doing so and then make your decision based on the response. This is kind of like a discussion the DJ''s on our local radio station were having yesterday, one of the DJ''s had gone out and gotten a tattoo over the weekend without consulting his wife - his thought was "it''s my body and I can do whatever I want with it" and one of the DJ''s was like "I''d divorce my wife if she did that without consulting me first!" better to discuss such things than end up sleeping on the couch - unless you bought the couch so that you know it would be comfortable when you end up sleeping on the couch (words of wisdom from the attorney for Nice Ice - really).

 

[frankiextah]

Date: 6/3/2009 1:59:38 PM
Author: Todd Gray
I think that if a client ever told me that she was planning on upgrading her diamond without discussing the matter with her significant other that I would advise against doing so... You don''t want to hurt the poor guy''s feelings now, do you? In my experience guys are kind of touchy on the subject of the diamond in their wife''s wedding ring - sometimes it''s a matter of the diamond ''being the original'' and they feel that changing the ring might change their state of bliss and all that; other times it is a reminder of how things were (what you could afford) when you got engaged / married and how far you''ve come and all that... And sometimes it''s just a matter of pride and possibly financial priorities and taking such a dramatic step might tilt the balance of your financial well being.


We recently helped an existing (male) client re-create the engagement ring he presented his bride more than 20 years ago (off a picture) which had been lost... He insisted that the ring had to be ''just like'' the ring he originally presented her 20+ years ago and was hell bent on it being so. The matter of upgrading the size of the diamond or design of the ring was out of the question, but she can buy any other jewelry item that catches her fancy without consulting him - his sensitivity is restricted solely to her wedding set.


Now my Mom purchased her own diamond from us after 25 years of being married to my step-father a few years ago because he didn''t believe in spending money on diamonds and had sarcastically remarked one day that ''if you want a diamond, you''ll just have to buy it for yourself!'' which she did... And six months later while sitting across from her at my Grammy''s Easter Table he happened to notice it (six months! maybe that''s why they''re not together anymore!) and he said ''What''s THAT?!?!'' while pointing at the one carat round brilliant on her hand and before she could answer my Aunt responded with ''It''s a diamond stupid!'' to which he intelligently chose to return to the feast that appeared on his plate before him and the diamond was never mentioned again. Really.


So I''d at least try to broach the subject of upgrading the diamond with your significant other before doing so and then make your decision based on the response. This is kind of like a discussion the DJ''s on our local radio station were having yesterday, one of the DJ''s had gone out and gotten a tattoo over the weekend without consulting his wife - his thought was ''it''s my body and I can do whatever I want with it'' and one of the DJ''s was like ''I''d divorce my wife if she did that without consulting me first!'' better to discuss such things than end up sleeping on the couch - unless you bought the couch so that you know it would be comfortable when you end up sleeping on the couch (words of wisdom from the attorney for Nice Ice - really).

I''m so glad to have a guy''s opinion on this! really well said! When my DF and I get married we planned on having our finances combined, and i think it will be a better idea that i bring up the idea gently over the next few years, rather than buying something that expensive behind his back. He is a really sweet and reasonable person, I can see that he would agree on buying me a completely new diamond for me, rather than trading in the original for a larger one.

 

[Dancing Fire]

Date: 6/3/2009 1:37:06 PM
Author: frankiextah
thanks! i''m asking because DF told me that he would never ever upgrade my 1.72ct stone (how do i change his mind? haha)... i plan to own a 3ct stone down the road (either DF will upgrade it or i will save for one), and if i invest on it for my right hand ring, i fear that my DF might get upset and feel that his ego is crushed...

you better start saving,cuz i couldn''t afford it, plus i don''t have an ego problem.

 

[Camille]

I haven''t/wouldn''t consider an upgrade, the ring is going to one of my kids someday.
Have purchased/sold other solitaires/sets w/o consulting though

 

[D&T]

Date: 6/3/2009 2:12:37 PM
Author: frankiextah



I''m so glad to have a guy''s opinion on this! really well said! When my DF and I get married we planned on having our finances combined, and i think it will be a better idea that i bring up the idea gently over the next few years, rather than buying something that expensive behind his back. He is a really sweet and reasonable person, I can see that he would agree on buying me a completely new diamond for me, rather than trading in the original for a larger one.

your DF sounds like my hubby, we never did trade in our original diamond.. we just bought me another diamond for our 5 year.. i plan on giving my original diamond ring to one of my kids albeit small but still very sentimental to my DH and I was not happy that it took us one and half year, and really thought about what you thought about buying it on your own at times and had not so good feelings and a little argument here and there occurred, even thought about separating our finances at times too... because before we got married, I could afford a larger stone, but he couldn''t so I "settled"...

 

[beechezz]

My husband and I discussed it and after 8 years of marriage I purchased an upgrade. The original stone was put into a bezel pendant which I wear almost daily. I would never part with my original diamond since that is what I wore when we married! My hubby is pretty easy going and wants me to be happy (so I am lucky)!

 

[swingirl]

My original 0.5ct stone ended up getting recut and in a pendant which I where almost everyday. After 25 years our finances are combined (they were from day 1) and my upgrade came out of the same fund as DH's motorcycle did!

Upgrading never even occurred to me until I found PS!

 

[laurenfischer5]

Me and my DH have completely combined finances. Whats mine is his and whats his is mine.... So we make decisions toghether on what to do with our money. I am going to get a pretty pricey upgrade in a year or two. DH has always said he wanted to get me my dream ring when we had the money because we were poor college students when we got engaged So, I have no idea what I would do if he didn''t agree with it. I think I would want him to be ok with it first and I would hope if it was important to me it would be important to him...

 

[laurenfischer5]

Date: 6/3/2009 10:29:15 AM
Author: D&T
we talked about it for over a year and half, and our finances are combined, so we both have a say in it, but with other diamonds and jewelry,,, I just give my DH a heads up and I keep some funds aside for my Bling Fund

and he knows it.

That''s how me and my DH work too...

 

[tradergirl]

Our finances are completely separate and have been since day 1. I buy whatever I want, including several upgrades and other diamond stuff, so long as I've paid my share of the household expenses. Some really expensive things I have to "finesse" to save the peace though. I've been married over 20 years and turned down a couple before this one who didn't see things my way with regard to money.

 

[allycat0303]

Without my SO knowledge??? Ugh. No. That''s just really wrong in my opinon.

 

[anne_h]

I am married and we both have full-time professional careers. We keep our finances separate, and just split household and childcare costs evenly.

He paid for my e-ring (because he wanted to, and I was all good with that). But he let me choose a vendor with a trade-up policy, so he knew I would probably want to upgrade someday.

He knows I''ll upgrade when I feel the need to... in the past, it''s always been assumed he would pay for that, although I would be fine to split it. I''d also be willing to pay for it myself, if I really wanted the upgrade (and he didn''t for whatever reason). BUT, I would not upgrade without his consent, because I know he feels it''s important he stays involved with decisions about that piece of my jewelry.

Other jewelry - I choose and buy on my own, with my own funds, so no issues there.

 

[Rhea]

I wouldn''t upgrade without consulting him. I do buy and wear other sets and rings without letting him know.

 

[neatfreak]

I certainly buy other jewelry/rings without consulting him (using my own "fun" money). But I would never trade or upgrade my ering without him being in on it.

 

[bgray]

my husband knew about it and gave me most of the money to do but i had to add in

 

[ficklefaye]

Date: 6/3/2009 2:39:53 PM
Author: Dancing Fire

Date: 6/3/2009 1:37:06 PM

Author: frankiextah

thanks! i''m asking because DF told me that he would never ever upgrade my 1.72ct stone (how do i change his mind? haha)... i plan to own a 3ct stone down the road (either DF will upgrade it or i will save for one), and if i invest on it for my right hand ring, i fear that my DF might get upset and feel that his ego is crushed...

you better start saving,cuz i couldn''t afford it, plus i don''t have an ego problem.

DF, how did you manage to sneak in there?