Guy "in waiting"

[anchor31]

I must say I agree with everything you''ve just said. My reasons for not wanting to move in with my boyfriend before engagement are based on personal convictions I''ve built with my upbringing and what I''ve seen around me rather than on religion, but my point of view is similar. As for age... like you said, it depends on the people.

You''re a very sweet guy, devoted, patient and grounded. Your way to respond to the debate going on here is truly examplary, and you''re handling the pre-engagement thing quite well!

 

[argh&stuff]

I''ve been trying to put up an avatar that shows you all my beautiful girl, but it will only let me put the one that''s on there now up. I don''t know why... Has anyone else had this problem? It takes a long time to load, then an error message appears? I tried making the file smaller, but that didn''t do any good, either.

 

[Mandarine]

argh I''m having the same problem!!!...I was just trying to change mine...so that it looks more like me...but no luck!

 

[argh&stuff]

Mandarine,

Well at least it''s not just me!

I''m gonna keep trying, because I don''t like the one that''s up now. My "gut" is looking huge there... it''s kind of been distorted to fit in the box, I think. (Well, it makes me feel better, so I''m gonna go with it!)

 

[anchor31]

Hehe... The image will distort if it''s not 96x96 pixels (or 100x100, I''m not sure). Try resizing it with PhotoEditor or PhotoShop...

 

[zhuzhu]

You need to change the file name to something "uncommon". If your file name already exists in the server you won''t be able to upload it.

 

[argh&stuff]

Okay, let me try one more time...

 

[argh&stuff]

Odd... I tried everything, but I don''t know how to make the images smaller. Anyway, all combinations of crazy names, and it still didn''t work.

 

[argh&stuff]

Okay, I figured out how to make it smaller, and it worked, as far as displaying, but it was very distorted and I tinkered and still couldn''t get it to be exactly 96x96.

So, here''s us...

 

[sunkist]

Awww, thanks for posting your picture, Argh. You make a very cute couple! Your GF actually looks amazingly like a girl I know! I''m so happy that you''ve found your Sweetie

 

[argh&stuff]

Well argh! That looks JUST like the avatar that was so distorted. People, I''m getting more and more lost here.

Let''s see...

 

[argh&stuff]

Well, that''s the best I can do for now. She''s beautiful, and that picture doesn''t do her justice... it made her blurry. But she is the most precious girl. Even with her emotional, analytical, impatient sides. The good SO outshines the not-so-good.

I love her; have I mentioned that?

 

[Mandarine]

awwwww

You guys make such a cute couple!!!!!!!

She''s beautiful!....and yes, we do know you love her!!

 

[argh&stuff]

Now I''m just determined to find a way to post an image not distorted....

If this doesn''t work, I''m gonna throw up my hands and go to bed.

If it does work, I''m gonna be very proud of myself, and still go to bed.

 

[argh&stuff]

Well geesh, it''s still blurry. I have new respect for all the people who post pictures on here. You all rock!

 

[Small]

You guys make a lovely couple Argh!
Your post made perfect sense...you''ve got a great presentation when it comes to relaying your views

 

[rainbowtrout]

awwwwwwww! you guys look adorable.

quick note: I did not at *all* mean that you seemed to be imposing your views about living together, argh. Like I said in my post I have several Christian friends whose decisions I really respect for their strength of conviction. I think you hit the nail on the head when you said living a Christian life is about living it by a good example!

 

[argh&stuff]

Well, I''m glad I''m not coming off pushy. Peoples'' values and morals are very delicate things to be talking about. My job''s not to judge (and thank goodness for that! what a horrible job it''d be!), and I try not to.

 

[Small]

Date: 4/6/2006 8:24:54 PM
Author: argh&stuff
Well, I''m glad I''m not coming off pushy. Peoples'' values and morals are very delicate things to be talking about. My job''s not to judge (and thank goodness for that! what a horrible job it''d be!), and I try not to.

LOL

How''s your girl Argh??? I saw in your other post its been one of those weeks...she''s still emotional about you not having the ring yet huh??? Poor guy...it''s hard understanding why women are so emotional over this but it''s something that we really, really look forward to and when you get the ring you just get to look at it all the time and swoon over what''s to come

Hang in there (for her too LOL)...won''t be too much longer now (or we hope so for your sake and hers

)

 

[plantationcatt]

Oh my goodness! How have I missed this post all this time--I just read all five pages. To save time, I will make some bullets:

1. SO HAPPY FOR YOU, YAY! Your girl is so lucky! (And you must be too!)
2. My boyfriend and I have been dating for four and a half years and will wait until we are married to move in together--it''s purely for our Christian beliefs, and I truly commend you on sticking to your faith! I can empathize with how hard it is to avoid spending the night together--figuratively and literally (sorry to offend anyone with that!)
3. I am an Urban and Regional Planning major, with a concentration in Historic Preservation, and will graduate in December; I want to work with saving architecture! How strange is it that three of the people on the post have the same degree!(i''m starting a thread about it the Hangout!)
4. Keep us posted

--I think that''s all I wanted to say, but there was so much to catch up on!

 

[cellososweet]

On the living together before marriage thing, i quote you:

"I think as a Christian, my role is to live as much like Christ as I can, not to haggle others into seeing things my way."


That is one of the most remarkable things i have ever heard. To say that you want to live like Christ and actually follow "his" example. I am not Christian and I get a lot of flack from my Christian friends on certain issues and it always baffles me that they drive off in their cars with WWJD stickers on the back. I try to call them out on it and its so frustrating. They are downright demeaning sometimes and it really gives people of their faith a bad name. It hurts me that it is hurting their characted. When i read the above, it made me smile. You are such a kind hearted, good person. Good for you for sticking with your morals!!!!! I think the roomie thing, if i needs to happen, might work. But don''t do anything your not comfortable with. Congratulations and good luck on all of this. I know it can be overwhelming but you''re doing a great job!

 

[perry]

It''s nice to see that another "Gentleman in Waiting" has stepped forward. The Ladies in this thread are very supportive of those that do.

From one guy to another: I wish you the best - and know that you are in good hands here.

Perry

 

[argh&stuff]

Thanks for your kind comments, all.

Small, this week has been an EMOTIONAL rollercoaster. Thursday was the worst, then this weekend went so well and I was SO uplifted about how well she''s been handling the "waiting." And then before we parted today, she just fell apart again. Now, I know she''s emotional, and I accept her as she is, but today was SO emotional. She insists that it''s not fair or equal for me to know when things are going to take place, and for me to just leave her wondering what''s going on. I told her that since she knows things are going on, she really, really, REALLY has NO reason to worry or fret. She says if I know what I''m doing, why don''t I just do it already? Argh...

I''m struggling here, because I really try to understand what emotions she''s going through, but I sometimes wonder if she''s considering what her emotional reactions are doing to me. Or maybe that''s just me being self-centered. I''m not sure.

Another thing is I really want to know what school system I''ll be in next year, and I am a bit anxious right now to be in a position where I don''t have a contract to teach, come June. I know things will work out just fine, and I''ll end up in a great place to grow and work, but still, I feel like I need to have that security before I officially take on the responsibility of being pledged to another person, for life. She thinks that''s ridiculous, too. She says she can take care of herself, and if need be, she can help support me. OUCH! While I "know" this, I still have this "macho-manly" thing where I like to feel like I''m her protecter, and supporter, financially, emotionally, and otherwise.

Pair that I don''t know where I''ll teach next year with the fact that I''m not being much of an emotional support right now, and I''m all kinds of frustrated.

A good buddy of mine told me recently that he and his wife went through their roughest time in the few weeks prior to his proposal. She was antsy for it, he was worried about doing the best thing, in God''s timing, and her "pressure" was confusing him. I completely understand that. I thought, at the time, that we''d not reach that point, but more and more, I see it unfolding for us, as well.

I just wonder if this is what is typical. I don''t know. I know we''ll be fine, and she knows we''ll be fine, but she''s adamant that she''s tired of dealing with the distance, driving so far every other weekend, and not being married to me.

But, on the upside, we had a GREAT weekend, besides the thirty minutes before we parted. There is another upside, too: she''s off work on Friday, so I''ll get to see her again late Thursday. I have to work Friday, but I''m sure the malls will keep her occupied for hours.

 

[Mandarine]

Hi Argh...

I can so relate to this. A couple of months ago I was "questioning" my BF about what was taking him so long. I didn''t mean for my stress to come out the wrong way, but it sure did...and he wasn''t happy about it.

I have, since then, backed-off...pretty much completely. It is very hard for me, but I only talk about those things when he brings it up. When he does, I try not to say anything that cn be taken the wrong way.

I know in my heart that he wants the same things I do...but he''s not as copulsive as I am and wants to do things right, when the time is right I guess. It is really hard for me because I just think "why isn''t it right NOW?"...and it feels horrible sometimes not having control over anything. Sometimes I feel like he is the one calling all the moves and my "future" seems very uncertain. Even though I know he is in my future, it''s hard letting go of that control. I''m pretty much a planner and the uncertainty of when things will happen it''s really hard.

I think you need to talk to her...and maybe give her a more defined timeframe. This should help her "cope" with the waiting. My BF was pretty clear that I had nothing to worry about....still, I do worry but I understand that me asking questions doesn''t help the situation and really stresses him out.

I don''t want this process to become annoying for him...or for me, that''s why I backed off. I want himt o be excited about planning a proposal, excited about picking a ring and excited about picking when he''s going to do it. So as much as I want to plan out my next two years, I have to give up the control...just to make sure that we both enjoy this process....

I''m sorry you feel this way, but believe me that it''s not easy for her either. You just need to find a way to let her know what this means to you and how that makes you feel like..

Sorry if I wasn''t much help....but hopefully you got to see the other side of the coin

M~

 

[ello]

When I first opened the thread I thought that maybe you were my boyfriend…hahaha…we also had a little blow up on Thursday over the "WAITING GAME" and the weekend was much better. It’s actually very good for me to read your post – kind of gives me the other side of the waiting game. I can tell you this…from my point…I don’t want to be a nag or brat but it’s hard to wait. I feel that it’s difficult to understand that I could be ready and him not…does this mean that he’s playing with my heart – lazy or just not romantic??? I don''t care about a perfect world or ring...yet I understand that he''s proud and wants to give me the world...

Girls like to plan and plot and dream. Sometimes a little crumb of information could make our day…just enough to satisfy our curiosity yet make it exciting. I agree that we are complicated but so are YOU GUYS!!! Hang in there…she loves you and when you feel frustrated about her actions just remember that she’s adores you and the nagging is actually very flattering since she’s decided that YOU ARE THE MAN FOR HER!

I always say…let the girl have it…in life she’s have to give birth, raise kids and will probably never have an opportunity to be selfish again…that’s just my 2c.

 

[anchor31]

Honestly... I think she''s being a bit hard on you. I can identify to your girlfriend in quite a few ways as I am a very emotional girl, my boyfriend is apparently going to be ready to buy "soon" (or so he says!

) and he''s not in a very stable financial situation either right now. Of course, I can''t wait to be engaged too! I understand how it is for an independant woman to not be in control for once, and it''s HARD. Sometimes I get really frustrated and wonder if it''s really that hard to save two thousand dollars, and if his job is so unstable, why the heck doesn''t he find another one?!

As much as I feel like breaking down on him every once in a while, I don''t. I tell myself that I have to be patient, that maybe I''m underestimating his financial responsibilities, that he loves me and wants to give me the best, and I''m pretty sure it''s coming this summer, so I try to stay calm. I actually rant to the picture of him I have on my nightstand (seriously. it helps).

I''m not sure what advice to give you to help your situation, but I really hope she realizes that you''re doing everything you can and that she should try to enjoy the anticipation instead of pressuring you.

Good luck, and keep us posted!

 

[argh&stuff]

Control. That''s such a good, defining term. My girl likes to have control over things, but she''s not controlling... she just likes to know what''s going on, where the pieces are, and where they fit together. She''s not understanding that even though we''ve both talked and agreed this is where we''re headed, I want to lead and make this an incredible experience for her. She says she already knows it''s coming, so why shouldn''t she talk about it when something comes up that she thinks of? I love that spark in her; she''s so creative and just silly and her mind is always wandering from topic to topic, and she''s always thinking about something and naturally, her mind finds its way to us frequently. I don''t mind listening to her ideas, thoughts, dreams; they make me happy, and I admit my mind is often there, too.

Interviews for schools happen in April and sometimes in May. I will have a contract again prior to this one running out, I''m faithful on that. So, it''s not an issue, really. But still, I want to have that security.

As for timelines... I made the comment in December or November that I thought we''d be engaged by April. Ooops. Guess what month it is, people? That''s why she''s so eager and anxious and well, emotional, here lately. She knows it''s going to happen, I mean, it''s not even a matter of more than a few weeks, 5 or 6 weeks at the most. That''s why I don''t understand... I''ve basically told her it''s here, the time has come.

I think the distance is the hardest for her. She hates not being able to visit when one of us has had a bad day, or a good day, or when we just want to have one another to hold and to lift up. I understand that, but I also know we''re strong enough together to get through the distance. She''s a great girl, and this weekend, I was so happy, and all the more convinced that she''s my forever love, and just doing ordinary things (we picked up a bunny at her uncle''s house--he breeds them. Who would have known they make so many varieties of rabbit?-- for a co-worker friend of her, and we went to a drive-in movie, made lunch together today, walked her dog at the park, just day-to-day things) is fun and exciting and I just love seeing her little quirks and the things that make her her, and the way she interacts with people, the genuine goodness of her heart.... and I told her just a bit ago on the phone that yesterday was one of the best times I''ve had with her, just because she was so relaxed and content, without worrying about when we''ll be married. There is NO reason for her to worry. I cannot wait for the day, but I''m gonna do it the right way, too.

I appreciate reading your comments. It''s calming to know that other people have been in these situations. She'' a pure blessing, even with the emotional blurbs along the way. I just wish she wouldn''t worry; I want nothing more than to live with her and serve God with her. It''s going to be amazing.

 

[pinkflamingo]

She insists that it's not fair or equal for me to know when things are going to take place, and for me to just leave her wondering what's going on


Argh-
I have been following this thread. You guys are in such a difficult position. My husband and I were long-distance for a year and a half before we were able to live in the same city, he was in Boston, I was in Houston. I know it was hard on us both.
I do think *honestly* your girl is overreacting. A lot. I don't mean to offend you, or her as I don't know either of you.
I know you love her and she loves you. She needs to find it in her heart to give you the space and time you need. I don't know if it is the *not living together* element, but I would proceed carefully. You seem equally headstrong as she... and this seems to go way beyond a ring on the finger or when you will be getting married. This is a power struggle.

I apologize if I have offended you, I don't mean to.

 

[plantationcatt]

I don''t think it''s a power struggle--again, we''re not in his shoes, so we can''t really make a true judgement. But I am in the same situation with my boyfriend. It''s more curiosity and frustration as opposed to control. I like that I will be suprised when he proposes--I just would like to know what the time frame is. It was difficult for me to be in the dark until he told me that it will be in May. I wish it was now, but supposedly he has a "very important, secret reason" for doing it then. Once he told me that, I understood the wait. I know he has paid for the ring--which makes it harder to understand the delay. Apparantly he has a good reason, which I wil understand after the proposal! So now I am looking foward to May and whatever that may bring. Still though, it''s hard to make decisions about that month (like going on a beach weekend with friends) because I don''t want to screw up his plans. This is what the girl has a hard time controlling, not the boyfriend (in my opinion). I think this problem happens when the girl knows that he is going to propose, but does not know when. My boyfriend''s sister, on the other hand, didn''t have this problem because she had NO idea that her (now husband) was even thinking abuot proposing. So she wasn''t anxious or curious. My boyfriend and I have good and open communication, so discussing this wasn''t hard, but only frustrating for both of us. He would have proposed two years ago if he could, but we would have had to wait three years to get married--we are both looking foward to being engaged, but the girl has a hard time of feeling like there is nothing she can do to aid the process. Argh, I don''t know exactly how she feels, but from my personal experience, it''s not because she wants to control you, but waiting is just so darn hard! I should give you my boyfriends email so yall can vent together! Yall are in my prayers!

 

[Caribou]

Although I totally understand your girls frustration, I think that sometimes, we get ourselves all worked up on our own, not necessarily our guys fault. We want it to happen NOW while our guys are not in such a rush. I do think that she needs to just relax and not get so frustrated and consider the entire situation and not just her need to be engaged. Obviously you are working on that and she knows that so it''s just a waiting game with her. Which sucks, but all of us engaged or married girls have had to go through it, she''ll survive.