Give her the ring now or wait? Opinions please

[GMUAlum08]

I've got the ring all picked out and paid for. Now I can't decide when to give it to her.

Going to San Diego to visit family next week so I'm thinking about doing it then.

Found out about a month ago I'd be going to St. Thomas in January which is where I really want to propose but don't want to wait another 5 months.

This week was the first time I'd ever heard my girlfriend mention that it was getting "close to that time" for getting engaged. Omen? Maybe.

I'm torn and not sure when to give it to her. I've been mentally prepared to give it to her in January but I'm not sure now. Early October makes 3 years of dating.

Of course my mom and other female friends say give it to her now. Just don't want to rush everything at the last minute.

 

[Diamond*Dana]

First off, congratulations on such and exciting time!

As far as when you should propose...only you can answer that! What do you want to do? You said you'd really like to propose in St Thomas, but you don't want to wait 5 months...I suppose you need to decide which matters more...where you do it or when.

My husband proposed on the porch of my mothers house, and it could not have been more perfect no matter where he did it. What mattered most is that he asked me to spend the rest of our lives together!

Best wishes to you both!

PS...if you wait, don't make us wait for pictures of the ring!

 

[ame]

Unless you know she would like a grand public proposal, I would do it before your San Diego trip and do it in a nice low-key manner. My husband's "real" proposal (aftera ll our ring drama) was in a favorite restaurant, which is where we had our first meeting/date. I think I would have preferred in private, then dinner to celebrate. But I would say...do it now. Have dinner at your favorite regular spot, or favorite nicer spot, then propose at home. Or propose before you go at home, and then go have dinner to celebrate. Then you can celebrate with family in San Diego.

 

[Laila619]

Well St. Thomas in January sounds great to me, BUT do you think she might get annoyed that there won't be a proposal for your three year anniversary in October, or for Thanksgiving, or for the holidays in December? If she has no idea that you will be proposing soon, all those special events will come and go and she might start to get frustrated. On the other hand, if you don't think she's getting antsy, then I'd do it in January in St. Thomas.

 

[Dreamer_D]

Umm. NOW. Give it to her within a couple days of picking it up. Why? Because as a woman I can tell you it is infuriating to know your BF had the ring for months and months and did not propose. Women adore being engaged. Let her enjoy that feeling as long as possible!

BEING engaged is so much more fun and meaningful that being proposed to Let her frigging enjoy that!

I honestly do not understand men who hang onto the ring forever (i.e., more than a few weeks) before they propose. If they knew at all how much their girlfriend wanted that ring ETA: and the commitment it entails... well, its is cruel and unusual punishment to make her wait.

 

[VRBeauty]

Umm. NOW. Give it to her within a couple days of picking it up. Why? Because as a woman I can tell you it is infuriating to know your BF had the ring for months and months and did not propose. Women adore being engaged. Let her enjoy that feeling as long as possible!

BEING engaged is so much more fun and meaningful that being proposed to Let her frigging enjoy that!

I honestly do not understand men who hang onto the ring forever (i.e., more than a few weeks) before they propose. If they knew at all how much their girlfriend wanted that ring ETA: and the commitment it entails... well, its is cruel and unusual punishment to make her wait.

Ditto. If you're thinking a five month wait might be too long - I can guarantee you that she'd think that in spades. Don't let your quest for the "perfect" proposal stand in the way of the perfectly wonderful and memorable proposal that you could give her now -that would make her happy now and allow her to wear her beautiful ring and allow the two of you to start planning the next step.

 

[webdiva]

Umm. NOW. Give it to her within a couple days of picking it up. Why? Because as a woman I can tell you it is infuriating to know your BF had the ring for months and months and did not propose. Women adore being engaged. Let her enjoy that feeling as long as possible!

BEING engaged is so much more fun and meaningful that being proposed to Let her frigging enjoy that!

I honestly do not understand men who hang onto the ring forever (i.e., more than a few weeks) before they propose. If they knew at all how much their girlfriend wanted that ring ETA: and the commitment it entails... well, its is cruel and unusual punishment to make her wait.

DITTO! Times a million!

I thankfully didn't have to go through this but I know many women that did. Cruel! Women don't want a grand gesture (other than the few that do), they want a sweet, sincere and memorable proposal. Most of the time, in private - you know her well enough to plan it. My hubby brought champagne and roses and did it at home. I cried, it was perfect. A nice romantic dinner afterward is always fun!

 

[Laila619]

Umm. NOW. Give it to her within a couple days of picking it up. Why? Because as a woman I can tell you it is infuriating to know your BF had the ring for months and months and did not propose. Women adore being engaged. Let her enjoy that feeling as long as possible!

BEING engaged is so much more fun and meaningful that being proposed to Let her frigging enjoy that!

I honestly do not understand men who hang onto the ring forever (i.e., more than a few weeks) before they propose. If they knew at all how much their girlfriend wanted that ring ETA: and the commitment it entails... well, its is cruel and unusual punishment to make her wait.

DITTO! Times a million!

I thankfully didn't have to go through this but I know many women that did. Cruel! Women don't want a grand gesture (other than the few that do), they want a sweet, sincere and memorable proposal. Most of the time, in private - you know her well enough to plan it.
My hubby brought champagne and roses and did it at home. I cried, it was perfect. A nice romantic dinner afterward is always fun!

I know a lot of gals who DID want a grand gesture and didn't get it, myself included. I still liked my proposal, but it wasn't what I had always dreamed of. So obviously I'm biased, but I would love to be somewhere tropical on the trip of a lifetime getting engaged!

 

[GMUAlum08]

FYI she has no idea that I bought the ring. Its not like she knows its sitting in my closet right now

 

[distracts]

I'd give it to her now. I'm sure you can work out a perfect way to propose - it doesn't have to be big and dramatic as long as it's suitable for her.

My fiance and I got engaged on a vacation, and I have to say it distracted from the whole vacation. Basically the entire thing was us running around going "we're engaged! Whee!" and calling family and stuff. We went to Hawaii this year (a year after getting engaged), and had much more time to actually enjoy our vacation and do things. So that's something to consider as well.

Did she grow up in San Diego? If so, it could be cool to find out one of her favorite childhood spots and arrange a trip there and propose.

 

[GMUAlum08]

I know a lot of gals who DID want a grand gesture and didn't get it, myself included. I still liked my proposal, but it wasn't what I had always dreamed of. So obviously I'm biased, but I would love to be somewhere tropical on the trip of a lifetime getting engaged!

And this is why I want to wait until St. Thomas.

We have been to St. Thomas twice before (it was our first vacation together) and the island has a very special meaning to us. I'd love to do it on a secluded stretch of beach as soon as we arrive but don't know if I want to wait that long.

Put it this way, if I were going to St Thomas next week instead of San Diego I wouldn't even be asking this question

 

[GMUAlum08]

I'd give it to her now. I'm sure you can work out a perfect way to propose - it doesn't have to be big and dramatic as long as it's suitable for her.

My fiance and I got engaged on a vacation, and I have to say it distracted from the whole vacation. Basically the entire thing was us running around going "we're engaged! Whee!" and calling family and stuff. We went to Hawaii this year (a year after getting engaged), and had much more time to actually enjoy our vacation and do things. So that's something to consider as well.

Did she grow up in San Diego? If so, it could be cool to find out one of her favorite childhood spots and arrange a trip there and propose.

No she didn't grow up there. We are moving there next summer though so that would be neat

 

[Gypsy]

Now. There are a 100 ways to make it special. We have an entire forum devoted to proposal ideas. It really is best to do it now.

 

[Enerchi]

Now. I'm with Dreamer, VR Beauty, Webdiva and Gypsy. No matter where you say those words, it will ALWAYS be special and romantic to her. THis is *THE* moment when you declare you want to be with her forever and ever - I don't think the ritzy-est hotel in St Thomas, sandiest beach, fanciest restaurant - whatever - will mean anything more to her than hearing you say you love her with all your heart and can't imagine a lifetime without her in it.

I think go for it now - you are very excited! you've enjoyed this process (ok, it has had it's up and downs on the stress-o-meter ) but why not share with her the excitement you are also experiencing?? Do what's best for you --- but do it now! ( )

 

[GMUAlum08]

One other thing to consider. I'm finishing up my 2nd degree but won't be done until next summer. There is no way we will have the wedding before I finish school. Then immediately after we will be moving across the country.

I don't want to be the couple that takes 2 years to get married after being engaged. Not that I care what people think, but I don't want to be engaged for a very long time before getting married (a year would be perfect)

 

[MissElizabeth]

do you want to plan the wedding for before or after you move? if i were you, i would pop the question now because i'm a "when harry met sally" kinda gal. "when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible." then, you could have a year engagement, and get married next summer after graduation but before moving, perhaps let us know though, whatever you decide!

 

[Enerchi]

Whether you propose today, next week in San Diego, Christmas in December or January in St Thomas - you are STILL finishing up a degree and you will STILL be moving - that's neither here nor there...
People have engagements that are long or short or somewhere in the middle, so if it were me, I'd rather be engaged NOW, and enjoy the whole process! If your timeline changes, at least she'll have the time to prepare for it - that's better than engaged/married all at once, IMO!

 

[distracts]

Why does it matter how long you are engaged? If you want to marry her, you want to marry her, and there is no reason whatsoever not to tell her that right away and make it public with your engagement.

Does she know you are going to St. Thomas again? Could you propose to her and tell her at that time that you'll be going to St. Thomas together and you would like her to go this time as your fiancee? That could be very romantic!

 

[GirlyGirl]

If she is dropping hints, she wants a proposal NOW. Agreed that there is nothing more infuriating than waiting for him to ask.

I waited through anniversary after anniversary before my husband proposed. I could have strangled him. If he likes it, seriously, he should put a ring on it. Had he not asked me by a certain time, I would have left.

It all worked out. I am on my honeymoon now and just felt compelled to post.

 

[yssie]

Y'know, I always think that "he had the *perfect* proposal planned but just couldn't wait!" stories are so, so sweet, more than those perfect proposals ever could've been

Do you *want* to be engaged now? I mean, if you weren't worried about timing the wedding, timing the proposal, getting the proposal exactly right with the perfect flowers and the perfect view and the perfect menu... would you rather wake up tomorrow engaged than not? If so, do it now, and I can promise that everything else will all work out just perfectly

 

[milton333]

Now. It will be cruel for her to go through the anniversary and the holidays, not knowing that the proposal is coming up. In fact, waiting five months could be too long - what if she gets frustrated enough to leave you? I'm serious. Propose now, you're ready to do it now. Celebrate your vacation together as an engaged couple. You can plan a romantic proposal now.

 

[rosetta]

Do it now.

My husband wanted to propose in Istanbul. But once he got the ring, he couldn't wait.

I woke up on the day of our flight to find rose petals leading to the lounge, and a big box.

The big box held a smaller box, then a smaller box, then a smaller one. You see where this is going.

We jetted off as a newly engaged couple and it was the best thing EVER

 

[Mayk]

Now! I know I couldn't wait and I knew he had the ring... It was killing me...

 

[Rhea]

Another vote for now. I agree with Yssie, the couldn't wait to do it stories are my favorite.

He gave me my ring while we were sitting on my front porch. I was in my PJs and was getting up to go brush my teeth for bed.

It's sweet that you want it to be perfect and at a beautiful location, but I think that most woman would just prefer the commitment, the knowing that he wants to spend the rest of his life with you. 5 months is a long time.

 

[Gypsy]

This is how I think about it.

When you knew you loved her, did you wait 5 months for the perfect moment to tell her... keeping it a secret hidden away? No. You told her and celebrated with her.

THE PROPOSAL. It sounds so ominous and dramatic. What it really is though, is saying "I want to spend the rest of my life with you and here's a ring as a symbol of that commitment. If feel the same way, please put it on and wear it with pride." You didn't wait 5 months after you knew to tell her you love her. Don't wait 5 months to tell her you want to marry her.

As for how long you are engaged. That's just silly. You are engaged for however long you are. That's life. You can't control every detail, some things happen on their own time table despite us. You'll drive yourself nutty if you try to control it all. Just take a deep breath and let that go. You'll plan your wedding and have it when it's right for the both of you and for your life.

 

[Dreamer_D]

GMU here is what will happen if you wait

You "Will you marry me!"

Her: "Yes yes a million times yes!"

Jump dance cry smooch, walk holding hands... then a few minutes or days or weeks later...

Her: "Oh you sly fox, WHEN did you buy this ring?"

You: "Five months ago."

Here:

And she will wonder why you waited. If she has told you that the time is getting close for engagement, it means the thinks about it all the time. Engagement is not about getting married (haha) in a year or a month or whatever. It is about a commitment. It means a lot to a woman to be able to say her boyfriend proposed. It means a heck of a lot when you are of a certain age and have been dating for almost three years and people have likely started to ask "So when is he going to propose?" Or at least think it.

My husband had a plan to propose in a romantic way on a date in the evening. He went and picked up the ring at 9am, and proposed at 9:05 when I was still in bed because he could not wait. Do you know how happy it made me feel to know HE COULD NOT WAIT to make a commitment to me?

Now, if you are not ready to make that commitment, there is another issue. But don't make her wait one second longer than she needs to wait to hear to words she has likely been dreaming about for a very long time.

Laila Would you have wanted a grand gesture if it meant waiting 5 more months? Not me.

 

[Dreamer_D]

One other thing to consider. I'm finishing up my 2nd degree but won't be done until next summer. There is no way we will have the wedding before I finish school. Then immediately after we will be moving across the country.

I don't want to be the couple that takes 2 years to get married after being engaged. Not that I care what people think, but I don't want to be engaged for a very long time before getting married (a year would be perfect)

Oh, I got married two weeks after I defended my PhD... it can be done

 

[JaneSmith]

Congratulations on finding the love of your life!

If you really want a special island proposal and are sure she wants that too, then wait. If you think she is really wanting to be engaged now but still want the big island proposal, buy a wee promise ring to tide her over. But, it will come out sooner or later that you waited half a year to propose, and only you can tell us if she will be pi**ed or not.

San Diego has many lovely spots, and it would be nice to share the news in person with loved ones. Do a public proposal only if that's what you both want. Many people like a public grand gesture, many more love a private intimate moment with public sharing after.

Or do it tomorrow and come back with hand shots!

I got tired of waiting and proposed to my now hubby. Wait too long and she might steal your thunder.

 

[Rhea]

Congratulations on finding the love of your life!

If you really want a special island proposal and are sure she wants that too, then wait. If you think she is really wanting to be engaged now but still want the big island proposal, buy a wee promise ring to tide her over. But, it will come out sooner or later that you waited half a year to propose, and only you can tell us if she will be pi**ed or not.

San Diego has many lovely spots, and it would be nice to share the news in person with loved ones. Do a public proposal only if that's what you both want. Many people like a public grand gesture, many more love a private intimate moment with public sharing after.

Or do it tomorrow and come back with hand shots!

I got tired of waiting and proposed to my now hubby. Wait too long and she might steal your thunder.

I agree except for the part about the promise ring. If I had been with a guy for nearly 3 years, was dropping hints about marriage, and was planning on moving to another area with him in a year, he sure as hell better not buy me a promise ring. Over a certain age, promise rings scream to me that he is trying to put off the engagement, and just buying a ring to shut her up. Plus, it becomes redundant in no more than 5 months - a hardly worn ring that cost money best added to the costs of the engagement ring, wedding, or moving.

 

[diamondseeker2006]

Umm. NOW. Give it to her within a couple days of picking it up. Why? Because as a woman I can tell you it is infuriating to know your BF had the ring for months and months and did not propose. Women adore being engaged. Let her enjoy that feeling as long as possible!

BEING engaged is so much more fun and meaningful that being proposed to Let her frigging enjoy that!

I honestly do not understand men who hang onto the ring forever (i.e., more than a few weeks) before they propose. If they knew at all how much their girlfriend wanted that ring ETA: and the commitment it entails... well, its is cruel and unusual punishment to make her wait.

Ditto again!!! Do it now!!!! I do not believe for one minute that any girl in love and hoping to be engaged is going to choose to wait 5 extra months for a different location for the proposal! My husband proposed in the living room of my apartment the day he picked up my ring! Yes, there might have been a more romantic place, but trust me, I was happy not to have to wait another day!

I think it is insensitive to already have the ring and make the poor girl suffer through all those holidays hoping that each occasion will be the time of the proposal but ending up disappointed over and over. We have seen this here many times on the ladies in waiting forum. There is nothing a girl loves more than sharing her excitement with family and friends after becoming engaged, so right before the trip to see family or very early in that trip would be the perfect time! That will also be more unexpected than the St. Thomas trip.