Give her the ring now or wait? Opinions please

[webdiva]

Yes! I know I already posted but please, please, please don't wait!

One thing many women have said is they wished they were looking cuter when proposed to - so do it when she's dressed up to go out but well before you leave so you can savor getting engaged and announcing it! I have no idea where you live - LA? Maybe a romantic rooftop dinner somewhere with a call ahead to have champagne and flowers waiting? As someone else mentioned, there's a whole proposal forum for ideas.

 

[natascha]

If you are ready (which I assume you are since you bought the ring) propose NOW!

I might be the only one but to me a beach proposal in ST Thomas does not sound more romantic than one in another thoughtful romantic place(like a garden, museum, restaurant, etc). For me I wanted a planned proposal where I felt that he had put in some thought and effort. That is exactly what I got (on the highest hill in a forest by our house at night, he had lit a circle of torches and had champagne, crystal glasses and blankets prepared, amazingly I had no idea until he blindfolded me ). Next summer we were going to Thailand for the first time, if he had waited to propose until that trip I would have been extremely upset.

It seems like she is ready now. I can tell you it is so not fun to meet up with family and friends over the holidays, and someone has gotten engaged or people ask when you are going to get engaged, etc.

 

[Laila619]

Laila Would you have wanted a grand gesture if it meant waiting 5 more months? Not me.

No, you're right, I would have gone nuts waiting 5 more months. Most likely his butt would have been dumped, lol. I was already impatient as it is.

It's too bad the trip isn't until January. St. Thomas sounds SO lovely and romantic, but I do agree it's a long time to wait, especially through an anniversary and holidays.

 

[GMUAlum08]

so even waiting for the anniversary or holidays sounds like a bad idea to most of you?

like I said, she has no idea I bought the ring and isn't breathing down my neck about getting engaged. like I said, this past week was the first time she made mention of it. I'm sure she wouldn't be disappointed if I proposed in St. Thomas

 

[Enerchi]

No, she won't be disappointed if you wait till St Thomas... but odds are, she WILL be pi$$ed when she finds out you've had the ring all this time and didn't make a move!! Women are like that - they don't fully understand "man mind" and I don't think there's a rationale that will satisfy the 'why did you wait 5 months' question that will come up!!

I'd go for it (yeah, I said that before and so have MANY others) but really, the point is you love her, you've bought the ring, you know you want to marry her - what's going to change in 5 months??? If its the location - go find a beach or something special in your town. Where did you have your first date, first phone call, first time you went shopping together, first dinner out... etc...

Anyway, I hope you do it soon and she will be THRILLED to hear the words sooner rather than later - best of luck!

 

[move1986]

Umm. NOW. Give it to her within a couple days of picking it up. Why? Because as a woman I can tell you it is infuriating to know your BF had the ring for months and months and did not propose. Women adore being engaged. Let her enjoy that feeling as long as possible!

BEING engaged is so much more fun and meaningful that being proposed to Let her frigging enjoy that!

I honestly do not understand men who hang onto the ring forever (i.e., more than a few weeks) before they propose. If they knew at all how much their girlfriend wanted that ring ETA: and the commitment it entails... well, its is cruel and unusual punishment to make her wait.

I would say the longest waiting time will be until oct on the 3rd anniversary. It will make it so much more special and usually for those gal who already throwing out hint for u to propose the longest they can wait is till that day as they will start thinking in their heart hmm... this is it! he might be proposing today as it is a special day. and will be very very disappointed if you didn't.

I am one of them.... still waiting... it is a really painful and long wait. What we ask for is just a sweet and sincere proposal. Though grand will be good too but the proposal itself will make us jump on our feet no matter what.

So i will totally recommend now or latest by the 3rd year anniversary day on October.

 

[Laila619]

so even waiting for the anniversary or holidays sounds like a bad idea to most of you?

like I said, she has no idea I bought the ring and isn't breathing down my neck about getting engaged. like I said, this past week was the first time she made mention of it. I'm sure she wouldn't be disappointed if I proposed in St. Thomas

I think proposing on the 3 year anniversary would be lovely! Is it in early October or late October? Early October really isn't that far away at all.

 

[FancyDiamond]

Another vote for NOW.

 

[webdiva]

If she mentioned getting married once to you, trust me - she's talked about it with her friends for at least a year. Many women are afraid to push a man away by mentioning it more often. Don't wait for the anniversary - proposing on that day means something to YOU. Proposing soon in a meaningful way means something to HER. I understand wanting to make a grand gesture - a specific day in time isn't needed to make that grand gesture. You've already spent so much time and planning on the ring - that will mean so much to her.

 

[Rhea]

so even waiting for the anniversary or holidays sounds like a bad idea to most of you?

like I said, she has no idea I bought the ring and isn't breathing down my neck about getting engaged. like I said, this past week was the first time she made mention of it. I'm sure she wouldn't be disappointed if I proposed in St. Thomas

No, not necessarily. I noticed though that a lot of my friends get engaged around the holidays so it doesn't really end up being your time as a couple. I also find the holidays to be very stressful and honestly don't get to spend much time with my partner without family. That's not how I'd like to start an engagement. My ideal would in private, a bit of a surprise - so perhaps not anniversary as she might be more inclined to except it then - and not in a position where I'm not as able to be relaxed, calling friends, visiting friends to show off my ring and dreaming about dresses together. Holidays for me, and perhaps I'm abnormal, mean a lot of time helping parents in the kitchen, distractions with nieces, nephews and wrapping presents, and sibling's travel arrangements being changed or missed.

Don't get me wrong, I'd want to share with family and enjoy it with them, just Christmas Eve, Thanksgiving, or New Years Eve has never seemed great due to everything else going on. I'm selfish. I wanted my engagement to be about me for a day!

I don't think she'll be disappointed no matter when you propose. However, there is such a thing as over-cooking the relationship and leaving her doubting where she stands. If she's not there yet and you're set on St. Thomas, by all means, wait until then. If, however, you think a lot of your friends will be getting engaged over the holidays, she's more likely to think about it, bring it up, and potentially argue about it.

There have been several women and men on this board who reach that point. They start arguing, the man wonders if this is the woman he wants to spend the rest of his life with, and the woman wonders why he hasn't done it already. The discussions put both parties in a hard spot. He wants her to chill out, just trust that he's doing something, and be able to surprise her. She wants actions rather than words and wonders if he's serious about her or if she's wasting her time, or changing her life too much (such as moving to be with him, etc) for no formal commitment.

I think when you know, you do it. Why wait? Why *potentially* cause the other person stress like that? You've now had no less than 25 woman tell you that that's what we would have preferred, the immediate proposal. However, you know your girlfriend best. No matter how many of us say do it now, we're not her. What would she like? Not only in terms of the perfect location, but how are the holidays and upcoming move likely to effect her idea of your relationship?

 

[princesss]

Do it now, for sure. Honestly, I wouldn't even wait for your anniversary. There is something so sweet and wonderful and genuine about a proposal not near any particular date. Plus, it gives her another day to get excited about - you know, date you met, date you became exclusive, date you proposed, date you get married, etc. And I think something that takes her by surprise would be wonderful - holidays/anniversaries/vacations, she'll probably be expecting it. But a random date night when she doesn't think it's really on your mind but hasn't been waiting so long she's frustrated and getting hurt? Perfect.

 

[GirlyGirl]

so even waiting for the anniversary or holidays sounds like a bad idea to most of you?

like I said, she has no idea I bought the ring and isn't breathing down my neck about getting engaged. like I said, this past week was the first time she made mention of it. I'm sure she wouldn't be disappointed if I proposed in St. Thomas

The resounding answer from all these women is ASK HER NOW. We know what we are talking about. We don't want to wait to be engaged.

A 2 year engagement is pretty normal. Weddings take forever to plan.

 

[orbaya]

Dude, as NIKE says....."JUST DO IT"

 

[that_someone_special]

As someone who had to wait 145 years to get engaged (or, um... what felt like it!) I say NOW.

Now, now nowwwwwwww, nowwwwwww!

 

[GMUAlum08]

so even waiting for the anniversary or holidays sounds like a bad idea to most of you?

like I said, she has no idea I bought the ring and isn't breathing down my neck about getting engaged. like I said, this past week was the first time she made mention of it. I'm sure she wouldn't be disappointed if I proposed in St. Thomas

I think proposing on the 3 year anniversary would be lovely! Is it in early October or late October? Early October really isn't that far away at all.

October 10th. Exactly two months from today

 

[diamondseeker2006]

Now, not October. Let her enjoy celebrating with family!!!

 

[VRBeauty]

GMUAlum08 - for some reason I've actually followed your threads, and all I can add at this point is that you seem to have a tendency to over-think things, and to want to talk yourself out of good decisions. I'm not sure how this impacts the question at hand, but I suspect you do.

 

[stargurl78]

I would do it now. I feel like during vacations or anniversaries, she might be more likely to expect it so it will be less of a surprise. My husband proposed right before Christmas and while it was still very special, I kinda knew it was coming. And if you do it on vacation, she's going to be thinking about the wedding and want to start planning it and might be anxious to get the vacation over with. One good thing about DH proposing to me before Christmas is I had the next week off so I got to dive right in to wedding planning.

And who cares if the engagement is long?! We were engaged for a year and a half and I seriously wish we had a longer engagement. Being engaged is so much fun!! Well for the girl it is anyways

So I vote for a special surprise engagement before you go on your San Diego trip!

 

[GMUAlum08]

Well I leave for San Diego today so..

But I did pack the ring. Leaning towards proposing, but its all happened really fast. Nothing really planned

 

[DonnaH]

Anther vote for now! You could do it on the beach at Hotel Del Coronado or the rooftop of the W. DO IT!!!!

 

[Enerchi]

Well I leave for San Diego today so..

But I did pack the ring. Leaning towards proposing, but its all happened really fast. Nothing really planned

Sometimes, those are the best! Its direct from the heart, honest and straightforward!!! Best of luck!!!!

 

[GMUAlum08]

Well I leave for San Diego today so..

But I did pack the ring. Leaning towards proposing, but its all happened really fast. Nothing really planned

Sometimes, those are the best! Its direct from the heart, honest and straightforward!!! Best of luck!!!!

Hotel Del is beautiful. This is exactly where I was thinking of doing it

 

[E B]

Well I leave for San Diego today so..

But I did pack the ring. Leaning towards proposing, but its all happened really fast. Nothing really planned

Sometimes, those are the best! Its direct from the heart, honest and straightforward!!! Best of luck!!!!

Hotel Del is beautiful. This is exactly where I was thinking of doing it

On the beach in front of Hotel Del at sunset, maybe? Take her completely by surprise. That'd be a proposal to remember.

 

[Enerchi]

OMG!! I just went to their website --- WOW!!! That's a PERFECT proposal place - anything at that hotel will be a huge success!! I love the main lobby with all that dark wood, or the wine bar, or the gazebos... anything!!!

AWESOME CHOICE!!! You are gonna rock this thing, GMU!!!

 

[GMUAlum08]

GMUAlum08 - for some reason I've actually followed your threads, and all I can add at this point is that you seem to have a tendency to over-think things, and to want to talk yourself out of good decisions. I'm not sure how this impacts the question at hand, but I suspect you do.

LOL, i agree that I tend to over think things but I think I've made the right decisions so far

 

[onthinice]

Do it now.. don't wait for St. Thomas ....follow your heart and leave the diamond stats and other expectations behind. ( Coronado is beautiful.)

Congrats, I'm sure she'll say , "Yes"

 

[Gypsy]

Okay so here is the man brain.

I want to get this just right… so waiting 2 or 5 months, when we have the rest of our lives together makes perfect sense.

Here’s the woman’s brain BEFORE you propose 5 months from now:

I have to be patient. Maybe he can’t afford it. Maybe he’s waiting for the right time—but our anniversary passed and the holidays passed and all these other opportunities passed. Doesn’t he know that ANY day he proposes is going to be special BECAUSE it’s the day he proposes?

And….here’s the woman’s brain after finding out you waited 2 months or 5 months.

He’s been sitting there, holding this ring for MONTHS!!! WHY??? Was he regretting it? Did he change his mind? Did he have cold feet? WHY did he wait five months? I don’t buy the “I was waiting for the right occasion” excuse, it doesn’t make any SENSE! Any day he proposed would have been special because it was the day he proposed! Oh god, does he really want to marry me? If he really wanted to marry would he have waited so long????

Do you really want to do that to her? JUST DO IT!

 

[orbaya]

Okay so here is the man brain.

I want to get this just right… so waiting 2 or 5 months, when we have the rest of our lives together makes perfect sense.

Here’s the woman’s brain BEFORE you propose 5 months from now:

I have to be patient. Maybe he can’t afford it. Maybe he’s waiting for the right time—but our anniversary passed and the holidays passed and all these other opportunities passed. Doesn’t he know that ANY day he proposes is going to be special BECAUSE it’s the day he proposes?

And….here’s the woman’s brain after finding out you waited 2 months or 5 months.

He’s been sitting there, holding this ring for MONTHS!!! WHY??? Was he regretting it? Did he change his mind? Did he have cold feet? WHY did he wait five months? I don’t buy the “I was waiting for the right occasion” excuse, it doesn’t make any SENSE! Any day he proposed would have been special because it was the day he proposed! Oh god, does he really want to marry me? If he really wanted to marry would he have waited so long????

Do you really want to do that to her? JUST DO IT!

THIS. A million times over.

 

[Enerchi]

Okay so here is the man brain.

I want to get this just right… so waiting 2 or 5 months, when we have the rest of our lives together makes perfect sense.

Here’s the woman’s brain BEFORE you propose 5 months from now:

I have to be patient. Maybe he can’t afford it. Maybe he’s waiting for the right time—but our anniversary passed and the holidays passed and all these other opportunities passed. Doesn’t he know that ANY day he proposes is going to be special BECAUSE it’s the day he proposes?

And….here’s the woman’s brain after finding out you waited 2 months or 5 months.

He’s been sitting there, holding this ring for MONTHS!!! WHY??? Was he regretting it? Did he change his mind? Did he have cold feet? WHY did he wait five months? I don’t buy the “I was waiting for the right occasion” excuse, it doesn’t make any SENSE! Any day he proposed would have been special because it was the day he proposed! Oh god, does he really want to marry me? If he really wanted to marry would he have waited so long????

Do you really want to do that to her? JUST DO IT!

Gypsy, you have the most amazing "mind conversations"!! I totally "get" this!!! It's so dead on accurate for the majority of women... you amaze me each an every time, when you zero in on things and completely nail it!! I wish I could be a neuron in your brain and enjoy all the banter that takes place in there!!!

 

[Enerchi]

forgot... so GMU - you got there last night - any news??? still ruminating over the perfect place/time/words? Just let your heart open up and no matter what you say or where it is, it will be perfect!! *See Gypsy's "man vs woman brain" convo above!!