General "kids-will-be-kids" philosophy

[MichelleCarmen]

Date: 3/20/2009 3:23:54 PM
Author: Italiahaircolor

Date: 3/20/2009 11:37:00 AM
Author: MC
Hi everyone,

Thanks for your input. Just a quick update, yesterday, the guy was outside when I was pulling into the complex and I rolled down my window and told him he should have just come over and talked directly to me rather than yelling at my kids. At that, he blew up and began yelling at me. No sense of maturity or logical behavior that could easily resolved our dispute! I''ve come to the conclusion that he''s not a very happy person. He''s been trying to sell his condo for a year now and nobody is even coming to the numerous open houses that have been held, so maybe that''s resulted in him taking his frustrations out on my kids!

I guess it wouldn''t be that big of a deal except he works at home so we pass by each other a few times a day!

Okay, I guess I don''t understand what brought this all on anyway...

Was this a case of your children throwing rocks at his house...because that was the ''what if'' senario you posed, but you never really elaborated on why he yelled at your children?

So I guess my issue with how you''ve reacted (and please don''t jump all over me for this) is that obviously your children were doing something wrong, and either one of two things happened. You saw what was going down--and did nothing to stop it. Or, you weren''t around supervising your kids and they were getting in trouble, so someone else intervened and put an end to it.

Either way, if these kids were being disrespectful to someone elses property they needed to be told to knock it off and to stop it. And if you weren''t putting an end to it by either not stepping in when you saw it happening or by not being around to observe it then it''s well within reason to expect this man to step in and say something...esspecially if this man is trying to sell his home--the last thing he needs is damage done to it. And I think you need to understand while parenting is your job, not everyone wants to go out of their way to find you, explain the issue, and wait for you to solve it...sometimes their is a level of urgency that needs to be addressed--it only takes one rock to break a window.

I think you should have first apologized to your neighbor for what your children were doing--and also extend an olive branch by saying that if ever he feels your children are putting his property at risk to please come and get you because that behavior will not fly in your home. By doing that you''ve shown you''re a proactive parent who is involved and capible of discipline...but you''ve also smoothed over any ongoing issues with him. Unfortunately, you''ve just stirred the pot (so to speak)

When my kids play anywhere I''m usually outside with them however in this case, they were right outside my kitchen window and I had the screen open and could see and hear them. The landscaping around our condo utilizes rocks all over in its design. My son ran and grabbed a rock and I didn''t realize it in time and the guy immediately yelled! My kids were on the side of my unit (we live on an end unit) by me and my son would have to be a pitcher for the Seattle Mariners to throw a rock long enough to come close to the guy''s unit. My guess is he heard them outside and sat (as he always does) right inside his window and watched.

I''m not defending my kids'' behavior, my objection is that he''s been seeing me walking around for months, constantly stares, and hasn''t ever come over to talk to me. THAT is stirring the pot when someone doesn''t even say anything and stares to the point that my intuition rings out that he''s a creep. Was he trying to intimidate or bully me? My husband thinks that is the case.

Anyhow, all that aside, I appologized to him because I do not want to deal with this going to the HOA and all that.

I''m actually really mindful of my kids. Even PurrfectPear commented that she thinks I "helicopter" around my kids!

There is no possible way to win as a parent. Either we''re overbearing or neglectful, you know?

 

[fieryred33143]

Italia-I was kind of wondering the same thing. If MC would like to share, I''d like to know why the neighbor yelled in the first place.

 

[Hudson_Hawk]

I don''t think you were in the wrong and I don''t think you needed to apologize to him.

 

[fieryred33143]

Sorry I posted before reading your new comment MC.

I don''t think it was necessary for you to have apologized but I also don''t think he overreacted. Perhaps the yelling was a bit out of line but I think whenever a kid goes for a rock and you don''t know what''s going to happen, you react quickly. He didn''t really know whether or not your son was going to grab the rock, run closer to his unit, and toss it. But like I said he didn''t have to flat out yell. He could have said "hey be careful with that" and I''m sure your son would have gotten the hint.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Date: 3/20/2009 4:26:52 PM
Author: fieryred33143
Sorry I posted before reading your new comment MC.

I don''t think it was necessary for you to have apologized but I also don''t think he overreacted. Perhaps the yelling was a bit out of line but I think whenever a kid goes for a rock and you don''t know what''s going to happen, you react quickly. He didn''t really know whether or not your son was going to grab the rock, run closer to his unit, and toss it. But like I said he didn''t have to flat out yell. He could have said ''hey be careful with that'' and I''m sure your son would have gotten the hint.

By appologizing, I felt it would resolve the dispute and keep him from continuing to fume over the whole thing (like I am! - lol). I always fume for months. . .the type to hold a grudge!

It''s rather unfortunate, but whoever designed the complex did a screwy job. The planner put 3 bd. w/office townhomes on *some* of the ends of the buildings (like bookends) and the two inbetween units are 1 or 2 bedrooms. Then across the drive, they put an entire row of buildings consisting of one bedrooms. Basically creating a situation where there will be families nearby couples w/out kids. They should have put all the townhomes on one side of the complex so the kids could play together and the parents of all the kids would be more forgiving of noise.

 

[strmrdr]

just picking up a rock?
Have there been problems with kids throwing rocks there?
Have they thrown rocks before?
That don''t really make sense to yell for just picking up a rock.

 

[LAJennifer]

Date: 3/20/2009 4:59:04 PM
Author: strmrdr
just picking up a rock?
Have there been problems with kids throwing rocks there?
Have they thrown rocks before?
That don''t really make sense to yell for just picking up a rock.

I agree - though the original post says the kids were throwing rocks.

 

[Mara]

Define yelling. Because there's screaming, red in the face kind of thing..and then there is as someone else already pointed out a yell like 'Hey! Cut that out, you could hurt someone!'

The latter to me is acceptable in a situation where a kid is throwing rocks; but like red in the face screaming attack kind of thing would not be appropriate.

Also, I agree with Julie that often times a stranger saying 'Hey! That is not cool' is far more effective than a parent. And that if a child is out unsupervised then it is just easier to correct them than hassle with going to the parent and explaining the situation.

But yelling most of the time isn't even necessary with kids. I have had kids misbehaving at dinner right in front of me and the parents aren't paying attn, well next time the kid wants to run and do a flying jump over my outstretched leg or something, I fix them with the eye and shake my head no. Sometimes that is all it takes.

Lastly, it would depend on if I knew and had a relationship with the parent, as someone else noted, her children went to school with another child who was misbehaving, in that situation I'd correct the child and let the parent know.

But if I don't know the kid and they were misbehaving, I would definitely speak up to the child. I can't tell you how many times I got chased off a neighbors lawn for doing something I shouldn't have been. And I wouldn't have dared tell my Mom I got yelled at and chased off, because she'd spank ME for being bad and embarassing her...hahaa.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

oops, yeah, he threw it, but not at anything and like I pointed out, we live on an end unit and there is nothing my son could have hit with his tiny age-6 arm (except a tree, I suppose, if he has that good of aim). They normally do not throw rocks but they play and have fun oustide (they''re not mute). They ARE kids. I had mentioned they rarely play right outside our condo. Normally they go to the park. If they have a friend over, I let them play right outside our building because it''s easier than walking three boys to a park. Usually, I sit there and read a book. I made the mistake of being right inside and my son threw the rock before I knew it.

The guy''s condo is across a drive, so we look directly into each other''s units, but I wouldn''t even be able to throw a rock far enough to reach the guy.

 

[Mara]

Date: 3/20/2009 6:17:33 PM
Author: MC
oops, yeah, he threw it, but not at anything and like I pointed out, we live on an end unit and there is nothing my son could have hit with his tiny age-6 arm (except a tree, I suppose, if he has that good of aim). They normally do not throw rocks but they play and have fun oustide (they're not mute). They ARE kids. I had mentioned they rarely play right outside our condo. Normally they go to the park. If they have a friend over, I let them play right outside our building because it's easier than walking three boys to a park. Usually, I sit there and read a book. I made the mistake of being right inside and my son threw the rock before I knew it.

The guy's condo is across a drive, so we look directly into each other's units, but I wouldn't even be able to throw a rock far enough to reach the guy.

I assume he doesn't have children and he sounds like he lives alone. Maybe he is a little socially impaired. Whatever. As someone who does not have children, I know that I am much less tolerant of other people's kids in what I might consider 'my space'. Especially when we lived in our townhouse. The last thing I wanted to hear was kids outside my window doing something they probably shouldn't. Why couldn't they be over at their own townhouse tossing rocks? Or in the park tossing rocks?

I agree that given the space constraints in a condo atmosphere, it might be harder for your kids to 'just be kids' now that they don't really have the same space and yard that they used to. Also, how long has this guy lived there? If I recall correctly you guys moved almost a year ago? Maybe he was there before and loved the peace and quiet he used to have. Maybe he thinks your kids should be better behaved and that is why he stares at you. Who REALLY knows what he thinks. His behavior is def odd, but again, it sounds like he lives a fairly solitary, quiet life. I don't find it so shocking he doesn't understand your children.

Given that you do have this new living environment and new neighbor, it doesn't matter so much what anyone else would do, only that you do have to at least tolerate each other in a condo situation like that.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Date: 3/20/2009 6:22:27 PM
Author: Mara


I assume he doesn't have children and he sounds like he lives alone. Maybe he is a little socially impaired. Whatever. As someone who does not have children, I know that I am much less tolerant of other people's kids in what I might consider 'my space'. Especially when we lived in our townhouse. The last thing I wanted to hear was kids outside my window doing something they probably shouldn't. Why couldn't they be over at their own townhouse tossing rocks? Or in the park tossing rocks?

I agree that given the space constraints in a condo atmosphere, it might be harder for your kids to 'just be kids' now that they don't really have the same space and yard that they used to. Also, how long has this guy lived there? If I recall correctly you guys moved almost a year ago? Maybe he was there before and loved the peace and quiet he used to have. Maybe he thinks your kids should be better behaved and that is why he stares at you. Who REALLY knows what he thinks. His behavior is def odd, but again, it sounds like he lives a fairly solitary, quiet life. I don't find it so shocking he doesn't understand your children.

Given that you do have this new living environment and new neighbor, it doesn't matter so much what anyone else would do, only that you do have to at least tolerate each other in a condo situation like that.

Pretty much yep to everything you said. He is mostly solitairy. . .he's married but works from home and their condo has been on the market the entire time we've lived here, so he's probably beyond annoyed that he's still stuck here. Funny thing is my kids have been in school the entire time I've noticed him staring, so it's not like they've had a wild summer of laughing and yelling to bug him! Wait until this summer comes

My kids do have five friends in school (the same ages at them) who also live in the complex and I NEVER see those kids outside. This place is weird! Creates a hermit mentality.

Oh, and Mara: the chasing off the lawn remark. You know, I was watching my kids the other day and thinking they will NEVER have those adventurous memories to look back on because of the sheltered life they're being molded to live. Sad.

ETA - my definition of "yelling," isn't the words, but the tone. It was angry, not annoyed or frustrated. . .

 

[Mara]

"Wait until this summer comes ..."
_______

OMG you might have to keep some valium on hand...he might lose it! hehe.

 

[Efe]

Date: 3/20/2009 6:34:42 PM
Author: MC

Date: 3/20/2009 6:22:27 PM
Author: Mara


I assume he doesn''t have children and he sounds like he lives alone. Maybe he is a little socially impaired. Whatever. As someone who does not have children, I know that I am much less tolerant of other people''s kids in what I might consider ''my space''. Especially when we lived in our townhouse. The last thing I wanted to hear was kids outside my window doing something they probably shouldn''t. Why couldn''t they be over at their own townhouse tossing rocks? Or in the park tossing rocks?

I agree that given the space constraints in a condo atmosphere, it might be harder for your kids to ''just be kids'' now that they don''t really have the same space and yard that they used to. Also, how long has this guy lived there? If I recall correctly you guys moved almost a year ago? Maybe he was there before and loved the peace and quiet he used to have. Maybe he thinks your kids should be better behaved and that is why he stares at you. Who REALLY knows what he thinks. His behavior is def odd, but again, it sounds like he lives a fairly solitary, quiet life. I don''t find it so shocking he doesn''t understand your children.

Given that you do have this new living environment and new neighbor, it doesn''t matter so much what anyone else would do, only that you do have to at least tolerate each other in a condo situation like that.

Pretty much yep to everything you said. He is mostly solitairy. . .he''s married but works from home and their condo has been on the market the entire time we''ve lived here, so he''s probably beyond annoyed that he''s still stuck here. Funny thing is my kids have been in school the entire time I''ve noticed him staring, so it''s not like they''ve had a wild summer of laughing and yelling to bug him! Wait until this summer comes

My kids do have five friends in school (the same ages at them) who also live in the complex and I NEVER see those kids outside. This place is weird! Creates a hermit mentality.

Oh, and Mara: the chasing off the lawn remark. You know, I was watching my kids the other day and thinking they will NEVER have those adventurous memories to look back on because of the sheltered life they''re being molded to live. Sad.

ETA - my definition of ''yelling,'' isn''t the words, but the tone. It was angry, not annoyed or frustrated. . .

I wonder if this has something to do with his lack of tolerance.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Date: 3/20/2009 6:38:40 PM
Author: Mara
''Wait until this summer comes ...''
_______

OMG you might have to keep some valium on hand...he might lose it! hehe.

No problem there. I''m well stocked up! lol!

 

[Italiahaircolor]

My nephew is 6...and he is pretty tough when it comes to sports...if he were to pick up a rock and throw it, to be completely honest, it would give me a serious moment of pause. Because like I said, it only takes one rock to break a window, dent a car or whatever...good aim or not, rocks aren''t toys for a reason.

I think at this point, if your neighbor is truly unreasonable, then you need to address your boys. Let them know to steer clear of him, and keep their playing out of ear and eye shot. Sure, it might be an inconvenience...but what is your peace worth? Take them to a park or bounce-town or swimming pool...if you want to keep them local, then have them play behind your unit and set up a bucket of "safe" toys so rocks lose their appeal.

I imagine hearing him yell at your boys hurt your heart...and understandably. But, that''s his probably just his nature and it will be easier to change your recreational habits than to change him.

 

[LaraOnline]

Date: 3/20/2009 11:37:00 AM
Author: MC
Hi everyone,


Thanks for your input. Just a quick update, yesterday, the guy was outside when I was pulling into the complex and I rolled down my window and told him he should have just come over and talked directly to me rather than yelling at my kids. At that, he blew up and began yelling at me. No sense of maturity or logical behavior that could easily resolved our dispute! I've come to the conclusion that he's not a very happy person. He's been trying to sell his condo for a year now and nobody is even coming to the numerous open houses that have been held, so maybe that's resulted in him taking his frustrations out on my kids!


I guess it wouldn't be that big of a deal except he works at home so we pass by each other a few times a day!

I haven't read the posts yet that follow on from your update, will do so... I just don't know why he should have to have all the trouble of going over to talk to you about the kids throwing rocks.

the way I see it:
kid throws rock + needs to be stopped immediately + adult tells kid not to throw rock = problem solved.

It's bizarre that it's brought up again, by either party, particularly if this is a one-off event as far as child behaviour goes.

I mean, he might possibly be expecting an apology from you, not the other way around...
personally I wouldn't give that particular episode another thought. All mums need help from time to time and the man also has a right to express frustration (as a one-off)

almost by definition, unsupervised rock-throwing is dangerous!

not 'down on you' in any way, by the way... sometimes the most motivated mum needs an extra pair of hands/ eyes...

 

[Kaleigh]

I would have given your kids a strong talking to. Throwing rocks?? Not cool. If they were at school, their teacher would have had a stern talk with them. I don''t see why a neighbor who sees something dangerous going on can''t intervene in a like manner. The Mom is no where in sight... He''s doing the responsible thing, by trying to stop it. He''d be remiss to turn and look the other way. What if a rock hit another kid in the eye???

You can think of him however you want, we don''t know the long history. But I bet he was just trying to stop something bad from happening. If my kids were doing that, and a neighbor yelled at them to stop them. I''d say, thank you!!!!

And then, I''d take them home and make them write him a thank you note.

I know, not what you expected. I just had to say, I understand where you are coming from. But wanted to say from someone that has seen a lot of this, kids do all sorts of things, out of your sight. I''d be more thankful than angry at the guy, but that''s just me.

 

[atroop711]

no one has the right to yell at a kid..you need to speak to the parents. NOW if the parents aren''t around, the neighbor (IMO) can say (not shout) something to the kids. I''m a firm believer (and teach my kid) when you give respect, you get it.

I''m also old school when it comes to raising my kids. I don''t use the philosophy kids will be kids as an excuse for misbehavior as I''ve seen many ppl do. Personally I teach my children to respect everyone, speak not yell, be considerate of your surroundings, ect. I put it simply to my kids...treat others as you want them to treat you. If you don''t like the upstairs neighbor making noise on our ceiling which keeps you up, you don''t make noise on our floor which will disturb the downstairs neighbor, ect.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Date: 3/21/2009 12:48:29 AM
Author: Kaleigh
I would have given your kids a strong talking to. Throwing rocks?? Not cool. If they were at school, their teacher would have had a stern talk with them. I don''t see why a neighbor who sees something dangerous going on can''t intervene in a like manner. The Mom is no where in sight... He''s doing the responsible thing, by trying to stop it. He''d be remiss to turn and look the other way. What if a rock hit another kid in the eye???

You can think of him however you want, we don''t know the long history. But I bet he was just trying to stop something bad from happening. If my kids were doing that, and a neighbor yelled at them to stop them. I''d say, thank you!!!!

I haven''t been on PS for a few days and didn''t get a chance to resond. Possibly the reason this is such a "big" deal to me is that there is NO history with that neighbor. We moved in last summer and my husband and him shook hands and introduced themselves. The two of them may have talked one or two other times for a few minutes, but I''ve never talked to him and haven''t even seen his wife before. My friend made a joke about our condos being like "bat caves," as in like Batman. People pull into the complex, drive directly into their garage, close the doors, and never see/look/talk to their neighbors.

Regarding kids throwing rocks. . .Yes, kids shouldn''t do that. . .but you know what? Nearly EVERY kid I''ve seen, throws rocks. Two little girls who live by us throw rocks. Friends of mine have kids who''ve thrown rocks. My kids are always telling me about various kids at school throwing rocks. I guess it''s in human nature and I would suspect that regardless of how perfect people think their kids are, in actuality their very own kids in most likelihood have thrown rock sat one point in their childhood!

 

[neatfreak]

Date: 3/23/2009 11:54:52 AM
Author: MC

Date: 3/21/2009 12:48:29 AM

Author: Kaleigh

I would have given your kids a strong talking to. Throwing rocks?? Not cool. If they were at school, their teacher would have had a stern talk with them. I don''t see why a neighbor who sees something dangerous going on can''t intervene in a like manner. The Mom is no where in sight... He''s doing the responsible thing, by trying to stop it. He''d be remiss to turn and look the other way. What if a rock hit another kid in the eye???

You can think of him however you want, we don''t know the long history. But I bet he was just trying to stop something bad from happening. If my kids were doing that, and a neighbor yelled at them to stop them. I''d say, thank you!!!!

I haven''t been on PS for a few days and didn''t get a chance to resond. Possibly the reason this is such a ''big'' deal to me is that there is NO history with that neighbor. We moved in last summer and my husband and him shook hands and introduced themselves. The two of them may have talked one or two other times for a few minutes, but I''ve never talked to him and haven''t even seen his wife before. My friend made a joke about our condos being like ''bat caves,'' as in like Batman. People pull into the complex, drive directly into their garage, close the doors, and never see/look/talk to their neighbors.


Regarding kids throwing rocks. . .Yes, kids shouldn''t do that. . .but you know what? Nearly EVERY kid I''ve seen, throws rocks. Two little girls who live by us throw rocks. Friends of mine have kids who''ve thrown rocks. My kids are always telling me about various kids at school throwing rocks. I guess it''s in human nature and I would suspect that regardless of how perfect people think their kids are, in actuality their very own kids in most likelihood have thrown rock sat one point in their childhood!

I don''t think anyone is disputing the fact that most kids throw rocks and do things they shouldn''t. Just that many people think it was ok for the guy to step in when he saw the kids throwing rocks.

Just because all kids do it at some point doesn''t mean that it isn''t dangerous and that an adult shouldn''t step in.

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 3/23/2009 12:17:16 PM
Author: neatfreak

Date: 3/23/2009 11:54:52 AM
Author: MC

Date: 3/21/2009 12:48:29 AM

Author: Kaleigh

I would have given your kids a strong talking to. Throwing rocks?? Not cool. If they were at school, their teacher would have had a stern talk with them. I don''t see why a neighbor who sees something dangerous going on can''t intervene in a like manner. The Mom is no where in sight... He''s doing the responsible thing, by trying to stop it. He''d be remiss to turn and look the other way. What if a rock hit another kid in the eye???

You can think of him however you want, we don''t know the long history. But I bet he was just trying to stop something bad from happening. If my kids were doing that, and a neighbor yelled at them to stop them. I''d say, thank you!!!!

I haven''t been on PS for a few days and didn''t get a chance to resond. Possibly the reason this is such a ''big'' deal to me is that there is NO history with that neighbor. We moved in last summer and my husband and him shook hands and introduced themselves. The two of them may have talked one or two other times for a few minutes, but I''ve never talked to him and haven''t even seen his wife before. My friend made a joke about our condos being like ''bat caves,'' as in like Batman. People pull into the complex, drive directly into their garage, close the doors, and never see/look/talk to their neighbors.


Regarding kids throwing rocks. . .Yes, kids shouldn''t do that. . .but you know what? Nearly EVERY kid I''ve seen, throws rocks. Two little girls who live by us throw rocks. Friends of mine have kids who''ve thrown rocks. My kids are always telling me about various kids at school throwing rocks. I guess it''s in human nature and I would suspect that regardless of how perfect people think their kids are, in actuality their very own kids in most likelihood have thrown rock sat one point in their childhood!

I don''t think anyone is disputing the fact that most kids throw rocks and do things they shouldn''t. Just that many people think it was ok for the guy to step in when he saw the kids throwing rocks.

Just because all kids do it at some point doesn''t mean that it isn''t dangerous and that an adult shouldn''t step in.

I agree. I know my kid will throw rocks. And if I''m there to see it, she''ll get a stern talking to.

If I were the neighbor, I would have been stern and said something. Of course, I''m one of those people who believe parenting is too lax these days anyway.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Date: 3/23/2009 12:17:16 PM
Author: neatfreak


I don''t think anyone is disputing the fact that most kids throw rocks and do things they shouldn''t. Just that many people think it was ok for the guy to step in when he saw the kids throwing rocks.

Just because all kids do it at some point doesn''t mean that it isn''t dangerous and that an adult shouldn''t step in.

Yeah, I do see that. Many here on PS see what the guy did was reasonable!

He may have had initial justification, to many, but keep in mind, he later yelled at me. What would you think if you saw a male neighbor yelling at a female neighbor after she asks him to next time talk to her before repremanding her kids? He didn''t say, "hey look, you''re kids were throwing rocks and I dealt with it as I saw fit at the moment." He tore into me with an angry yet whiny voice. Someone like that is NOT stable enough to be determining what is acceptable behavior of children.

How would he have liked it if my husband yelled at his kids AND his wife?

 

[TravelingGal]

MC, I might be really irate if I felt the mother was continually not watching her kids. And so yes, I might tear into another mom a bit if I had had enough. It really depends on the situation here. You yourself have admitted that you tune your kids out (I think most of us moms have to do that for survival!) when you told the story of your kids causing a ruckus while you were reading a magazine and didn''t notice until a bit later - and only then saw people giving you the stink eye.

The original question you asked is was he justified. From what''s been written, yes I think it was justified.

 

[TravelingGal]

Oh, and while I do think kids will be kids sometimes, I don''t buy that as much as some people may. Yes, kids may be kids while throwing rocks or doing other things, but I have a bit of "kids will become ADULTS" philosophy in raising them and would not be OK with some of the things that other people may just pass off as kids being kids.

I think the let kids be kids philosophy is part of the reason that we have so many dysfunctional adults these days.

 

[fieryred33143]

MC- Just out of curiousity (and you don''t have to answer if you don''t want to): did you talk to your children after about why the neighbory "yelled"?

I think its just a different perspective. When we moved into our house, my brothers had a lot more freedom to go out and do stuff without our supervision. And they used to sneak out and disappear all the time...mostly to hang out by the lake (the HOA had set up little exercise units so the kids can play) or to hang out in the corner with another kid that had a skateboard ramp. My mother appreciated when the neighbors would say something to them because it meant that if she''s inside checking on the chicken, she knew my brothers would be ok. Someone is watching. And it was true. Someone was always watching. It''s good to have your neighbors keeping an eye out...even if it''s sort of a crazy stalker eye. That day he stopped them from throwing rocks but who knows...maybe next time he''ll stop them from hurting themselves.

 

[crown1]

Date: 3/23/2009 1:10:08 PM
Author: MC

Date: 3/23/2009 12:17:16 PM

Author: neatfreak



I don''t think anyone is disputing the fact that most kids throw rocks and do things they shouldn''t. Just that many people think it was ok for the guy to step in when he saw the kids throwing rocks.


Just because all kids do it at some point doesn''t mean that it isn''t dangerous and that an adult shouldn''t step in.

Yeah, I do see that. Many here on PS see what the guy did was reasonable!


He may have had initial justification, to many, but keep in mind, he later yelled at me. What would you think if you saw a male neighbor yelling at a female neighbor after she asks him to next time talk to her before repremanding her kids? He didn''t say, ''hey look, you''re kids were throwing rocks and I dealt with it as I saw fit at the moment.'' He tore into me with an angry yet whiny voice. Someone like that is NOT stable enough to be determining what is acceptable behavior of children.


How would he have liked it if my husband yelled at his kids AND his wife?

i really think you are over thinking this. i believe you posted above that you are the type to hold a grudge, try to let it go.

i agree that kids do things they should not, that does not give them a pass on being corrected. if a couple of neighbor kids, were outside frequently, and they were being kids and dong things you did not approve of, you would be ruffled too. the man did not touch any of you but he was verbally emphatic with his displeasure, take it for what it was worth and move on. i am sure that you have seen someone in your own family loose their temper at yourself or your children before, unless you live with a saint.

i do have a child who is now grown, but if she was disturbing a neighbor and they yelled at her for something she did, as in rock throwing, i would have apologized and reprimanded her myself. you are living in a close situation, where you need to be vigilant in keeping your children supervised, if they cannot be trusted to behave in a way as to not infringe on others. nobody said being a parent was easy. talk to the children about what is acceptable and make an effort to make them understand your neighbors have rights also.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Date: 3/23/2009 1:56:51 PM
Author: crown1


i really think you are over thinking this. i believe you posted above that you are the type to hold a grudge, try to let it go.

Yes, you''re right. I''m mostly just responding at this point.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Date: 3/23/2009 1:27:18 PM
Author: TravelingGal
I think the let kids be kids philosophy is part of the reason that we have so many dysfunctional adults these days.

Imagine what the NEXT generation of coddled kids will result in!

It''ll be interesting.

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 3/23/2009 2:29:18 PM
Author: MC

Date: 3/23/2009 1:27:18 PM
Author: TravelingGal
I think the let kids be kids philosophy is part of the reason that we have so many dysfunctional adults these days.

Imagine what the NEXT generation of coddled kids will result in!

It''ll be interesting.

MC, honestly, ya ain''t kidding!!

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Date: 3/23/2009 1:15:13 PM
Author: TravelingGal
MC, I might be really irate if I felt the mother was continually not watching her kids. And so yes, I might tear into another mom a bit if I had had enough. It really depends on the situation here. You yourself have admitted that you tune your kids out (I think most of us moms have to do that for survival!) when you told the story of your kids causing a ruckus while you were reading a magazine and didn''t notice until a bit later - and only then saw people giving you the stink eye.

The original question you asked is was he justified. From what''s been written, yes I think it was justified.

Yes, I did tell the story of the magazine, tuning out. It''s not like that''s a continuous habit of mine, but that was an example of a particular event, not a daily occurance! Just ask my kids. They get sent to their rooms ALL the time for being loud or jumping about. They both know how to set the timer for 10 minutes!

Oh and it was a guy, not "people" giving me the "stink eye."