Fur Baby Prayers

[JPie]

If there was something I could say to make it all better, I would. I’m so sorry you’re going through this.

 

[missy]

Thank you all so much. I cannot tell you how much Greg and I appreciate your outpouring of love and support and well wishes for our sweet Francesca.

We are driving there now to pick her up so I’m copying and pasting what I shared in the NIRDI thread.

We saw her yesterday and so glad we made the long trip. It was completely worth it. She saw us and started meowing and we held her and she was purring almost the whole visit. It was a long day but a good one if you could call it that given the situation.

And when we got home finally last night (traffic OMG) Debbie called us as we were walking in the door and Frankie's aspirate results had just come back. It is a lymphoma and inoperable but given the location of the mass it would have been an operation she probably wouldn't have made it through so Debbie said though the news is bad it is the best bad news if that makes sense.

So we are starting chemo. She is partially blocked in the Small Intestine and so far the little food they got her to eat by giving her an IV appetite stimulant has not passed through the stomach so she might not be able to make it back from that. BUT we are bringing her home today. I ordered one of the chemo drugs and hope it will be here ASAP. I paid for the quickest shipping but they have to compound it and then ship it so not sure when it will be here.

The other chemo drug she has been started on as well as antibiotics because the lymphoma got infected and that's why she took such a sudden turn from good to very ill. She probably has had this for the past month but when it became infected symptoms took over showing us she was sick.

Anyway we are heading there now to pick her up and take her home. Praying the chemo will buy us a little bit of time with her. Best case scenario is we can get 8 months with her. Worst case scenario (if the chemo doesn't help) a few days or less...but at least she will be at home.

I am jumping out of my skin with mixed emotions. Anxious that if something goes terribly wrong we are hours away from Debbie but excited that at least our sweet girl will be with us for at least a little bit and praying that time is free from suffering.

It's so hard not being able to control things. I cannot get the chemo drugs here any faster. I cannot make her respond to the meds. I cannot take this away from her and make it OK. Not having control and not being able to get her well is such an awful feeling. She trusts us to take care of her and make it OK and we can't do that. I am holding onto the hope that the chemo drugs can help her. Praying so hard. And praying she won't suffer and will be happy to be home and not hide in the closet. Praying she has some quality of life left still.

Thank you so much for reading and listening and supporting and praying and I am sending each and everyone of you a big hug from me, from Greg and from our dear little girl Francesca.

And again I apologize for not responding individually. I promise when I have more energy I will. I am living on adrenaline right now and wish we could tele transport Francesca home to us instead of the long car ride she has ahead of her.

Leaving you with a few photos of our visit with her yesterday. Look at our sweet angel baby. She is so precious.






Do you see the Frankie appliqué on Greg's jean jacket?

One more pic.

 

[Gussie]

I'm so sorry @missy. Sending prayers and hugs.

 

[junebug17]

Sending love and comfort @missy xoxox

 

[Luvallgems]

Thank you @Luvallgems. We are heartbroken. Just found out it is very likely duodenal cancer. Prognosis poor.
She is our baby and just turned 10 years old.

Doodle prayers added along with Doodle Momma’s
Can’t imagine the stress of seeing an angel baby so ill

 

[springerspaniel]

Missy- I am so sorry to hear about Fran. I know you have given her much love and a wonderful life.

 

[Diamond_Hawk]

So sorry to hear. Prayers for you and your baby.

 

[missy]

Thanks guys. We brought Francesca home yesterday and we have been with her by her side since. She has been alternately purring very loudly and meowing very loudly. Not sure why she is meowing crying so much as that is not her MO so yes I am worried but she is also purring so I am hoping she is just recovering from her traumatic stay at the animal hospital.

She woke us at 2 AM and we couldn't quiet her/calm her so I have been awake with her since 2AM. Siting in the living room having coffee while she is by my side. She did eat a bit and seems to graze every few hours so that is good but she has not pooped since Friday. The food last seen in her stomach at the hospital and has not entered the small intestine yet (where the mass is partially blocking the lumen) so that is concerning. We are hoping the chemo drugs will shrink the mass allowing food to pass more easily.

We are giving her 2 chemo drugs, Vitamin B12 injections, an appetite stimulant, and antibiotics because her lymphoma is infected. Which was what alerted us to the fact something was wrong. Because of the infection she wasn't feeling well and had a fever and we then discovered the mass and the aspirate showed it was lymphoma and inoperable.

If this double chemo doesn't work there is another treatment (I forget the term for it maybe CHOP) that involves bringing her to the oncologist at an animal hospital for IV infusions of chemo drugs. It's more aggressive and also more traumatizing to the animal. My sister feels the first method that involves giving her the chemo drugs the way we are doing it is what we should try first. She said we should know within a week or 2 if it is helping. If not we can go to the second option at the animal hospital where oncologists practice and can administer the chemo infusions. But it will make her feel very sick so we don't want to go that route first.

I will add that if she begins suffering and we cannot relieve her suffering we will not take extraordinary measures to keep her alive no matter what. Neither Greg nor I believe that life must be saved at all costs. No. Rather it is quality of life that we are trying to preserve. If we cannot do that for Francesca we will give her peace. I of course feel sick thinking about it as she is not only our sweet baby and a sweetheart but way too young to be facing death but it is a fact that what she has is lethal. What we are trying to do by treating is give her some quality time left in her too short life. She deserves a chance. But if she begins to suffer and we cannot relieve that suffering we will give her peace.

We are so happy to have her home but anxious that we aren't equipped to help her the way she needs to be helped. But no question it's the right decision having her here with us. She is purring up a storm despite her meowing and we will gladly take any time with her where she is happy and is not suffering. Not sure about why she is meowing so much and that does concern me but she has been home less than a day so we will see how that goes.

Thank you everyone for all your well wishes for our sweet girl Francesca. Aka Frankie.

Picking her up yesterday...man was she ready to come home. She was meowing don't you leave me here again today.



Sitting on my chair (her favorite) in the den.


Sitting on me as I read in the den.







Looking out the window just happy to be home


Eating a bit every few hours. We have to work at making sure she eats. She has lost 2 lbs and she was very light to begin with so she cannot afford the weight loss. I realize this might be very challenging if she isn't feeling well to get her to eat. Just happy she is eating something. We are giving her an appetite stimulant to help.



Hanging out on the couch with us or rather behind us to catch the sun.


She is a sun ho.



That's the update folks. Francesca meows a big thank you to all of you lovely PSers. And sends you furry hugs.

 

[stracci2000]

@missy, I'm glad she is home with you. This is where she is comfortable, and where you can spend quality time with her. (((hugs))))

 

[elizat]

@missy I'm so sorry for you and your husband. I am glad she is home with you all though. That's the most comfortable place for her.

 

[JPie]

I'm glad she's home with you. Here's hoping she responds to the drugs!

 

[missy]

Thank you @stracci2000 @elizat @JPie !

Just gave her one of her chemo drugs that arrived a little while ago and gave her the antibiotics this morning. So far so good fingers crossed she responds well

Here’s a little video of her “nursing” her daddy. She’s so happy to be home.

 

[missy]

I wrote a poem this morning. It’s raw and I’m not editing it because that’s how we’re feeling.


As I hold my darling little girl
I know that soon it's the end of our world
Francesca our baby and sweet little dear
She is leaving us soon and will not be here

No more love from our girl
no more meowy purrs
no more cuddling at night
No more hugging you near
It was all so right
Now it’s a waking nightmare

When she is gone
Our world will be forlorn
only gray skies will remain
There will be no more sun

How is this happening
This world really stinks
taking our daughter
Our sassy sweet minx

It’s a nightmare come true
Unbelievable and cruel
How can this be
Not our dear sweet Frankie

She just turned 10 but 2 months ago
Now she has cancer and it won't let go
Lymphoma so unrelenting
Taking her very essence of being

My girl full of life, so loving, so adoring
Bringing us joy every single moment of her being
Now cancer is robbing us and stealing her away
We will never be happy another day

Sassy little frankie
The apple of our eye
Sweet like sugar
Now she will die

Her life way too short in length
Though quality we shared
and from that we will gain strength
Remembering her so dear

But our grief will be so strong
Until we are reunited once more
The pain will be always be there
Missing our francesca our sweet little dear

Before her time she is going away
sharing with us no more sunshiney days
That is what hurts and stings so bad
Losing her like this makes us so sad
It outweighs the anger and fills us with despair
Holding onto her tight while she is still here

Everywhere I go I see my dear little girl
The pain is so deep I can hardly breathe
The pain so strong for Greg and for me
But mainly the hurt is for our dear Frankie
like we’ve all been sucker punched
Huge understatement that it sucks

She deserved to be here longer with us
to pamper and adore her and cause quite the fuss
We love her so much words cannot express
How much we love francesca
our sweet little princess

Dear Frankie hang on please feel well as long as you can
We don't want to be selfish but we need you with us little ma'am
When the time is right we will know
And that is the time we will let you go

Until then let us love and comfort you
And when we can no more
we will end your suffering
For you we so much adore
We will give you eternal peace
from this life filled with strife
Though there was a time it was oh so all right
Being with you nothing compared
You sweet little baby our Francesca dear

Soon at Rainbow Bridge you will be
with all of our past beloved furry babies
All the little boys and you our sweet little lady

Billy and Butch and Buster too
and lots of cousins will be there to join you
Apache and Oscar,
Jessie and Harley
Simon and Gunther
and so many others
Zoe will be there as well
Junie's little girl
So sweet and beautiful
Life is so cruel

And I cannot forget
my dearest grandma
We too will be reunited
Oh how I miss her

One day Daddy and I will also be there
To join all of you, my sweet Frankie dear

And reunited we will be
once again forever happy

Life is cruel and often unkind
But we will be together
forever
another time

We love you sweet Francesca
our dearest little girl
We always have
you’re so much of our world

Please know in our hearts you will always be
Our sweetest sassy dearest little Frankie

 

[Matata]

She trusts us to take care of her and make it OK and we can't do that.

Hugs to you and Greg. Please absolve yourself of any guilt you feel about not being able to save her life. They recognize when we try to help them, ease their pain, provide them comfort but they do not approach death as we do. They don't fear it; they pass gracefully into it.

 

[MaisOuiMadame]

Sending another special STRENGTH extra fancy boatload full of comforting dust from FRANCE....

 

[missy]

Thank you @Matata and @kipari.

It's worse than we thought. My sister just had an in depth talk with her oncologist and the lymphoma is extremely aggressive and atypical and in the worst possible location in the proximal duodenum. It could break through and perforate the wall at any time. Of course just when we had a little hope it is taken away. As I write this Francesca is sitting in my lap like an angel. Tolerating my clickety clackety typing. A sweeter soul does not exist.

We have decisions to make and above all else I do not want my little girl to suffer. I also do not want to end her life while she still has quality life left. My sister and the oncologist think the CHOP protocol is her only chance and even that is a very poor prognosis. Do we put her through that (IV chemo once a week for 2 hours at a time at a Veterinary oncology hospital) knowing her chances at gaining an quality time is slim? Knowing she might (likely) experience not so good side effects like vomiting and diarrhea and nausea? Knowing in the end it might not buy her any quality time at all. But we do not have that crystal ball we so badly need. My sister said yes she would do it (she is very aggressive when it comes to saving her furbabies) but she also said there is no good choice. They all suck.

Thanks for letting me share. I cannot believe there are tears left in me but there are. That is one thing there is no shortage of.

 

[Bonfire]

Oh I’m so sorry about her prognosis. These are not easy decisions. Wishing you strength and dust for the journey ahead.

 

[MaisOuiMadame]

Oh no, I'm so sorry. More (((hugs)))

 

[caf]

Missy - so sorry to hear this. Such a sweet girl.
Hugs!

 

[junebug17]

@missy, I am so very sorry you're facing this awful decision...having faced it myself a few weeks ago I know all too well how terribly painful it is. Sending you and Greg lots of support and I know that your love for Francesca and what is best for her will guide you through this. Xoxoxox

 

[caf]

@missy does she like baby food?

 

[missy]

@missy does she like baby food?

Hi caf, so far knock wood she is eating her cat food. She refused salmon, tuna etc. She only will eat her cat food. LOL Long may that continue. Fingers crossed. She eats a bite or 2 every couple of hours. I will take that! We used to feed baby food to Billy when he refused all other food when he was very ill. He had kidney and heart disease from a decade of Insulin dependent diabetes. And we managed to get him to eat baby food. I have a feeling our princess will prove more challenging if she decides she isn't eating but we have an appetite stimulant we can use if necessary and we will try all the possible foods. Including baby food. Thank you for your suggestion!

 

[missy]

@missy, I am so very sorry you're facing this awful decision...having faced it myself a few weeks ago I know all too well how terribly painful it is. Sending you and Greg lots of support and I know that your love for Francesca and what is best for her will guide you through this. Xoxoxox

Thank you sweet Junie. You know how sorry I am for your loss and I know how much you loved (and still do) Zoe and how much you miss her. It sucks. Big time. I am so very sorry sweetheart.

 

[junebug17]

Thank you @missy! So glad Francesca is eating and you are all together and enjoying each other, sending all my love.

 

[Runningmama]

Missy - I am SO sorry for what you and your DH are going through. I completely relate and it is one of the most heartbreaking things I’ve ever experienced and what I put my cat through trying to give him quality of life still haunts me to this day. My cat also had lymphoma. We could not stop. He had a miserable life and we so badly wanted to give him the golden years he deserved (he was an abandoned shelter cat who was sick from the moment we brought him home). We spent $27,000 trying to keep him alive. Experimental treatments, you name it. He was down from 15 lbs to 5 lbs and we brought him to the emergency animal hospital as a last ditch effort crying and begging for a feeding tube so we could get nutrition into him. The vet sat on the floor with us as we sobbed, and with tears in her eyes she told us we would only be doing this for us. Our furbaby was emaciated and there was no coming back from it. His time was coming. We tried SO hard, Missy. And he died anyway. But he died in our arms in our home with his regular beloved vet next to him. He came to
our home to euthanize our kitty, a service they don’t offer, because they loved him as much as we did and knew how hard we tried to save his life.
I would never put another animal through what we put him through. I tell you this not to make you feel bad but to commiserate and know someone else understands the monumental pain you feel and to offer you perspective I wish we had.
Love your kitty. Make these days count. Don’t put her through RCHOP. It’s brutal on a senior cat and her last days or months will be filled with suffering and tons of medication and no quality of life. It’s not a cure and barely palliative as this stage. Give her the best borrowed time you possibly can. I’m sorry if this is forward but it’s advice I wish someone had given us. I so wish I had put my cat to sleep with some dignity before he became a shell of an animal. It’s so hard to see when you’re in the moment, especially when they are your world. Cancer sucks. It’s so unfair. I’m so sorry for what you’re going through and I’m here if you need to talk or vent.

 

[missy]

Missy - I am SO sorry for what you and your DH are going through. I completely relate and it is one of the most heartbreaking things I’ve ever experienced and what I put my cat through trying to give him quality of life still haunts me to this day. My cat also had lymphoma. We could not stop. He had a miserable life and we so badly wanted to give him the golden years he deserved (he was an abandoned shelter cat who was sick from the moment we brought him home). We spent $27,000 trying to keep him alive. Experimental treatments, you name it. He was down from 15 lbs to 5 lbs and we brought him to the emergency animal hospital as a last ditch effort crying and begging for a feeding tube so we could get nutrition into him. The vet sat on the floor with us as we sobbed, and with tears in her eyes she told us we would only be doing this for us. Our furbaby was emaciated and there was no coming back from it. His time was coming. We tried SO hard, Missy. And he died anyway. But he died in our arms in our home with his regular beloved vet next to him. He came to
our home to euthanize our kitty, a service they don’t offer, because they loved him as much as we did and knew how hard we tried to save his life.
I would never put another animal through what we put him through. I tell you this not to make you feel bad but to commiserate and know someone else understands the monumental pain you feel and to offer you perspective I wish we had.
Love your kitty. Make these days count. Don’t put her through RCHOP. It’s brutal on a senior cat and her last days or months will be filled with suffering and tons of medication and no quality of life. It’s not a cure and barely palliative as this stage. Give her the best borrowed time you possibly can. I’m sorry if this is forward but it’s advice I wish someone had given us. I so wish I had put my cat to sleep with some dignity before he became a shell of an animal. It’s so hard to see when you’re in the moment, especially when they are your world. Cancer sucks. It’s so unfair. I’m so sorry for what you’re going through and I’m here if you need to talk or vent.

@Runningmama, I am so so sorry for what your kitty and for what you guys went through and for the pain and heartache you still feel. What a horror, what a nightmare. My heart goes out to you and I am so sorry you lost your dear sweet kitty. It is unfair and life does stink. There are no words that can comfort us when we experience such a great loss. They are our dear beloved family.

I agree completely. We do not want to go to far. We do not plan on being selfish. Yes we want to save her because we love and cherish and adore her. But we also want to give her more time because she did not get enough time. I feel heart sick because of that fact- that she did not get enough time on this earth and less because we will miss her. But yes we will miss her so freaking much.

We will stop before her suffering starts or as soon as we realize it is time. My sister is guiding me the whole way and sadly we have been down this road before. Too many times. When one loves a furbaby one knows one most likely will outlive them. They live for far too short a time and often die before their time. It's a terrible tragic fact for many of our furbabies. And the price of love is the grief we feel when they are gone. A steep price but when I think about it calmly and rationally I realize it is the price I am willing to pay because a life without our dear beloved furbabies isn't worth living for me.

Right now, knock wood, Francesca is eating and purring and cuddling with us and meows when she wants more attention which lol I cannot even believe because we are showering her with so much attention. And yes I am terrified about today. Because she is doing so much better than last weekend and the first 3 days of this past week. Are we opening up a huge can of worms here doing CHOP? The oncologist said the Chlorambucil/Vetalog combo we have her on won't touch her high grade lymphoma. She said CHOP is her only hope. It might do nothing. It might help. We will know within a few treatments.

If she reacts badly today we will not do any more treatments with CHOP. Greg and I (and my sister because she knows how we feel) are on the same page. We will not attempt heroics. We are just trying to extend a bit of her quality of life. She is so young. But suffering is not going to be acceptable. This past week I have called around for veterinarians who make euthanasia house calls as that is what I want to give Francesca. So far there is no one who comes to this area. This is something I am struggling with because I don't want to drive her somewhere she doesn't know to be euthanized. My sister cannot drive this far by herself. She offered that we can come to her home anytime, middle of night even if we need to have Francesca euthanized immediately. The issue is she is hours away from where we live. I feel sick about it all. This story won't have a happy ending but we are going to do everything we can to give her peace as soon as we realize suffering is about to being. I completely believe the mantra "Better a day too early than a minute too late" So I guess the happy ending will be she is free from suffering and at peace. Not the kind of happy ending we would want but the happy ending we can control and will make come true. We cannot save her but we will save her from suffering while trying to give her some quality time left. And if we cannot give her any quality of life time left we will give her peace sooner.

Right now Francesca is laying here in bed with us purring. She ate so well this morning at 5 AM and also at 3 AM and 4 AM. Konahara. LOL yes we are doing whatever she wants whenever she wants. There will be time for sleeping when she is gone.

Thank you for taking the time and energy and reliving what you went through to reach out to me to help me realize the best course of action even if that is inaction in terms of treatment and just to give her comfort and love while she is still here. I so appreciate that. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

I am so sorry for what you all went through and all I can say is please don't let it haunt you. You were an excellent furbaby momma. You did everything you could. You did what you did from a place of love and from wanting to give your baby a little more quality life. Don't beat yourself up about it. You did the best you could. You would do differently next time and please don't torture yourself. Your baby is at peace now. I am so sorry.

{{{Hugs}}}.

 

[missy]

HRH last night as the sun was leaving the horizon. She ran to get the little bit of sun that was coming through. She loves laying in the sun. She is such a sun ho.

 

[missy]

Francesca got IV Elspar yesterday and Tuesday we are seeing an oncologist for a consult. I have spoken with 4 different veterinarians and one oncologist and the only possibility for any extra quality time for Francesca is CHOP. It may do nothing or it may give her some quality months left. Which is significant for a 10 year old kitty as long as the treatments don't cause her bad side effects. And CHOP is harsh so it very well may. Diarrhea, vomiting and destruction of her blood cells among other side effects. We are not making any decisions til we see the oncologist Tuesday. The Elspar was worth giving her yesterday due to it being such an effective drug in certain individuals and having a minimum of side effects.

Our sweet girl tolerated the 3 hour drive each way very well. Elspar however does not generally cause any bad side effects so driving 3 hours each way with her was fine. But if we are going to start CHOP we must find a closer hospital and oncologist to administer it as it will be too much for Francesca to endure the chemo and a long drive on top of that. Plus she tends to get car sick under the best of circumstances so hoping the oncologist Tuesday is excellent and that the 45 minute drive to him is tolerable for Francesca. CHOP is weekly for 6 months and then less frequently after that I believe. But it is doubtful she would even get 6 months given her very poor diagnosis due to the dangerous location of the mass and the type of Lymphoma she has.

Thanks for keeping Francesca in your thoughts and prayers and for your continued good wishes. We truly appreciate it.

 

[junebug17]

Beautiful pics @missy Francesca is a sweetie, glad she is comfy at home with you and Greg. Give her an extra cuddle from me. Sending lots of hugs and love.

 

[SandyinAnaheim]

@missy I think you're doing all the right things, and your feelings come across the page VERY effectively. It makes me so happy to see so many others that love their furbabies as much as I do. I've been thinking of Francesky all week long and am so glad she's eating!! I was going to suggest some high value food treats as @caf suggested get her to gain a little weight, as she'll probably need it with the new treatment....

I completely agree with everything @Runningmama said and it's heartbreaking to think we have to learn these lessons with our beloved babies.