Frustrated and still waiting...

[LaraOnline]

Getting engaged, or even getting married, is nowhere near as expensive as buying a house...
Just don''t get the expectation, Aussie guys do it ALL the time.
Tell him to buy the fancy ring after you get the house. *shrugs*

I actually bought a place with a guy!!

He didn''t want to get married!! I felt very taken advantage of!

 

[NewEnglandLady]

Date: 4/8/2009 3:18:45 PM
Author: brilliant fire
He is the one buying the house. I will not mix finances until I hear those 4 words and we are on our way to having a life together.

NEL: I have met his coworkers and their wives and they all have reasonable rings. It is the younger people he works with (they are not actuaries, just in the insurance business) that are filling his mind with this nonsense. His best friend is getting married next month and his fiance is sporting a $20K ring, too much for us but he feels as though he has to measure up to that. I tell him no and that far less will do.

He is very traditional and the thought of presenting me with a large stone is ''what is right.''

If he''s going to start keeping up with the Jones''s now, then you guys are going to have a very long life of financial stress

He can''t have his cake and eat it, too. He can''t claim that he''s traditional and wants to present you with what he considers a "proper" e-ring, then in the next breath tell you that he wants to buy a house first and have you move in with him. If he really wants to be traditional, then he can propose, get married and you can buy a house together. If he doesn''t want to be traditional then he needs to stop using "tradition" as a reason to postpone the engagement.

 

[brilliant fire]

I know that his whole reason to buy a house first is so that we know what the cost of a home is so that it is not a surprise later. He wants us to be set up (financially) before taking the plunge. I will not even think about moving in until a proposal and he knows that. He thinks that is a good idea because it is something I feel is necessary for myself.

Other than that, he has NO IDEA of how much a wedding costs although he knows they can be expensive in Chicago. I''m not sure he realizes how much his mom is already being a MIL-zilla although we are no where near a wedding yet but that''s another story for another day.

 

[chocolatefudge]

Hi Brilliant Fire,

I am in a very similiar situation to yourself, have been with my boyriend for almost 8 years and disucssing engagement for a while. He also wanted us to get a house while I wanted to be engaged first. Anyway, with things the way that they are we managed to get a great house for a much lower price than expected. I still wanted to be engaged first but got caught up in all the excitement of buying the house (and to be fair, at the time I did not kick up a fuss and was happy to get the house).

We''ve lived here for 6 months and still no engagement. If anything I feel further away from it because owning the house is sooooo expenisve my boyfriend is finding it very difficult to save.

This is causing deeper problems for us as I am beginning to feel bitter and resentful that he didn''t ask me before the house when he COULD have afforded a ring (like you I am not intrerested in a very expensive one). I keep hoping and hoping that he will ask but the day never comes. Like you, I was given a timeline which was the end of 2008, however he then said this could no longer happen because we got the house.

I often get upset because I feel if he wanted to marry me then a house/ big ring etc would not be an issue he would just propose any way that he could.

I don''t know if any of this has helped you but I just want to say that I understand how you feel. Make sure you talk to him! Let him know exactly how you feel and ask why the big ring is so important. Hope you manage to work things out. ((((Hugs)))

 

[brilliant fire]

Date: 4/9/2009 11:07:09 AM
Author: chocolatefudge
Hi Brilliant Fire,


I am in a very similiar situation to yourself, have been with my boyriend for almost 8 years and disucssing engagement for a while. He also wanted us to get a house while I wanted to be engaged first. Anyway, with things the way that they are we managed to get a great house for a much lower price than expected. I still wanted to be engaged first but got caught up in all the excitement of buying the house (and to be fair, at the time I did not kick up a fuss and was happy to get the house).


We''ve lived here for 6 months and still no engagement. If anything I feel further away from it because owning the house is sooooo expenisve my boyfriend is finding it very difficult to save.


This is causing deeper problems for us as I am beginning to feel bitter and resentful that he didn''t ask me before the house when he COULD have afforded a ring (like you I am not intrerested in a very expensive one). I keep hoping and hoping that he will ask but the day never comes. Like you, I was given a timeline which was the end of 2008, however he then said this could no longer happen because we got the house.


I often get upset because I feel if he wanted to marry me then a house/ big ring etc would not be an issue he would just propose any way that he could.


I don''t know if any of this has helped you but I just want to say that I understand how you feel. Make sure you talk to him! Let him know exactly how you feel and ask why the big ring is so important. Hope you manage to work things out. ((((Hugs)))

Thank you for sharing what you have been going through. I hope it all works out for the both of us. (((Hugs)))