Forgot to Call

[lulu]

Starset, is this the same boyfriend you had the deadline issue with? If so, how did you resolve it?

 

[Erin]

Resolve it? Well, uhm, we ahhh, agreed that we are going to be married with child with no timeline for action.
He is supposed to be committing to a timeline by the end of the summer.

 

[Mara]

"What he wanted to hear me say, (and I did come up with this on my own

) was that if I were to go on a girls weekend boat trip next weekend, it wouldn't happen again. I would make time to make that phone call or text, and I wouldn't get on the boys boat. He is looking at me as a future wife and that's not the sort of things ladies do."

____

This makes me feel almost like a child reporting into a parent. Did you make a bad decision? Maybe, I don't think I would have gotten on the boat, and I do agree you should have texted or called, but water under the bridge. People make mistakes.

That last line though, he is looking at you like a future wife and what....having some fun is not acceptable for 'ladies'??? Please...! I know lots of ladies, who are also married, who go and have girls nights out all the time. I know it's not quite the same example, but I hope there seems a diff?

Given that his timeline is end of the summer to decide (why is it just his timeline?)... do you feel like you have to be on best behavior to prove you will be a good wife option?

If I am way off base then nevermind.

 

[crown1]

Date: 8/12/2009 8:26:37 AM
Author: Starset Princess

Date: 8/12/2009 2:03:17 AM

Author: whitby_2773

starset -

had his cell phone right with him and couldnt take time out from doing shots with a random bunch of women to call me to say good night, i''d be p*ssed big time. especially if we had an established arrangement that we always call to say good night.

Thanks for all these replies!!!


We talked for a long time last night and we are cool. He is not controlling, he was just like whitby said, Hurt. What he needed to hear from me was that it was a bad choice to go on the boat with only one other girl in an alcohol environment at 10pm with guys I had never met before. This doesn''t mean he thinks I would cheat, it means I put myself in a bad situation. He''s disappointed I didn''t use better judgment to not get on the boat. My friend is married with a 1 year old and their marriage is going through a big transition. BF reminds me that maybe this is the kind of situation people get themselves into where they do stupid things. I have to agree. My friend didn''t do anything, but she liked the attention.


He also said, if you wouldn''t have just texted Good Night I wouldn''t wake up at 5:30am to use the bathroom and still see NOTHING on my phone. He said that''s when he started to really get worried. I totally agreed.


What he wanted to hear me say, (and I did come up with this on my own

) was that if I were to go on a girls weekend boat trip next weekend, it wouldn''t happen again. I would make time to make that phone call or text, and I wouldn''t get on the boys boat. He is looking at me as a future wife and that''s not the sort of things ladies do.


Thank you all for your support. I appreciate your responses

i don''t even know you personally and i would be worried given this disclosure. getting on a boat with strange men at 10pm is not the best move for two women. add the alcohol and the water, asking for trouble. only you know if he is out of line to be concerned for your safety. you put yourself in some danger. lucky for all nothing happened.

 

[NYCsparkle]

i agree with mara....girls weekends are fun and so what if you made a poor judgement by getting on the boat with the guys...your friends knew them and it happens...life is about living...your bf should be more understanding of your girls weekend...its not like you hid the fact that these guys were there and you hung out...you did call the next day...


i feel that girls who report to their bf''s wind up not spending as much time with their friends down the line because of what their bf might say or how he might react...you are an adult and shouldn''t have to defend hanging out with your friends or what judgements you made when hanging out with them--thats what parents are for in your teenage years

especially since you did nothing to be "unladylike".

 

[Erin]

BF is much more conservative than I. I think the best way to learn and grow with each other is to compromise. We both agree that having ''me'' time is very important. Girls Weekend and Guys Weekend are definitely encouraged. He goes to Mesquite to golf, I go dining and dancing with my girlfriends, he goes to Vegas, and I go to Vail. And we do lots of things together. But maybe my carefree, naive ''nothins gonna happen to me,'' do what I want, just trust me attitude has to consider his feelings. And likewise, he has learned not to get anxious when I do things his mother or sister or conservative ex-wife would have never done.

I think the best part is through this experience we are acknowledging that we are not alike, and yet willing to accept each other for who we are while agreeing to compromise. It''s a little confusing sometimes dating someone who is so different from me, however sometimes the whole is greater than the sum of its parts.

 

[iwannaprettyone]

Uuhhhh Ohhhhh....

Ok, if you said you would call and didn''t = pi$$ed

If he wasn''t expecting a call from you he needs to get over it.


Question, how many missed calls did you have from him or texts seeing if you were dead in a ditch?? Sounds to me that he just wants something to hold over you.

 

[Mara]

SP...my hub and I are very diff and he is a lot more conservative than I am (even though I am pretty conservative in general)....different upbringing and backgrounds. Honestly while sometimes it can cause some frustrations, overall it''s pretty fun. I like having someone so diff around me, it keeps things interesting.

BUT that said, def just be aware of it, because if he has a conservative family and an ex-wife, be sure you aren''t having to conform to something you don''t want to be (forever) and/or are being compared to something from the past. Good luck!!

 

[purrfectpear]

This was about more than a missed phone call.

Allow me to play the role of BF.

You said: Girls weekend - no guys
Reality: Guys invited that the girls knew from before

You said: OK, there''s guys, but we won''t tie up or party with them.
Reality: You not only partied, you got so drunk you couldn''t drive a jet ski, and you got on the guys boat to do "shots".

You said: I''ll catch you later tonight.
Reality: You didn''t make contact for another 12 hours.

You said: It''s not that I forgot you.
Reality: You didn''t want to call when there would be "guys voices in the background". If it''s all so innocent what are you hiding?

Yeah, there''s trust and maturity issues there. He sounds a like a "Me man, you little girl" guy, and you sound like you want to be a wife/mother/party girl all at the same time.

This isn''t a match made in heaven but you''ll need to realize that on your own.