Forgot to Call

[Erin]

Where to begin.

I got invited on a boat trip with nine other women. I kept insisting it was girls weekend. Just food, alcohol, sun and relaxation. Then I find out that some of the girls who went last year met these guys who also rented a house boat, and they are coming this same weekend. I assured BF we wouldn't tie up together or anything because it was a girls weekend.

So Friday morning we shove off and the last text between BF and I was 6:00pm. I had to run a jet ski across the lake to drop someone off and I got back around 8. Alcohol starts flowing, a couple guys swim over to our boat, it gets to be about 10 and I agree to jet ski them back to their boat. My girlfriend also jumps on the jet ski to drive them 100 yards. We pull up next to their boat and they ask us to come aboard. She hops off, so I tie the jet ski up. We do shots, drink beer, two more of our girls come onto their boat, hang out, tell stories. Next thing it's 1:30am and we need to get back. They don't want us driving the jet ski so they row us back on their dingy. My cell phone is still on the jet ski tied to their boat. So I go to bed.

Next morning I borrow my friend's phone to text BF that I'm alive. He's pi$$ed. I stay away from the boys the rest of the weekend.

BF and I always either text or call each other goodnight. I failed to do this because I was too busy having fun on a boat full of guys drinking alcohol. Yes, I'm a jerk. Yes, I made bad decisions. No, I was not interested in any of the guys. No, I did not do anything stupid.

His feelings are so hurt that I 'forgot' to call. Forgot is not the right word, but I didn't choose to not call either. He wants an explanation for how I could just forget about him for an entire night. I can see from his point of view how it would hurt to feel forgotten about. And even more so considering the circumstances surrounding why I was unavailable to call.

I don't know what to say to him to make it better. He is not the type to just forgive and forget. He needs reasons, answers, explanations. Almost like the type of person who is hoping I'll say something but needs me to come up with it on my own without being prompted by questions. Any advice?

 

[Haven]

I think the explanation you wrote here is just fine. It''s the truth, and I don''t see any harm in it. What more does he want you to say? Does he want you to make something up? I don''t really understand what else you could say.

When DH is on vacation or a trip with the guys I don''t expect him to call me when they''re out on the town, and vice versa.

I guess I don''t understand what he expects you to do. This is such a minor thing (in my opinion) that I think it''s a bit strange that he''s making such a big deal out of it.

Sorry you''re dealing with this. I guess it''s kind of sweet that he wanted that phone call so badly.

 

[Erin]

Thanks for the reply Haven. I think that''s it. His expectation is that I would call. And I guess before I got wrapped up in party mode, my expectation would be that I would call him, too. I just.... didn''t.

I know I thought to myself, I should call him, but I''m just going to drop the guys off at their boat and circle back, only that didn''t happen. Then I thought about getting my phone out of the jet ski to call, but I thought we''d surely be leaving soon anyway so I''ll wait and do it when there aren''t a bunch of men''s voices in the background, but we didn''t. It wasn''t "forgot" it was just "didn''t." I think that''s what he wants an explanation on. How could you forget about me for an entire night?

 

[Indylady]

Oh dear...its very hard to un-hurt someone''s feelings, but I have to say think I don''t really its huge to forget to text or call SO, but I understand feeling bad cause you were having fun while SO worried about you.


Good luck! I suggest a sincere apology; what more can you do? If he tries to rehash or continue asking the why you ''chose'' not to call, then well..boo. Perhaps remind him not to get caught up in life''s little problems? Because honestly, if it were you, angry at SO, and this whole post were in reverse, this is what I''d say...

"Starset...it sounds like you''ve got a great SO that loves you, but ended up in a situation where he didn''t have his phone and didn''t realize how much you''d worry or be upset that you didn''t tell him goodnight. Now that he realizes this, I doubt it will happen again, and I really wouldn''t worry about it too much!"

 

[LilyKat]

Frankly, I think it''s good for him to realise he''s not the centre of your entire universe, all the time.

You have a life. That means sometimes you''ll be too busy to call him or text him - maybe because you''re working hard, or tied up with something else, or just plain having fun. That''s ok. As long as you''re not making a habit of forgetting him, and you''re behaving appropriately (which you were - you were on holiday and enjoying yourself with nothing untoward going on), he needs to deal with it.

Explain it to him honestly as you did for us here. Then let him get over it. You didn''t do anything wrong other than be forgetful.

 

[mrscushion]

Oy. I''m sorry. I think you''ll be okay.

I could see my FI reacting similarly, wanting an explanation, not being satisfied without talking it out for a long time and getting to the right answers.

The explanation, "At each point I decided it wasn''t the best time to call and that I would call later, only to then, at the very end, under the influence of alcohol, forget my phone on the boat" is a fair & accurate explanation.

You kept thinking of your SO at numerous points, so it''s not at all like you forgot about him.

I suppose you could say that next time, you''ll just call him at a reasonable opportunity even if it''s not the best time to do so, just to make sure that you check in.

 

[iheartscience]

Date: 8/11/2009 5:49:56 PM
Author: LilyKat
Frankly, I think it''s good for him to realise he''s not the centre of your entire universe, all the time.

You have a life. That means sometimes you''ll be too busy to call him or text him - maybe because you''re working hard, or tied up with something else, or just plain having fun. That''s ok. As long as you''re not making a habit of forgetting him, and you''re behaving appropriately (which you were - you were on holiday and enjoying yourself with nothing untoward going on), he needs to deal with it.

Explain it to him honestly as you did for us here. Then let him get over it. You didn''t do anything wrong other than be forgetful.

Ditto every word! Your boyfriend needs to get over it. You were on a girls weekend having fun and didn''t get a chance to call him...what''s the big deal? Not letting it go and demanding some sort of magical explanation that will make it all okay is ridiculous.

My husband and I have both done the same thing. When you''re away having fun it''s hard to remember to call someone, when of course the someone sitting home isn''t doing anything super fun and exciting, so they''re likely waiting for a call. That''s just the way it goes!

 

[Sabine]

I might feel differently if I were still dating, but if my husband did this, I would definitely be upset with him. You said yourself that before you started partying, you would not have imagined not calling him. Drinking leads to impaired judgement, and you let your judgement become impaired enough to not do something you would have otherwise done. Not the worst thing in the world, but I can see why it would make your boyfriend nervous about what could have happened.

If I were him, I would want reassurance that when you are away from him, you wouldn''t let yourself get so impaired that you make decisions you might not stand behind 100% in the morning.

I may get totally flamed for this, but dh and I are big believers that a LOT of bad decisions are made when alcohol is involved, so we actually promise each other that if we are out without each other, we won''t drink enough to get to the point where we are so drunk that we lose sight of what we are doing. It''s one thing for us to get smashed if we are out together, or for one of us to if the other is there is well (and it all depends on the situation), but if we are out alone in the kind of situation that could potentially lead to cheating, we make sure to stay sober enough to know what we are doing.

 

[Moh 10]

I wonder if you resent not being trusted and you ''forgot'' to call to push this subject towards a resolution.

 

[Mara]

you were off on a girl's weekend and he has to know you don't have your cell phone attached at your hip the entire time. you are out having fun and he should respect that time with your friends.

my husband goes out on guy ski trips for 3 days every year with his friends to other states. i know that cell phone coverage is spotty and that he will call me when i can. sometimes i will call him and leave a message. but there might be a full 24 hours i don't hear from him. do i worry, maybe a little because he's out skiing so he could be face first in a tree or something, and with a bunch of guys they aren't exactly nurturing. but he always calls me and he is always apologetic if it couldn't be sooner. that's enough for me.

but we have been together for 9 years. if it was a 'fresh' relationship and maybe things were still a little green for us and we were still feeling each other out and maybe not totally in-sync...it might be a different reaction.

in this case i would just be honest. look i was out with the girls, this and this and this happened. my cell phone was on the boat. i was exhausted and drunk, so i went to sleep. is it really a federal offense? and if he seriously has an issue with that, you might want to have a talk. because stuff happens, life happens...and it might not be the only time this happens. is he going to demand a huge explanation and profuse apologies every time you do something he doesn't expect? life together is about compromise in my opinion and you also can't hold grudges against someone you love...it just festers and gets negative.

i had an ex who was kind of high maintenance like that and also jealous and it was draining...my husband's self-confidence and kind of 'independent' attitude is one of the things that drew me to him in the first place.

 

[Kaleigh]

I think the problem is more HIS than your's. You were off on a girls weekend, that's time for you to get away and chill with your girlfriends. Nice to call and check in when you can, but if you can't?? That shouldn't be a huge deal. I think he's got trust issues, and that's a whole other ball of wax...

 

[Moh 10]

I agree.
He has a problem.

BUT, don''t agree to call him every night unless you want to hold yourself to that.

So often we say what others want to hear.

 

[Allison D.]

Date: 8/11/2009 7:54:00 PM
Author: Mara

in this case i would just be honest. look i was out with the girls, this and this and this happened. my cell phone was on the boat. i was exhausted and drunk, so i went to sleep. is it really a federal offense? and if he seriously has an issue with that, you might want to have a talk. because stuff happens, life happens...and it might not be the only time this happens. is he going to demand a huge explanation and profuse apologies every time you do something he doesn''t expect? life together is about compromise in my opinion and you also can''t hold grudges against someone you love...it just festers and gets negative.

Big ditto to Mara''s entire post, but especially this paragraph.

He knows you''re away on a girls'' weekend, and it should be about having fun and enjoying the company you''re with. You planned to call him, you were waiting for a more opportune moment, and it didn''t come that evening. He''s a grown man; this shouldn''t be a huge thing.

This stuff happens, and it doesn''t mean you don''t care about him enough/forgot about him, etc. He should be happy you were having a great time on your weekend away.

 

[monarch64]

SP, I have done things like that before, thought I would call later, time gets away from you, before you know it it''s beddie-bye time and oops, didn''t make the requisite check-in phone call. Then you wake up feeling like a sh*thead because you screwed up, but you call and let them know you''re fine...shouldn''t be a "federal case," as Mara put it. If it''s a repeat offense then obviously there is a problem, but a one time screw-up is allowed, imo. Personally, I never make promises to call someone if I don''t intend to be a slave to my phone all night or whatever, but it is easy to assume that there will be base-touching before the actual drunken activities occur. I think your BF has a right to be peeved, but to hold a grudge about it is really unnecessary.

For the record, I was married to a giant control freak for 5 years...if I didn''t call at the exact time we had agreed upon it turned into a huge problem. He was a check-in type of person, very phone call-oriented, and I am just not. We never could compromise on the issue, and as everyone knows compromise is key in any relationship...that sort of thing in many aspects led to the demise of our marriage.

I hope you two can come to a place where you both understand where the other is coming from, and you''re able to work it out. I''ve read your posts before and it sounds like you have relatively good communication going on with him, so I think this too shall pass. It''s a pretty small issue in the grand scheme.

 

[lyra]

Man, back in the day we didn''t even have cell phones. Life was easier then.

I''m not one who would remember to even bring my cell phone with me on a vacation, so I guess I just wish you good luck with this. I''m sure things will work out.

 

[princesss]

I guess I just really don''t understand his POV on this. BF is away tonight and I''m positive I won''t hear from him. He''s having fun with his friends. I guess I don''t see what''s wrong with getting caught up in what you''re doing and having fun. Yeah, I get that it''s disappointing. But I fail to see the big deal.

Honestly, I''d just tell him that as much as you love him, you were having fun with your friends and while you fully intended to call, it slipped your mind. You''re sorry you upset him, but maybe you guys need to readjust your expectations about phone calls during vacation.

 

[VRBeauty]

You said you would call. You didn't call. Hopefully that's all he's upset about, and the question isn't one of a lack of trust or control issues on his part.

Buy him some flowers, take him out to dinner or a ball game or something... tell him you're sorry, give his ego a chance to recover, and discuss expectations for the future.

Good luck.

 

[swingirl]

Date: 8/11/2009 4:51:41 PM
Author:Starset Princess

His feelings are so hurt that I 'forgot' to call. Forgot is not the right word, but I didn't choose to not call either. He wants an explanation for how I could just forget about him for an entire night. I can see from his point of view how it would hurt to feel forgotten about. And even more so considering the circumstances surrounding why I was unavailable to call.

I don't know what to say to him to make it better. He is not the type to just forgive and forget. He needs reasons, answers, explanations. Almost like the type of person who is hoping I'll say something but needs me to come up with it on my own without being prompted by questions. Any advice?

The part about him "needing reasons, answers, explanations" is a little concerning IMO.

 

[Kaleigh]

Date: 8/11/2009 11:22:00 PM
Author: swingirl

Date: 8/11/2009 4:51:41 PM
Author:Starset Princess

His feelings are so hurt that I 'forgot' to call. Forgot is not the right word, but I didn't choose to not call either. He wants an explanation for how I could just forget about him for an entire night. I can see from his point of view how it would hurt to feel forgotten about. And even more so considering the circumstances surrounding why I was unavailable to call.

I don't know what to say to him to make it better. He is not the type to just forgive and forget. He needs reasons, answers, explanations. Almost like the type of person who is hoping I'll say something but needs me to come up with it on my own without being prompted by questions. Any advice?

The part about him 'needing reasons, answers, explanations' is a little concerning IMO.

+1, I'd really get this settled, if you don't?? You will be forever explaining why you were late getting home even if it was a quick run to the grocery store. I hope you have a long chat with him and let him know, you have your own life. You love him, but when you are are on your own, he has to trust you. Best of luck.

 

[Dannielle]

Date: 8/11/2009 7:30:05 PM
Author: Sabine
I might feel differently if I were still dating, but if my husband did this, I would definitely be upset with him. You said yourself that before you started partying, you would not have imagined not calling him. Drinking leads to impaired judgement, and you let your judgement become impaired enough to not do something you would have otherwise done. Not the worst thing in the world, but I can see why it would make your boyfriend nervous about what could have happened.

If I were him, I would want reassurance that when you are away from him, you wouldn''t let yourself get so impaired that you make decisions you might not stand behind 100% in the morning.

I may get totally flamed for this, but dh and I are big believers that a LOT of bad decisions are made when alcohol is involved, so we actually promise each other that if we are out without each other, we won''t drink enough to get to the point where we are so drunk that we lose sight of what we are doing. It''s one thing for us to get smashed if we are out together, or for one of us to if the other is there is well (and it all depends on the situation), but if we are out alone in the kind of situation that could potentially lead to cheating, we make sure to stay sober enough to know what we are doing.

I am with Sabine here.

I like to view things as if they were reversed.. How would I feel if FI went away with the boys, and said he would call me goodnight. I wait but I don''t get a call and he doesn''t answer his phone, he calls me in the morning saying he forgot because he was partying with a group of girls. I would be fuming

I have been in your situation before when I went to Schoolies (A week long party vacation after you finish highschool)- I know that sometimes when your having fun you just forget to call.. but when you are the one sitting at home waiting- well.. its a different story.

I hope you guys get everything sorted out, just be honest about what happened and things will be fine

 

[LGK]

How long have you guys been together? If it''s not that long- under a year- it''s possible he''ll chill over time and realize that he has nothing to be insecure about and you''re trustworthy and won''t cheat (which, IMO, is probably the root cause of the freakout). If it''s longer, I might be a little ticked if I were you. My husband and I are totally not worried about phone calls back and forth if one of us is out with friends; way less than most other couples. (We''ve been together... 13? years.) I do remember when his dad took him to Virginia for a week, when we had been together about three months- he was totally freaked out that I might not be faithful, and called me constantly. Now? Not remotely like that.

But then, there are other couples that never give up the phone-leash thing. Most of the friends my husband has, who''ve been married a while most of them, all have wives that would flip if they didn''t instantly answer the phone when they''re having a guys night out.

I dunno. I might have a chat with him about how he needs to take the insecurity down a few notches, if I were you, if he doesn''t let it go after you''ve apologized nicely. The major guilt trip over a missed phone call on a girls-weekend-out is kinda over the top. IMO. Especially if this is a relationship of longer standing. But, like I said, I do know a lot of couples that just expect that sort of thing, and I guess it works for them... it''s just very much not the way my relationship works, so I wouldn''t like it.

I know my husband''s friends think I''m insane for not calling/texting constantly (like their wives do) if he''s out and about with them until the wee hours. It''s just that I trust him, and I know he''s having a good time and will be back soon enough, so why would I worry and nag and call endlessly? In return the fact that I trust him implicitly makes him feel loved and appreciated. He''s mentioned many times, after watching the endless texting/calling his friends have to do with their wives, how good it makes him feel that I know him well enough to not behave that way. I also love that he doesn''t pester me when I go out and about with my girlfriends, too. Confidence is hot; being naggy and clingy isn''t. Hopefully he''ll tone it down over time!

The thing about him saying you "forgot" about him is just silly, and it sounds a bit like he''s being overly dramatic. You didn''t forget him; you just forgot to call him. Big difference!

 

[Lilac]

I can see it through both points of view. I think if DH had gone away and told me he would call but didn''t, I would get VERY upset - not because he was away and was having fun and didn''t call, but more because I would have stayed up all night REALLY worried if he promised he would call and then didn''t. I remember this happened once - DH was out all night and said he would be home by 2am. 2:00 comes and goes... I don''t hear from him. 3:00 comes. I don''t hear from him. He''s not usually the type to ever just not call to let me know he''s running late, so I start to get really really worried. In the end, he had just gotten wrapped up in what he was doing and forgot to call - I was upset because he had promised to call and therefore I got very worried for no reason. So I do see where your BF is coming from.

However, he needs to get over it. It is a little concerning that he needs reasons, explanations, etc and he doesn''t really forgive and forget without these. I''m not sure what he expects you to do at this point other than apologize for not calling/texting when you said you would (or when you usually do). Hopefully he will realize nothing can be done now about it and he will get over it.

 

[whitby_2773]

starset -

i guess my question is, since you had your cell phone with you, why you didnt think to call him during the evening - say, around 1030/11pm to say good night as you normally do. i can imagine him being hurt that you actually *had* your cell phone right with you but that you were having too good a time to call.

i dont really know how dating works these days, nor how serious you guys are. but if my husband (granted, different to boyfriend - fully acknowledge this but have to use the scenario i know) had his cell phone right with him and couldnt take time out from doing shots with a random bunch of women to call me to say good night, i''d be p*ssed big time. especially if we had an established arrangement that we always call to say good night.

if there was NO phone - ok. if it was a business meeting - ok. if there was no cell coverage - ok.

if it was doing shots with women i''d been assured wouldn''t be there? not ok.

just my take on it if it were me.

 

[AdiS]

Date: 8/12/2009 1:17:47 AM
Author: Lilac
I can see it through both points of view. I think if DH had gone away and told me he would call but didn''t, I would get VERY upset - not because he was away and was having fun and didn''t call, but more because I would have stayed up all night REALLY worried if he promised he would call and then didn''t. I remember this happened once - DH was out all night and said he would be home by 2am. 2:00 comes and goes... I don''t hear from him. 3:00 comes. I don''t hear from him. He''s not usually the type to ever just not call to let me know he''s running late, so I start to get really really worried. In the end, he had just gotten wrapped up in what he was doing and forgot to call - I was upset because he had promised to call and therefore I got very worried for no reason. So I do see where your BF is coming from.

However, he needs to get over it. It is a little concerning that he needs reasons, explanations, etc and he doesn''t really forgive and forget without these. I''m not sure what he expects you to do at this point other than apologize for not calling/texting when you said you would (or when you usually do). Hopefully he will realize nothing can be done now about it and he will get over it.

Ditto the entire post, Lilac!

DH and I also call each other to wish goodnight everytime we''re not together. I''d be really worried if he didn''t do it. And when I find out that he''s ok, I''d be relieved and then a little mad that he made me feel so worried, I guess.

On the other hand, if he said he just forgot/was too drunk to remember, nothing bad happened and he''s genuinely sorry he hurt my feelings, that''d be it. Reasons and explanations may be good for a trial court, but in a relationship sincerity and honesty are more than enough, IMO.

 

[gwendolyn]

Date: 8/11/2009 5:44:35 PM
Author: Starset Princess
Thanks for the reply Haven. I think that''s it. His expectation is that I would call. And I guess before I got wrapped up in party mode, my expectation would be that I would call him, too. I just.... didn''t.


I know I thought to myself, I should call him, but I''m just going to drop the guys off at their boat and circle back, only that didn''t happen. Then I thought about getting my phone out of the jet ski to call, but I thought we''d surely be leaving soon anyway so I''ll wait and do it when there aren''t a bunch of men''s voices in the background, but we didn''t. It wasn''t ''forgot'' it was just ''didn''t.'' I think that''s what he wants an explanation on. How could you forget about me for an entire night?

Have you spelled it out for him like you have in your second paragraph here? If you not only explain the timeline of events but also your thinking during them, he should really be able to shrug it off and move on. It''s understandable for him to feel a bit put out by the fact that you didn''t call when it was understood that you would, but life happens. You got in touch with him, told him what happened, apologized for not calling--that should really be the end of it.

 

[Amethyste]

Is he controlling? A similar situation happened to me a long time ago with an EX of mine...
Him wanting reasons, explanations, making me swear that I didn''t cheat the long arguments that ended up him leaving, me in tears and feeling like I was the worst person in the world... wowza.

You just didn''t do it, it happens to everyone, I bet it will happen to him in the future as well. Will you make a scene because he didn''t call? I think sometimes people have unrealistic expectations of one another. For us, we TRY to always kiss goodnight. My husband doesnt get mad at me if I fall asleep on the bed before he does and we didnt exchange kisses and goodnights...

 

[phoenixgirl]

Well, I do think it''s different in a dating relationship than in a marriage, so the analogies don''t all translate. It could be that he is overly controlling or sensitive, but it could also just be that this is the time in the relationship when you establish boundaries, decide whether you''re compatible, see if you can commit . . . That type of behavior now from my husband would not give me any pause because it would be the exception, not the rule, and I have no reason whatsoever to doubt our marriage. But when we were dating, I would have felt threatened by this behavior. Here he is acting like a single guy . . . where does that leave us?

I suspect your boyfriend just wants reassurance: more than "explanation" he wants to see your sincerity and your logic and why he can trust you not to run off every weekend drinking with random guys and forgetting to call and yadda yadda yadda . . .

When DH was studying abroad my senior year (which as we all know was one big drinking fest), another girl propositioned him, and he didn''t tell me about it right away; he chose to tell me when we were talking on the phone and I was crying about how the last day of my student teaching hadn''t gone well. So I was like, if there was nothing to hide why didn''t you tell me right when it happened? I needed some reassurance that there was a reason other than [because he considered it; because he did something with her; etc.]. Probably boyfriend just wants to know that you didn''t call because of a bunch of circumstances conspired to make it difficult to do so . . . *not* because you were so preoccupied with flirting and drinking with other guys that you forgot about him.

If, however, he''s like this about little things or when there''s no reason to worry, then maybe he needs *too* much reassurance. But for now I''d give him the benefit of the doubt and just understand that not calling one time isn''t a big deal, but he''s worried that you forgot about *him.* If the story had been that you didn''t call because you guys were doing your nails and having girl talk all night, he''d probably be a lot less concerned.

 

[Erin]

Date: 8/12/2009 2:03:17 AM
Author: whitby_2773
starset -
had his cell phone right with him and couldnt take time out from doing shots with a random bunch of women to call me to say good night, i''d be p*ssed big time. especially if we had an established arrangement that we always call to say good night.

Thanks for all these replies!!!

We talked for a long time last night and we are cool. He is not controlling, he was just like whitby said, Hurt. What he needed to hear from me was that it was a bad choice to go on the boat with only one other girl in an alcohol environment at 10pm with guys I had never met before. This doesn''t mean he thinks I would cheat, it means I put myself in a bad situation. He''s disappointed I didn''t use better judgment to not get on the boat. My friend is married with a 1 year old and their marriage is going through a big transition. BF reminds me that maybe this is the kind of situation people get themselves into where they do stupid things. I have to agree. My friend didn''t do anything, but she liked the attention.

He also said, if you wouldn''t have just texted Good Night I wouldn''t wake up at 5:30am to use the bathroom and still see NOTHING on my phone. He said that''s when he started to really get worried. I totally agreed.

What he wanted to hear me say, (and I did come up with this on my own

) was that if I were to go on a girls weekend boat trip next weekend, it wouldn''t happen again. I would make time to make that phone call or text, and I wouldn''t get on the boys boat. He is looking at me as a future wife and that''s not the sort of things ladies do.

Thank you all for your support. I appreciate your responses

 

[LadyBlue]

Date: 8/12/2009 12:00:33 AM
Author: Dannielle

Date: 8/11/2009 7:30:05 PM

Author: Sabine

I might feel differently if I were still dating, but if my husband did this, I would definitely be upset with him. You said yourself that before you started partying, you would not have imagined not calling him. Drinking leads to impaired judgement, and you let your judgement become impaired enough to not do something you would have otherwise done. Not the worst thing in the world, but I can see why it would make your boyfriend nervous about what could have happened.


If I were him, I would want reassurance that when you are away from him, you wouldn''t let yourself get so impaired that you make decisions you might not stand behind 100% in the morning.


I may get totally flamed for this, but dh and I are big believers that a LOT of bad decisions are made when alcohol is involved, so we actually promise each other that if we are out without each other, we won''t drink enough to get to the point where we are so drunk that we lose sight of what we are doing. It''s one thing for us to get smashed if we are out together, or for one of us to if the other is there is well (and it all depends on the situation), but if we are out alone in the kind of situation that could potentially lead to cheating, we make sure to stay sober enough to know what we are doing.

I am with Sabine here.


I like to view things as if they were reversed.. How would I feel if FI went away with the boys, and said he would call me goodnight. I wait but I don''t get a call and he doesn''t answer his phone, he calls me in the morning saying he forgot because he was partying with a group of girls. I would be fuming

I have been in your situation before when I went to Schoolies (A week long party vacation after you finish highschool)- I know that sometimes when your having fun you just forget to call.. but when you are the one sitting at home waiting- well.. its a different story.


I hope you guys get everything sorted out, just be honest about what happened and things will be fine

I have to agree with the ladies. What happen it''s not the end of the world. But I understand why he can feel hurt by you forgetting to call him while you were drinking and partying with other boys.

 

[whitby_2773]

Date: 8/12/2009 8:26:37 AM
Author: Starset Princess

What he wanted to hear me say, (and I did come up with this on my own

) was that if I were to go on a girls weekend boat trip next weekend, it wouldn''t happen again. I would make time to make that phone call or text, and I wouldn''t get on the boys boat. He is looking at me as a future wife and that''s not the sort of things ladies do.

atta girl - smart!