For those with two or more kids...

[softly softly]

Date: 1/5/2010 4:49:46 PM
Author: mia1181

Date: 1/5/2010 2:56:21 PM
Author: Burk
Mine will be right at 2 years apart when I have the second next month. I always wanted my kids to be 3 years apart because that''s how far apart my sister and I are and we''re very close. DH wanted to have them closer together because he and his brother are 14 months apart and extremely close. So, we sort of compromised. I think my almost 2 year old will be a great big sister and she is so excited for her ''broder'' to get here. We shall see, though.

I think it all depends on a lot of different factors (are the kids the same sex, are the parents around a lot, does mom have ''help'' when new baby arrives, the two kids personalities and demeanor, the list goes on). No matter how old the first child is when the second comes there is going to be a split in time. Everyone just has to do what is best for their family.

Super ditto on these two points.

Of all of the sibling groups that I know those with a <2year difference in age seem to be a bit less competetive than those who have a 3 or 4 year difference. While it may be confusing to a two year old when the new baby comes home, very shortly he/she won''t even remember what it was like not having a sibling. Sure, Freud might argue that there will still be lingering subconscious issues, but you can bet that a 3 or 4 year old will for sure notice the difference between life with/without a sibling. It also gets really annoying when the new baby starts ruining all of the older child''s toys or the child starts being told that he can''t do things because of his little brother or sister (can''t go to the park because baby needs to nap, can''t climb on something because baby will want to try). A 3 or 4 year old has had years of getting used to being the center of mom and dad''s attention and now suddenly life has changed.

And what about twins? Twins can be competetive too, they are not only competing for parental attention, but also for a sense of identity outside the family. But many twins are veeery close. Of course there are some that are not (although I''d bet the minority) and this could probably be because of the various factors Burk mentioned.

Of my 5 siblings and I, the ones who are the closest are the ones closest in age. I have a sister who is 15 months older than me and a brother who is only 13 months younger than me. Growing up, we were always very close and still are today. We were never competitive as children, my sister is a bit competitve as an adult but we still are very close. I always loved being so close in age particularly with my sister. People always asked if we were twins and now it''s fun when people try and guess who is older. We always knew the same people but had our own friends. Developmentally we were always so close, but because we weren''t twins we didn''t HAVE to be doing the same thing together all the time. It really was like being twins but without a lot of the drawbacks (although my mother did dress us alike a lot, ewww!).

I just think I would have my second child whenever I am ready. The kids will survive either way.

Mia it''s really interesting to have input from someone who has a background in working with young children. In my experience my son seemed to forget really quickly that he had ever been an only child. Of course it did help that he was going through a major ''daddy phase'' when his sister was born, which left me free to deal with her needs in the evenings when we all together. It also helped that I had both sets of grandparents around to help out in the early months, so I don''t feel that my son missed out on any care or attention. Also one major bonus of having them so close in age was being able to get them on the same sleeping schedule fairly quickly which meant they had their afternoon naps at the same time - an absolute lifesaver that gave me 2 hours of sanity-restoring down time each day.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Well, my kids are exactly 21 months apart. My first son was 1 when I quit breastfeeding and became pregnant with my second.

Pros: They play with and like the same toys. Can play with the same friends (which if you read below, is also a con!). Are both portable - meaning that, when we go some place, both can walk rather than having one 9 year old and a baby in a car seat that I have to fuss with (they can be taken to the same venue and know how to behave). At approximately the same age, we could take them to the same movies. Also, since both are in elementary school, I can volunteer at the school and keep an eye on both of them at once, plus interact with various staff members and have them be familiar with both kids (although some mix them up).

Cons: It was EXTREMELY difficult tending to a toddler while trying to BF an infant. I would be SO tired and wanted to nap with my younger, yet my older was up and about. Luckily for Bob the Builder as a helper, I could put in that show and my older would watch that while I took a quick snooze. Another is that since they''re so close in age, they egg each other on and argue over silly things. They also take each others lego pieces and then fight about that. AHHHH! When a friend comes over, I have to be sure it''s a child who is nice to my younger - they all know each other so I have to find a mutual friend to keep the peace. Most of the kids are sweet - there is only one I have to keep a close eye on!

Regardless of age difference, there will be issues. If I were to do over, I''d keep the same or have a major age gap to enjoy each child individually. I wouldn''t want a 3 to 4 year gap because then when my older son became interested in toys with smaller pieces I''d contantly have to be watching over to make sure the baby didn''t stick everything in his mouth.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Date: 1/4/2010 6:38:21 PM
Author: vespergirl

Most women would find this eventuality intolerable, so how on earth can we expect a two-year- old, whose whole life revolves around the home and the people who care for him, to be able to adjust to such a change?

Is it good for a child to think life revolves around him/her? Won''t that set a child up for disappointment regardless of when a sibling is brought into this world? Won''t that child have even more issues when settling into Kindergarten and realizing he/she is going to have to share the teacher''s attention with 20 other little kids?