For the ladies: Have you ever asked a guy out?

[Brown.Eyed.Girl]

And if so, how? And was it successful?

My boyfriend of three years and I broke up a few months ago, and I hadn't dated much before him, and I kind of suck at the dating scene. I'm super friendly, outgoing, and social and can make new friends easily...but I really stink at asking someone out. Plus, most of my connections up to now had a common factor (we were classmates, etc.) and I had excuses to invite guys to group stuff where we got to know one another, but now without the "safe" environment of school, it seems harder! So maybe hearing your stories will help me out - please share!

 

[Steel]

Yes and we got married.

I had known (and fancied the pants off) my now husband for years before we started dating. One day as I was taking the train into the city to go to a club I realised he was waiting at the platform too. So I asked if he wanted to go to the club with me, he said no, but countered with a video at his place. We have been together ever since. Does that count?

In the years before my husband if I saw a cute man I walked right up and offered to buy him a drink/coffee - once you do it the first time it is easy.

 

[Brown.Eyed.Girl]

Aww way to go Steal! And you are a far braver woman than I! It's not even like I'm a shy person - I'm not - but somehow making that first move gets me super nervous. And I say this because I met a cute guy! Just need to figure out to ask him out now

 

[bricklayer]

I have asked out just about everyone I've ever dated, my husband included. I don't like to sit around and wait for a guy I like, so I just go for it.

 

[Brown.Eyed.Girl]

I have asked out just about everyone I've ever dated, my husband included. I don't like to sit around and wait for a guy I like, so I just go for it.

Good for you! Any tips? lol

 

[Steel]

Aww way to go Steal! And you are a far braver woman than I! It's not even like I'm a shy person - I'm not - but somehow making that first move gets me super nervous. And I say this because I met a cute guy! Just need to figure out to ask him out now

Thanks.

It depends how do you know this cutie? If it is from work or studies then ask if he wants to "grab a bit to eat after this finally is over, I'm starving" or socially then offer to buy him a drink - it is forward but needs must and that 2.5ct'er aint gonna walk itself onto your cute little finger is it?

If that is too forward when however you know him you should find out simple facts about him like find out which way he is walking home and ask if he wants to walk with you, find out if he is a tea/coffee man and ask if he tried the new tea room on X street because you were gonna try it after work today, or did he see X movie because you are so excited to see it (then that movie or whatever movie he suggests he wants to see) you can ask if he wants to go tonight because you are at a loose end having had your prior plans fall though...really the options to set up a date are endless.

 

[Brown.Eyed.Girl]

Aww way to go Steal! And you are a far braver woman than I! It's not even like I'm a shy person - I'm not - but somehow making that first move gets me super nervous. And I say this because I met a cute guy! Just need to figure out to ask him out now

Thanks.

It depends how do you know this cutie? If it is from work or studies then ask if he wants to "grab a bit to eat after this finally is over, I'm starving" or socially then offer to buy him a drink - it is forward but needs must and that 2.5ct'er aint gonna walk itself onto your cute little finger is it?

If that is too forward when however you know him you should find out simple facts about him like find out which way he is walking home and ask if he wants to walk with you, find out if he is a tea/coffee man and ask if he tried the new tea room on X street because you were gonna try it after work today, or did he see X movie because you are so excited to see it (then that movie or whatever movie he suggests he wants to see) you can ask if he wants to go tonight because you are at a loose end having had your prior plans fall though...really the options to set up a date are endless.

You crack me up!

Mm...it's not that easy, because he's actually my vet. And I actually met him yesterday (I usually take my cats to the vet in Chicago but I moved back here for a while and they needed their shots). The last couple times I was here (at the vet's office) I hadn't run into him. I, and by I, I mean the kittens, have an appt. with him on Mon. so the kittens can get microchipped. So how to break the ice?

 

[Steel]

You crack me up!

Mm...it's not that easy, because he's actually my vet. And I actually met him yesterday (I usually take my cats to the vet in Chicago but I moved back here for a while and they needed their shots). The last couple times I was here (at the vet's office) I hadn't run into him. I, and by I, I mean the kittens, have an appt. with him on Mon. so the kittens can get microchipped. So how to break the ice?

Ah, I see. But no problem.

First ring the clinic to see when he is next in the clinic.
If the staff ask why just say he was very professional and you wanted to drop in a little thank you.

Then bake some cookies or cupcakes (or get them from a nice place - they should taste delicious).

(Back up plan for later - get a non cutesy thank you card and write a brief thank you for the excellent care he showed in giving your kitties their shots, making sure to note your full name the kitties names and YOUR PHONE NUMBER asking that he give you a ring when he is free)

Then get yourself and the goodies to the clinic just when he is due to come on shift - meaning he won't already be with someone or doing something critical.

Ask for him at the desk.

A. If he is there, hide the note in your purse and give him the goodies saying they are for him or to share out whatever he chooses, that you were so happy with his wonderful care of the kitties etc etc and * you wondered was he new to the clinic and could you request him in future? Here is the bit where he says oh yeah I'm staying for a while and looking for a hot lawyer chick to shack up with OR he says nope I'm a locum and off to timbucktoo tomorrow. Then if he is staying, you can ask if he knows the area. Either yes or no. No matter what he says then you can insist on taking him to the most amazing coffee/tea shop around the corner which serves the most amazing whatever's and you can go today or Friday which suits him? If he is interested he will bite if not he will politely say thanks for the goodies, I'm married or just 'no thanks'. But he might say YES!

B. If he is not there and won't be there within a reasonable time then either come back and do step A (which I would do) or leave the goodies at the desk with the note. When he calls ask a stupid question - so are the cats due back in 2 or 3 weeks - make something up. Then launch into the same questions as above in step A, from the little *.

Simple!

Edit: Goodness it is even more simple. I somehow missed the micro chipping appointment. So skip the first steps and bin the card idea and just buy or bake the goodies and turn up to your appointment. If you want you could call ahead to confirm that Dr. Sexy Vet will be taking your appointment. It is soooo much easier because you will have his full attention while he attends to your kitties - I assume you will go into the treatment room with your kitties? B.E.G - this one is practically on a plate for you - go get him!

 

[Brown.Eyed.Girl]

Thanks Steal! You're a star!

Do you think I should do the cookies thing? Since he's seeing the cats then...though he did give them their shots on Thur. I made sure the appt was with him - if I'm paying for the microchipping so I can go back to the vet's I might as well make sure I have the right vet! (Oh and definitely going in the treatment room with the cats - especially since it takes two people to keep each one still!

 

[Liane]

Steal's idea is pretty solid. Forward enough to make your point crystal-clear, but stops short of being too pushy. And shared cookies do have the advantage of getting everyone else in the office on your side.

If you carry through with it (and you should!), please update the thread to let us know how it went.

I've asked out guys lots of times myself (including my now-husband), but I've never tried asking out someone I encountered in a professional context, so I have no advice to offer in that particular situation.

Good luck!

 

[Miss Sparkly]

Yep. I was 17 and he was 22 (though he didn't know my age ) I asked him to dance a tango with me at a local social dance night. I also bet him in a game of online pool that if he lost he had to go out with me. Of course he had a counter bet that if he won I had to go out with him hence our first date We've been married 5 years.

What about saying, "I'd really like to thank you. Can I take you out for coffee/dinner/drinks?"

 

[bricklayer]

Any tips?

Sometimes a little liquid courage is necessary! I mostly just said "hey i like you, would you wanna go have dinner sometime". But sometimes it has come out like "you like me right, take me out sometime here's my number (if he didn't have it". And I have had some cheesy lines. Or I said something hilarious and got lucky that he was impressed. With my husband I think I said "im hungry, wanna go get some food" and well, that seemed to be all I needed. Ply the man with food!

If I was in the dating world now I might be in trouble because I don't know if the lines work anymore.

 

[JulieN]

Yes, and they've led to long-term relationships sometimes, and sometimes, they didn't.

I just ask myself, what do I like to see when a man asks me out? What determines if I say yes or no? I want to see that he's confident and that he's at ease with himself and me. I imagine men want the same thing, so if you're going to be visibly nervous or uneasy, I wouldn't do it.

 

[reader]

Smile pleasantly, make confident eye contact and say: "Thank you so much for taking such excellent care of my cats. I haven't lived in this area in quite some time, and have yet to make new friends. Would you care to go out for a bite to eat or a movie? (If there is something interesting you wanted to do and not fly solo for you can substitute that in. ie "I heard there is an exhibition on gold at the Field Museum. I think it may be interesting, care to go?")

I am recently divorced, but quite happily taken. Two of my male coworkers have reentered the dating scene after a 20 year break from it. Both gentlemen have decided I make a good 'practice date'! They have gotten past looking terrified to ask me out to dinner or to watch movies, and I'm still working on the one's skills. He is dressing better, and having conversations...but ah! What a lousy tipper!

 

[charbie]

Steal has this DOWN!
One thing about asking guys out is to not be afraid of potential rejection. I stick by the mantra of "I don't want a guy who is not completely head over heels for me...so if he wasn't intrested...oh well! The next one will be!"
I asked out many guys when I met my husband. Often we would meet at bars, but there are many options...book stores, coffee shops, parks, vets offices .
I usually would lead with a compliment. In fact, we joke that the line that landed my hubby was "so, I really like your hair." He has long thnk gorgeous locks...I am a sucker for a cutie with a head of hair. But that led to more conversation, number exchange...and I followed up the next day with a text saying "just wanted to let you know I had a great time meeting you last night...hope you enjoyed my company. I look forward to getting together again, so let me know when is good for you." That gives the guy who might be intimidated by a woman who is more forward a way to feel like he has a bit of control, too.

 

[missydebby]

OK, so after the party, I called him up and asked him if he wanted to go out on Saturday. He said sure, as long as I went out with him on Friday. April marks 13 years of marriage.

 

[Scorpioanne]

Yes, and now we have been married over 6 years, together over 9.

 

[packrat]

Yes, in my younger high school/early 20's days when I had all the confidence in the world. JD and I dated once before and I was the one who did the asking, and then the second time around, I was the instigator that time too, and New Years Eve marks 11 years together, November 10 of this year marks 9 years married. We'd been super close friends for several years tho.

I like Steel's ideas and I think you should go for it!

 

[D&T]

yep, and now we have been married for over six years and two kiddos later. Go for it!

I asked my DH him to go on a hike, since that was what I loved doing and was going on one anyways despite having a partner join me or not. It was more of a "hey do want to join me kind of thing" so it felt a little less committal, non formal asking on a date. We did started talking about common interest and things led to how beautiful this hike was, then he mentions that it sounded like a great place, and I just blurted it out really.

 

[manderz]

I didn't ask my wonderful future husband out, bu I did ask him to marry me

 

[MonkeyPie]

Yes. Twice, that I can recall. Once was a guy I worked at the same company with but had no excuse to talk to, so I stuck my number to his car window, haha. Hey, it worked!

With DH, I met him at a party, and then found him on myspace and asked if he wanted to go to a movie. He said yes, the rest is history!

 

[sillyberry]

Smile pleasantly, make confident eye contact and say: "Thank you so much for taking such excellent care of my cats. I haven't lived in this area in quite some time, and have yet to make new friends. Would you care to go out for a bite to eat or a movie? (If there is something interesting you wanted to do and not fly solo for you can substitute that in. ie "I heard there is an exhibition on gold at the Field Museum. I think it may be interesting, care to go?")

I am recently divorced, but quite happily taken. Two of my male coworkers have reentered the dating scene after a 20 year break from it. Both gentlemen have decided I make a good 'practice date'! They have gotten past looking terrified to ask me out to dinner or to watch movies, and I'm still working on the one's skills. He is dressing better, and having conversations...but ah! What a lousy tipper!

This! Friendly request that can be more if he so chooses, and isn't contrived. I hate contrived.

BEG, you can totally do this! At worst, he says no and you go on your merry way. Even better, you make a new friend. And maybe you end up totally in lurve.

(as for me, I feel sure I've asked someone out, but I may just be confusing that with getting drunk and throwing myself at someone...)

 

[Brown.Eyed.Girl]

You guys are the BEST! I knew I could count on you guys for help

Steal - again, lots and lots of thanks! You are GOOD girl!

Liane - I will definitely update tomorrow - hopefully with good news? I've never really asked anyone out so this is all new to me. With my ex, it was easy because we were just starting law school and everyone was making friends, and I just included him in a few of my group's outings and things just happened. Before that, I was a total nerd and wuss

SparklyBlonde - Ooh the tango! Romantic!

Bricklayer - no liquid courage for me this time! At least, not at 3 PM at the vet's office, especially since I have a zumba class a couple hours later

JulieN - Very good point about confidence. Definitely true! I hope I won't be visibly nervous - I'm not when just meeting new people (guys or girls) - gah!

Reader - I really like that approach. Perfectly true, casual enough to not be as awkward as just asking him out, and with the potential to lead to more. Perfect! And that is really sweet that the guys are asking you for help in reentering the dating world - but lousy tipper - he needs to fix that!

Charbie - Good one. Very true! The hardest part is not taking rejection personally, right? In every other respect, I feel like I'm a modern, confident woman - except when it comes to guys. I blame my years of nerdiness during high school as having had a severe psychological effect on me

MissDebby - Way to go girl!

Scorpianne - Awww - love these success stories!

Packie - Lend me some of your courage! I am seriously admiring all of you ladies right now.

D&T - Nice! I wish I was in a bigger city - far more scope for things to do. Like the Field Museum idea - would be great but alas, I'm no longer in Chicago. And now it's getting COLD - boo! Maybe coffee would work better

Manderz - Yay! I think it's awesome when the woman asks the guy to marry her - love it!

MP - it worked? Wow, that's so great! I love social networking sites - makes things so much easier. Must find this guy on FB or something after.

SB - Thanks hun! Good points for sure - not the end of the world if he says no right? And btw, I remember that crazy time when law school started - I think there was a lot of getting drunk/throwing self at someone from like 80% of our class during the first month

 

[packrat]

You can do it BEG! We'll be looking for an update tomorrow!

 

[trillionaire]

I've dated two people. I asked them both out, married the second. 1 for 2 ain't bad...

 

[Dancing Fire]

funny topic...

 

[iota15]

Yup. Pretty much asked out every guy that I've dated for any significant period of time. Just remember - what the heck do you have to lose? If they already have a girlfriend/wife, etc. or you're not their type (heck, I'm sure you know plenty of well-adjusted, pleasant and even good looking men that just weren't your type), well, you're really no worse off. It wouldn't have happened anyways. I figure I'm just pushing the process forward if it had any chance of going forward.

It doesn't have to be formal - just, "hey, you free Thursday? Do you want to grab a coffee?" Treat it like you're asking a friend out - like it's no big deal... just a friendly coffee to get to know you.

 

[mrscushion]

Yes, I asked out my now-DH. It was in our freshman year of college, first week of school. I had noticed him around and thought he was super cute. There was a dorm dinner in town coming up and I asked him to go to it together. He said no and that he had something else to do. Fortunately, I am pretty persistent...

 

[elrohwen]

Yes, but it hasn't really been successful. If the guy has already made a move and the interest is clearly there, then sure, asking him out isn't a big deal and has always been successful. However, in my experience, if he hasn't made a move, nothing is accomplished by me making the first move and I've been rejected every time. I have a lot of guy friends who claim that they want girls to ask them out - I tell them that they're all liars

 

[dragonfly411]

I asked my only prom date to prom.