PearlDahhhling
Brilliant_Rock
- Joined
- Apr 1, 2008
- Messages
- 1,167
I''ve always felt very accepted by FI''s huge family, with one exception: his mother. FI is adopted and the first child and only son, so his mom has a HUGE attachment to him, which is understandable, but it has always made me feel as though she dislikes me because I''ve "taken him away". She hasn''t ever really seemed truly happy for us in any stage of our relationship and although she''s never come right out and said anything, I''ve never felt like she''s liked me. She''s told FI that she likes me, loves me even, but I''m not buying it.
Here''s a lovely example of things she does to give me this impression. Last Christmas was our first Christmas living together. We are renting an adorable house that we got all decorated and ready for the holidays. His extended family hadn''t seen our house yet and so we figured that Christmas Eve would be a great time! During Thanksgiving I spoke to FMIL about FI and I throwing an xmas eve party at our place and inviting the whole family (aunts, uncles, cousins etc. they all live in the area). She went along with it, saying it was a great idea and that she would let the rest of the family know. Now Christmas day is always at her house. The whole family does a Secret Santa thing and everyone ends up over there in the afternoon/evening and we exchange presents and have Christmas dinner. She loves being the hostess and being the center of attention. So she obviously didn''t want me stealing her thunder on Christmas eve, because when it rolled around, only FI''s parents, sister, and aunt and uncle showed up. When I asked why no one else was there, FMIL stated that she had invited everyone but that they already had XMAS eve plans and were sad they couldn''t make it, but we''d see them all the next day! So I just brushed it off and believed her. Christmas day, we''re at their house, and as everyone arrives I let them know that I was disappointed that they couldn''t make it to our party, but maybe another time. Not a single person I talked to even knew that we were having an xmas eve party. When I confronted FMIL about it, she flat out lied.
That is just one example of how I''ve gotten competitive, non-liking vibes from her. Now lets move on to tonight...
So, FI and I recently got engaged (last Thursday) and we hadn''t told his family yet because we go to their house almost every Sunday so we thought it would be good to wait and tell them in person. His aunt and uncle and their toddler live right down the street from his parents so it''s usually a get together with all of us for dinner on Sundays. So today we head on over there and his parents, sister, aunt and uncle and their kid, and his cousin were all there. Great! So we announced our engagement to them all while we were there. They all congratulated us and said how happy they were for us and it seemed like everything was great! Then I was in the kitchen alone with FMIL and she said "Well I knew ahead of time that you two were going to get engaged, so I had some time to process it." Okay.. Why is there anything to "process"? Whatever. I didn''t really let that bother me. But then, as we were leaving to come home, his mom gives me a hug and says "Bye daughter" so I laugh and say "Bye mother". She gives me this look and says "Oh my God don''t you EVER call me that! I am not your mother. You HAVE a mother and it''s certainly NOT me!" I was stunned. I had no idea what to say so I just walked out and got in the car. Thank goodness I have a good man cause when FI got in the car, he was
. He said that his mother was WAY out of line and that he is going to have a talk with her. He didn''t at the moment because the rest of the family was standing right there and it wasn''t really the time for a big scene, but he''s going to call her. He said that he was going to tell her that if he ever said anything like that to me again, that we weren''t going to go over there anymore and that I''m his family now and that he isn''t going to put up with that.
Anyway, I just needed to get that off my chest. It made me feel awful and I just needed to vent. I mean, she has NO reason to not be happy for us. Or not to like me for that matter. I have never given her a reason to have any negative opinion of me. I mean, when I''m not being emotional about it I do realize that it''s not personal, and that she''s just crazy and attached to her son. But it still hurt.
Thanks for reading, if anyone actually got through that whole thing.
Here''s a lovely example of things she does to give me this impression. Last Christmas was our first Christmas living together. We are renting an adorable house that we got all decorated and ready for the holidays. His extended family hadn''t seen our house yet and so we figured that Christmas Eve would be a great time! During Thanksgiving I spoke to FMIL about FI and I throwing an xmas eve party at our place and inviting the whole family (aunts, uncles, cousins etc. they all live in the area). She went along with it, saying it was a great idea and that she would let the rest of the family know. Now Christmas day is always at her house. The whole family does a Secret Santa thing and everyone ends up over there in the afternoon/evening and we exchange presents and have Christmas dinner. She loves being the hostess and being the center of attention. So she obviously didn''t want me stealing her thunder on Christmas eve, because when it rolled around, only FI''s parents, sister, and aunt and uncle showed up. When I asked why no one else was there, FMIL stated that she had invited everyone but that they already had XMAS eve plans and were sad they couldn''t make it, but we''d see them all the next day! So I just brushed it off and believed her. Christmas day, we''re at their house, and as everyone arrives I let them know that I was disappointed that they couldn''t make it to our party, but maybe another time. Not a single person I talked to even knew that we were having an xmas eve party. When I confronted FMIL about it, she flat out lied.
That is just one example of how I''ve gotten competitive, non-liking vibes from her. Now lets move on to tonight...
So, FI and I recently got engaged (last Thursday) and we hadn''t told his family yet because we go to their house almost every Sunday so we thought it would be good to wait and tell them in person. His aunt and uncle and their toddler live right down the street from his parents so it''s usually a get together with all of us for dinner on Sundays. So today we head on over there and his parents, sister, aunt and uncle and their kid, and his cousin were all there. Great! So we announced our engagement to them all while we were there. They all congratulated us and said how happy they were for us and it seemed like everything was great! Then I was in the kitchen alone with FMIL and she said "Well I knew ahead of time that you two were going to get engaged, so I had some time to process it." Okay.. Why is there anything to "process"? Whatever. I didn''t really let that bother me. But then, as we were leaving to come home, his mom gives me a hug and says "Bye daughter" so I laugh and say "Bye mother". She gives me this look and says "Oh my God don''t you EVER call me that! I am not your mother. You HAVE a mother and it''s certainly NOT me!" I was stunned. I had no idea what to say so I just walked out and got in the car. Thank goodness I have a good man cause when FI got in the car, he was
Anyway, I just needed to get that off my chest. It made me feel awful and I just needed to vent. I mean, she has NO reason to not be happy for us. Or not to like me for that matter. I have never given her a reason to have any negative opinion of me. I mean, when I''m not being emotional about it I do realize that it''s not personal, and that she''s just crazy and attached to her son. But it still hurt.
Thanks for reading, if anyone actually got through that whole thing.